Index of Journals
February 17, 2011 I was up around 2am right when Prashant had disturbed me in sleep. It is difficult to tell what thoughts do people preparing for JEE entrance exam the second time produce! I studied whole night and I went to college to attend the 8am class. It feels good in Swarnlata madam’s class. She would be watching me and I would be watching her. I can’t keep open with my eyes so tending to fall asleep with every blink. My hands and shoulders feel heavy, and I can’t resist smiling for no reason on the cute teacher’s face. There making it even worse for me in that situation. But nothing like that happened today. The period went away nicely. I attended ADA class and then bunked CG and OS class to make soft copy of lecture-plan and save about seven rupees. I noticed that from my Yahoo wall notifications from Rashmi were missing. That means either I’ve been blocked or removed from her contacts. Either situation is equally worse so it’s useless for me to choose for the probable one. Well, I can’t be talking to anybody about my personal life. Rekha buaji uselessly want me to indulge in conversation with her, and I sometimes picture myself as the ‘Hannibal-Cannibal’ from the movie ‘Silence of the lambs’ and think of Smita as that trainee who was sent to examine the psychopath at the Medication centre. Oh, god, after lunch it was ADA practical. During the practical, Tanvi was getting so uncomfortably close to me that I almost wanted to reciprocate her right there and then. Earlier I was feeling the same for Kanupriya, with whom I had matched eyes in the corridor on the top floor. Then even to this day, sometimes it feels like Astha, Karishma, and Shreya want to invite me to their group. During viva in ADA practical class, sir had very badly rebuked Roshan for smiling with the incomplete file for checking. Sir used the phrase ‘bloody hell’ right before the class while dealing with Roshan. I was scared that my already rotten image is just going to get worse if I don’t get the file ready before my turn comes. But, you wouldn’t believe, sir actually let me go very nice and easy. I was surprised, that was when I had wrongly answered the question and had not put down the output of the MERGE sort program. Ah, felt lucky at that moment. But, it didn’t make feel better inside. Rather the feeling of guilt almost kept killing me for another hour. Today in the bus, a man came begging. Both of his hands were cut from the wrist and he was calling himself helpless about his situation. I couldn’t give him anything. But it made me feel worse for this city I already hate right from the bottom of my heart. Chachi had been going crazy over laptop being kept by me on my table for whole day. God Bless ‘Me’ Ashish
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