Index of Journals
4 February 2011 Babaji said Manju buaji was angry with him yesterday morning. I get to hear this kind of bullshit when I am there in amma’s room for bathing, or changing purposes. I was there in the morning. I didn’t pay attention to that, but still it comes to my mind and I have to make special efforts to avoid it. Later when amma called Manju buaji on phone, buaji almost wept as I heard amma saying. I went to the college and it was fine. During the return trip, as I climbed the bus a girl was doing her hair and I just found it funny somehow. I had to first laugh and as she saw me, my pursed lips opened up in smile. She was cute: I have to say that. And I didn’t mean to scare her. But she and her friend checked me almost a dozen times after that, it was awful in its own. Her friend changed the bus on Red Fort and the girl changed her seat from second to mine in the next row to the most distant one. The first one in the same row, the one that also falls in the seats reserved for women. Huh! I was asleep and there was this drama from Prashant, of leaving the lights and door opened. I couldn’t sleep after ten, that’s when he begins his activities. I was reckoning my options of living life here. One is going to Trinagar, second is managing time-table to adjust the disturbances which this idiot creates, and continuing a life here. It sucks when I have to tell myself that Ashish cut down your hopes for reaching high because your run isn’t on the same track as that of a professional. I can’t even trust babaji when it comes to the most important decisions of my life, because on almost every such point of my life he has always disappointed me, not once or twice. I am not lying nor do I have words to describe how it feels. Just tell me, when does a grown man cry? I am no more going to follow the practice of reading Bhaktamar and counting beads on fingers. I just did it twice today because I missed doing it yesterday due to busy schedule. I don’t believe in blindly following any religion whatever it might be. I don’t believe in ‘God’ as the people describe them. I do believe in teachers but not gods as the people describe Him. And I don’t even understand Sanskrit; I don’t understand pure Hindi properly, let alone Sanskrit. English is my mother tongue now! -Ashish
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