My bad cards arrived early and stuck around a while, but everyone gets challenged in life at some point. What was your bad hand? What kind of bullshit did you contend with growing up? Were you beaten? Abused? Bullied? Did you ever feel insecure? Maybe your limiting factor is that you grew up so supported and comfortable, you never pushed yourself? What are the current factors limiting your growth and success? Is someone standing in your way at work or school? Are you underappreciated and overlooked for opportunities? What are the long odds you're up against right now? Are you standing in your own way?
Break out your journal—if you don't have one, buy one, or start one on your laptop, tablet, or in the notes app on your smart phone—and write them all out in minute detail. Don't be bland with this assignment. I showed you every piece of my dirty laundry. If you were hurt or are still in harm's way, tell the story in full.
Give your pain shape. Absorb its power, because you are about to flip that shit.
You will use your story, this list of excuses, these very good reasons why you shouldn't amount to a damn thing, to fuel your ultimate success.
Sounds fun right? Yeah, it won't be. But don't worry about that yet. We'll get there. For now, just take inventory.
Once you have your list, share it with whoever you want. For some, it may mean logging onto social media, posting a picture, and writing out a few lines about how your own past or present circumstances challenge you to the depth of your soul. If that's you, use the hashtags #badhand #canthurtme.
Otherwise, acknowledge and accept it privately. Whatever works for you. I know it's hard, but this act alone will begin to empower you to overcome.
--
David Goggins
From the Book: Can't Hurt Me
David Goggins is a retired Navy SEAL and the only person in the entire U.S. Armed Forces who has completed Navy SEAL training, U.S. Army Ranger School, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller Training.
Goggins has participated in more than 60 ultramarathons, triathlons, and ultra-triathlons. Many times, he has set new course records and has mostly finished in the top five.
He is also a former Guinness World Record holder. He completed 4,030 pull-ups in 17 hours.
Today, he is a highly in-demand public speaker. He has shared his story with Fortune 500 companies, professional sports teams, and millions of students.
Come, let us try to understand his book “Can’t Hurt Me.”
My name is Rohit, and you are listening to Syllabus with Rohit.
SECTION 2: Core Philosophy of the Book
You must take complete responsibility for your life.
You must build a strong foundation.
Understand this book fully.
Understand all the techniques carefully.
I have given ten challenges.
Accept all of them and repeat them again and again.
Only by repeating again and again does your mind become strong.
This mission is truly about becoming better and having a positive impact on the world.
Do not stop when you are tired.
Stop only when the work is finished.
This is the story of a hero — and that hero is you.
SECTION 3: Identity, Denial, and Comfort
Do you know who you really are?
Do you know what you are capable of?
Maybe you think you know — but thinking does not change reality.
Denial is the biggest comfort.
Across the world, in every street and every city, millions of people are roaming like zombies — chasing comfort, playing the victim, without understanding their true potential.
I was also one of them.
SECTION 4: Extreme Poverty, Depression, and Darkness
I had also been abused badly.
We were very poor.
We lived on government assistance.
I was drowning in depression.
I was completely broken.
My future looked dark.
Very few people understand what it truly feels like to be at the lowest point.
It is like quicksand — it pulls you in.
We repeatedly make choices that hold us back.
The brain is wired this way.
That is why motivation alone changes nothing.
Motivational talks and self-help work only for a short time.
They do not change the brain.
SECTION 5: Untapped Human Potential
No matter who you are,
No matter how much money you have,
Most people live only on potential, not reality.
This is a huge loss.
All of us have far more potential than we realize.
SECTION 6: University Talk & Genetic Limits
Once, I went to MIT.
I was invited to speak on a panel.
I had never studied at a university.
I barely passed school.
But I was invited to talk about mental toughness.
A professor there said:
“Everyone has genetic limits.
No matter how hard you try, some things cannot be done.
Mental toughness also has limits.”
Everyone in the room agreed — because he was a professor.
But I felt he was just giving excuses.
There are some people who can do the impossible.
They only need heart, willpower, and a strong mind.
I shared my experience — that any human being can completely change themselves and prove experts wrong.
But it requires hard work, pain, and mental strength.
SECTION 7: Warrior Philosophy (Heraclitus)
A philosopher named Heraclitus once said:
On a battlefield of 100 men:
Ten should not even be there
Eighty are just targets
Nine actually fight
Only one is a true warrior
From the moment you are born, you can die —
but from the same moment, you can also achieve greatness.
But this fight, you must fight yourself.
You must master your own mind.
Only then can you live a bold life and achieve what others call impossible.
SECTION 8: Facing Truth & Pain
This life will teach you how to master yourself.
Face the truth.
Hold yourself accountable.
Go beyond pain.
Love what scares you.
Extract your full potential from defeat.
Find out who you truly are.
Human beings change through learning, habits, and stories.
From my experiences, you will learn what the mind and body can do at full capacity — and how to reach there.
SECTION 9: Turning Trauma into Fuel
When you are driven,
Anything that comes your way — injury, divorce, depression, obesity, tragedy, or poverty — can become fuel for transformation.
The steps I give here are methods that:
Break barriers
Bring glory
Deliver real peace
So get ready.
The time has come to start the war with yourself.
SECTION 10: Childhood – The Illusion of a Perfect Family
In 1981, we lived in Williamsville, Buffalo, New York.
It was a good neighborhood.
Nice people.
Big houses.
Everything looked perfect.
Our house also looked like the best.
But the real truth cannot be seen from outside.
People thought our family was perfect —
but our life was not healthy.
My father, Trunnis Goggins, looked smiling on the outside —
but inside, he was extremely dangerous.
Neighbors saw only the show.
The real pain was hidden inside.
PART 2: Childhood Abuse, Fear, and Survival
SECTION 11: Nights of Terror
My father worked all night, and even then, we had to go to school the next day.
I was very small — I was in first grade — but I could not sleep.
In school, I used to fall asleep all the time.
I could not enjoy the playground like other kids.
Beatings were constant.
They would stop for a while and then start again.
SECTION 12: Skate Land – Forced Child Labor
My father owned a roller-skating rink called Skate Land, located in a busy district.
It was a large place.
Our entire family worked there day and night.
I was very small, but I cleaned skates.
My brother sold snacks.
All the money belonged only to my father.
My mother had no bank account, no money, nothing in her name.
Everything was under his control.
When customers came, they thought we were a happy family.
Everything looked perfect.
But no one knew the real truth.
SECTION 13: Violence at Home
For my father, children existed only to feel pain.
They knew right from wrong.
Many nights, my mother, my brother, and I cleaned the rink — including toilets —
while my father drank at the bar.
He was involved with other women.
My father never married my mother legally,
so she would have no legal rights.
She was trapped —
she could not leave the house,
and she could not leave us children.
SECTION 14: Guns, Fear, and Beatings
We could not sleep at Skate Land.
The music from the dance floor upstairs was extremely loud.
One day, my mother gently woke me.
There were tears in her eyes.
She smelled of alcohol.
My father kept a loaded gun where I slept.
Every night, he brought cash home, and then he beat my mother.
He beat her with a leather belt.
She screamed.
Sometimes she fought back, but she would bleed.
We children just watched.
The police did nothing.
That was when I understood something clearly: no one was coming to save us.
We were the only ones who could stand up for ourselves.
SECTION 15: Constant Abuse and Hopelessness
The next year passed the same way.
The beatings continued.
My mother enrolled me in Cub Scouts so I could spend some time outside.
I was the only Black Cub Scout.
Everyone stared at me.
Inside me, hatred kept growing.
My father lost money gambling all day.
He was always angry.
Once, he tried to beat me inside the car.
I hid.
I realized that staying silent would not protect me.
SECTION 16: Ritualized Torture
When my father was in the mood to beat me, he ordered me to:
Remove my clothes
Come to his room
Turn on the lights
Lie on the bed
Fully expose my body
Everything was done deliberately —
so that both the mind and the body felt pain.
The worst moment was always the first strike of the belt.
A sudden panic would take over.
You never knew:
how many times he would hit
when he would stop
Sometimes, the beating was so severe that breathing became difficult.
My entire body was covered in marks.
Looking into his eyes, after being beaten so many times,
a person’s hope dies.
You suppress your emotions,
but the trauma comes out in other ways.
SECTION 17: My Mother Breaking Down
My mother was no longer the person she once was.
She became only a shadow.
After the beatings ended at night,
I would hide in bed and cry silently.
The bed would become wet from my tears.
My mother’s entire life became survival.
My father constantly told her she was worthless,
and she began to believe it.
She did everything out of fear —
fear that my father would get angry and beat us.
Sometimes even small mistakes led to beatings.
SECTION 18: Medical Neglect
One day, I came home early from school.
My ear was hurting badly.
I knew they would not take me to a doctor.
My father never spent money.
There was no insurance.
No doctor.
Blood was coming out of my ear.
My mother saw me and immediately decided to take me anyway.
She didn’t care what would happen to her later —
she only thought about saving me.
When we returned home, my father beat her brutally.
I was too scared to even look at my brother.
But I watched everything carefully.
SECTION 19: Gun Point Incident
During summer vacation, my brother and I were at home.
My father pointed a gun at me.
I froze.
At that moment, I was not afraid of dying.
I was just tired.
But he did not fire.
He simply walked away.
Now it felt like either my father would die —
or my mother would.
My mother even thought about killing him.
SECTION 20: Escape Plan Begins
For the first time, my mother created a credit card in her own name.
She made my father sign it so she could have some control.
One day, she gathered courage and said:
“I am leaving.
If you both want to come, come with me.”
I was ready instantly.
We left.
My father went to open Skate Land.
On the road, the car broke down.
My mother panicked.
I said, “Mom, we have to leave from here.”
A stranger helped us.
He let us talk to his daughter on the phone.
We stayed in a hotel that night.
The next day, the car was fixed.
SECTION 21: New Life, New Struggles
I joined a local school again, in second grade.
Because of my previous schooling, I was far behind.
A teacher named Sister Catherine taught me.
She was strict, but fair.
She gave me extra help whenever I needed it.
Because of her, I was able to catch up in studies.
My brother went back to Buffalo to live with my father.
My mother worked at a department store
and attended university at night to change her life.
We were still poor.
We received welfare and food stamps.
PART 3: School Trauma, Racism, Fear, and Mental Breakdown
SECTION 22: Poverty, Adjustment, and Hidden Damage
Money was very limited.
We survived on welfare and food stamps.
Slowly, I started adjusting.
I began making friends.
Bed-wetting stopped.
But the pain inside me was still sleeping —
it was going to return someday.
SECTION 23: Academic Failure and Fear
Third grade was extremely difficult for me.
I still could not read properly.
My test results were very poor.
I was far behind the other children.
I could not remember daily lessons.
Sister Catherine noticed this and gave me extra time and attention.
But another teacher, Miss D, directly told my mother that I should be sent to a special school.
Just hearing this triggered intense fear in me.
That fear caused me to start stuttering.
I became afraid of speaking.
SECTION 24: Isolation and Humiliation
I was the only Black child in the school.
I was also the slowest learner.
Everything I said felt wrong.
So I decided it was better to stay silent.
Miss D showed no empathy.
She made no effort to understand me.
She would come very close to my face and shout at me.
The school — which once felt safe — became a place of torture.
Miss D tried everything to get me removed from the school.
The administration supported her.
But my mother fought for me.
SECTION 25: Forced Therapy and Psychological Damage
The principal set conditions:
I had to attend speech therapy
I had to attend group therapy
The group therapy doctor was next to a hospital —
as if designed to make children feel even more insecure.
There were children there:
Wearing helmets and banging their heads against walls
Urinating in dustbins
One child had burned his own house
I kept thinking:
“I do not belong here.”
My anxiety increased.
My stuttering became worse.
SECTION 26: Science of Trauma (Not Motivation)
When children are abused excessively,
their brain development slows down.
They remain in fight-or-flight mode.
This is not about motivation —
this is science.
Trauma damages:
Learning
Memory
Language
When such children grow up, the risk increases for:
Depression
Heart disease
Cancer
Addiction
Prison
I was a typical at-risk youth.
But my mother did not give up on me.
SECTION 27: Resistance and Quiet Collapse
I could not tolerate group therapy for long.
I also did not take Ritalin.
I told my mother I would not go back.
She agreed.
But inside, I was still a broken child.
Teachers did not know how to handle me.
Sister Catherine continued trying every day — patiently.
Miss D only wanted results.
If results didn’t come, she wanted me out.
SECTION 28: Survival Strategy
I was afraid I would be sent to a special school.
So I developed a new strategy.
I somehow managed to show improvement.
Miss D became satisfied.
Complaints stopped reaching my mother.
But inside, I was breaking even more.
I moved farther away from education.
I believed I would never learn.
I thought I would fail forever.
SECTION 29: The Message I Internalized
By the time I truly understood what was happening,
life had already given me one message again and again:
“You were born to fail.”
SECTION 30: Challenge One – Facing Your Past
The first challenge is this:
Everyone faces bad situations in life.
What happened to you?
What pain did you endure in childhood?
What broke you?
Were you beaten?
Abused?
Bullied?
Insecure?
Did you fail yourself?
Take a journal or your phone.
Write down every painful experience, every obstacle, every excuse, every problem — in detail.
Do not hide anything.
If the pain still exists today, write the complete truth.
Give that pain a shape.
This first step alone will empower you to overcome it.
SECTION 31: A New Beginning – Wilhemoth Enters
Wilhemoth Irving entering our lives was a new beginning.
Before meeting him, our lives were only pain, beatings, and struggle.
Even after escaping my father,
we were drowning in poverty and PTSD-like pain.
Wilhemoth was a good man:
No anger
No violence
Only support and peace
My mother became happy again.
She began smiling.
She felt proud of herself.
For me, Wilhemoth became like a real father.
He played basketball with me.
He taught me moves.
He gave me time.
SECTION 32: Sudden Tragedy
One day, happiness was brutally murdered.
Someone shot Wilhemoth in the garage.
My mother and I were waiting for him.
We later learned he would never return.
The police never found who killed him.
It might have been a bad business deal or a drug deal.
My mother felt surrounded by darkness again.
Police yellow tape surrounded our house.
My mother herself saw Wilhemoth’s blood lying in the garage.
She stayed in the same house that night.
She was afraid.
Her brother-in-law arranged security.
SECTION 33: Trauma Triggered Again
After Wilhemoth’s death, old memories returned.
Once, I had seen a small boy crushed under a school bus.
I had seen his blood.
I had heard his mother screaming.
Now it felt like the world was filled only with pain.
Only tragedy after tragedy.
I could not sleep on a bed.
My mother and I slept on the floor or on chairs.
The lower we stayed,
the less afraid we felt of falling further.
SECTION 34: Another Move – Indiana
Still, my mother decided we would move to Indianapolis.
I got admission into Cathedral High School.
I was selected by cheating.
There was no real improvement in studies.
I joined the basketball team.
Confidence came back.
But the school was expensive.
My mother could not afford it.
So I returned to public school — North Central High School.
SECTION 35: Identity Crisis and Culture Shift
There were many Black students there.
I completely immersed myself in hip-hop culture.
I dressed like gangsters.
But inside, I was deeply insecure.
Later, my mother brought me back to Indiana again.
This time, there were only five Black students in the school.
But I had changed completely:
Baggy pants
Bulls jacket
Cap worn backward
Everyone stared at me like I was an alien.
Teachers also found me strange.
I walked around with attitude.
But inside, I was extremely nervous.
PART 4: Racism, Humiliation, Violence, and Total Identity Collapse
SECTION 36: Confidence Shattered Again
During basketball tryouts, my confidence broke completely.
The coaches changed my position.
Johnny, my best friend, was performing well.
I remained stuck on the junior varsity team.
I started feeling that everything was wrong.
As a child, I did not feel racism strongly here.
Now, everywhere I went, I saw only discrimination.
SECTION 37: Gun to the Head
One day, my cousin Damian and I were returning from a party.
Some men arrived in a pickup truck.
They abused us verbally.
They stepped out with a pistol.
The gun was pointed at my head.
I did not move.
I stood there, looking straight into their eyes.
SECTION 38: Public Humiliation
Another time, I was sitting in a Pizza Hut with a girl.
Her father came.
In front of everyone, he abused me.
He insulted me publicly.
All of this was breaking me from the inside.
I was beginning to understand how cruel the world really was.
This was the truth.
Truth hurts.
SECTION 39: Becoming Invisible
At school, I stayed extremely quiet.
I did everything possible so no one would notice me.
I sat on the back bench.
I wanted to be invisible.
I was studying another language,
but I could not even speak English properly.
Year after year, I passed only by cheating.
In reality, I had learned nothing.
SECTION 40: Racist Death Threat
One day in Spanish class,
I opened a workbook with my name written on it.
Inside was a drawing of a man hanging from a noose.
Below it was written:
“Nigger, we are going to kill you”
The spelling was wrong,
but the message was clear.
Angry and hurt, I went straight to the principal.
SECTION 41: Vandalism and Numbness
The same year, my grandfather gave me an old Chevy.
One day, someone spray-painted “Nigger” on it.
This time, the spelling was correct.
I broke internally.
Anger ate me alive from the inside.
I started getting into fights.
I was suspended.
Slowly, I became emotionally numb.
SECTION 42: Searching for Meaning in Anger
I began listening to Malcolm X’s speeches.
In his rage, I saw my own life reflected.
But I did not have his discipline.
I only provoked others.
I became a stereotype —
exactly how people expected me to be.
Sagging pants, loud music, strange hairstyles —
I did everything just to irritate others.
But inside, I was empty.
I had no direction.
SECTION 43: First Glimpse of Purpose
My grandfather had been in the Air Force.
Seeing his pride,
I also wanted to join the Air Force.
I joined Civil Air Patrol.
I attended a Pararescue Jump Orientation Course.
There, I heard the story of a pararescue man named Scott Gearing.
He fell from 13,000 feet during a parachute jump.
Doctors revived him after he was declared dead.
He returned to duty afterward.
That story taught me that
even the impossible can become possible.
SECTION 44: Academic Collapse
I was still playing basketball.
But when I was cut from the varsity team,
everything felt meaningless.
I gave the ASVAB test.
Cheating did not work this time.
I failed.
Failing marks started appearing on my report card.
My mother did not react much —
she was drowning in her own pain.
I lived completely on my own terms.
I took care of myself.
SECTION 45: Graduation at Risk
One day, a letter arrived from school.
It said that I was failing.
If my GPA and attendance did not improve,
I would not graduate.
That day, I stood in front of the mirror
and told myself the truth:
“You are dumb.”
“You do nothing.”
“The Air Force will never take you.”
“You will never change.”
As long as you keep lying to yourself,
nothing will change.
SECTION 46: Birth of the Accountability Mirror
From that moment, I started the accountability mirror ritual.
I wrote my goals on paper.
I stuck them on the mirror.
I forced myself to:
Make my bed
Pull my pants up properly
Shave my head
Complete every task
This ritual gave me:
Discipline
Motivation
SECTION 47: Embracing Discomfort
In my senior year, I woke up early every day.
I worked out.
I ran.
I studied.
Everything was uncomfortable.
I forced myself to do it.
I was making myself tough.
Studying was the hardest.
A tutor helped me.
He taught me to write things repeatedly to remember them.
I wrote notes for every subject.
Again and again.
I made flashcards.
In six months, I went from reading like a small child
to senior-level reading.
I cleared tests.
I scored the minimum Air Force score.
SECTION 48: Letting Go of Hatred
Once I found a purpose,
the hatred slowly began to disappear.
I realized that the people who troubled me
were themselves insecure.
Their problem was theirs, not mine.
I stopped giving importance to others’ opinions.
Their words became fuel for my engine.
SECTION 49: Confidence Earned, Not Gifted
After graduation, I gained confidence.
Not from family wealth.
Not from God-given talent.
But from my own accountability.
However, as soon as I left Indiana,
my inner insecurities came back to life.
In the Air Force, I realized
I was still weak inside.
I still needed to become tougher.
SECTION 50: Challenge Two – Raw Self-Confrontation
Now the time has come for the second challenge.
It is time to look yourself straight in the eyes.
This is not self-love.
This is not ego massage.
Put your ego aside
and try to build your real self.
Do exactly what I did.
Take a large mirror.
Stick small Post-it notes on it.
Write:
All your insecurities
All your dreams
All your goals
Do not use mobile phones or digital tools.
Write everything by hand.
If you are weak in studies, write it.
If you are overweight, say it clearly.
Accept reality —
while believing improvement is possible.
Strictness is necessary.
Whatever your goal is —
new job, business, weight loss, race, anything —
Write every small step needed to reach it.
When one step is completed,
remove that note and add the next.
True improvement comes only from accountability and discipline.
Every day, when you look into the dirty mirror,
the truth will be visible.
Do not ignore it.
Learn to use that truth.
That is what I did.
And you can do it too.
PART 5: Air Force, Obesity, Shame, and the Decision to Become a Navy SEAL
SECTION 51: Life After School – Aimlessness
I was driving my pickup truck late at night on empty roads,
going to fast-food restaurants.
My job was pest control.
I checked rat traps, picked up dead rats, and sprayed poison.
I wore a mask so that even I would not recognize myself.
I stayed angry and silent, only doing my work.
SECTION 52: Physical Collapse
When I joined the Air Force, I weighed 175 pounds (about 75 kg).
Four years later, when I left,
I weighed almost 300 pounds (about 136 kg).
This was my way of surviving.
First, I worked as a hospital security guard.
Then I came into pest control.
Inside, I felt ashamed of myself.
SECTION 53: The Dream of Pararescue
In the Air Force, I wanted to become Pararescue.
I wanted to be the best.
In training, I was good at:
Push-ups
Sit-ups
Running
But swimming was my biggest enemy.
I never got the chance to learn swimming as a child.
So during water-confidence training,
I struggled badly.
SECTION 54: Fear of Water
In pararescue training, tasks like:
Bobbing
Hands-up drills
Treading water
Big-breathing exercises
gave me panic every single day.
At night, fear would not let me sleep.
I passed all the tasks somehow,
but inside I was breaking.
Others completed everything easily.
I felt like an imposter.
I thought I would fail at any moment.
SECTION 55: Medical Removal and Quitting
After six weeks, during the big-breathing exercise,
the instructor tried to lift me up.
Water kept entering my mouth.
I felt oxygen shortage.
Due to extreme stress and sickle-cell trait,
I was removed from training for medical reasons.
Inside, I felt relieved.
Outside, I pretended to be sad.
A few days later, they called me back.
But the condition was clear:
I would have to start again from zero.
Out of fear, I quit.
On paper, it was a medical exit —
but the truth was, I quit.
SECTION 56: Living With Shame
After that, I was sent to another unit.
I did a different job.
But I never felt proud.
I knew I had quit.
I hid my shame in:
The gym
Food
I started powerlifting.
I built a big body
so that no one could see the real me.
From outside, I looked strong.
Inside, I believed I was a loser and a coward.
SECTION 57: Hiding the Real Self
I did not want anyone to see the real David Goggins.
I wanted them to see only:
A big bodybuilder
A tough-looking man
Someone who hides his true reality.
After my night shift ended every morning,
I went to a steak-and-shake place.
I drank a large chocolate shake.
I bought chocolate donuts from 7-Eleven.
I ate everything in the car on the way home.
At home, my mother would call and say,
“Come for breakfast.”
She did not know I had already eaten heavily.
SECTION 58: A Broken Marriage and No Direction
Life had no aim.
I was living in darkness,
hiding my true self.
My wife, Pam, stayed mostly in Brazil.
Our marriage was breaking.
Everything was falling apart.
SECTION 59: The Turning Point – Watching SEAL Training
One day, I came home and saw a TV show
about Navy SEAL BUD/S training.
I kept watching.
People were drowning in hell week —
pain, exhaustion, suffering —
yet they did not ring the bell.
Their dedication and drive struck me.
I felt:
“This is exactly what I need.”
SECTION 60: Hatred for Mediocrity
During graduation, the officer said:
“BUD/S is only for those
who hate mediocrity
and overcome every obstacle.”
That sentence felt like it was meant for me.
I looked in the mirror.
I was 300 pounds.
Zero discipline.
Zero skills.
Zero hope.
But a new fire ignited inside me.
SECTION 61: Decision Made
I decided:
“I will become a Navy SEAL,
no matter what.”
For three weeks,
I called Navy recruiters every day.
Everyone rejected me.
Finally, I met a Navy Reserve petty officer
named Steven Salgado.
He listened to my story.
He said:
“It may be possible —
but you will have to work.”
SECTION 62: The Impossible Math
I weighed 297 pounds.
I had to reach 191 pounds.
I had only three months.
At the same time,
I had to retake the ASVAB test,
because my previous score was too low.
SECTION 63: Academic Redemption
For two weeks,
I studied only for the ASVAB.
Then I took the test.
My score came out 44.
But SEALs required 50.
That moment forced me to think:
“How many more years
will I live like this?”
“Is this the life I want?”
SECTION 64: First Run – Collapse
That same day, I decided:
“No more.”
I came home.
Put on running shoes.
Started running.
After 400 yards,
I collapsed.
I was out of breath.
My mind filled with failure.
SECTION 65: Rocky and the Second Attempt
I watched the Rocky movie training montage — Round 14.
Rocky gets beaten,
but he gets back up.
I thought:
“If Rocky can stand up,
so can I.”
I started running again.
This time,
I did not stop after the pain.
I ran one full mile.
That day I understood: Limitations live only in the mind.
SECTION 66: The New Routine
My routine became brutal:
Wake up at 4:30 AM
Cook food
Stationary bike for 2 hours while studying ASVAB
2 hours swimming
Gym: 100–200 reps per set
2 more hours biking
Eat only one meal a day
(chicken, vegetables, little rice)
I checked my weight twice daily.
In two weeks, I lost 25 pounds.
SECTION 67: Pain as Motivation
I restarted running at 250 pounds.
Depression and anxiety were still there.
But now I used them as motivation.
Pam told me clearly
she would not move to San Diego.
I was practically alone.
Whenever demotivation hit, I:
Called Salgado
Listened to Rocky’s soundtrack
Visualized myself becoming a SEAL
SECTION 68: Punishing Failure
As my weight dropped,
my workouts intensified.
If I missed even one rep,
or my weight didn’t drop even one pound,
I went back to the gym at night.
I punished myself
until the task was complete.
SECTION 69: ASVAB Redemption
Finally, ASVAB day arrived.
The test was computerized.
I knew nothing about computers.
Somehow, I finished.
Instead of waiting for results,
I went back and asked immediately.
