Mona - A Story (Chapter 2)

Index of Journals

I went to get my younger sister’s documents, brought them back, and then left my daughter with my sister-in-law. Now both of my daughters were staying separately—one with their grandmother and the other with my sister-in-law. Just when the job was about to reach the one-year mark, I started getting calls from my family saying, “Take your child back.”

The moment I heard that, I felt anxious. How would I manage my job and look after my children at the same time? I was really worried. Then I thought, “It’s okay, my daughters will get older.” Even though they were still young—one six years old and the other three—I held onto a little hope that as they grew, they would be able to manage, play, and stay on their own. So I brought both of them to Haryana. There, I taught my daughters how to stay at home and instructed them: “Don’t ever leave the house unless I come back. Don’t even step out of the room.” Both my daughters listened to me and were very sensible.

A few months later, I got them both admitted to a nearby school and arranged for tuition classes too. Everything was going fine. Then I started getting complaints from the school asking why my kids weren’t coming regularly, what the problem was. The school asked me to come in.

I said, “I dress them and send them every day; they go every day!” But now there was a new problem. My kids’ school starts at 8 a.m., while my company starts at 6 a.m. How could I manage sending them to school on time? I felt helpless. If they missed school, they would fall behind.

For a woman, it’s a big challenge: either focus on your child or on your job. If you focus on the job, the child suffers; if you focus on the child, the job suffers. And both are essential—how else would I feed them, handle expenses?

Finally, I found another approach: I decided to drop my children off each morning with the principal at school. I would leave them there and then sometimes, with a gate pass, I would come and check on them from my workplace. That solved the issue—my kids were able to get to class on time. They got used to it, and every day they went and came back on a proper schedule. Life was going smoothly: my children were doing fine, and so was I.

Then another problem arose: a fire broke out at my company, and I lost my job. For a few months, the company paid us, but eventually they told us to find work elsewhere. I couldn’t find a decent job for months, so I was unemployed for a while. Then someone mentioned a security guard position. I went for an interview, but I was too young for that role, so it didn’t work out.

At that time, there was a guy there who was a field officer. He started to pursue me, and I got caught up in it. He dangled the promise, “Don’t stress about a job; I’m here. I’ll help you find something.” I figured maybe he really would. He kept talking to me under various pretenses, and I went along because I hadn’t found another job yet. I thought, “What’s the harm in just talking for now?”

Time went by, and he never actually got me a job. Eventually, I stopped taking his calls, thinking this wasn’t right. The real problem was that he would say things like, “If you go there alone, it’ll happen for sure.” But I never went anywhere alone; I always took someone along.

Day after day passed. One day on the phone he told me, “You should come to the office by yourself if you really want the job. Why do you bring someone else every time? Don’t you trust me?” I said, “No, I’m not comfortable going alone. I don’t feel you have good intentions.” He just laughed and said, “It’s nothing like that. I like you, that’s all. I won’t force you to do anything. You’re a wonderful person. You’re not like other girls.”

That’s what he said. The truth was, I was quite young but had a lot of responsibilities. He liked me because of that. But all I cared about was finding work; I was determined to do something with my life. I didn’t want boyfriends or close male friends. I just wanted to work, go home, work overtime if I could—no hanging out or taking days off.

Other girls would take leave, but I never did. I always aimed for perfect attendance. I wasn’t in the habit of going out for fun. Even on Sundays, I worked overtime. That’s how my time went by. I didn’t really think much about whether I was a man or a woman. I never dressed up; I stayed simple. Almost like a tomboy, because the environment around me wasn’t great.

Still, I’d run into people here or there, but I never paid attention. I wanted to stay as far away as possible from all that because my focus was on my work. I wasn’t interested in hanging out or making friends. Sometimes I would think about it: all my friends had boyfriends, and people would say, “Friends are important, too! Life isn’t just about work. You need someone to spend time with and share things with.” But I never believed that. I would say, “No, everyone is a friend, really. I don’t have any enemies.” My friends would say, “All right, stay how you are—no problem.”

But I never really made any close friends. That’s just how my life is. I don’t know what else to tell or what to hide. You could say life is very busy.