Thinking about death, again

My Meditations    « Previously

18 Jun 2026 — Thinking about death, again
    
I was not having a very good day.

Headache maybe because of heavy caffeine intake lately and I’ve cut back today — no tea/coffee since 9 AM in the morning.

Was thinking about my death today again and to satisfy my intellectual hunger, watched a TED Talk titled “Let’s talk about death” that encouraged people to discuss the topic of death with (their and others) with the elders or peers or family.

But let’s be real for a second: the other person may not be as interested in the topic of death, the other person may not look at it with the same depth, and there mayn’t be an “other person” to talk to in the first place.

So if I were to talk about death here on a page, let’s start with first things first:

(1) Finances: There are no financial obligations. The house itself covers the home loan and I think there will be some surplus for mom to keep.

(2) Relationships:

Let’s be honest — I don’t have any meaningful relationships to look up to or to look after.

Relationships are built on top of your successes, achievements and possessions.

And I don’t have too many or too much to count as my successes, achievements or possessions.

My relationship with my mom is limited to managing the Toli Nagar house with her.

I think if she had enough money to run her life, she wouldn’t bother me.

She needs money, not me.

I don’t see too much history with Anu either, or future.

My last conversation (which was one sided with Anu lecturing me) was very painful and disappointing.

So, in short:

If I were dying, I would be better off without having Anu around, than with having her.

(3) Health

Health is not okay. Headache and stress.

Primarily the reason that triggered me to think about death.

(4) Remaining time (or life)

Now the toughest question: what would I like to do with my remaining time?

Well, I could think about a couple of questions:

(4.1) What could I do to improve my finances?

(4.2) What could I do to better my relationships?

(4.3) What could I do to better my health?

After a couple of minutes...
Completely blank on finances and relationships... 
But yeah I could rest and relax to regain my health.

Cya!

My Meditations    « Previously