Religious Convenience - A Path to Personalized Spirituality

A Brief Introduction to My Spiritual Journey

My name carries the weight of a religious identity: I am a Jain by both last name and tradition. Like many who inherit a religious label, I initially associated my identity with my family’s faith, following practices out of custom rather than conviction. But over time, as my interest in mindfulness grew, I found myself exploring Buddhism—a path that deeply resonated with me due to its emphasis on balance in life.

This personal exploration into the Buddhist concept of balance led me to develop a philosophy I like to call “Religious Convenience.” This term represents my way of reintroducing religion into modern life without feeling overwhelmed by its demands. It’s an approach that emphasizes personalization, making religion flexible enough to fit within the realities of our daily lives, and it's an invitation to reflect on how we approach spiritual practices in a way that’s both manageable and meaningful.

What is Religious Convenience?

At its core, Religious Convenience refers to the idea that we can engage with religious practices at a level of convenience that feels natural and sustainable to us. It’s about identifying the rigor and depth with which you want to practice your religion, and taking small, incremental steps to become more spiritual or religious over time.

When I talk about convenience, I’m not referring to how easily accessible religious services or offerings might be. Instead, I’m referring to how strictly or loosely you adhere to the practices, rituals, and lifestyle associated with your faith. Religions, at their essence, are not one-size-fits-all. Many traditions, while maintaining core principles, allow flexibility, recognizing that people will engage at different levels based on their circumstances.

Rigorousness and Flexibility in Religious Practice

Across most religions, you can observe varying degrees of rigor. On one hand, you have the life of the monk or priest, which involves strict vows, disciplines, and a lifestyle focused solely on spiritual advancement. On the other, you have the general public, whose religious life might include prayers, ethical conduct, and community participation, but without the same level of intense commitment.

For example:

• Monks in many traditions, including Jainism, Buddhism, and Christianity, often take vows of celibacy, live ascetic lives, and dedicate themselves wholly to spiritual pursuits.
• Lay followers, however, are generally free to marry, have families, and pursue material well-being while incorporating religious practices into their everyday lives.

The difference in duties between monks and laypeople is stark, but most religions provide room for these varying levels of engagement. This flexibility is essential, allowing individuals to participate in ways that align with their personal capacities, needs, and understanding.

In fact, some religious traditions formally recognize this gradation. Jainism, for instance, distinguishes between the duties of a monk (Sadhu/Sadhvi) and a lay follower (Shravak/Shravika). Similarly, in Buddhism, there are clear distinctions between the life of a monastic and the spiritual journey of a householder.

The Buddhist Concept of Balance and the Middle Way

It was Buddhism that first introduced me to the idea of balance as a core spiritual principle. The Middle Way, taught by the Buddha, advises avoiding extremes of self-indulgence and self-mortification. Instead, the Buddha advocated a path of moderation, which integrates spiritual discipline with a balanced, ethical, and mindful approach to life.

The Middle Way is not just a philosophical ideal; it’s a practical method of living. It acknowledges that life is full of complexities and that true spiritual progress happens when we avoid the traps of over-indulgence on one side and harsh self-denial on the other. Whether it’s in the context of meditation, ethical behavior, or daily habits, the Middle Way encourages finding a sustainable rhythm that nurtures both body and mind.

In essence, the Middle Way aligns closely with the concept of Religious Convenience. Both are about striking a balance—engaging with your spirituality in a way that is neither too extreme nor too lax, and making continuous progress, no matter how small.

Exploring Other Traditions: The Bahá'í Faith

If the concept of religious flexibility interests you, you might also find inspiration in the Bahá'í Faith, which I learned about during a visit to the Lotus Temple in Delhi, India. The Bahá'í Faith doesn’t have clergy, monks, or nuns, and it doesn’t promote ascetic practices. Instead, it emphasizes a personal relationship with the Divine and a life of service to humanity. This focus on inclusivity and individual responsibility for spiritual growth echoes the principles of balance and moderation found in Buddhism.

Conclusion: Finding Your Path

The ultimate lesson I’ve drawn from Buddhism, Jainism, and my own explorations is that spiritual progress is best made by avoiding extremes and by cultivating a balance that fits into your daily life. Religious Convenience is about:

• Avoiding the extremes of indulgence and self-denial.
• Identifying your own level of religious commitment, without guilt or pressure.
• Taking small, gradual steps towards living a principled, mindful, and ethical life.

There’s no one right way to practice religion, and there’s no rush to reach any particular level of spiritual attainment. What matters is your personal journey and how you make space for spirituality in a way that enriches your life without overwhelming it.

ENDNOTES (I): Duties of monks and lay followers in religions like Jainism, Buddhism and Hinduism

The six daily duties (Ṣaḍāvasyakas) of a Jain monk (Sadhu/Sadhvi) are essential religious practices that reflect their commitment to spiritual discipline and the path toward liberation (moksha). These six duties, known as “Ṣaḍāvasyaka,” are part of their routine and serve to purify the mind, enhance spiritual awareness, and promote detachment from worldly matters.

Here are the six daily duties (Ṣaḍāvasyaka) of a Jain monk:

1. Sāmāyika (Equanimity)

• Meaning: The practice of achieving mental balance and equanimity.
• Purpose: A Jain monk performs Sāmāyika multiple times a day to develop an even, peaceful state of mind free from attachments and aversions. This helps maintain focus on spiritual goals and minimizes emotional disturbances.
• Practice: This involves sitting in meditation, introspection, and reflecting on one’s actions to foster inner tranquility.

2. Chaturvimshati-Stava (Praise of the 24 Tirthankaras)

• Meaning: The daily recitation of hymns and praises of the 24 Tirthankaras (enlightened beings) who attained liberation and are revered in Jainism.
• Purpose: This practice cultivates reverence, devotion, and respect for the enlightened beings who serve as spiritual guides. By focusing on their qualities, monks are reminded of the virtues they should strive for.
• Practice: Monks recite specific hymns or prayers that glorify the Tirthankaras, reinforcing their role as exemplars of compassion, knowledge, and detachment.

3. Vandanā (Respect to Teachers)

• Meaning: Offering homage or salutation to one’s spiritual teachers or gurus.
• Purpose: This duty expresses gratitude and reverence toward the Acharyas, Upadhyayas, and other spiritual leaders who impart knowledge and guide monks on the path of liberation. It emphasizes humility and the importance of seeking wisdom from others.
• Practice: Monks physically bow down to their teachers and recite prayers or verses in their honor as part of their daily routine.

4. Pratikramana (Repentance and Reflection)

• Meaning: The practice of reflecting on one’s mistakes and seeking forgiveness.
• Purpose: Pratikramana is a self-purifying ritual where a monk reflects on any transgressions committed during the day, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and repents for them. This fosters spiritual growth by acknowledging imperfections and striving for self-improvement.
• Practice: It is performed twice a day—morning (Rātri Pratikramana) and evening (Devasi Pratikramana)—involving the recitation of specific prayers of repentance, along with introspection on one’s thoughts, words, and actions.

5. Kayotsarga (Meditation and Detachment)

• Meaning: The practice of meditation in a state of complete stillness, involving physical immobility and detachment from the body.
• Purpose: The goal of Kayotsarga is to transcend bodily attachment and focus solely on the soul (ātman). It fosters deep concentration and helps a monk develop detachment from physical discomfort or pain, promoting the realization of the eternal nature of the soul.
• Practice: Monks practice this by standing or sitting motionless for a period, contemplating the soul’s purity and detachment from the body.

6. Pratyākhyāna (Renunciation of Harmful Activities)

• Meaning: The vow of renunciation, where monks resolve to refrain from certain activities, thoughts, or behaviors that hinder spiritual progress.
• Purpose: This is an ongoing commitment to renouncing harmful or unnecessary actions, as well as limiting desires and attachments. By consciously giving up material things and negative behaviors, monks strengthen their discipline and focus on spiritual goals.
• Practice: It may include vows related to fasting, limiting food consumption, or refraining from engaging in certain actions or interactions that could lead to the accumulation of karma.

Summary:

The six daily duties guide Jain monks in their pursuit of spiritual purity, non-violence (ahimsa), and detachment from worldly attachments. These practices help them cultivate equanimity, offer respect, repent for transgressions, and remain focused on their ultimate goal of liberation. By adhering to these disciplines, Jain monks exemplify the rigorous path of self-control and renunciation central to the Jain tradition.

The six daily duties (Ṣaḍāvasyakas) of a Jain Shravak (lay follower) are essential practices that help maintain spiritual discipline while living a household life. These duties guide Jain householders to live a righteous life, reduce karmic accumulation, and gradually progress toward liberation (moksha).

Here are the six daily duties (Ṣaḍāvasyaka) of a Jain Shravak:

1. Sāmāyika (Equanimity and Meditation)

• Meaning: Practicing equanimity and achieving mental balance.
• Purpose: This practice helps Shravaks cultivate peace and detachment from worldly affairs. It is a form of meditation where the individual focuses on remaining calm and balanced in mind and spirit.
• Practice: It involves sitting in a calm state, reflecting on one's thoughts and actions, and focusing on spiritual goals. The practice can be performed at home and is usually done for at least 48 minutes daily.

2. Chaturvimshati-Stava (Praise of the 24 Tirthankaras)

• Meaning: Reciting hymns of praise dedicated to the 24 Tirthankaras (enlightened beings in Jainism).
• Purpose: This daily act fosters devotion and helps laypeople remember the qualities of the Tirthankaras, who serve as role models for their spiritual journey.
• Practice: Lay followers recite prayers or hymns in honor of the Tirthankaras to express reverence and strengthen their resolve to follow their teachings.

3. Vandanā (Offering Respect to Teachers)

• Meaning: Paying homage to Jain monks, nuns, and spiritual teachers (Acharyas, Upadhyayas).
• Purpose: By showing respect to spiritual teachers, Shravaks express their gratitude for the guidance they receive on the path to liberation and recognize the importance of humility and learning.
• Practice: This can involve physically bowing down in front of monks or spiritually acknowledging their teachings by reciting prayers that honor them.

4. Pratikramana (Repentance and Self-reflection)

• Meaning: Reflecting on past actions and repenting for any harm caused.
• Purpose: This duty involves reviewing one's conduct

Yes, both Buddhist monks and lay followers (householders) have specific duties or practices they are encouraged to follow within the framework of Buddhism. These duties differ based on the level of commitment and the spiritual path they are on.

Duties of Buddhist Monks (Bhikkhus)

Buddhist monks follow the monastic code known as the Vinaya, which contains many rules governing their behavior and spiritual practice. However, some key duties include:

1. Observing the Vinaya: Monks are expected to follow hundreds of precepts outlined in the Vinaya. These include strict guidelines on behavior, such as celibacy, non-attachment to material possessions, and ethical conduct.

2. Meditation and Mindfulness: Daily meditation is a core duty of monks to cultivate insight (Vipassana) and concentration (Samatha), working toward enlightenment.

3. Studying and Teaching the Dhamma (Dharma): Monks study the teachings of the Buddha and are responsible for teaching these teachings to laypeople and other monks.

4. Receiving Alms (Pindapata): Monks depend on the laity for their food and basic needs, so receiving and blessing alms is a part of their daily life.

5. Maintaining Morality (Sila): Monks must maintain a high standard of moral conduct, avoiding harm to any living beings, and promoting kindness and compassion.

6. Living a Simple Life (Renunciation): Monks renounce worldly possessions and desires, living in simplicity, humility, and detachment from material things.

Duties of Buddhist Lay Followers (Upasakas/Upasikas)

Lay followers, who are not monastics but still follow the path of the Buddha, also have a set of ethical and spiritual duties.

1. Observing the Five Precepts (Pancha Sila):

   • Refrain from killing living beings.
   • Refrain from stealing.
   • Refrain from sexual misconduct.
   • Refrain from false speech.
   • Refrain from intoxication.

2. Supporting the Sangha: Laypeople are encouraged to support the monastic community (Sangha) by providing food, clothing, shelter, and medicine through alms-giving.

3. Listening to the Dhamma: Lay followers should regularly listen to the Buddha’s teachings and apply them to their daily lives for spiritual growth.

4. Meditation Practice: Although lay followers may not meditate as rigorously as monks, practicing mindfulness and meditation is encouraged to develop inner peace and wisdom.

5. Observing Uposatha Days: On full moons and other specific lunar days, lay followers may observe additional precepts, such as fasting, abstaining from entertainment, and dedicating themselves to religious practices.

6. Performing Acts of Merit: Lay followers can accumulate merit by engaging in good deeds such as giving (dana), following ethical conduct, and practicing patience, effort, and loving-kindness.

Conclusion

In summary, while Buddhist monks have strict and numerous duties aimed at attaining enlightenment, lay followers also have significant duties revolving around ethical living, supporting the monastic community, and cultivating their own spiritual development. Both monks and laypeople work toward the common goal of spiritual liberation, but their paths differ in the level of renunciation and commitment.

Yes, in Hinduism both monks (sannyasis) and lay followers (householders or grihasthas) have specific duties, although these differ significantly due to their roles in society and their spiritual goals. These duties are rooted in the four Ashramas (stages of life) and Dharma (duty or righteous living).

Duties of Hindu Monks (Sannyasis)

Hindu monks, known as sannyasis or swamis, have renounced worldly life and are focused entirely on spiritual liberation (moksha). Their duties include:

1. Renunciation of Material Life (Sannyasa): Monks give up all attachments to family, wealth, and worldly desires. They own very few possessions, typically only a begging bowl, a staff, and simple robes.

2. Meditation and Contemplation: A key duty of monks is to meditate deeply on the divine, often focusing on a specific mantra, deity, or philosophical concept to realize their oneness with Brahman (the ultimate reality).

3. Living in Simplicity: Monks live an austere life, usually dependent on alms or donations from the community. They may live in ashrams or wander as ascetics (known as parivrajakas).

4. Teaching and Guiding: Experienced sannyasis often take on the role of spiritual teachers (gurus), guiding laypeople and other seekers on the path of dharma and moksha.

5. Following the Path of Ahimsa (Non-Violence): Monks are expected to practice strict non-violence, not harming any living beings in thought, word, or deed.

6. Study of Scriptures (Svadhyaya): Continuous study of sacred texts such as the Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, and Vedas is an essential duty for monks, deepening their understanding of spiritual truths.

Duties of Hindu Lay Followers (Householders or Grihasthas)

For lay followers, the focus is on living a righteous and fulfilling life while balancing material responsibilities and spiritual development. Their duties are shaped by their stage in life and their role in society.

1. Observing the Pancha Mahayajnas (Five Great Sacrifices):

   • Brahma Yajna: Duty to study and teach the scriptures.
   • Deva Yajna: Offering to the gods through rituals and prayers.
   • Pitri Yajna: Honoring ancestors through rites like shraddha.
   • Bhuta Yajna: Showing kindness to all living beings, including animals and nature.
   • Atithi Yajna: Offering hospitality and service to guests.

2. Following the Varna Ashrama Dharma: Laypeople are expected to follow their dharma (duty) according to their stage of life (student, householder, retired, renunciate) and their varna (social classification).

3. Supporting Society and Family: Householders have the duty to maintain a household, raise children with proper values, and contribute to society. They provide for their family while upholding ethical and moral values.

4. Charity (Dana): Acts of giving, especially to the needy, monks, and temples, are considered a vital duty for laypeople. Dana purifies the giver and helps accumulate good karma.

5. Worship and Rituals (Puja): Lay followers perform daily worship and rituals (puja) at home or in temples. This includes offerings to deities, prayers, and the observance of religious festivals.

6. Ethical Living (Sila): Laypeople must follow ethical principles, including truthfulness (Satya), non-violence (Ahimsa), non-stealing (Asteya), purity (Shaucha), and self-control (Brahmacharya).

Stages of Life (Ashramas) and Their Duties

1. Brahmacharya (Student): Focus on learning, self-discipline, and celibacy while studying the Vedas and other sacred knowledge.

2. Grihastha (Householder): Balancing spiritual practices with worldly responsibilities, raising a family, and contributing to society.

3. Vanaprastha (Retired/Forest Dweller): Gradual withdrawal from worldly life to focus more on spiritual matters, often transitioning to more meditation and simpler living.

4. Sannyasa (Renunciate): Complete renunciation of the material world, focusing entirely on achieving moksha, as explained above.

Conclusion

Both Hindu monks and lay followers have clearly defined duties, with monks focusing on renunciation, spiritual practices, and teaching, while householders focus on ethical living, family responsibilities, and supporting society. These duties are intended to guide individuals toward spiritual growth and balance between worldly and divine aspirations, culminating in liberation (moksha).

ENDNOTES (II): Buddhist concept of Balance and the Middle Way

The Buddhist concept of Balance and the Middle Way refers to a core principle of moderation, avoiding extremes in both thought and behavior, and following a path that leads to wisdom, ethical conduct, and mental discipline. This teaching was first articulated by the Buddha and forms a central pillar of Buddhist philosophy and practice.

The Middle Way (Majjhima Patipada)

The Middle Way is the path that avoids two extremes:

1. Extreme Asceticism: Severe self-denial, depriving the body of basic needs in the belief that it leads to spiritual liberation.
2. Indulgence in Sensual Pleasures: Excessive attachment to worldly pleasures and desires, leading to suffering and attachment.

The Buddha himself experienced both of these extremes before discovering the Middle Way. He lived a life of luxury as a prince and then practiced extreme asceticism as a wandering monk, nearly starving himself in the process. Eventually, he realized that neither extreme led to enlightenment, and he formulated the Middle Way as a balanced approach to spiritual life.

Key Elements of the Middle Way

1. Avoiding Extremes of Self-Indulgence and Self-Mortification: The Buddha taught that neither extreme brings peace or happiness. Instead, the Middle Way encourages individuals to meet their basic needs in a balanced way while avoiding attachment to pleasure or pain.

2. Eightfold Path as the Middle Way: The Noble Eightfold Path is the practical application of the Middle Way. It outlines a path of ethical conduct, mental discipline, and wisdom that leads to the cessation of suffering (dukkha) and ultimately to enlightenment (nirvana). The Eightfold Path includes:

   • Right Understanding (Samma Ditthi)
   • Right Thought (Samma Sankappa)
   • Right Speech (Samma Vaca)
   • Right Action (Samma Kammanta)
   • Right Livelihood (Samma Ajiva)
   • Right Effort (Samma Vayama)
   • Right Mindfulness (Samma Sati)
   • Right Concentration (Samma Samadhi)

Each aspect of the Eightfold Path reflects balance: it is not about rigidly following a set of rules but about cultivating wisdom and compassion in every aspect of life.

3. Balance Between Wisdom and Compassion: The Middle Way also suggests balancing wisdom (prajna) and compassion (karuna) in one's approach to life. Wisdom allows one to see reality as it is, while compassion motivates action for the benefit of all beings. Together, they lead to enlightened living.

The Middle Way and Dependent Origination

The Middle Way is also linked to the concept of Dependent Origination (Pratitya Samutpada), which teaches that all phenomena arise in dependence on causes and conditions. By understanding this, one avoids the extremes of eternalism (believing in an eternal, unchanging self) and nihilism (believing in nothingness or that life has no meaning).

This balanced view helps Buddhists avoid extreme metaphysical positions and instead embrace the reality of impermanence, interdependence, and the conditioned nature of all things.

The Middle Way in Daily Life

1. Balance in Ethical Living (Sila): Following a life of ethical conduct involves neither being too lax nor too rigid in one's behavior. This includes adhering to the Five Precepts (avoiding killing, stealing, lying, sexual misconduct, and intoxication) but without self-righteousness or unnecessary harshness.

2. Balance in Meditation (Samadhi): Meditation practice should also follow the Middle Way. Too much force or strain can lead to restlessness, while too much laxity can lead to laziness or dullness. Mindfulness and concentration are cultivated in a balanced, steady manner.

3. Balance in Daily Needs: The Middle Way encourages meeting basic needs—like food, shelter, and rest—without excessive indulgence or denial. A balanced, healthy lifestyle supports spiritual practice.

Conclusion

The Middle Way is a philosophy of balance and moderation that encourages living wisely and ethically, avoiding extremes that cause suffering. It is expressed practically through the Noble Eightfold Path, fostering balance between worldly and spiritual life, between compassion and wisdom, and between indulgence and self-denial. By following this path, Buddhists aim to transcend suffering and achieve enlightenment.

ENDNOTES (III): Bahá'í Faith

In the Bahá'í Faith, there is no formal institution of monks, nuns, or any form of clerical hierarchy, as the religion emphasizes the spiritual equality of all individuals. The Bahá'í teachings promote a balanced, integrated life that combines both spiritual and material responsibilities, rejecting asceticism and the idea of withdrawal from society for religious purposes. Instead, every follower is encouraged to actively participate in both their spiritual development and their service to humanity.

Bahá'í Practices for Followers (All Bahá'ís)

While the Bahá'í Faith does not have monastic practices, it does emphasize several key practices for all followers, which include personal spiritual discipline as well as community service.

Personal Spiritual Practices:

1. Daily Prayer:

   • Bahá'ís are required to recite one of three obligatory prayers daily. These prayers can be short, medium, or long, and the individual can choose which one to recite based on their personal preference or circumstance.
   • In addition to obligatory prayers, Bahá'ís are encouraged to say additional prayers and engage in personal meditation as part of their daily spiritual practice.

2. Fasting:

   • Bahá'ís observe a 19-day fast each year from March 1 to March 19. During this period, adult Bahá'ís refrain from eating and drinking from sunrise to sunset. This practice is seen as a time of spiritual reflection, detachment from material desires, and renewal.

3. Reading the Sacred Writings:

   • Bahá'ís are encouraged to regularly read and reflect on the writings of Bahá’u’lláh, the Báb, and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá. This includes texts such as the Kitáb-i-Aqdas (the Most Holy Book) and other important Bahá'í scriptures.

4. Meditation and Reflection:

   • While there is no specific prescribed method of meditation in the Bahá'í Faith, followers are encouraged to meditate on the teachings, reflect on their actions, and contemplate the divine.

Community-Oriented Practices:

1. Service to Humanity:

   • Service to others is considered a core aspect of Bahá'í life. Followers are encouraged to engage in acts of service that benefit their communities, promote unity, and contribute to the betterment of society. This can include education, community-building efforts, and other forms of social and humanitarian work.
   • The belief is that serving humanity is a form of worship and a way to manifest spiritual teachings in practical ways.

2. Participation in Bahá'í Communities:

   • Bahá'ís are expected to actively participate in the life of the community. This includes attending the 19-Day Feast, a monthly gathering where Bahá'ís come together for worship, consultation on community affairs, and fellowship.
   • Bahá'í followers also participate in Holy Days and commemorations, such as Naw-Rúz (the Bahá'í New Year) and the Birthdays of Bahá'u'lláh and the Báb.

3. Consultation:

   • Bahá'ís use a process called consultation to make decisions within families, communities, and institutions. This is a collective decision-making process based on principles of unity, openness, and seeking truth, with the goal of fostering harmony and understanding.

4. Contribution to the Bahá'í Fund:

   • Bahá'ís are encouraged to contribute to the Bahá'í Fund, which supports the work of the Faith and the advancement of community-building efforts. Contributions are voluntary and only Bahá'ís are allowed to give to the Fund.

The Role of Leadership in the Bahá'í Faith

Unlike many religious traditions that have clergy or a monastic hierarchy, the Bahá'í Faith has a unique system of administration that is non-clerical and democratic. Leadership roles are taken on by elected bodies, such as Local Spiritual Assemblies and National Spiritual Assemblies, and by the Universal House of Justice, which is the supreme governing body of the Bahá'í Faith.

Rejection of Asceticism and Monasticism

Bahá'u'lláh, the founder of the Bahá'í Faith, explicitly rejected the practice of asceticism and monasticism. In His writings, Bahá'u'lláh encourages believers to live a balanced life that harmonizes both the spiritual and material aspects of existence. The Bahá'í teachings promote a vision of spirituality that is deeply integrated into daily life, work, and relationships with others, rather than being practiced in isolation or in retreat from the world.

Relevant Quotes from Bahá'u'lláh:

• "Be not content with showing friendship in words alone, let your heart burn with loving kindness for all who may cross your path."
  • This highlights the emphasis on active, everyday expressions of spirituality through service and kindness.
• "The best beloved of all things in My sight is Justice."
  • This emphasizes the importance of engaging with society and contributing to justice and the common good.

Conclusion

In the Bahá'í Faith, there are no monks or institutionalized forms of monastic life. All followers, whether living a life of material engagement or spiritual practice, are encouraged to pursue a path of moderation, balancing personal spiritual development with service to society. The Faith focuses on unity, the oneness of humanity, and the active application of spiritual principles in daily life, rejecting the need for asceticism or withdrawal from worldly affairs.

Tags: Buddhism,Book Summary,

The Musk, The Monk, And the Circle of Control.

So this is coming directly from my pen…
I've been reading a couple of books recently that have sparked some deep reflections on life, ambition, and presence. Among these books are Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Each of these works offers unique insights into different ways of approaching life and the challenges it presents.

The reason I'm writing this post is to share my thoughts on how I digested the seemingly opposite and contradictory personalities of Elon Musk and a Buddhist monk. On one hand, we have Elon Musk, a visionary entrepreneur with boundless thoughts and ambitions. He's constantly thinking about "what's coming next," pushing the boundaries of technology and innovation. Musk is someone who thrives on challenges and disruption, perpetually in pursuit of a future that's bigger and brighter than the present.

On the other hand, there are Buddhist monks, as described by Pema Chodron, who focus on living in the present moment. They embrace the "here and now," finding peace and contentment in the simple act of being. For them, the journey inward is as significant as any outward achievement, if not more so. Their practice emphasizes mindfulness, acceptance, and letting go of the need to control everything around them.

These contrasting approaches to life got me thinking about Stephen Covey's concept of the "Circle of Control," which I find deeply relevant to both Musk's and the monk's philosophies. Covey's idea is that we should focus our energy on things within our control, rather than worrying about what's beyond our reach. This concept forms the foundation of personal effectiveness, enabling us to manage stress and maintain a sense of balance in our lives. 
[See the notes from Stephen Covey's book below]

Musk's relentless drive embodies a certain mastery over his Circle of Control. He leverages his skills, resources, and influence to effect change and create groundbreaking innovations. However, his approach can sometimes lead to stress and burnout, as it involves constant striving and little room for pause.

In contrast, the Buddhist monk operates from a place of acceptance and surrender. By focusing on what they can control—namely, their thoughts and reactions—they find peace amidst chaos. This doesn't mean they are passive; rather, they choose to engage with the world from a place of calm and clarity.

What I've realized through these readings is the importance of balancing these perspectives. We can learn from Musk's visionary thinking and relentless pursuit of goals, while also embracing the monk's practice of mindfulness and presence. By understanding and navigating our own Circle of Control, we can harness the best of both worlds—driving toward our dreams while remaining grounded in the present moment.

In conclusion, the key lies in finding harmony between ambition and mindfulness. By integrating the lessons from Elon Musk, Pema Chodron, and Stephen Covey, we can cultivate a life that's both fulfilling and centered. Let's embrace the challenges ahead with clarity and intention, as we navigate the dynamic dance between the future and the now.

Notes from Stephen Covey's book

CIRCLE OF CONCERN/CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

Another excellent way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look at where we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns---our health, our children, problems at work, the national debt, nuclear war. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a "Circle of Concern."



As we look at those things within our Circle of Concern, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about. We could identify those concerns in the latter group by circumscribing them within a smaller Circle of Influence.

By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of our proactivity.






Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.

For both Elon Musk and Pema Chodron, there circle of concern and circle of influece is in proportion with each other.

Tags: Book Summary,Buddhism,Behavioral Science,Management,

Resilience and Wabi-Sabi

 
    
How to face life's challenges without letting stress and worry age you

What is resilience?

One thing that everyone with a clearly defined ikigai has in common is that they pursue their passion no matter what. They never give up, even when the cards seem stacked against them or they face one hurdle after another.
We're talking about resilience, a concept that has become influential among psychologists.
But resilience isn't just the ability to persevere. As we'll see in this chapter, it is also an outlook we can cultivate to stay focused on the important things in life rather than what is most urgent, and to keep ourselves from being carried away by negative emotions.
In the final section of the chapter, we'll explore techniques that go beyond resilience to cultivate antifragility.
Sooner or later, we all have to face difficult moments, and the way we do this can make a huge difference to our quality of life. Proper training for our mind, body, and emotional resilience is essential for confronting life's ups and downs.

七転び八起き
Nana korobi ya oki 

Fall seven times, rise eight.
—Japanese proverb

Resilience is our ability to deal with setbacks. The more resilient we are, the easier it will be to pick ourselves up and get back to what gives meaning to our lives.
Resilient people know how to stay focused on their objectives, on what matters, without giving in to discouragement. Their flexibility is the source of their strength: They know how to adapt to change and to reversals of fortune.
They concentrate on the things they can control and don't worry about those they can't.
In the words of the famous Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Emotional resilience through Buddhism and Stoicism

Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha) was born a prince of Kapilavastu, Nepal, and grew up in a palace, surrounded by riches. At sixteen he married and had a child.
Not satisfied by his family's wealth, at twenty-nine he decided to try a different lifestyle and ran away from the palace to live as an ascetic. But it wasn't asceticism that he was looking for; it didn't offer the happiness and well-being he sought. Neither wealth nor extreme asceticism worked for him.
He realized that a wise person should not ignore life's pleasures. A wise person can live with these pleasures but should always remain conscious of how easy it is to be enslaved by them.
Zeno of Citium began his studies with the Cynics. The Cynics also led ascetic lives, leaving behind all earthly pleasures. They lived in the street, and the only thing they owned was the clothing on their backs.
Seeing that Cynicism did not give him a sense of well-being, Zeno abandoned its teachings to found the school of Stoicism, which centers on the idea that there is nothing wrong with enjoying life's pleasures as long as they do not take control of your life as you enjoy them. You have to be prepared for those pleasures to disappear. The goal is not to eliminate all feelings and pleasures from our lives, as in Cynicism, but to eliminate negative emotions.
Since their inception, one of the objectives of both Buddhism and Stoicism has been to control pleasure, emotions, and desires. Though the philosophies are very different, both aim to curb our ego and control our negative emotions.
Both Stoicism and Buddhism are, at their roots, methods for practicing well-being.

According to Stoicism, our pleasures and desires are not the problem. We can enjoy them as long as they don't take control of us. The Stoics viewed those who were able to control their emotions as virtuous.

What's the worst thing that could happen?

We finally land our dream job, but after a little while we are already hunting for a better one. We win the lottery and buy a nice car but then decide we can't live without a sailboat. We finally win the heart of the man or woman we've been pining for and suddenly find we have a wandering eye.
People can be insatiable.
The Stoics believed that these kinds of desires and ambitions are not worth pursuing. The objective of the virtuous person is to reach a state of tranquility (apatheia): the absence of negative feelings such as anxiety, fear, shame, vanity, and anger, and the presence of positive feelings such as happiness, love, serenity, and gratitude.
In order to keep their minds virtuous, the Stoics practiced something like negative visualization: They imagined the worst thing that could happen in order to be prepared if certain privileges and pleasures were taken from them.
To practice negative visualization, we have to reflect on negative events, but without worrying about them.
Seneca, one of the richest men in ancient Rome, lived a life of luxury but was, nonetheless, an active Stoic. He recommended practicing negative visualization every night before falling asleep. In fact, he not only imagined these negative situations, he actually put them into practice—for example, by living for a week without servants, or the food and drink he was used to as a wealthy man. As a result, he was able to answer the question “What's the worst thing that could happen?”

Meditating for healthier emotions

In addition to negative visualization and not giving in to negative emotions, another central tenet of Stoicism is knowing what we can control and what we can't, as we see in the Serenity Prayer. Worrying about things that are beyond our control accomplishes nothing.
We should have a clear sense of what we can change and what we can't, which in turn will allow us to resist giving in to negative emotions.
In the words of Epictetus, “It's not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.”

In Zen Buddhism, meditation is a way to become aware of our desires and emotions and thereby free ourselves from them. It is not simply a question of keeping the mind free of thoughts but instead involves observing our thoughts and emotions as they appear, without getting carried away by them. In this way, we train our minds not to get swept up in anger, jealousy, or resentment.
One of the most commonly used mantras in Buddhism focuses on controlling negative emotions: “Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ ,” in which oṃ is the generosity that purifies the ego, ma is the ethics that purifies jealousy, ṇi is the patience that purifies passion and desire, pad is the precision that purifies bias, me is the surrender that purifies greed, and hūṃ is the wisdom that purifies hatred.

The here and now, and the impermanence of things

Another key to cultivating resilience is knowing in which time to live. Both Buddhism and Stoicism remind us that the present is all that exists, and it is the only thing we can control. Instead of worrying about the past or the future, we should appreciate things just as they are in the moment, in the now.
“The only moment in which you can be truly alive is the present moment,” observes the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.
In addition to living in the here and now, the Stoics recommend reflecting on the impermanence of the things around us.
The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said that the things we love are like the leaves of a tree: They can fall at any moment with a gust of wind. He also said that changes in the world around us are not accidental but rather form part of the essence of the universe—a rather Buddhist notion, in fact.

We should never forget that everything we have and all the people we love will disappear at some point. This is something we should keep in mind, but without giving in to pessimism. Being aware of the impermanence of things does not have to make us sad; it should help us love the present moment and those who surround us.
“All things human are short-lived and perishable,” Seneca tells us.

The temporary, ephemeral, and impermanent nature of the world is central to every Buddhist discipline. Keeping this always in mind helps us avoid excessive pain in times of loss.

Wabi-sabi and ichi-go ichi-e

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese concept that shows us the beauty of the fleeting, changeable, and imperfect nature of the world around us. Instead of searching for beauty in perfection, we should look for it in things that are flawed, incomplete.
This is why the Japanese place such value, for example, on an irregular or cracked teacup. Only things that are imperfect, incomplete, and ephemeral can truly be beautiful, because only those things resemble the natural world.
A complementary Japanese concept is that of ichi-go ichi-e, which could be translated as “This moment exists only now and won't come again.” It is heard most often in social gatherings as a reminder that each encounter— whether with friends, family, or strangers—is unique and will never be repeated, meaning that we should enjoy the moment and not lose ourselves in worries about the past or the future.
The concept is commonly used in tea ceremonies, Zen meditation, and Japanese martial arts, all of which place emphasis on being present in the moment.
In the West, we've grown accustomed to the permanence of the stone buildings and cathedrals of Europe, which sometimes gives us the sense that nothing changes, making us forget about the passage of time. Greco-Roman architecture adores symmetry, sharp lines, imposing facades, and buildings and statues of the gods that outlast the centuries.
Japanese architecture, on the other hand, doesn't try to be imposing or perfect, because it is built in the spirit of wabi-sabi. The tradition of makingstructures out of wood presupposes their impermanence and the need for future generations to rebuild them. Japanese culture accepts the fleeting nature of the human being and everything we create.
The Grand Shrine of Ise,3 for example, has been rebuilt every twenty years for centuries. The most important thing is not to keep the building standing for generations, but to preserve customs and traditions—things that can withstand the passage of time better than structures made by human hands.
The key is to accept that there are certain things over which we have no control, like the passage of time and the ephemeral nature of the world around us.
Ichi-go ichi-e teaches us to focus on the present and enjoy each moment that life brings us. This is why it is so important to find and pursue our ikigai.
Wabi-sabi teaches us to appreciate the beauty of imperfection as an opportunity for growth.

Beyond resilience: Antifragility

As the legend goes, the first time Hercules faced the Hydra, he despaired when he discovered that cutting off one of its heads meant that two would grow back in its place. He would never be able to kill the beast if it got stronger with every wound.
As Nassim Nicholas Taleb explains in Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder,4 we use the word fragile to describe people, things, and organizations that are weakened when harmed, and the words robust and resilient for things that are able to withstand harm without weakening, but we don't have a word for things that get stronger when harmed (up to a point).
To refer to the kind of power possessed by the Hydra of Lerna, to talk about things that get stronger when they are harmed, Taleb proposes the term antifragile: “Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.”
Catastrophes and exceptional circumstances offer good models for explaining antifragility. In 2011 a tsunami hit the Tōhoku region of Japan, doing tremendous damage to dozens of cities and towns along the coast, most famously Fukushima.
When we visited the affected coast two years after the catastrophe, having driven for hours along cracked highways and past one empty gas station after another, we passed through several ghost towns whose streets had been taken over by the remnants of houses, piles of cars, and empty train stations. These towns were fragile spaces that had been forgotten by the government and could not recover on their own.
Other places, such as Ishinomaki and Kesennuma, suffered extensive damage but were rebuilt within a few years, thanks to the efforts of many.
Ishinomaki and Kesennuma showed how resilient they were in their ability to return to normal after the catastrophe.
The earthquake that caused the tsunami also affected the Fukushima nuclear power plant. The Tokyo Electric Power Company engineers working at the plant were not prepared to recover from that kind of damage. The Fukushima nuclear facility is still in a state of emergency and will be for decades to come. It demonstrated its fragility in the face of an unprecedented catastrophe.
The Japanese financial markets closed minutes after the earthquake.
Which businesses did the best in the aftermath? Stock in big construction companies has been steadily on the rise since 2011; the need to rebuild the entire coast of Tōhoku is a boon for construction. In this case, Japanese construction companies are antifragile, since they benefited enormously from the catastrophe.
Now let's take a look at how we can apply this concept to our daily lives.
How can we be more antifragile?

Step 1: Create redundancies

Instead of having a single salary, try to find a way to make money from your hobbies, at other jobs, or by starting your own business. If you have only one salary, you might be left with nothing should your employer run into trouble, leaving you in a position of fragility. On the other hand, if you have several options and you lose your primary job, it might just happen that you end up dedicating more time to your secondary job, and maybe even make moremoney at it. You would have beaten that stroke of bad luck and would be, in that case, antifragile.
One hundred percent of the seniors we interviewed in Ogimi had a primary and a secondary occupation. Most of them kept a vegetable garden as a secondary job, and sold their produce at the local market.
The same idea goes for friendships and personal interests. It's just a matter, as the saying goes, of not putting all your eggs in one basket.
In the sphere of romantic relationships, there are those who focus all their energy on their partner and make him or her their whole world. Those people lose everything if the relationship doesn't work out, whereas if they've cultivated strong friendships and a full life along the way, they'll be in a better position to move on at the end of a relationship. They'll be antifragile.
Right now you might be thinking, “I don't need more than one salary, and I'm happy with the friends I've always had. Why should I add anything new?”
It might seem like a waste of time to add variation to our lives, because extraordinary things don't ordinarily happen. We slip into a comfort zone. But the unexpected always happens, sooner or later.

Step 2: Bet conservatively in certain areas and take many small risks in others

The world of finance turns out to be very useful in explaining this concept. If you have $10,000 saved up, you might put $9,000 of that into an index fund or fixed-term deposit, and invest the remaining $1,000 in ten start-ups with huge growth potential—say, $100 in each.
One possible scenario is that three of the companies fail (you lose $300), the value of three other companies goes down (you lose another $100 or $200), the value of three goes up (you make $100 or $200), and the value of one of the start-ups increases twenty-fold (you make nearly $2,000, or maybe even more).
You still make money, even if three of the businesses go completely belly- up. You've benefited from the damage, just like the Hydra.
The key to becoming antifragile is taking on small risks that might lead to great reward, without exposing ourselves to dangers that might sink us, such as investing $10,000 in a fund of questionable reputation that we saw advertised in the newspaper.

Step 3: Get rid of the things that make you fragile

We're taking the negative route for this exercise. Ask yourself: What makes me fragile? Certain people, things, and habits generate losses for us and make us vulnerable. Who and what are they? When we make our New Year's resolutions, we tend to emphasize adding new challenges to our lives. It's great to have this kind of objective, but setting “good riddance” goals can have an even bigger impact. For example:

# Stop snacking between meals

# Eat sweets only once a week

# Gradually pay off all debt

# Avoid spending time with toxic people

# Avoid spending time doing things we don't enjoy, simply because we feel obligated to do them

# Spend no more than twenty minutes on Facebook per day

To build resilience into our lives, we shouldn't fear adversity, because each setback is an opportunity for growth. If we adopt an antifragile attitude, we'll find a way to get stronger with every blow, refining our lifestyle and staying focused on our ikigai.
Taking a hit or two can be viewed as either a misfortune or an experience that we can apply to all areas of our lives, as we continually make corrections and set new and better goals. As Taleb writes in Antifragile, “We need randomness, mess, adventures, uncertainty, self-discovery, hear traumatic episodes, all these things that make life worth living.” We encourage those interested in the concept of antifragility to read Nassim Nicholas Taleb's Antifragile.
Life is pure imperfection, as the philosophy of wabi-sabi teaches us, and the passage of time shows us that everything is fleeting, but if you have a clear sense of your ikigai, each moment will hold so many possibilities that it will seem almost like an eternity.

Source: Chapter 9 from the book "Ikigai" by Hector Garcia

Tags: Book Summary,Emotional Intelligence,Buddhism,

Belly Breathing (Ch 3 from the book 'Why we meditate')

TRY THIS FOR A FEW MOMENTS
 

Close your eyes and drop your awareness into the body. Be present with whatever is happening. Merely feel how it is. Are you feeling stressed or relaxed? How does that feel? Can you distinguish physical sensations of the body—warm, cool, pain, pleasure, tightness—from more subtle or energetic feelings, such as buzzy, speedy, anxious, excited, calm, and so on? Whatever is happening, dont resist it or worry about it, just feel it.

The Three Speed Limits – Tsoknyi Rinpoche
 

When I challenged myself that morning in Kathmandu to slow down, the experience of moving at my bodys natural speed helped me understand an important distinction between my body, my thinking mind, and my energy. To my surprise, when I looked for the root of the problem—the stress—I couldnt find it in my body or mind. I realized there are three kinds of speed: the physical, the cognitive, and the feeling or energetic. I could walk and move quickly without stress and tension. My body could move however fast it needed to; the problem wasnt there. My mind could think fast and creatively; that was also fine. It was my feeling world that was off-balance, distorted. So I realized stress accumulates in the energetic world, the feeling world. The more I understood what was happening inside me, the more I saw it outside as well, all over the world. Whatever we call it—speediness, anxiety, restlessness, stress—I think almost all of us can relate.

I call this understanding the three speed limits: the physical speed limit, the mental speed limit, and the feeling or energetic speed limit. The body has its own healthy speed, but the feeling world can be rushed in a distorted way. That feeling—of restless, anxious energy—is not healthy. Its distorted because its not rational; its out of touch with reality. Speedy energy tells us to get there now, even when we cant. Anxiety tells us were going to die when we arent.

To help distinguish the bodys speed limit from the feeling worlds speed limit, imagine you have to clean a large room. You walk in and see what needs to be done. Moving furniture, dusting, wiping, and vacuuming—it will take about an hour. This is the physical speed limit. The feeling world, however, can be either relaxed or banging on us the whole time: Go faster! Finish as soon as possible! I want this to be over! If we do it like this, well feel stressed the whole time and burned-out in twenty minutes. If our energy is relaxed, on the other hand, we can respect our natural speed limit and clean the room the same, without feeling rushed or restless. We might even feel fresh when its done.

If we dont distinguish between these speed limits, its as if we havent diagnosed the problem correctly, and so we cant apply the right remedy. A major misunderstanding is thinking that speedy energy and fast movement are almost the same. Then we either keep trying to slow down our bodies, or slow down our thinking minds. Neither of these works, because the physical and cognitive are not where the problem is, and not where the solution is found either. Not only that but these strategies cause other problems too. If we slow down our bodies and minds, we can start to worry about functioning well in the world. We can also start to be afraid and pull back from the world, as if it were an enemy. But we need to function; life is fast, and we cant slow it down. We have to run in the world. We need to move our bodies, and we need to use our minds.

Thinking fast is fine; its useful! So what is this third part of our being, this murky area of the feeling world? I think its the key to understanding and working with stress.

The Practice
 

There are four gentle breathing techniques that are especially useful for handling this upward-moving energy. These methods retrain the energy to come down below the navel—its natural home—and rest there. They stand alone as beneficial practices and can also be practiced together as a more comprehensive training. They are:

1. Deep belly-breathing, or “baby-breathing.”

2. Scanning the body and feeling our speedy energy.

3. Connecting speedy energy and awareness with the breath and bringing them all down below the navel.

4. An extrasubtle method that mainly uses intention with minimal muscle control.

Method #1: Deep Belly-Breathing, or Baby-Breathing
 

Usually when were startled, emotionally activated, or just stressed, we breath more quickly, shallowly, and more in our chests. This happens subconsciously but over time can become a habit, and our bodies forget our natural, relaxed way of breathing. In my tradition, we believe the natural way is deep.

Find a relaxed position to work with your breath. This can be sitting or lying down. If youre sitting, whether on the floor or in a chair, try to find a posture where your back is straight but not tight, upright but relaxed. The position of your hands and feet is not so important; all our bodies are different. Try postures and see which allows you to feel straight but relaxed. Whichever position you take, the most essential point is to be relaxed.

TIP: If you are sitting in a chair, try either crossing your legs in the chair or sitting in a way that your feet are flat on the floor. If you cant do this, dont worry. If you are lying down, try on your back with a straight spine and, if you can, your legs bent, with your feet flat on the floor.

Next, put your hands on your lower belly. Your thumbs should be roughly at the level of your navel. Relax your shoulders and arms. Start breathing gently from your abdomen, allowing your belly and hands to rise and fall with each breath. You can rest awareness with the rise and fall of your belly and hands. Try to completely relax your neck, shoulders, and chest so they have no tension. Allow the upper body to fully rest, and let the lower abdomen do most of the movement.

TIP: If you have trouble finding the breath in your abdomen or relaxing with it, try lying down on your back with your legs bent and feet flat on the floor. Put a medium-size heavy object like a big book on your belly. Feel it gently rise and fall as you practice belly-breathing. This can help settle your body and awareness in this practice.

When you feel relaxed and are breathing in a regular rhythm, breathe more deeply, letting the belly and hands rise and fall with each breath. Then introduce short pauses when the breath is fully inside and the breath is fully outside. In other words, after exhaling, pause a few seconds before beginning the next inhalation. At the end of the inhalation, hold the breath in for a few seconds before beginning the exhalation.

These pauses, just holding for a few seconds, should be relaxed and comfortable. Dont hold until you feel short of breath or strained. This is not a competition, and more is not necessarily better. This is a gradual training, and we are just exploring a new way of breathing.

TIP: One day you can feel which pause is more helpful, the holding in or holding out. Whichever is for you, do that. Progress comes over time as we feel more and more comfortable holding our breath, and the retention lengthens naturally.

Finally, just keep relaxing and continuing this belly-breathing. Allow your body to enjoy the deep rhythmic abdominal breathing. Allow your whole system to calm down and let go, like a baby resting without a care in the world. Continue for as long as you are comfortable. This method of deep abdominal breathing has many benefits even without the subsequent techniques.
Method #2: Body-Scanning
 

The aim of body-scanning is to find and connect with our speedy energy, with our feelings of anxiety or restlessness. Its important to bring an attitude of gentleness and curiosity here. Otherwise we can start thinking of our speediness as an enemy or a negative disease that needs to be eliminated. Instead we treat it with tenderness, like an overexcited child. This method is a little different from other traditional body-scanning techniques—for example, those that focus on choiceless awareness—because here we are choosing to pay attention to speedy energy. As with the first technique, this body-scanning technique has many benefits on its own but also serves as an important preparation for the third practice, khumbak, or gentle vase breathing.

Begin by finding a comfortable posture, where your spine is straight but your whole body is relaxed. This can be sitting or lying down. Start with a dropping practice for a few breaths, and if you have time, maybe a few minutes of deep breathing.
Then bring awareness to your energetic feeling body and explore to find the speedy energy. There are two ways to scan; by moving awareness through the body or by directly bringing awareness to where its needed. If you already know where the speedy energy is, you can just go directly there. If not, you can move awareness relaxedly through your head, face, neck, shoulders, upper back, and chest. Remember to be curious and gentle. The main focus is just connecting directly to sensations and feelings; there is no other agenda to this step. We are not looking for particular sensations or feelings, or trying to change our experience at this point. We are just exploring the of speediness and restlessness.


The sensations and feelings associated with speedy energy can be quite subtle.
As you explore more you may notice coarser physical sensations like tightness, pain, heat, and dryness, as well as more subtle sensations of tingling, vibrating, and buzzing. Continue this practice, scanning again and again, just being curious and open to whatever you feel.

Method #3: Gentle Vase Breathing with Retention
 

This method is a gentler version of a classic technique called vase breathing.
Although this modified version is suitable for unsupervised practice, please follow the instructions carefully and listen to your body.
Gentle vase breathing is where everything comes together. We build on our skills of belly-breathing and body-scanning, and learn to bring breath, speedy energy, and awareness together and hold them under the navel. This practice needs to be repeated over and over again, because we are retraining an energetichabit. Its very important that the body remain relaxed and the pressure be very gentle; if we tense up and push too hard, the practice can backfire and make our energy more unbalanced. If were too tight, especially in the upper-stomach area around the solar plexus and sternum, the energy can feel like its blocked,
“bouncing” back up into our chest and head. This can actually make us feel temporarily worse.
This is a subtle practice; youll have to play with it to find the right balance.
We can use two main metaphors to help visualize and understand this practice: the French press and the balloon. These two techniques may yield different experiences, so play with them and see which feels more natural and beneficial for you. 

Begin by taking a posture with the spine straight but the whole body relaxed, either sitting or lying down. Start by doing a few minutes of breathing to prepare the body.
Then scan for the speedy energy—signs of restlessness, anxiety, or buzz. When you feel you have connected to the energy, move on to the next step.

THE FRENCH PRESS: Remaining relaxed and grounded, breathe out completely.
While breathing in through your nostrils, imagine the breath is mingling with the speedy, restless energy and gently pressing it down, like a French press gently pushing the coffee grounds down to the bottom of the vessel. The speedy energy is being urged from the upper body down through the stomach, to its natural home below the navel. Then hold the breath down there for a few seconds. The energy needs to be held in the “vase,” so we press very gently downward with the muscles we use to poop, to hold it all down there. You dont need to push hard. Exhale completely, then inhale and repeat over and over again.

THE BALLOON: This is essentially the same practice physically, but some people find the French press image too forceful and they push too hard. So instead of a French press, imagine there is a balloon in your lower belly, under your navel. In this version, we dont imagine pushing anything down from above. Each breath in fills the balloon, and each breath out empties the balloon.

Remaining relaxed and grounded, breathe out completely, emptying the balloon. As you breathe in, imagine the empty balloon sucking down the breath and speedy energy and filling up below the navel. When its full, gently “pinch” the top of the balloon to prevent the energy from escaping, by pressing down very gently the muscles we use to poop. Hold the breath for a few seconds. Exhale fully and repeat, over and over.

When holding your breath in like this, its important not to hold it until you feel strain and gasp for breath. Just start with a few seconds, and gradually build up the duration over days and weeks. If you keep practicing regularly, your capacity will naturally increase, without forcing it. If you start with two to three seconds, for example, you can build it up to ten seconds, and then fifteen to twenty seconds over time.
This is very beneficial, because the increased retention is often a sign of more relaxation in the subtle body, and of more control of the energies.
If you feel tightness in your head or chest, light-headed, or dizzy, you may be tensing up, pushing too hard, or holding the breath too long. Stop the practice and relax for a while. Try practicing gentle belly-breathing and body-scanning to see where the tension is building up. Try to relax that.

Method #4: The Extra-Gentle Way
 

This final method is for when we have gained some proficiency in the other techniques. When we have become comfortable with belly-breathing, can connect to our speedy energy with awareness, and can regularly bring our speedy energy down to rest in its natural home below the navel, we can try this fourth technique. We have created a link between energy and awareness, and can now use that link to bring speedy energy down with almost no effort. We may notice that the previous techniques are really helpful, but when we get up and have to do other things, our speedy energy pops back up and becomes activated. After all, we cant talk and engage normally if were holding our breath! This technique helps to bridge these practices with daily life. It allows us to maintain some benefits while talking, moving around, working, and engaging in our lives.
Start by just mentally connecting to the energy in the body and exhaling. While inhaling, imagine bringing breath, energy, and awareness down under the navel. Once you have applied a slight amount of muscular engagement, almost a reminder to the body, keep about 10 percent of your energy and breath down in the “vase,” and breathe naturally in and out on top, keeping the chest and shoulders relaxed and natural. Just be as natural and normal as possible. This practice is so subtle no one needs to know youre doing it.
At first, we will be constantly distracted by life and lose this subtle practice. So whenever we lose it, we just need one breath to connect again. Just repeat over and over. Gradually we are forming a new habit, and it becomes easier and easier. We will feel more grounded throughout the day. We will notice many situations that were stressful before become easier to manage. This is really helpful for long meetings! 

DANIEL GOLEMAN: THE SCIENCE
 

My wife and I were in a taxi with Tsoknyi Rinpoche on the way to the Delhi train station. It was March 2000, and we had reservations on a train that would take us up toward Dharamshala, where I would moderate a meeting with the Dalai Lama and a handful of psychologists on the topic of “Destructive Emotions.”
We had left with plenty of time to spare, but gridlocked traffic was eating away at the time buffer. I was, frankly, getting uptight, increasingly worried about missing the train—a destructive emotion had taken control.
My anxiety boiled over when our taxi stopped for a red light at the intersection of two huge avenues, which looked less like streets and more like parking lots packed with cars (and the occasional oxcart, bicycle rickshaw, and cow). The red light stopped us for what seemed like an endless amount of minutes.
A silver-colored word in the middle of that red light—relax—made no difference in my state. I could not relax, but got more and more tense. My head spun with the swarming colors, sounds, and smells whirling around us like a hurricane. Though our lanes werent moving anywhere, drivers all around us were showing their impatience in a rising cacophony of honking. I felt a mounting sense of urgency at the traffic jam, an impossible pretzel that had no rhyme nor reason and seemed would never untangle.
“Oh man!” I said to Rinpoche. “This traffic is really snarled. Im starting to worry about getting to the train.”
Rinpoche said, in a soft, calm voice, “Can you feel the speediness? Can you find where it is?”
I closed my eyes and scanned my body, noticing a buzz of sensations and a growing tightness in my belly. I nodded.
Rinpoche continued, “Find it. Feel it. Its not you. Its not your mind, not your body. Its your energy.”

Rinpoche added, “First just sense that you are speedy—what that feels like in your body. Then understand that you are tuning into the feeling world. Find where in your body you feel your energys speediness. Then breathe in and hold the breath down under your navel for as long as is comfortable for you. Exhale slowly, holding back about ten percent of the air.”

Getting what he was saying, I took a deep breath and let the air out slowly. Rinpoche led me through several breaths this way. And, almost miraculously, my tension eased. The light changed, traffic moved again, and I felt more relaxed. Right on the spot, Rinpoche was guiding me to use the body scan and the gentle vase breathing method. As weve just learned, that gentle vase breathing is one of several ways to work with our breath to calm our nervous energy. These breath-control practices are ancient in India, and made their way from there, along with Buddhism, to Tibet in the ninth to eleventh centuries. Several such breath-control practices have been preserved and are still taught in various corners of Tibetan Buddhism to this day.

Their purpose: calming the mind for meditation. Science agrees.
It turns out there is sound research showing the power of these breath methods. In recent decades scientists have turned their attention to such breath-control methods, realizing that using them has powerful impacts on our mental state. In short, managing our breath helps us manage our mind.

Key parts of the brains emotional circuitry get triggered by the amygdala, our neural radar for threat. In todays stressful life our amygdala fires far more often than needed, and the speediness we are caught up in adds to our stress.
That pitches us into “sympathetic nervous system” activity, where our body prepares for an emergency: our heart rate jumps, as does blood pressure; our bronchial passages enlarge, and we breathe faster; our digestion shuts down; blood shifts from our organs to our arms and legs (the better to fight or run); and we sweat.
Such emergency responses are triggered by hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which mobilize all these systems to prepare for emergency. This biological reaction gets set off all too often these days (That irksome too-slow driver! That scary fast driver! Difficulty with the kids! That horrible boss!).
Once stress hormones surge through us, were more readily triggered for a further stress reaction. And, as weve discussed, these days this threat reaction triggers in response to symbolic threats too—like the feeling that someone is treating us unfairly—not just the physical survival emergency the reaction was designed for. Being treated unfairly feels bad, of course. But its not the threat to our very life that our fight-or-flight response was designed to handle. Even so, that biological machinery for physical survival also takes over when we undergo a psychological threat like unfair treatment.
We can undergo this fight-or-flight response many times in a single day, all too often without having time to end it. And such a prolonged, ongoing fight- or-flight reaction overtaxes our biology with long-term costs, such as heightened inflammation, lowered immune system defenses, and becoming more susceptible to a range of stress-worsened illnesses.
During the emergency mode our attention shifts to focus on the presumed threat—even when were trying to get something else more important done, we stay preoccupied by what upsets us. The response is so strong that we might find ourselves thinking about that threat and how to handle it even when we at two a.m. As we read in chapter 2 this kind of anxious worry serves no useful purpose.

Some of us might get sad or angry, while others panic. Theres no set response, but none of the likely reactions help us.

Contrast that with a “parasympathetic response,” the physiological state where the body rests and recovers from such stress. Our heart rate and blood pressure subside and our breath slows, as do the other biological upshifts of the emergency reaction. Our digestion resumes its usual workings. This is the biological state where the body rests, restores itself, and relaxes. We can eat, have sex, sleep.
The bodys emergency response has a beginning—when were triggered—a peak in the middle, and an end, if we have the chance to calm down again.
Thats what the controlled breathing method Rinpoche offers here does for us: it ends the stress cycle were caught up by.

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Negativity - The Evil King Goes Hungry (Chapter 2)

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It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others.

—Daisaku Ikeda

Cancers of the mind

• "Cancers of the mind," referring to comparing, complaining, and criticizing, highlights negative thought patterns that can adversely impact one's mental well-being and relationships.
• Comparing: Constantly measuring oneself against others can lead to feelings of inadequacy or superiority. Instead of fostering a positive mindset, it can breed jealousy, low self-esteem, and hinder personal growth. Embracing individuality and focusing on personal progress can be more beneficial.
• Complaining: Habitual complaining not only reflects a negative outlook but can also create a toxic environment for oneself and those around. While it's natural to express concerns, constant complaints without seeking solutions can perpetuate a cycle of negativity. Shifting focus towards finding solutions or practicing gratitude can be a healthier approach.
• Criticizing: Excessive criticism, whether directed at oneself or others, can erode self-confidence and damage relationships. Constructive feedback is valuable, but relentless criticism can be destructive. Cultivating empathy and understanding can lead to more positive interactions.
• Addressing these "cancers of the mind" involves cultivating self-awareness, fostering a positive mindset, and practicing mindfulness. By consciously choosing to replace comparing with self-acceptance, complaining with gratitude, and criticizing with constructive communication, individuals can promote mental well-being and build healthier relationships.

NEGATIVITY IS EVERYWHERE (But don’t play a victim)

• Bad things do happen. In our lives, we’re all victims at some point—whether we’re being racially profiled or being cut off in traffic. But if we adopt a victim mentality, we’re more likely to take on a sense of entitlement and to behave selfishly.
• Stanford psychologists took 104 subjects and assigned them to one of two groups—one told to write a short essay about a time they were bored, and the other to write about a time when life seemed unfair or when they felt “wronged or slighted by someone.”
• Afterward, the participants were asked if they wanted to help the researchers with an easy task. Those who’d written about a time they’d been wronged were 26 percent less likely to help the researchers.
• In a similar study, participants who identified with a victim mindset were not only more likely to express selfish attitudes afterward, they were also more likely to leave behind trash and even take the experimenters’ pens!

NEGATIVITY IS CONTAGIOUS (And Groupthink Bias)

• In the 1950s Solomon Asch gathered groups of college students and told them they were doing a vision test. The catch was that in each group, everyone was an actor except one person: the subject of the test.
• Asch showed participants an image of a “target” line first, then of a series of three lines: one shorter, one longer, and one that was clearly the same length as the target line. The students were asked which line matched the length of the target line. Sometimes the actors gave correct answers, and sometimes they purposefully gave incorrect answers. In each case, the real study participant answered last.
• The correct answer should have been obvious. But, influenced by the actors, about 75 percent of the subjects followed the crowd to give an incorrect response at least once. This phenomenon has been called groupthink bias.

• Groupthink is the practice of thinking or decision-making in a way that discourages individual responsibility.

Negative behaviors surround us so constantly that we grow accustomed to them.

Think about whether you have any of the following in your life:

Complainers, like the friend on the phone, who complain endlessly without looking for solutions. Life is a problem that will be hard if not impossible to solve.

Cancellers, who take a compliment and spin it: “You look good today” becomes “You mean I looked bad yesterday?”

Casualties, who think the world is against them and blame their problems on others.

Critics, who judge others for either having a different opinion or not having one, for any choices they’ve made that are different from what the critic would have done.

Commanders, who realize their own limits but pressure others to succeed. They’ll say, “You never have time for me,” even though they’re busy as well.

Competitors, who compare themselves to others, controlling and manipulating to make themselves or their choices look better. They are in so much pain that they want to bring others down. Often we have to play down our successes around these people because we know they can’t appreciate them.

Controllers, who monitor and try to direct how their friends or partners spend time, and with whom, and what choices they make.

• Gauranga Das repeated this advice in brief metaphorical form that we often used to remind ourselves not to harbor negative thoughts toward others:
• Don’t judge someone with a different disease.
• Don’t expect anyone to be perfect.
• Don’t think you are perfect.

REVERSE EXTERNAL NEGATIVITY

(1) Become an Objective Observer

• Instead of reacting compulsively and retaliating to negativity or a negative word or action, we could enjoy our freedom as human beings and refuse to be upset.
• We step away, not literally but emotionally, and look at the situation as if we are not in the middle of it. We will talk more about this distance, which is called detachment, in the next chapter.
• For now, I’ll say that it helps us find understanding without judgment.

(2) Back Slowly Away

From a position of understanding, we are better equipped to address negative energy. The simplest response is to back slowly away. Just as in the last chapter we let go of the influences that interfered with our values, we want to cleanse ourselves of the negative attitudes that cloud our outlook. In The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk who has been called the Father of Mindfulness, writes, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” I encourage you to purge or avoid physical triggers of negative thoughts and feelings, like that sweatshirt your ex gave you or the coffee shop where you always run into a former friend. If you don’t let go physically, you won’t let go emotionally.

The 25/75 Principle

Aim for the feeling that at least 75 percent of your time is spent with people who inspire you rather than bring you down.

Allocate Time

There might be some people you can only tolerate for an hour a month, some for a day, some for a week. Maybe you even know a one-minute person. Consider how much time is best for you to spend with them, and don’t exceed it.

Don’t Be a Savior

If all someone needs is an ear, you can listen without exerting much energy. If we try to be problem-solvers, then we become frustrated when people don’t take our brilliant advice. The desire to save others is ego-driven. Don’t let your own needs shape your response.

REVERSE INTERNAL NEGATIVITY

The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are.

Spot, Stop, Swap

First, we become aware of a feeling or issue—we spot it.

Then we pause to address what the feeling is and where it comes from—we stop to consider it.

And last, we amend our behavior—we swap in a new way of processing the moment.

Spot

TRY THIS: AUDIT YOUR NEGATIVE COMMENTS.

Keep a tally of the negative remarks you make over the course of a week. See if you can

make your daily number go down. The goal is zero.

Stop

Regarding negative speech...

“Remember, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.”

Swap

Mudita is the principle of taking sympathetic or unselfish joy in the good fortune of others.

KSAMĀ: AMENDING ANGER

Kṣamā is Sanskrit for forgiveness. It suggests that you bring patience and forbearance to your dealings with others. Sometimes we have been wounded so deeply that we can’t imagine how we might forgive the person who hurt us. But, contrary to what most of us believe, forgiveness is primarily an action we take within ourselves. Sometimes it’s better (and safer and healthier) not to have direct contact with the person at all; other times, the person who hurt us is no longer around to be forgiven directly. But those factors don’t impede forgiveness because it is, first and foremost, internal. It frees you from anger.

TRANSFORMATIONAL FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS IS A TWO-WAY STREET

Forgiveness has to ow in both directions. None of us is perfect, and though there will be situations where you are blameless, there are also times when there are missteps on both sides of a conflict. When you cause pain and others cause you pain, it’s as if your hearts get twisted together into an uncomfortable knot. When we forgive, we start to separate our pain from theirs and to heal ourselves emotionally. But when we ask for forgiveness at the same time, we untwist together. This is a bit trickier, because we’re much more comfortable finding fault in other people and then forgiving it. We’re not used to admitting fault and taking responsibility for what we create in our lives.

On an end note: The less time you fixate on everyone else, the more time you have to focus on yourself.

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