survival8: Indian Politics

Showing posts with label Indian Politics. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

2011-Feb-12

February 12, 2011

I was supposed to attend the 8am class but I missed it. I woke up late and reached college only by 0930. I missed the 9am, Swarnlata madam’s class too. Well, I didn’t regret it, don’t know why, may be because I find her (many other people do too) attractive, and she need to miss me. 

The 10am lecture was the last. The teacher didn’t come for the 11am one. And, Apurva Sood had already started to get the period mass-bunked. God only knows what goes in her head. Everybody was roaming around on the top floor. Apurv, with all other boys of our row was standing next to the door outside. Apurv asked what boys and girls of our class had lost virginity. Apurv loudly asked if Apurva had done it. He repeated the question in quick succession in equally loud voice. I said, “No, Apurva can’t do it, who'd give it give in-and-out in a skeleton structure.” Apurv had raised the question to seek for Apurva’s attention. She had just then came out of the room behind me and I had taken no notice of her till when the floor was echoed by our sounds of laughter. And, I turned my neck to see Apurva stunned by my comment; she walked back into the class as we held each other’s sight for those few seconds. Oh god, I was sorry for not seeing what others saw, I felt sorry for making such a comment. I was lost after that. I went to the canteen to see Varun, Aditya, and other boys of the other row. Huh! I am really sorry, but I shouldn’t be though because it was the first time that I got to make situation embarrassing for her but she had in past on quite a few occasions looked down on me.

I went to the net lab to pass some time, and I received mail from Rekha buaji. It was dated yesterday. And Smita was online after months. I didn’t want to talk to her. But then we talked a three-word conversation started by me, ended by her. “?” “Yes?” “Nothing” “Ok”
I replied to Rekha buaji’s mail and then the lab assistant started shouting and I ended the letter with a break.

I came out of library at 1730. Anurag was walking in the college gates to get his bike. He offered me to drop home. We talked about Gurarchi and XII-D re-union in summers. I have no idea of attending to any party. Money and time are the problem.
It has been time since Gurarchi has been sending me romantic text messages and I never replied to any, but now I have started to fantasize of myself unbuttoning her shirt. God, that’s silly!
    
Last evening Amma and chachi while working in the kitchen were almost on the verge of getting into a verbal fight. But they didn’t, I still don’t know what the issue was.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Sunday, September 5, 2021

2021-Sep-5 (Happy Birthday, mom)

Index of Journals

Today is 5th Sep. It is my mom's birthday today.
When I wished her over phone in the evening, she sounded surprised, which clearly indicates that no one had wished her the entire day.

I had tried to reach her over phone in the morning but she didn't pick then.

If my mom and I are to stay together, then her mental and emotional well-being should be my primary concern irrespective of what any bua or Anu says.

The day looked like this:

1100 - 1300: McDonald's (DLF Mall)

1600: Tea at Nanu's place (Nanu is the name of that teenager who works at the stall)

1700 - 2000: Tenzin Tibetan Spa (MDC5)

2000 - 2130: Tenzin Tibetan Kitchen (MDC5)

Last night was an extremely difficult time to pass. I was getting continuous anger-revivals from time to time, on how my life has been over these days, over these weeks, these months, and these years. I couldn’t it on one moment and punched my finger bones in a fist against the wall. It swelled, and I promised myself never to do any thing illogical out of anger. It didn’t stop till morning, hours after hours, my breathing would become fast, and I too wouldn’t act against it, just to stay calm.

Last night, I remember Shruti had made a face as if I had refused something precious to her.

Plus, I, for the first time, made healthy eye-conversation with fufaji up to some extent. Otherwise, as a child I used to find him scary, he indeed is scary, but maturity has come to me a bit.

About today, Neeru ma’am has been watching me too much since last two days or earlier I guess. It is silly if I got that teacher running after me. And technically, it is purely dangerous to take chances with a teacher in whose hands you have your internal marks, your future.

Oh god, I wear these fagged out eyes from sleepless nights, and then I at times in semi-sleep state spit rubbish about teachers from the second bench. Most of the times teachers look back at me. At I probably guess they get to hear every silent word from our mouth. It was Operating Systems teacher (Megha) today, when I called her off-of-a-buffalo and she had looked back.

“The class hates, but they can’t resist themselves to take a chance either.”
In morning when I was walking down the road to the college, Karishma came from behind and offered lift to me on her scooty. I didn’t realize that road ahead would be too bumpy, and by the time we reached college I was sticking to her closely. I couldn’t rest my legs properly and I was holding her from upper arms.
Shruti Barapuria is a slut; she’s been ignoring me these days. The class almost hates me. And I can’t do anything about it.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-30 (Anushka's Birthday)

Index of Journals

January 30, 2011

I never had a day like this. I was sleeping again around 0630. It was just not reasonable, but it was I so that happened. I was not hungry but still I was thinking of foos, but somehow I managed to keep myself cool and not get mad over another sinister dumb act of anyone from this family.
It was eleven when I woke up. I had good sleep, I guess. And after brushing my teeth, I got breakfast, five sandwiches, no, four-and-a-half along with a parantha and milk.
I was asleep again after struggling with math of second semester for two hours. I woke up around five and then I prepared to attend to Anushka’s birthday party. But when I was in babaji’s room to change there happened this shit that grandpa spoke up! God only knows how much shit he can hold in his skull to launch at me when I am close! Yeah, it was about dad (Babbu), my studies, and of course about the money which he had given me for books. I was furious in my head after this talk.

I had been thinking about Shruti but nothing happened at buaji’s place. Cool, because I was busy in watching movie. And trust me, Shruti wanted me to talk, but I not that type who starts a conversation. She was real angry, upset with this. I bet, she was, it was clear from her face.
Nothing else so serious, ‘DIL TOH BACHCHA HAI JI’ was good time-pass.
Now I will stay awaken whole night to dig my dick into myself.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-29 (Manju bua quenches my Tri Nagar plan)

Index of Journals

January 29, 2011

I was awaken whole night, and in so condition went to the college. First lecture was of DCS (Digital Circuits and Systems), Neeru madam’s class. Uh, she just let me in, there were hardly fifteen minutes left. Well, even that’s okay.
I got a seat next to Nishant, well that’s fine because he doesn’t have a partner. So, it was easy for him to accept me.
Next was Software Engineering class. Oh god, Mukul Chandra came and sat with us. Oh god, I wanted to react on that but I didn’t. Because talking about myself, I am nothing either. “Two Year-Back students sat together.”

Okay, the teacher started with asking marks of students in the first year and I lost my breath at that moment. Mukul skipped his turn on the face of teacher and I said fifty percent. I had said something about year back in shaky voice, which I guess teacher missed. And may be I missed my name too. Well, she asked me the reason for such a low score and I reasoned personal issues behind it. Whatever, my little respect sunk in that moment.
The teacher, Ms. Swarnlata (from the way she was dressed she looked like prick to me, and not a teacher. I don’t know how come I was having problem from her complexion. These dark women are actually irritating to eyes if they don’t present themselves well) was ignoring whole time. I couldn’t stand it first, but then it was okay. We had matched eyes once, and when it came to asking questions, I had a nice time. She started from the last of my row and I was last person questioned in those final minutes of her period.
After that, no teacher came to take a class. As we sat free in the class, I noticed I was kind of alone. I didn’t feel right to me. Akash left me his phone, and now I was tied to wait for him in the class. I was not able to enjoy music either. It felt bad, yes, bad. Fuck them all.
Faizan came to class erstwhile and he got along me. I had to enjoy his company. We went to DTC bus depot, Shahdra to collect bus pass and then I came back home in his bus. I went asleep in the bus while listening to music, but he helped me step down on right stop.

I was home and nothing after that. I watched Roadies 8 before going to bed. I can’t stand it how I used to watch this show as a child. It was so fucking unreal today.
After ten hours of sleep, I woke up at 0200 in midnight. God, that’s crazy. What’s even crazier is that I woke out of hunger and there was no food kept for me. Amma is totally stupid.
Vibha had texted me while I was sleeping. And it demanded an answer. Huh, now who’s going to help? I hadn’t even responded to the message which I had received in the bus, before going to sleep.

Yesterday, when amma told buaji about my plans to go to Tri Nagar, buaji asked if I had lost my mind. Well, I was not joking. The situation seems favorable for me to leave this place.

Shit, this idiot is awake, Prashant. I better go and catch up with my routine again.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-28 (Algorithms Design professor sent me out)

Index of Journals

January 28, 2011

I went to college after babaji woke me up at eight, I wasn’t supposed to be sleeping till that time, but I just fell asleep around six after trying to study whole night. Babaji came with R1200 for which I had asked him last evening and he had smiled to reply. He just told stories along with, for sleeping this long. 
In the morning, babaji was saying something about Rekha buaji. I had to shut him up, anything about Rekha buaji wouldn’t mean anything to me. He went quiet for a minute with sad face, but then spoke to tell me that Rekha buaji had purchased a shirt and pant for me which she would send here if anyone exchanges between America and India. That was okay, but not important. I gave a cold reply to let it go off with smoke.

I went to college in the new car, SX4 with buaji and babaji. After they took to drop me on the Shastri Park crossing following the most convenient path for me, I was wondering if I did anything wrong while taking to be served specially.

With hangover from sleepless nights, I walk the college campus like living-dead. I reached the class and people were so fucking badly ignoring me. I straight away headed to Gaurav Sati and there got to say ‘hi’ to Apoorva too. Otherwise, Shruti Barapuria is a total slut, she would look in my way, and when I would indicate of saying ‘hi’, she would be looking away.
At the same time, Manish Bharadwaj came there and exclaimed, “Too many messages these days from your phone!” I couldn’t do anything but smile and walk away. At least now, I had learned what wrong was there.

I doesn’t feel normal to stay alone in a lively class, looks like I have lost all contacts.
I told Dhanraj to text me when sir comes to class. I reached the class around 1007 (that’s seven minutes late) and as I walk in from the back door, I didn’t recognize that sir had told me to walk out. I was closing the door and then I turned to him.
“Sorry”
“Where were you?”
“I was in the library”
“Out of the class”
(I in total astonishment) “Excuse me!”
“Get out of the class”
“But sir, I just came up to class straight from library”
“No justification”
“Sir, I promise it will never happen again”
“Out”
“I didn’t know it was your period. It is just the first time”
“Get out”

And I left the class, seeing the door closing behind me. Director came roaming to our floor but nothing serious about him. He had called HOD and when he came running, I was thinking of taking help from director but then I didn’t. HOD and I have been exchanging glances since many time, he would just look at me differently, trying to read my mind. So, I just left the place.

I went to amphitheatre, studied some of Algorithms Analysis and Design. That’s Prashant sir’s subject, cool. He should never be a problem then.

So I was actually thrown out of my first class. I took the OS (Operating Systems) class. And I found that teacher is not good. She is rather irritating if you are holding expectations from her. She was reading from her notes. I was responsive in her class, and guess she didn’t need that. So she was just eye-balling too much. 
Another was Digital Circuits and Systems. Neeru madam’s subject. Apurv asked her internal marks right after wishing her. I told her not to dictate too much and we were like almost into wordy-exchange. But of course, I had to shut before her. So I did. And she was eye-balling me too much then. I tried to think about it, but I was too sleepy to do that. One thing I know is that experience of getting eye-balled from Gareema ma’am came to be of great avail today.

Apurv wears this ugly hairy-look. He has grown hair as if he’s coming straight from prison after complete a sentence of several years. As opposed to me, he wears long head-hair and facial-hair. Neeru ma’am commented on him saying that he looks like a student from neither face, nor brain. And class sank into laughter!

I went to get my bus pass at Shahdra Bus Depot but I just forget about fee-receipt and last bus-pass. So I had to come back empty handed.

I was asleep since four, and then since 2000 there was too much from TV and people making noise at my door. So I woke up with dirty eyes. I wanted spill curses, but never any came out.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-27 (First day of 4th semester)

Index of Journals

January 27, 2011

It is 0112 right now. Just now at 2300 (1/26), I was out in the living room to watch television and these freaky parents (Anu and amma) were there. I should not have gone out at that time. God, how could I be so crazy?
Every time I would be in living room or amma’s room, Anu would be there and it’s just not easy to take her shit on all the time. It is just not okay, it is just not fair with life. Amma is equally irritating; I don’t how god could go this wrong in creating women who are totally nuts?
She is just always on against me in putting TV off, goddamn!

Yeah, now I’m feeling a little better but for how long. Morning is mere hours away, and it’s not going to be a new day for me. So just f*** it, I want to get out of here ASAP!

Last night I flipped the laptop off my lap to close it, and then I checked if it has started to malfunction or something. Oh, well nothing so serious but it makes some screeching voice during loading the windows which, I felt, I was hearing for the first time. Oh, god, and this brightness of screen is gone. I couldn’t find a way to manipulate brightness anywhere, so what is it, a technical snag?
Plus, just now when I opened the document, it didn’t ask for a password. What the hell, could I be so careless?
When I was home in the evening Prashant was working on laptop, hope he didn’t open my folder.

Okay, first day at college, it was fine. I didn’t wake up to get to college early. I woke up at eleven and rushed to the college. Two classes were held on first day. I got the time-table and issued two books. I spent time in the net-lab, then in the library after letting go Kirti and Hemanshu of other section.
I sat till 1630, and then I headed for the bus stop.
Vibha and her crew were ignoring me. That’s understandable. Plus, Shruti Barapuria was telling me that Kriti Bahl had told her something about me. I guessed it was the message thing. Of course, it was that.
Good news is that none of our old teachers is here to teach us. We are free from Gareema Sethi and Ankit Jain, god bless. Okay but Neeru ma’am (the Circuits and Systems teacher) is still on one subject with us.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-26 (Republic Day Celebration in Society)

Index of Journals

January 26, 2011
HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY

I was awake till 0500 in the morning. I was working on this English assignment I found in one of my old diaries.
Babaji was here around ten to wake me up but I didn’t. I was wakened up by amma around 1030 when she called to come out for Maggi. I came out and then chachi says she wouldn’t serve me until I brush. I went back to bed after waiting for a couple of minutes.
I was awake at around 1200 when the loud music playing outside in the society function entered my ear. I woke up, brushed my teeth, ate Maggi, changed my clothes, and left out to attend to function. I wanted to go out and get my platter home, but then Puneet’s message came. I went out and I found Amogh, Vidhu, Appu, and Kunal there.
Amogh greeted me as if I’m someone real big person here. He bowed to touch my feet, and then we exchanged hugs. (Though, he was stepping on my foot many times while we were standing away from the crowd, which was to cool his mind down if he was thinking that it was disgraceful to playfully bow before me.)
Puneet came later, Yash Teejay too was down to feast with us (you can say that). Hardik and Harshit didn’t come because they were at hospital to attend to their father. Their father is down with chest infection, breathing problems, and sugar. Harshit let me know that later after the function.
Asha Menon didn’t look at me with hatred. Nobody else did either. I wear this Obama-Hair-Do (or Eminem’s, whatever) and clean shave, and these frameless spex make me look intelligent. I’m an engineer, after all. That’s enough for them to stay away.

This they had called some singers from some training group. Plus, they held competition in dancing for children of the society after the performance by the professional performers. It took good time. Then to fill up gap till the result came out, Sneha Bhatti performed. Oh, she is hot!
She danced on ‘SHEILA KI JAWANI’ and that was cool to see her dance. But for most people, I bet, it was difficult to digest that they were getting to see live performance of a hottie. And it was no other than their neighbor. I don’t know what to say, but it wasn’t brainy to give these people more than what they could digest or deserve, choose for yourself.

There were new faces too. I remember two new faces of two women (both of them almost chinky), and Rachna (Luthra) aunty, she’s hot too. She deserve better than that wildly hairy jerk, her husband.
It felt great to talk to Puneet. Guess I got friends here, finally. Then we had Bhanu talking to us too. He is doing Economics Honors. He caught me in the middle of our intelligent conversation, when I was talking faster than I was thinking. He pointed if Prabhav was doing Economics Honors before doing Law. Well, that was wrong question put down to test me. I refrained back, because I didn’t have good idea of whether the two degrees were of the same level or different.

I watched ‘Social Network’ again after coming back home.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-25 (Communication Skills Exam)

Index of Journals

25 January 2011

I had English exam today. It didn’t go well.
I had to be awake last night but then I slept at 0400 in the morning. That was not all, I was listening to music and entertaining myself, including regular jobs, since I came back home after giving computer exam. It was 0230 last night when picked up English notes. And within one and a half hours, I was down.
I woke up at around 0730 and regular day starts.
I was sitting with Raghav Aggrawal. He is so weak in grammar and he almost did nothing by himself in those questions. The teacher had come behind me to warn right after the first time. But, Raghav wasn’t stopping. 
I missed the last question from Literature-type section. I was anyway not going to score in that.
I doubt if I would get easy marks for grammar, reading, and writing (the one which sought for explanations) section.
I was home, after having been to college, at five. And there was no food, so I went to bed in bad mood. These women at home are total bullshit.

Babaji asked me question from 'Introduction to computers' question paper which I didn’t want to answer so I just indirectly said no. And he didn’t like, and I was not caring. He doesn’t deserve a word from me. 
I re-checked question paper again if there was any hope. And yes, there is.

I just watched ‘Social Network’ again. The movie is inspiring. 

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

2011-Jan-24 (Introduction to Computers Exam)

Index of Journals

January 24, 2011

I was awaken whole night. I was in so much bad mood about myself. I was watching TV at all times last evening. I closed the TV around 2000 and then Prashant and Srishti started some award show. I came out to watch it with them. They left minutes before it was too late for oldies to come back home. And they came around 2300 with few eatables, like samosa(s) and daal-pakoda(s) for us.
I watched the award show till late 0030. Then, I had tea and took up my ITC (Introduction to Computers) book for one last time.
I left for college after having tea and popping paracetamol. It was fine during the exam except for the fact that I had to go to loo once.

On the return trip, I was accompanied by Luv. It was on Barakhamba Metro Station that our train stopped. I was shaking my leg while standing on the door and was watching the girls de-board the train from the next women-special carriage. I didn’t notice that the man standing against the wall right in front of me on the empty platform was polio-patient. He had crutches and then I notices that his right leg was about two-three inches shorter than the left. I felt bad for myself and then I just waited for the train to shut the door and leave the station. But it took longer than usual and I had my neck down for all those minutes.
Things will have to change one day, for good, I will change them.

Then earlier on the Yellow-line (of metro track), there was a young-girl of about my age with all the branded fashion accessories. I made Luv count her worth and it was over Rs 30000 on the go, not counting her bra and panty.

In the morning on the Red-line (of metro track), there were these two love birds making love on the train. It was okay for me but not for that sardar who was approximately of their father’s age (may be older). The person was almost running his hands everywhere on the body of that girl, with out hesitation form either side.

The exam went fine. I am passing this one.
Now, it’s just English tomorrow.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-23) Laptop Request

Index of Journals

January 23, 2011

Last night I was awake till 0330, listening to radio. It felt awesome to listen to those Bollywood songs, and Hindi music. I was unwell. I still am unwell. This break from college proved hard on my mental being. I need to get back there; home is not the place to where I belong. 
I was sleeping in the afternoon. I didn’t study whole day today. It is going to be hard tonight. 
Amma, babaji, chachi, and Anu are gone to the wedding. They left before me, after babaji had wished me ‘good morning’ at 1710. I didn’t know how to react to that, so I wished back.
Yesterday, he was telling if I would like to go to classes in Acharya Niketan. I told him to get me a laptop of those R20000 which he would give for classes. And, guess what he told me... An all new answer to reply to me, “You can go to badi buaji’s house and do your work there as long as you want. That computer is totally yours. Go and sit over there to work as long as you wish to.” “He has lost his mind,” I said to myself.

There is no peace here; Srishti is here to ask for remote. And there are harsh words for you to listen if you don’t do as she says.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-22) Hindi

Index of Journals

January 22, 2011

It feels like Hindi is in its days. The last people who speak this language only are seeing there third generation today. It feels bad to see them in a pitiful situation. A language is what gives shape to a culture. The language changes, the people change. If languages are wiped out form the face of the Earth it will by itself remove many religious-extremists. That's, of course, because not many religions have religious texts in English. So, changing your tongue means a lot more than just changing your medium of communication.
Hindi is dying out, and I am one of the killers, unfortunate. Sometimes I feel very bad for “why it is me who is in this situation, and not those English speakers, why my thinking was molded by events to take myself up so harshly to quit Hindi and take up English?”
Now I can’t do anything than just feeling bad for morally killing myself.

I was going in my own way to study and sleep through the day. It was in the evening, during the dinner time. This news was coming which showed this mixing up of Hindi with all other languages and losing its original form.
It makes me feel bad when I see amma getting irritated by me watching English movies. First, she can’t understand this foreign language, and then the language which she speaks is losing its shine.

Buaji and I have been stealing eyes; don’t know what the new drama is. But because I don’t know why it is so, nor I can see any logic myself, so I am not digging into this matter.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-21) Money Issues

Index of Journals

January 21, 2011

I just started the day like another regular one. I took the books around one in the afternoon and then I thought to get an AutoCAD book from library. So after begging for little money from amma for a quite awhile, I got Rs 10 from her and I had to spend from my own pocket. I had to ask Anu also but it wasn’t surprising to hear her say no. What now looks surprising to me is that I actually expected help from that dumbass, bloody idiot!
When I was asking amma for money and I had her purse Prachi came over to make me give amma purse back. And she had that strange look on her face which I have never seen before, that was very strange. Stern, confident, stiff, I just wondered who this person is.

I went to college and got the book. It felt comfortable to not find that woman-librarian there. She is pretty but such a b***h. She looks troubled because of me going there to issue book. Prateek of second section was sitting there. I just talked to him for a while and then I came back home. I was walking behind HOD and then he turned back to see me coming but why did he steel away eyes quickly.

It was really a bad experience to get re-acquainted with Shastri Park, polluted air, dingy roads, and poverty-stricken masses.
“Enough shit to make a lively person leave interest in living.”

After coming back home, I was sleeping and then was on TV till seven. You know, amma can do without telling me to get up, because I will anyway have to get up some time. But after she says it, I just can’t feel like showing respect to her. She doesn’t deserve it.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-20) Prashant's birthday

Index of Journals

January 20, 2011

Okay, the day started normally late. I got up around ten and started the day off with heavy breakfast. I took the English notes back to catch up with it. Computer Science can wait. Two exams in succession to each other, five days preparatory leave left me puzzled what to take up and what to put for tomorrow? I started with English and am still on that. Now, it is time get worried because I have been running slowly and time left is less for the course that’s left. Huh!

I almost forgot Prashant’s birthday, it occurred to me when amma wished him in the morning. Nothing, it didn’t become crowded again. Manju buaji was here to pick up children and she left after wishing Prashant. I was sleeping in the afternoon till evening six-forty when I heard badi buaji in the dining room. I went out after taking my time in seeing to it that kids hadn’t come. Who wants useless talk?
She left by seven. I was watching television till eight-thirty. Chachiji had held everybody to wait till Prashant and Srishti were reaching home. I was silly for having wasted time in watching TV during this time. Okay, so Dominos pizzas were ordered, Pav-bhaji included.

I had wished Prashant in the evening while watching TV when he gave me the packet of chips, cornflakes, and chocolate. I had to wish him that moment.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-19) Kirti Mohan is a drop-out

Index of Journals

January 19, 2011

I was running lose in the morning. I took to study English, and then I was typing the photo-copied notes on laptop. It was consuming time, I decided to break off to do reading, and then I fell asleep for about two hours or so. I woke up at around six-thirty and I was watching television till now (2040). 

Sometimes when Srishti or Prashant come out to watch my shows with me already there, it feels like ‘what to do now’. But then I do nothing, because if I influence them, it should not be a problem for me. Because at the end of the day they too are a part of the society, so let’s start cleaning it up starting from home. And like Lil’ Wayne said, “We all in a race. I’m just another sprinter. If there’s no finish line… Then who’s the real winner?”

I never talk about people behind their back with anybody. But I yesterday did that. While talking to Kirti Mohan I discussed Kanika Sahni’s bad behavior with him. It is not the usual me who’d do that. Well, it just happened, and it wouldn’t happen again.
And oh my god, Kirti is a drop-out! He just let me know.

Last night I was listening to music on low volume and today in the morning, Prashant was playing his alarm sounds on high volume when I was sleeping. Somebody shut this idiot, man! Then his mother was complaining to me about playing music at night, as if it’s my every day practice. 

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-18) Physics Exam

Index of Journals

18 January 2011

I was awake whole night. I had to cover syllabus for making it for four units and also to make it sure I revise the read topics once. I reached college and sat on the staircases of that building once again.
There were MAIT students dressed in suits coming up with file-folder in their hands in cars. I learned they had job-interview and test for the same. I wondered about my college, NIEC (ADGITM) and wondered about my own future. Nah, I am not running for any job but it’s good if it’s coming.

Faizan came by and we revised for some time together. I wanted to go to toilet but I didn’t. I was feeling sick of hangover from last night, but I didn’t show up. The teacher didn’t allow me to go to toilet once he had given me the answer sheet. I didn’t bother to go later, waste of time.

(Earthquake was felt just now, 0200 19 January 2011. I was sitting and my head starts shaking. I thought if I am getting shocks in head. Then I lifted my head from the laptop screen and found that fan was oscillating. I was terrified for a moment and I muted the laptop and sat dreaming about the next. Next was nothing. In a minute, the building was back to stable. There was noise of a woman from outside and I went out in the balcony for a second. So, the earthquake was confirmed.)

I found the exam to be too lengthy. I missed the Unit 4. I missed a Unit 3 numerical, and I knew how to do them. Oh god, I am in loose condition again. I need 35 and I attempted paper of 48 marks. So I am feeling neither good, nor bad. I am just not feeling okay as well.

After exam, I went to NIEC (now ADGITM) to issue book for next exam. I was accompanied by Kirti Mohan. Uh, while sitting in three-wheeler I tore a little stitch next to the side-pockets. It made me feel bad for hours. My mood was already down because of physics paper and now this blow to my mental being was intolerable. I kept going and doing my things quietly though.
I only felt relief when amma told me that she could stitch the cut back.

In the afternoon buaji was here to take kids back home, and I found her a little too happy in making a verbal connection with me. There surely must be some reason but I don’t want to know. That’s because sooner, or later, the things will change.

I was sleeping from 1700 to ten-thirty. I was thinking about all that happened during the day. At the metro station (Rithala), I was emptying my pockets into my bag and I saw that Kanika Sahni stood straight in my line of sight ahead at a distance. Well, I was looking for Faizan and Neha who were about to come. But then I saw this pretty lady. And I guess I caught her eye because she was looking here. Then she moved behind that person (one of her classmate) with whom she was talking. That was direct indication of the fact that she had noticed me for at least once, but I couldn’t understand for hours what that show of baseless confidence was for? She has a looks very strikingly similar to Anshu ma’am who in turn looks a copy of another Bollywood actor, Anushka Sharma.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-17) Preparation for exams

Index of Journals

January 17, 2011

I am again short of time. If I don’t revise all the topics done then it would be useless to even count them. It is 0003 right now, means the date has already changed, oh god!

Okay, I had been taking the subject lightly. During these preparatory leaves, I was going for walks, I was never dropping my music-phone away, and I was watching television shows, what else would happen on the day before exam?

Manju buaji was here in the afternoon. She came with babaji who had been to court in the new car, SX4. She kept saying about it. I had never touched pen and notebook for preparing for exam but tonight I will. 
This girl Anushka comes here and she is a mere waste of time, trust me. 

Oh god, one chapter still left...

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Saturday, September 4, 2021

Journal (2011-Jan-16) Aunt's new phone and uncle left

Index of Journals

January 16, 2011

Yesterday, in the park where I go for walk, I was met by this person Anil Yadav. I didn’t want to talk but then chose not act awkward to shoo him away. What interested me in him was that he was doing some management course from NIIT and was also preparing for MBA entrance tests. Nothing else, it was the first time that I talked to anybody there. Otherwise, he was just another outsider in Delhi. He was again from U.P., Agra.

Yesterday in the morning, Anushka and Prashant together in the room and when Anushka was toying with my phone (caring nothing about its, Sony Ericsson w350i, flap) Prxnt was interestingly watching when the wrong would happen. I had to shout at Anushka to get my phone back and I didn’t mind being very harsh and rude to her. I was actually mad at Prashant’s act though.

Last night, chachi-chacha and Srishti went to get a new phone for chachi. It was very irritating to hear Srishti asking for phone worth R10000 in the evening before they left. But then chachaji must have told her some story to shut her up.


Today chachaji left. Though amma had called me to come out but I didn’t. That’s because neither I wanted to, nor chachaji would have mind.

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish

Journal (2011-Jan-15) Brilliant Tutorial Bills

Index of Journals

January 15, 2011

I just threw the bills piled up in my drawer for some time now (earlier amma had them). The bill of admission-cum-scholarship test, the bill of payment made as fees at Brilliant Tutorials. ‘Rs 500 as for test on 29th April 2008’ and ‘Rs 37068 as year-long tuition fees on 3rd May 2008’ read the bills. Amma always said fifty-thousand to put burden on me. But it was not. I got the scholarship of Rs 10000 and babaji had got another 3000 reduced by showing the papers of (Babbu) dad’s no-income at the office.
It used to feel bad, but now it doesn’t. Now, it is like ‘how is it wrong?’

Lately, I was happy to see that Achal Kaushik accepted my friend request after almost a year. It will help me put down past moments better. I made a separate Facebook profile for such contacts from my past, keeping in mind that I don’t connect to them or let them join me on my profile for current college (NIEC / ADGITM) friends.

Journal (2011-Jan-14) Grandpa's health

Index of Journals

14 January 2011

Babaji’s ill health... Chachaji’s new avatar... Chachiji is bad as ever... Physics exam is four days far...

“What problem do chachiji have if heater remains on for a couple more minutes in babaji’s room?”
“What problem does she have with me warming hands before it (though I never did it, but I know her problem by the look of her ugly face)?”
“I remember from previous months, she used to take iron-machine to her room when I would be in amma’s room early in the morning... This woman is totally sick!”
“It’s irritating to always find her peeking from the sleek space left between closed door of amma’s room...”

“Chachaji is acting like he holds no grudge against me and it’s just me who is holding the grudge now; looks like he is giving up on me but I am not slowing down for anyone.”

“I have seen babaji sleeping in his weak health and I wonder if he is breathing or not. It’s really awful to see him this weak in his sleep, it’s really awful.”

“Physics re-exam is on 18th, I had pretty much time but now I am again felling short of it. I was on internet till evening since 0200 last night and then I didn’t get over with the running-nose and cold because of irregular sleeping time. Plus, I had nightfall at six in the morning, so it left me tired through out the day.”

God Bless ‘Me’
Ashish