TRY THIS FOR A FEW MOMENTS
Close your eyes and drop your awareness into the body. Be present with whatever is happening. Merely feel how it is. Are you feeling stressed or relaxed? How does that feel? Can you distinguish physical sensations of the body—warm, cool, pain, pleasure, tightness—from more subtle or energetic feelings, such as buzzy, speedy, anxious, excited, calm, and so on? Whatever is happening, dont resist it or worry about it, just feel it.The Three Speed Limits – Tsoknyi Rinpoche
When I challenged myself that morning in Kathmandu to slow down, the experience of moving at my bodys natural speed helped me understand an important distinction between my body, my thinking mind, and my energy. To my surprise, when I looked for the root of the problem—the stress—I couldnt find it in my body or mind. I realized there are three kinds of speed: the physical, the cognitive, and the feeling or energetic. I could walk and move quickly without stress and tension. My body could move however fast it needed to; the problem wasnt there. My mind could think fast and creatively; that was also fine. It was my feeling world that was off-balance, distorted. So I realized stress accumulates in the energetic world, the feeling world. The more I understood what was happening inside me, the more I saw it outside as well, all over the world. Whatever we call it—speediness, anxiety, restlessness, stress—I think almost all of us can relate. I call this understanding the three speed limits: the physical speed limit, the mental speed limit, and the feeling or energetic speed limit. The body has its own healthy speed, but the feeling world can be rushed in a distorted way. That feeling—of restless, anxious energy—is not healthy. Its distorted because its not rational; its out of touch with reality. Speedy energy tells us to get there now, even when we cant. Anxiety tells us were going to die when we arent. To help distinguish the bodys speed limit from the feeling worlds speed limit, imagine you have to clean a large room. You walk in and see what needs to be done. Moving furniture, dusting, wiping, and vacuuming—it will take about an hour. This is the physical speed limit. The feeling world, however, can be either relaxed or banging on us the whole time: Go faster! Finish as soon as possible! I want this to be over! If we do it like this, well feel stressed the whole time and burned-out in twenty minutes. If our energy is relaxed, on the other hand, we can respect our natural speed limit and clean the room the same, without feeling rushed or restless. We might even feel fresh when its done. If we dont distinguish between these speed limits, its as if we havent diagnosed the problem correctly, and so we cant apply the right remedy. A major misunderstanding is thinking that speedy energy and fast movement are almost the same. Then we either keep trying to slow down our bodies, or slow down our thinking minds. Neither of these works, because the physical and cognitive are not where the problem is, and not where the solution is found either. Not only that but these strategies cause other problems too. If we slow down our bodies and minds, we can start to worry about functioning well in the world. We can also start to be afraid and pull back from the world, as if it were an enemy. But we need to function; life is fast, and we cant slow it down. We have to run in the world. We need to move our bodies, and we need to use our minds. Thinking fast is fine; its useful! So what is this third part of our being, this murky area of the feeling world? I think its the key to understanding and working with stress.The Practice
There are four gentle breathing techniques that are especially useful for handling this upward-moving energy. These methods retrain the energy to come down below the navel—its natural home—and rest there. They stand alone as beneficial practices and can also be practiced together as a more comprehensive training. They are: 1. Deep belly-breathing, or “baby-breathing.” 2. Scanning the body and feeling our speedy energy. 3. Connecting speedy energy and awareness with the breath and bringing them all down below the navel. 4. An extrasubtle method that mainly uses intention with minimal muscle control.Method #1: Deep Belly-Breathing, or Baby-Breathing
Usually when were startled, emotionally activated, or just stressed, we breath more quickly, shallowly, and more in our chests. This happens subconsciously but over time can become a habit, and our bodies forget our natural, relaxed way of breathing. In my tradition, we believe the natural way is deep. Find a relaxed position to work with your breath. This can be sitting or lying down. If youre sitting, whether on the floor or in a chair, try to find a posture where your back is straight but not tight, upright but relaxed. The position of your hands and feet is not so important; all our bodies are different. Try postures and see which allows you to feel straight but relaxed. Whichever position you take, the most essential point is to be relaxed. TIP: If you are sitting in a chair, try either crossing your legs in the chair or sitting in a way that your feet are flat on the floor. If you cant do this, dont worry. If you are lying down, try on your back with a straight spine and, if you can, your legs bent, with your feet flat on the floor. Next, put your hands on your lower belly. Your thumbs should be roughly at the level of your navel. Relax your shoulders and arms. Start breathing gently from your abdomen, allowing your belly and hands to rise and fall with each breath. You can rest awareness with the rise and fall of your belly and hands. Try to completely relax your neck, shoulders, and chest so they have no tension. Allow the upper body to fully rest, and let the lower abdomen do most of the movement. TIP: If you have trouble finding the breath in your abdomen or relaxing with it, try lying down on your back with your legs bent and feet flat on the floor. Put a medium-size heavy object like a big book on your belly. Feel it gently rise and fall as you practice belly-breathing. This can help settle your body and awareness in this practice. When you feel relaxed and are breathing in a regular rhythm, breathe more deeply, letting the belly and hands rise and fall with each breath. Then introduce short pauses when the breath is fully inside and the breath is fully outside. In other words, after exhaling, pause a few seconds before beginning the next inhalation. At the end of the inhalation, hold the breath in for a few seconds before beginning the exhalation. These pauses, just holding for a few seconds, should be relaxed and comfortable. Dont hold until you feel short of breath or strained. This is not a competition, and more is not necessarily better. This is a gradual training, and we are just exploring a new way of breathing. TIP: One day you can feel which pause is more helpful, the holding in or holding out. Whichever is for you, do that. Progress comes over time as we feel more and more comfortable holding our breath, and the retention lengthens naturally. Finally, just keep relaxing and continuing this belly-breathing. Allow your body to enjoy the deep rhythmic abdominal breathing. Allow your whole system to calm down and let go, like a baby resting without a care in the world. Continue for as long as you are comfortable. This method of deep abdominal breathing has many benefits even without the subsequent techniques.Method #2: Body-Scanning
The aim of body-scanning is to find and connect with our speedy energy, with our feelings of anxiety or restlessness. Its important to bring an attitude of gentleness and curiosity here. Otherwise we can start thinking of our speediness as an enemy or a negative disease that needs to be eliminated. Instead we treat it with tenderness, like an overexcited child. This method is a little different from other traditional body-scanning techniques—for example, those that focus on choiceless awareness—because here we are choosing to pay attention to speedy energy. As with the first technique, this body-scanning technique has many benefits on its own but also serves as an important preparation for the third practice, khumbak, or gentle vase breathing. Begin by finding a comfortable posture, where your spine is straight but your whole body is relaxed. This can be sitting or lying down. Start with a dropping practice for a few breaths, and if you have time, maybe a few minutes of deep breathing. Then bring awareness to your energetic feeling body and explore to find the speedy energy. There are two ways to scan; by moving awareness through the body or by directly bringing awareness to where its needed. If you already know where the speedy energy is, you can just go directly there. If not, you can move awareness relaxedly through your head, face, neck, shoulders, upper back, and chest. Remember to be curious and gentle. The main focus is just connecting directly to sensations and feelings; there is no other agenda to this step. We are not looking for particular sensations or feelings, or trying to change our experience at this point. We are just exploring the of speediness and restlessness. The sensations and feelings associated with speedy energy can be quite subtle. As you explore more you may notice coarser physical sensations like tightness, pain, heat, and dryness, as well as more subtle sensations of tingling, vibrating, and buzzing. Continue this practice, scanning again and again, just being curious and open to whatever you feel.Method #3: Gentle Vase Breathing with Retention
This method is a gentler version of a classic technique called vase breathing. Although this modified version is suitable for unsupervised practice, please follow the instructions carefully and listen to your body. Gentle vase breathing is where everything comes together. We build on our skills of belly-breathing and body-scanning, and learn to bring breath, speedy energy, and awareness together and hold them under the navel. This practice needs to be repeated over and over again, because we are retraining an energetichabit. Its very important that the body remain relaxed and the pressure be very gentle; if we tense up and push too hard, the practice can backfire and make our energy more unbalanced. If were too tight, especially in the upper-stomach area around the solar plexus and sternum, the energy can feel like its blocked, “bouncing” back up into our chest and head. This can actually make us feel temporarily worse. This is a subtle practice; youll have to play with it to find the right balance. We can use two main metaphors to help visualize and understand this practice: the French press and the balloon. These two techniques may yield different experiences, so play with them and see which feels more natural and beneficial for you. Begin by taking a posture with the spine straight but the whole body relaxed, either sitting or lying down. Start by doing a few minutes of breathing to prepare the body. Then scan for the speedy energy—signs of restlessness, anxiety, or buzz. When you feel you have connected to the energy, move on to the next step. THE FRENCH PRESS: Remaining relaxed and grounded, breathe out completely. While breathing in through your nostrils, imagine the breath is mingling with the speedy, restless energy and gently pressing it down, like a French press gently pushing the coffee grounds down to the bottom of the vessel. The speedy energy is being urged from the upper body down through the stomach, to its natural home below the navel. Then hold the breath down there for a few seconds. The energy needs to be held in the “vase,” so we press very gently downward with the muscles we use to poop, to hold it all down there. You dont need to push hard. Exhale completely, then inhale and repeat over and over again. THE BALLOON: This is essentially the same practice physically, but some people find the French press image too forceful and they push too hard. So instead of a French press, imagine there is a balloon in your lower belly, under your navel. In this version, we dont imagine pushing anything down from above. Each breath in fills the balloon, and each breath out empties the balloon. Remaining relaxed and grounded, breathe out completely, emptying the balloon. As you breathe in, imagine the empty balloon sucking down the breath and speedy energy and filling up below the navel. When its full, gently “pinch” the top of the balloon to prevent the energy from escaping, by pressing down very gently the muscles we use to poop. Hold the breath for a few seconds. Exhale fully and repeat, over and over. When holding your breath in like this, its important not to hold it until you feel strain and gasp for breath. Just start with a few seconds, and gradually build up the duration over days and weeks. If you keep practicing regularly, your capacity will naturally increase, without forcing it. If you start with two to three seconds, for example, you can build it up to ten seconds, and then fifteen to twenty seconds over time. This is very beneficial, because the increased retention is often a sign of more relaxation in the subtle body, and of more control of the energies. If you feel tightness in your head or chest, light-headed, or dizzy, you may be tensing up, pushing too hard, or holding the breath too long. Stop the practice and relax for a while. Try practicing gentle belly-breathing and body-scanning to see where the tension is building up. Try to relax that.Method #4: The Extra-Gentle Way
This final method is for when we have gained some proficiency in the other techniques. When we have become comfortable with belly-breathing, can connect to our speedy energy with awareness, and can regularly bring our speedy energy down to rest in its natural home below the navel, we can try this fourth technique. We have created a link between energy and awareness, and can now use that link to bring speedy energy down with almost no effort. We may notice that the previous techniques are really helpful, but when we get up and have to do other things, our speedy energy pops back up and becomes activated. After all, we cant talk and engage normally if were holding our breath! This technique helps to bridge these practices with daily life. It allows us to maintain some benefits while talking, moving around, working, and engaging in our lives. Start by just mentally connecting to the energy in the body and exhaling. While inhaling, imagine bringing breath, energy, and awareness down under the navel. Once you have applied a slight amount of muscular engagement, almost a reminder to the body, keep about 10 percent of your energy and breath down in the “vase,” and breathe naturally in and out on top, keeping the chest and shoulders relaxed and natural. Just be as natural and normal as possible. This practice is so subtle no one needs to know youre doing it. At first, we will be constantly distracted by life and lose this subtle practice. So whenever we lose it, we just need one breath to connect again. Just repeat over and over. Gradually we are forming a new habit, and it becomes easier and easier. We will feel more grounded throughout the day. We will notice many situations that were stressful before become easier to manage. This is really helpful for long meetings!DANIEL GOLEMAN: THE SCIENCE
My wife and I were in a taxi with Tsoknyi Rinpoche on the way to the Delhi train station. It was March 2000, and we had reservations on a train that would take us up toward Dharamshala, where I would moderate a meeting with the Dalai Lama and a handful of psychologists on the topic of “Destructive Emotions.” We had left with plenty of time to spare, but gridlocked traffic was eating away at the time buffer. I was, frankly, getting uptight, increasingly worried about missing the train—a destructive emotion had taken control. My anxiety boiled over when our taxi stopped for a red light at the intersection of two huge avenues, which looked less like streets and more like parking lots packed with cars (and the occasional oxcart, bicycle rickshaw, and cow). The red light stopped us for what seemed like an endless amount of minutes. A silver-colored word in the middle of that red light—relax—made no difference in my state. I could not relax, but got more and more tense. My head spun with the swarming colors, sounds, and smells whirling around us like a hurricane. Though our lanes werent moving anywhere, drivers all around us were showing their impatience in a rising cacophony of honking. I felt a mounting sense of urgency at the traffic jam, an impossible pretzel that had no rhyme nor reason and seemed would never untangle. “Oh man!” I said to Rinpoche. “This traffic is really snarled. Im starting to worry about getting to the train.” Rinpoche said, in a soft, calm voice, “Can you feel the speediness? Can you find where it is?” I closed my eyes and scanned my body, noticing a buzz of sensations and a growing tightness in my belly. I nodded. Rinpoche continued, “Find it. Feel it. Its not you. Its not your mind, not your body. Its your energy.” Rinpoche added, “First just sense that you are speedy—what that feels like in your body. Then understand that you are tuning into the feeling world. Find where in your body you feel your energys speediness. Then breathe in and hold the breath down under your navel for as long as is comfortable for you. Exhale slowly, holding back about ten percent of the air.” Getting what he was saying, I took a deep breath and let the air out slowly. Rinpoche led me through several breaths this way. And, almost miraculously, my tension eased. The light changed, traffic moved again, and I felt more relaxed. Right on the spot, Rinpoche was guiding me to use the body scan and the gentle vase breathing method. As weve just learned, that gentle vase breathing is one of several ways to work with our breath to calm our nervous energy. These breath-control practices are ancient in India, and made their way from there, along with Buddhism, to Tibet in the ninth to eleventh centuries. Several such breath-control practices have been preserved and are still taught in various corners of Tibetan Buddhism to this day. Their purpose: calming the mind for meditation. Science agrees. It turns out there is sound research showing the power of these breath methods. In recent decades scientists have turned their attention to such breath-control methods, realizing that using them has powerful impacts on our mental state. In short, managing our breath helps us manage our mind. Key parts of the brains emotional circuitry get triggered by the amygdala, our neural radar for threat. In todays stressful life our amygdala fires far more often than needed, and the speediness we are caught up in adds to our stress. That pitches us into “sympathetic nervous system” activity, where our body prepares for an emergency: our heart rate jumps, as does blood pressure; our bronchial passages enlarge, and we breathe faster; our digestion shuts down; blood shifts from our organs to our arms and legs (the better to fight or run); and we sweat. Such emergency responses are triggered by hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which mobilize all these systems to prepare for emergency. This biological reaction gets set off all too often these days (That irksome too-slow driver! That scary fast driver! Difficulty with the kids! That horrible boss!). Once stress hormones surge through us, were more readily triggered for a further stress reaction. And, as weve discussed, these days this threat reaction triggers in response to symbolic threats too—like the feeling that someone is treating us unfairly—not just the physical survival emergency the reaction was designed for. Being treated unfairly feels bad, of course. But its not the threat to our very life that our fight-or-flight response was designed to handle. Even so, that biological machinery for physical survival also takes over when we undergo a psychological threat like unfair treatment. We can undergo this fight-or-flight response many times in a single day, all too often without having time to end it. And such a prolonged, ongoing fight- or-flight reaction overtaxes our biology with long-term costs, such as heightened inflammation, lowered immune system defenses, and becoming more susceptible to a range of stress-worsened illnesses. During the emergency mode our attention shifts to focus on the presumed threat—even when were trying to get something else more important done, we stay preoccupied by what upsets us. The response is so strong that we might find ourselves thinking about that threat and how to handle it even when we at two a.m. As we read in chapter 2 this kind of anxious worry serves no useful purpose. Some of us might get sad or angry, while others panic. Theres no set response, but none of the likely reactions help us. Contrast that with a “parasympathetic response,” the physiological state where the body rests and recovers from such stress. Our heart rate and blood pressure subside and our breath slows, as do the other biological upshifts of the emergency reaction. Our digestion resumes its usual workings. This is the biological state where the body rests, restores itself, and relaxes. We can eat, have sex, sleep. The bodys emergency response has a beginning—when were triggered—a peak in the middle, and an end, if we have the chance to calm down again. Thats what the controlled breathing method Rinpoche offers here does for us: it ends the stress cycle were caught up by.
Showing posts with label Buddhism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buddhism. Show all posts
Monday, February 19, 2024
Belly Breathing (Ch 3 from the book 'Why we meditate')
Friday, February 2, 2024
Negativity - The Evil King Goes Hungry (Chapter 2)
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It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others.
—Daisaku Ikeda
Cancers of the mind
- "Cancers of the mind," referring to comparing, complaining, and criticizing, highlights negative thought patterns that can adversely impact one's mental well-being and relationships.
- Comparing: Constantly measuring oneself against others can lead to feelings of inadequacy or superiority. Instead of fostering a positive mindset, it can breed jealousy, low self-esteem, and hinder personal growth. Embracing individuality and focusing on personal progress can be more beneficial.
- Complaining: Habitual complaining not only reflects a negative outlook but can also create a toxic environment for oneself and those around. While it's natural to express concerns, constant complaints without seeking solutions can perpetuate a cycle of negativity. Shifting focus towards finding solutions or practicing gratitude can be a healthier approach.
- Criticizing: Excessive criticism, whether directed at oneself or others, can erode self-confidence and damage relationships. Constructive feedback is valuable, but relentless criticism can be destructive. Cultivating empathy and understanding can lead to more positive interactions.
- Addressing these "cancers of the mind" involves cultivating self-awareness, fostering a positive mindset, and practicing mindfulness. By consciously choosing to replace comparing with self-acceptance, complaining with gratitude, and criticizing with constructive communication, individuals can promote mental well-being and build healthier relationships.
NEGATIVITY IS EVERYWHERE (But don’t play a victim)
- Bad things do happen. In our lives, we’re all victims at some point—whether we’re being racially profiled or being cut off in traffic. But if we adopt a victim mentality, we’re more likely to take on a sense of entitlement and to behave selfishly.
- Stanford psychologists took 104 subjects and assigned them to one of two groups—one told to write a short essay about a time they were bored, and the other to write about a time when life seemed unfair or when they felt “wronged or slighted by someone.”
- Afterward, the participants were asked if they wanted to help the researchers with an easy task. Those who’d written about a time they’d been wronged were 26 percent less likely to help the researchers.
- In a similar study, participants who identified with a victim mindset were not only more likely to express selfish attitudes afterward, they were also more likely to leave behind trash and even take the experimenters’ pens!
NEGATIVITY IS CONTAGIOUS (And Groupthink Bias)
- In the 1950s Solomon Asch gathered groups of college students and told them they were doing a vision test. The catch was that in each group, everyone was an actor except one person: the subject of the test.
- Asch showed participants an image of a “target” line first, then of a series of three lines: one shorter, one longer, and one that was clearly the same length as the target line. The students were asked which line matched the length of the target line. Sometimes the actors gave correct answers, and sometimes they purposefully gave incorrect answers. In each case, the real study participant answered last.
- The correct answer should have been obvious. But, influenced by the actors, about 75 percent of the subjects followed the crowd to give an incorrect response at least once. This phenomenon has been called groupthink bias.
- Groupthink is the practice of thinking or decision-making in a way that discourages individual responsibility.
Negative behaviors surround us so constantly that we grow accustomed to them.
Think about whether you have any of the following in your life:
Complainers, like the friend on the phone, who complain endlessly without looking for solutions. Life is a problem that will be hard if not impossible to solve.
Cancellers, who take a compliment and spin it: “You look good today” becomes “You mean I looked bad yesterday?”
Casualties, who think the world is against them and blame their problems on others.
Critics, who judge others for either having a different opinion or not having one, for any choices they’ve made that are different from what the critic would have done.
Commanders, who realize their own limits but pressure others to succeed. They’ll say, “You never have time for me,” even though they’re busy as well.
Competitors, who compare themselves to others, controlling and manipulating to make themselves or their choices look better. They are in so much pain that they want to bring others down. Often we have to play down our successes around these people because we know they can’t appreciate them.
Controllers, who monitor and try to direct how their friends or partners spend time, and with whom, and what choices they make.
- Gauranga Das repeated this advice in brief metaphorical form that we often used to remind ourselves not to harbor negative thoughts toward others:
- Don’t judge someone with a different disease.
- Don’t expect anyone to be perfect.
- Don’t think you are perfect.
REVERSE EXTERNAL NEGATIVITY
(1) Become an Objective Observer- Instead of reacting compulsively and retaliating to negativity or a negative word or action, we could enjoy our freedom as human beings and refuse to be upset.
- We step away, not literally but emotionally, and look at the situation as if we are not in the middle of it. We will talk more about this distance, which is called detachment, in the next chapter.
- For now, I’ll say that it helps us find understanding without judgment.
From a position of understanding, we are better equipped to address negative energy. The simplest response is to back slowly away. Just as in the last chapter we let go of the influences that interfered with our values, we want to cleanse ourselves of the negative attitudes that cloud our outlook. In The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk who has been called the Father of Mindfulness, writes, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” I encourage you to purge or avoid physical triggers of negative thoughts and feelings, like that sweatshirt your ex gave you or the coffee shop where you always run into a former friend. If you don’t let go physically, you won’t let go emotionally.
The 25/75 Principle
Aim for the feeling that at least 75 percent of your time is spent with people who inspire you rather than bring you down.
Allocate Time
There might be some people you can only tolerate for an hour a month, some for a day, some for a week. Maybe you even know a one-minute person. Consider how much time is best for you to spend with them, and don’t exceed it.
Don’t Be a Savior
If all someone needs is an ear, you can listen without exerting much energy. If we try to be problem-solvers, then we become frustrated when people don’t take our brilliant advice. The desire to save others is ego-driven. Don’t let your own needs shape your response.
REVERSE INTERNAL NEGATIVITY
The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are.
Spot, Stop, Swap
First, we become aware of a feeling or issue—we spot it.
Then we pause to address what the feeling is and where it comes from—we stop to consider it.
And last, we amend our behavior—we swap in a new way of processing the moment.
Spot
TRY THIS: AUDIT YOUR NEGATIVE COMMENTS.
Keep a tally of the negative remarks you make over the course of a week. See if you can
make your daily number go down. The goal is zero.
Stop
Regarding negative speech...
“Remember, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.”
Swap
Mudita is the principle of taking sympathetic or unselfish joy in the good fortune of others.
KSAMĀ: AMENDING ANGER
Kṣamā is Sanskrit for forgiveness. It suggests that you bring patience and forbearance to your dealings with others. Sometimes we have been wounded so deeply that we can’t imagine how we might forgive the person who hurt us. But, contrary to what most of us believe, forgiveness is primarily an action we take within ourselves. Sometimes it’s better (and safer and healthier) not to have direct contact with the person at all; other times, the person who hurt us is no longer around to be forgiven directly. But those factors don’t impede forgiveness because it is, first and foremost, internal. It frees you from anger.
TRANSFORMATIONAL FORGIVENESS
FORGIVENESS IS A TWO-WAY STREET
Forgiveness has to ow in both directions. None of us is perfect, and though there will be situations where you are blameless, there are also times when there are missteps on both sides of a conflict. When you cause pain and others cause you pain, it’s as if your hearts get twisted together into an uncomfortable knot. When we forgive, we start to separate our pain from theirs and to heal ourselves emotionally. But when we ask for forgiveness at the same time, we untwist together. This is a bit trickier, because we’re much more comfortable finding fault in other people and then forgiving it. We’re not used to admitting fault and taking responsibility for what we create in our lives.
On an end note: The less time you fixate on everyone else, the more time you have to focus on yourself.
Friday, January 19, 2024
Drop it (CH 2 from the book 'Why we meditate')
If you can’t change anything, why worry?
And if you can change something, why worry?
—TIBETAN SAYING
THE EXPLANATION BY TSOKNYI RINPOCHE
When I was growing up in Nepal and northern India in the seventies and eighties, the pace of life was not too fast. Most people felt quite grounded. Our bodies were loose, and we’d sit down for tea at any time. We smiled easily. Of course we faced plenty of challenges, like poverty and lack of opportunity, but stress and speediness were not really part of the picture.
But as these places slowly developed, the pace of life sped up. There were more and more cars on the road, and more people had jobs with deadlines and expectations. Many people had caught a whiff of middle-class life and wanted a piece of it. I noticed people starting to show signs of stress, physically and mentally. They’d fidget more, their legs quivering nervously under the table.
Their gaze was less steady—eyes darting around—and they smiled less freely.
I felt it myself too when I started working on complex projects. I’d started a multiyear initiative to preserve the texts of my lineage, and the project office was across town. I’d wake up and my mind would already be in the office. My feeling world would be hammering me, Go, go, go! Just one swipe with your toothbrush and spit! Just put the whole breakfast in your mouth, chew once, and swallow! You don’t have time for this!
On my drive across town to my office, the Kathmandu traffic was almost unbearable. Just step on the gas! Don’t worry if you bump someone—doesn’t matter! Just get there now! By the time I walked into the office, I’d feel burned- out already. I’d quickly everyone, not slowing down and taking the time to really check in. I’d want to get out of there as soon as I could.
Ducking out, I’d go somewhere, anywhere—like a coffee shop. Sitting there with nothing particular to do, I’d want to calm down but still felt anxious and restless. My whole being felt like a big buzzy lump—my body, feelings, and mind were all stressed for no reason.
But one day I decided to challenge myself. I would start to respect my body’s speed limit, its natural speed, instead of listening to the stubborn, distorted speedy energy. I said to myself, I will just do everything normally, at the right pace. Whenever I reach my office, I reach my office. I won’t let the restless energy push me.
I went through my morning relaxed, moving at a pace that suited me. I stretched in bed before getting up. I brushed my teeth properly, taking enough time to do it right. When the speedy energy tried to push me—Go faster, get there now! Grab something for breakfast and eat it in the car!—I didn’t listen.
I was respecting my body’s speed limit. Sitting down for breakfast, I chewed properly, tasting my meal. I drove at the appropriate speed, without a sense of rush. I even enjoyed the drive. Whenever the speedy energy told me to go faster —Just get there—I smiled and shook my head. In the end, I reached my office almost at the same time as before.
Walking in, I felt fresh and relaxed. The office seemed calmer and more beautiful than I remembered. I sat down and drank tea with my staff, looking each of them in the eyes and really checking in. There was no urge to leave.
Finding Our Ground
I’d like to start from the ground up. In my tradition we like building things— temples, nunneries, monasteries, stupas. Maybe it’s a compensation for our nomadic roots. In any case, our metaphors often involve construction. As any builder knows, it’s important to have a solid foundation to build on. For meditation, it’s also important to have a healthy, solid foundation to begin with.
The raw material is our bodies, minds, and feelings. We’re working with our thoughts and emotions—our happiness and sadness, our challenges and struggles. In the case of meditation, a solid foundation means we’re grounded, we’re present, we’re connected. These days, for many reasons, this can be quite tough. So I like to start my own practice, and the practice of my students, with a grounding exercise: a way to find the body, land in the body, connect to the body. The busyness of our thinking minds is seemingly endless and often leaves us feeling anxious, tired, and ungrounded. So this approach is to cut through the whirling thoughts, to bring awareness back into the body, and to just be there for a while. We are reconnecting our minds and our bodies, finding our ground.
The Technique of Dropping
Dropping is not so much a meditation as a way to temporarily cut through the tension-building stream of constant thinking, worrying, and speediness. It allows us to land in the present moment, in a grounded and embodied way. It gets us ready for meditation.
In dropping you do three things at the same time:
1. Raise your arms and then let your hands drop onto your thighs.
2. Exhale a loud, big breath.
3. Drop your awareness from thinking into what your body feels.
Learning to Relax
Relaxation is a funny thing. We all want it, but actually doing it is surprisingly difficult. We often think of relaxing as the opposite of being alert. Being alert and aware is our “on mode” where we get things done, while relaxing is a way to switch off and dim our systems down.
When we think about relaxing we might see ourselves collapsing into a couch with a remote control and becoming mindless. This relaxing into dullness gives some temporary relief but doesn’t help the root cause of the stress. The stress lingers underneath, and we end up not feeling as refreshed as we’d hoped. Dropping is a different approach to relaxing. It’s a deeper, inner relaxing, connected to our bodies and feelings, not trying to escape from them and relax somewhere else. Rather than cultivating a dull state as an antidote to stress, we are learning how to relax with awareness and address the root cause of this imbalance where we live lost in our thoughts.
For many beginners in meditation, worrisome thoughts can feel like an unconquerable obstacle—we often hear from people just starting to practice some version of “My mind is out of control. I can’t do this!” Dropping targets this universal predicament: our thoughts keep going and can overwhelm our practice.
Dropping gives us a way to clear our mind, if only for moments, so we can start again from a grounded, embodied place. Dropping breaks the tension- building stream of constant thinking, worrying, and speediness and readies us for every other meditation practice, so we begin with that.
Try These Drop-It-All Mantras
It can be helpful sometimes to use a mantra—a phrase you repeat silently to yourself —while doing this dropping practice. There are two mantras I like to use; try them each to see which works best for you. Here’s the first one: Just after your hands hit your lap, say this mantra silently to yourself, or in a whisper, over and over: “So what! Who cares? No big deal.”
This sends a message to our anxious, worrying minds. It’s a reminder to the part of our minds that cares too much—that holds everything a bit too tightly. Of course caring to the right degree is good and important, but it’s too often mixed with extra anxiety and becomes neurotic over-concern. So this mantra is an antidote for all that.
You can also try this one: “Whatever happens, happens. Whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen.”
You can repeat this one over and over inside your mind, or try whispering it to yourself if that’s helpful.
This message reminds us to be with the flow of experience, instead of trying to control everything. Even though we know this intellectually, we need to remind our feeling bodies. That’s where the speediness is held; that’s where the stress accumulates. These mantras have another purpose, to strengthen communication between our cognitive minds and our feeling bodies. As we’ll explore in the next technique, this relationship can often be strained—and this can cause problems.