Index of Journals
February 24, 2011 Mood plays a very important role in driving the lives of human beings. When the mood is low, the person has a tendency to slip, not to give the best, to feel over-burdened by responsibilities. When the mood is high, the person has a tendency to over-do what he wishes to do, to feel energetic even when body is tired, and masochistic behavior comes out. I felt it yesterday, I was not going to sleep in the morning, but after I heard amma, I went on a low and had to give up to drowsy eyes. Yesterday amma had that energy in her voice to make it straight to my psych with her violent speech. That energy clearly reflected in her actions as well. Today, she seems to be on a low, her tone is polite, and she seems to be weak in health. Yes, she had some sort of irritation in head, sort of painful activity on the left part of head. She was discussing the medicine for it with chachi and Srishti was trying to reflect her doctorate skills that she never had. I came to my room. Yeah, it had felt a sort of irritation in mind to know this. Anshul sir had stood Chirag up and had commented on his eyes. He told Chirag to look in his eyes. He wanted to see them, if there was any mischief hidden in there. I learnt that people do read eyes and eyes do convey sort of very deep message about personality and ongoing thought-process. When I was in twelfth during my lowest days spent in pursuit of IIT, I remember as I used to walk past chachaji in drawing room he would be sitting on sofa and reading people’s faces going by. I cannot tell if he does that with everyone but I know he had tried to read mine. Moreover, it is funny that I used to think of him as a useless person who is just killing his time. I wonder if he got the message or not, well may be that was one of the reasons why the things went so bitter on the days ahead. In addition, you know the thoughts that I process for him these days, ‘this man is better dead’. He is not here but it has been a long time since when this thought first cropped. Therefore, I need to learn to lie through eyes. You know each morning when I hear noise of utensils cranking in the kitchen or noise of babaji trying to clear his throat out in the bathroom, I take a breath of relief, thanking god that they are still alive these mornings. Yesterday, I was not able to close my eyes even for a second while sitting on the bus stop because all I would get to see would be scenes of what I went through swamping my thoughts. The day was crazy. Everything was all right until I reach Kashmere Gate. I was sleeping when all the passengers had de-boarded. Bus was on its way to bus stand when I walk up from my seat to the front door where conductor was standing smoking. He tauntingly asked me if my sleep was over, I had to answer ‘yes’. I walk down the street with Pankaj, first year student. He just surprised me near the red light by suddenly coming from behind. Well, it is easy to walk even long distances while talking, I learnt. At college police was there. It is generally there far as I remember but I had not seen it for sometime now. I felt lucky to be accompanied by Pankaj though the gates. As I step up to the library, I hear that fat old maidservant making a call for the police officer. She was telling someone to make police officer take notice her. I wondered what she had to do with a cop. I mean, it was nothing that concerned me but still I felt a different rift go through my body. As I went inside, I saw Deepika ma’am sitting on the counter in reading room’s books section. Students are not allowed inside but teachers' when they come for Photostat they sit on the chair of the person who takes care of the books. She caught my sight by looking on to me; I had to give a look back. Because we know each other, and I said ‘hello ma’am’ in lip-sync as she smiled at me from behind the glass window. Hemanshu Verma (of section S2) came there to see. Actually, he had come to arrange for books for the coming exams. He took to the issue section and to the Sohanpal bookshop. We spent some time together in roaming around the college and talking. We went to the Placement Cell to get the latest information on the ongoing placement drive. I issued CG book for reading and I saw the last name there was of Swarnlata ma’am dated today. That means she was here. I tried to relate it to my perception of web that college people are trying to form around me to see where I go, what I do, what people I meet. It feels crazy but I know I have given these women enough trouble at college. In the evening when I was leaving, I saw police officers on the cut to the main road. Then, there came a police motorcycle from behind to stand at the police station at the crossing. I crossed over the road and there were two police officers at the bus stop. As if, they were waiting for me. I was in the bus on the last seat and there was police motorcycle following the bus. Then it stopped in between the road to get aside the road and stop. Before it had stopped, it had come over to both my left and right once, as if checking my company, or sides. It was weird. There were many cops seen while I was on my way back to home by the bus. I kept thinking of what I had done wrong that heavy policing checked me. After coming half way down the distance, I thought may be, it is because of some world cup match in Delhi. It is just to ensure security of the players, and preparations. Nevertheless, why were now police officers standing on the Noida Crossing bus stop, and the crossing itself? I even ignored this, but when I reach home and read the paper. There was this news of rape of 23-year-old girl yesterday. She was captivated in moving car for five hours until dumped near Raj Ghat. I related my day with this news and now letting it end with this writing. God Bless Me Ashish
No comments:
Post a Comment