2011-May-13

Index of Journals

May 13, 2011

ADA exam went fine technically but I am upset. I knew the answer of the question that teacher had asked, I gave her the answer but the way I gave it was not me actually. I am feeling bad about my poor presentation. She asked me to compute the complexity of the Finite-Automata algorithm. I knew how to do that, I found out the complexity of the first function and then she asked to explain the procedure to her. I had written the working with pencil in poor handwriting, when it came to explaining back to her, I used English and just tossed the words out of my mouth. I know I spoke the right words but in such a situation I can’t tell if she really got me or not. That is worrying me, plus when I had to point my pencil in the paper to explain the working to her, I just don’t know why my hand was shaking badly, it was visible if not badly, and the teacher was just noticing that for a moment or two. I hate this thing about me that my nervousness comes out visible physically. I hate myself at the moment. After the exam I got along with Sonam and group. It was nice to be treated like friends by her; I can’t upset someone as valuable as Sonam. Vibha is not confused but it is like she not very serious with me, because she doesn’t give me enough attention before her friends, well that’s fine until Sonam is a friend. I had nice talk with them, and forgot that I had to be home before badi buaji, Ankur and fufaji leave for the death ceremony for Ankur’s buaji. They are not going to be home before late night and I had to say them ‘goodbye’. 

I’d  just catch on girls who’d give me a look and Apurva Sood was really into noticing me real hard, should I use the word ‘ogling’ that would be rude!
Amidst all the bad things I almost forgot the good people, Faizan and Sonam. They were a great help during the exam. No one could have written the program on its own without being lucky on getting one which they might have studied by chance. Sonam had studied a lot of them, the algorithms specially. She got MCM, an easy catch, I got Automata, and Parul got Kruskal. Neither Parul, nor I knew our algorithm. Sonam helped. Luckily, Faizan had pictures of the algorithms in his phone; many of the kids had those pictures. He passed the picture of Kruskal to Parul and it was easier for Parul to read them than Faizan himself, thanks to her bigger touch sensitive screen. Faizan then helped me write my algorithm for the first function, Sonam helped me complete the second. That demanded a word beyond ‘thanks’, both of them.

God bless me
Ashish