Index of Journals
February 19, 2011 In the morning there was an old man dropped by a passer-by on scooter on the bus-stop. That old-Sikh patted the back of the young man on scooter and as he talked to me to ask of two buses, he wept a tear out of his eye closer to me. He was looking far away on the road to watch the bus and I saw the tear roll down from his eye, he then sobbed up his nose. He had been waiting on the other side of the road for a bus and he stood there for more than half-an-hour until someone lets him know that he was on the wrong the side. He had given hand to many vehicles passing by but no one had listened before this last man on scooter helped him. It near burned my inside to think of flipping world upside down for its rudeness, and failure, and every other bad quality that exist here. I wanted shout my lungs out, and weep, but I held myself bounded to me. Shit, this world isn’t worth living! Neeru ma’am tries to impress me with her looks. She is on about me. Yes, her eyes speak this thing very clearly. Swarnlata ma’am got me crazy. I was just half-sitting and half-lying in my chair after the DCS class, and students were running out because the teacher was supposed to be taking test today. Yes, and when I was telling her of the classes I had missed she told me to shut up. “Boy, now you please shut up” I couldn’t say anything after this. But, I held my head down with my hands on the forehand reaching my hair. I said to myself. “Shit, I should’ve never spoken to this bitch... god, this is crazy... shit” I can’t remember if actually used the word ‘bitch’ or not. But when don’t I use it? My voice was low, I know that, and I was talking to myself and not anybody else. She was eyeballing at me. I just looked with cold eyes and asked, “What” in very low voice. She continued to watch me with questioning eyes. I couldn’t understand or take even the slightest clue of why she watched me like that for the whole period. Well, Aditya came and sat next to me. I thought I would be helped but then it was not possible to even look up to him for long. I had missed two 8am lecture of Software Engineering, and she herself dropped the last ones twice. How is that right? I suffered. I did one question and then after Kanika I walked to the podium to submit mine. I had made Aditya read my answer and he said the teacher would laugh after reading my answer. And hell yeah, she gave me half mark out of five for answering a question correctly. The test was for twenty marks and Kanika had got two. “She got four times than yours,” Aditya commented. She continued to watch me. I don’t know what I had done. I took out my CS notes from bag and started reading them. As she left, she said, “And students Software Engineering is a process.” That’s what I had written and got failed. She purposefully screwed me to mess stir me up against her. I am glad I didn’t act according to her silly plans. After this was computer graphics period and Anshul sir publicly-raped Rizwan. He was laughing at sir. And when sir saw it, he stood him up, called to the podium, and told him to sing a song. Rizwan’s face had turned red. He shyly denied with reason that he know no song. Then sir told Rizwan to elaborate what he had just told with constant broad smile on the face with his teeth visible. Rizwan was totally grounded with this incident. I sat in the library from around 1300 till 1800 and my back badly ached. I met Amogh today, he was sounding serious (yeah, a little bit) about doing something on his own and not depend on his father. God Bless ‘Me’ Ashish
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