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PART 2: Childhood Abuse, Fear, and Survival
SECTION 11: Nights of Terror
My father worked all night, and even then, we had to go to school the next day.
I was very small — I was in first grade — but I could not sleep.
In school, I used to fall asleep all the time.
I could not enjoy the playground like other kids.
Beatings were constant.
They would stop for a while and then start again.
SECTION 12: Skate Land – Forced Child Labor
My father owned a roller-skating rink called Skate Land, located in a busy district.
It was a large place.
Our entire family worked there day and night.
I was very small, but I cleaned skates.
My brother sold snacks.
All the money belonged only to my father.
My mother had no bank account, no money, nothing in her name.
Everything was under his control.
When customers came, they thought we were a happy family.
Everything looked perfect.
But no one knew the real truth.
SECTION 13: Violence at Home
For my father, children existed only to feel pain.
They knew right from wrong.
Many nights, my mother, my brother, and I cleaned the rink — including toilets —
while my father drank at the bar.
He was involved with other women.
My father never married my mother legally,
so she would have no legal rights.
She was trapped —
she could not leave the house,
and she could not leave us children.
SECTION 14: Guns, Fear, and Beatings
We could not sleep at Skate Land.
The music from the dance floor upstairs was extremely loud.
One day, my mother gently woke me.
There were tears in her eyes.
She smelled of alcohol.
My father kept a loaded gun where I slept.
Every night, he brought cash home, and then he beat my mother.
He beat her with a leather belt.
She screamed.
Sometimes she fought back, but she would bleed.
We children just watched.
The police did nothing.
That was when I understood something clearly:
no one was coming to save us.
We were the only ones who could stand up for ourselves.
SECTION 15: Constant Abuse and Hopelessness
The next year passed the same way.
The beatings continued.
My mother enrolled me in Cub Scouts so I could spend some time outside.
I was the only Black Cub Scout.
Everyone stared at me.
Inside me, hatred kept growing.
My father lost money gambling all day.
He was always angry.
Once, he tried to beat me inside the car.
I hid.
I realized that staying silent would not protect me.
SECTION 16: Ritualized Torture
When my father was in the mood to beat me, he ordered me to:
-
Remove my clothes
-
Come to his room
-
Turn on the lights
-
Lie on the bed
-
Fully expose my body
Everything was done deliberately —
so that both the mind and the body felt pain.
The worst moment was always the first strike of the belt.
A sudden panic would take over.
You never knew:
-
how many times he would hit
-
when he would stop
Sometimes, the beating was so severe that breathing became difficult.
My entire body was covered in marks.
Looking into his eyes, after being beaten so many times,
a person’s hope dies.
You suppress your emotions,
but the trauma comes out in other ways.
SECTION 17: My Mother Breaking Down
My mother was no longer the person she once was.
She became only a shadow.
After the beatings ended at night,
I would hide in bed and cry silently.
The bed would become wet from my tears.
My mother’s entire life became survival.
My father constantly told her she was worthless,
and she began to believe it.
She did everything out of fear —
fear that my father would get angry and beat us.
Sometimes even small mistakes led to beatings.
SECTION 18: Medical Neglect
One day, I came home early from school.
My ear was hurting badly.
I knew they would not take me to a doctor.
My father never spent money.
There was no insurance.
No doctor.
Blood was coming out of my ear.
My mother saw me and immediately decided to take me anyway.
She didn’t care what would happen to her later —
she only thought about saving me.
When we returned home, my father beat her brutally.
I was too scared to even look at my brother.
But I watched everything carefully.
SECTION 19: Gun Point Incident
During summer vacation, my brother and I were at home.
My father pointed a gun at me.
I froze.
At that moment, I was not afraid of dying.
I was just tired.
But he did not fire.
He simply walked away.
Now it felt like either my father would die —
or my mother would.
My mother even thought about killing him.
SECTION 20: Escape Plan Begins
For the first time, my mother created a credit card in her own name.
She made my father sign it so she could have some control.
One day, she gathered courage and said:
“I am leaving.
If you both want to come, come with me.”
I was ready instantly.
We left.
My father went to open Skate Land.
On the road, the car broke down.
My mother panicked.
I said, “Mom, we have to leave from here.”
A stranger helped us.
He let us talk to his daughter on the phone.
We stayed in a hotel that night.
The next day, the car was fixed.
SECTION 21: New Life, New Struggles
I joined a local school again, in second grade.
Because of my previous schooling, I was far behind.
A teacher named Sister Catherine taught me.
She was strict, but fair.
She gave me extra help whenever I needed it.
Because of her, I was able to catch up in studies.
My brother went back to Buffalo to live with my father.
My mother worked at a department store
and attended university at night to change her life.
We were still poor.
We received welfare and food stamps.
PART 3: School Trauma, Racism, Fear, and Mental Breakdown
SECTION 22: Poverty, Adjustment, and Hidden Damage
Money was very limited.
We survived on welfare and food stamps.
Slowly, I started adjusting.
I began making friends.
Bed-wetting stopped.
But the pain inside me was still sleeping —
it was going to return someday.
SECTION 23: Academic Failure and Fear
Third grade was extremely difficult for me.
I still could not read properly.
My test results were very poor.
I was far behind the other children.
I could not remember daily lessons.
Sister Catherine noticed this and gave me extra time and attention.
But another teacher, Miss D, directly told my mother that I should be sent to a special school.
Just hearing this triggered intense fear in me.
That fear caused me to start stuttering.
I became afraid of speaking.
SECTION 24: Isolation and Humiliation
I was the only Black child in the school.
I was also the slowest learner.
Everything I said felt wrong.
So I decided it was better to stay silent.
Miss D showed no empathy.
She made no effort to understand me.
She would come very close to my face and shout at me.
The school — which once felt safe — became a place of torture.
Miss D tried everything to get me removed from the school.
The administration supported her.
But my mother fought for me.
SECTION 25: Forced Therapy and Psychological Damage
The principal set conditions:
-
I had to attend speech therapy
-
I had to attend group therapy
The group therapy doctor was next to a hospital —
as if designed to make children feel even more insecure.
There were children there:
-
Wearing helmets and banging their heads against walls
-
Urinating in dustbins
-
One child had burned his own house
I kept thinking:
“I do not belong here.”
My anxiety increased.
My stuttering became worse.
SECTION 26: Science of Trauma (Not Motivation)
When children are abused excessively,
their brain development slows down.
They remain in fight-or-flight mode.
This is not about motivation —
this is science.
Trauma damages:
-
Learning
-
Memory
-
Language
When such children grow up, the risk increases for:
-
Depression
-
Heart disease
-
Cancer
-
Addiction
-
Prison
I was a typical at-risk youth.
But my mother did not give up on me.
SECTION 27: Resistance and Quiet Collapse
I could not tolerate group therapy for long.
I also did not take Ritalin.
I told my mother I would not go back.
She agreed.
But inside, I was still a broken child.
Teachers did not know how to handle me.
Sister Catherine continued trying every day — patiently.
Miss D only wanted results.
If results didn’t come, she wanted me out.
SECTION 28: Survival Strategy
I was afraid I would be sent to a special school.
So I developed a new strategy.
I somehow managed to show improvement.
Miss D became satisfied.
Complaints stopped reaching my mother.
But inside, I was breaking even more.
I moved farther away from education.
I believed I would never learn.
I thought I would fail forever.
SECTION 29: The Message I Internalized
By the time I truly understood what was happening,
life had already given me one message again and again:
“You were born to fail.”
SECTION 30: Challenge One – Facing Your Past
The first challenge is this:
Everyone faces bad situations in life.
What happened to you?
What pain did you endure in childhood?
What broke you?
Were you beaten?
Abused?
Bullied?
Insecure?
Did you fail yourself?
Take a journal or your phone.
Write down every painful experience, every obstacle, every excuse, every problem — in detail.
Do not hide anything.
If the pain still exists today, write the complete truth.
Give that pain a shape.
This first step alone will empower you to overcome it.
SECTION 31: A New Beginning – Wilhemoth Enters
Wilhemoth Irving entering our lives was a new beginning.
Before meeting him, our lives were only pain, beatings, and struggle.
Even after escaping my father,
we were drowning in poverty and PTSD-like pain.
Wilhemoth was a good man:
-
No anger
-
No violence
-
Only support and peace
My mother became happy again.
She began smiling.
She felt proud of herself.
For me, Wilhemoth became like a real father.
He played basketball with me.
He taught me moves.
He gave me time.
SECTION 32: Sudden Tragedy
One day, happiness was brutally murdered.
Someone shot Wilhemoth in the garage.
My mother and I were waiting for him.
We later learned he would never return.
The police never found who killed him.
It might have been a bad business deal or a drug deal.
My mother felt surrounded by darkness again.
Police yellow tape surrounded our house.
My mother herself saw Wilhemoth’s blood lying in the garage.
She stayed in the same house that night.
She was afraid.
Her brother-in-law arranged security.
SECTION 33: Trauma Triggered Again
After Wilhemoth’s death, old memories returned.
Once, I had seen a small boy crushed under a school bus.
I had seen his blood.
I had heard his mother screaming.
Now it felt like the world was filled only with pain.
Only tragedy after tragedy.
I could not sleep on a bed.
My mother and I slept on the floor or on chairs.
The lower we stayed,
the less afraid we felt of falling further.
SECTION 34: Another Move – Indiana
Still, my mother decided we would move to Indianapolis.
I got admission into Cathedral High School.
I was selected by cheating.
There was no real improvement in studies.
I joined the basketball team.
Confidence came back.
But the school was expensive.
My mother could not afford it.
So I returned to public school — North Central High School.
SECTION 35: Identity Crisis and Culture Shift
There were many Black students there.
I completely immersed myself in hip-hop culture.
I dressed like gangsters.
But inside, I was deeply insecure.
Later, my mother brought me back to Indiana again.
This time, there were only five Black students in the school.
But I had changed completely:
-
Baggy pants
-
Bulls jacket
-
Cap worn backward
Everyone stared at me like I was an alien.
Teachers also found me strange.
I walked around with attitude.
But inside, I was extremely nervous.
PART 4: Racism, Humiliation, Violence, and Total Identity Collapse
SECTION 36: Confidence Shattered Again
During basketball tryouts, my confidence broke completely.
The coaches changed my position.
Johnny, my best friend, was performing well.
I remained stuck on the junior varsity team.
I started feeling that everything was wrong.
As a child, I did not feel racism strongly here.
Now, everywhere I went, I saw only discrimination.
SECTION 37: Gun to the Head
One day, my cousin Damian and I were returning from a party.
Some men arrived in a pickup truck.
They abused us verbally.
They stepped out with a pistol.
The gun was pointed at my head.
I did not move.
I stood there, looking straight into their eyes.
SECTION 38: Public Humiliation
Another time, I was sitting in a Pizza Hut with a girl.
Her father came.
In front of everyone, he abused me.
He insulted me publicly.
All of this was breaking me from the inside.
I was beginning to understand how cruel the world really was.
This was the truth.
Truth hurts.
SECTION 39: Becoming Invisible
At school, I stayed extremely quiet.
I did everything possible so no one would notice me.
I sat on the back bench.
I wanted to be invisible.
I was studying another language,
but I could not even speak English properly.
Year after year, I passed only by cheating.
In reality, I had learned nothing.
SECTION 40: Racist Death Threat
One day in Spanish class,
I opened a workbook with my name written on it.
Inside was a drawing of a man hanging from a noose.
Below it was written:
“Nigger, we are going to kill you”
The spelling was wrong,
but the message was clear.
Angry and hurt, I went straight to the principal.
SECTION 41: Vandalism and Numbness
The same year, my grandfather gave me an old Chevy.
One day, someone spray-painted “Nigger” on it.
This time, the spelling was correct.
I broke internally.
Anger ate me alive from the inside.
I started getting into fights.
I was suspended.
Slowly, I became emotionally numb.
SECTION 42: Searching for Meaning in Anger
I began listening to Malcolm X’s speeches.
In his rage, I saw my own life reflected.
But I did not have his discipline.
I only provoked others.
I became a stereotype —
exactly how people expected me to be.
Sagging pants, loud music, strange hairstyles —
I did everything just to irritate others.
But inside, I was empty.
I had no direction.
SECTION 43: First Glimpse of Purpose
My grandfather had been in the Air Force.
Seeing his pride,
I also wanted to join the Air Force.
I joined Civil Air Patrol.
I attended a Pararescue Jump Orientation Course.
There, I heard the story of a pararescue man named Scott Gearing.
He fell from 13,000 feet during a parachute jump.
Doctors revived him after he was declared dead.
He returned to duty afterward.
That story taught me that
even the impossible can become possible.
SECTION 44: Academic Collapse
I was still playing basketball.
But when I was cut from the varsity team,
everything felt meaningless.
I gave the ASVAB test.
Cheating did not work this time.
I failed.
Failing marks started appearing on my report card.
My mother did not react much —
she was drowning in her own pain.
I lived completely on my own terms.
I took care of myself.
SECTION 45: Graduation at Risk
One day, a letter arrived from school.
It said that I was failing.
If my GPA and attendance did not improve,
I would not graduate.
That day, I stood in front of the mirror
and told myself the truth:
“You are dumb.”
“You do nothing.”
“The Air Force will never take you.”
“You will never change.”
As long as you keep lying to yourself,
nothing will change.
SECTION 46: Birth of the Accountability Mirror
From that moment, I started the accountability mirror ritual.
I wrote my goals on paper.
I stuck them on the mirror.
I forced myself to:
-
Make my bed
-
Pull my pants up properly
-
Shave my head
-
Complete every task
This ritual gave me:
-
Discipline
-
Motivation
SECTION 47: Embracing Discomfort
In my senior year, I woke up early every day.
I worked out.
I ran.
I studied.
Everything was uncomfortable.
I forced myself to do it.
I was making myself tough.
Studying was the hardest.
A tutor helped me.
He taught me to write things repeatedly to remember them.
I wrote notes for every subject.
Again and again.
I made flashcards.
In six months, I went from reading like a small child
to senior-level reading.
I cleared tests.
I scored the minimum Air Force score.
SECTION 48: Letting Go of Hatred
Once I found a purpose,
the hatred slowly began to disappear.
I realized that the people who troubled me
were themselves insecure.
Their problem was theirs, not mine.
I stopped giving importance to others’ opinions.
Their words became fuel for my engine.
SECTION 49: Confidence Earned, Not Gifted
After graduation, I gained confidence.
Not from family wealth.
Not from God-given talent.
But from my own accountability.
However, as soon as I left Indiana,
my inner insecurities came back to life.
In the Air Force, I realized
I was still weak inside.
I still needed to become tougher.
SECTION 50: Challenge Two – Raw Self-Confrontation
Now the time has come for the second challenge.
It is time to look yourself straight in the eyes.
This is not self-love.
This is not ego massage.
Put your ego aside
and try to build your real self.
Do exactly what I did.
Take a large mirror.
Stick small Post-it notes on it.
Write:
-
All your insecurities
-
All your dreams
-
All your goals
Do not use mobile phones or digital tools.
Write everything by hand.
If you are weak in studies, write it.
If you are overweight, say it clearly.
Accept reality —
while believing improvement is possible.
Strictness is necessary.
Whatever your goal is —
new job, business, weight loss, race, anything —
Write every small step needed to reach it.
When one step is completed,
remove that note and add the next.
True improvement comes only from
accountability and discipline.
Every day, when you look into the dirty mirror,
the truth will be visible.
Do not ignore it.
Learn to use that truth.
That is what I did.
And you can do it too.
PART 5: Air Force, Obesity, Shame, and the Decision to Become a Navy SEAL
SECTION 51: Life After School – Aimlessness
I was driving my pickup truck late at night on empty roads,
going to fast-food restaurants.
My job was pest control.
I checked rat traps, picked up dead rats, and sprayed poison.
I wore a mask so that even I would not recognize myself.
I stayed angry and silent, only doing my work.
SECTION 52: Physical Collapse
When I joined the Air Force, I weighed 175 pounds (about 75 kg).
Four years later, when I left,
I weighed almost 300 pounds (about 136 kg).
This was my way of surviving.
First, I worked as a hospital security guard.
Then I came into pest control.
Inside, I felt ashamed of myself.
SECTION 53: The Dream of Pararescue
In the Air Force, I wanted to become Pararescue.
I wanted to be the best.
In training, I was good at:
-
Push-ups
-
Sit-ups
-
Running
But swimming was my biggest enemy.
I never got the chance to learn swimming as a child.
So during water-confidence training,
I struggled badly.
SECTION 54: Fear of Water
In pararescue training, tasks like:
-
Bobbing
-
Hands-up drills
-
Treading water
-
Big-breathing exercises
gave me panic every single day.
At night, fear would not let me sleep.
I passed all the tasks somehow,
but inside I was breaking.
Others completed everything easily.
I felt like an imposter.
I thought I would fail at any moment.
SECTION 55: Medical Removal and Quitting
After six weeks, during the big-breathing exercise,
the instructor tried to lift me up.
Water kept entering my mouth.
I felt oxygen shortage.
Due to extreme stress and sickle-cell trait,
I was removed from training for medical reasons.
Inside, I felt relieved.
Outside, I pretended to be sad.
A few days later, they called me back.
But the condition was clear:
I would have to start again from zero.
Out of fear, I quit.
On paper, it was a medical exit —
but the truth was, I quit.
SECTION 56: Living With Shame
After that, I was sent to another unit.
I did a different job.
But I never felt proud.
I knew I had quit.
I hid my shame in:
-
The gym
-
Food
I started powerlifting.
I built a big body
so that no one could see the real me.
From outside, I looked strong.
Inside, I believed I was a loser and a coward.
SECTION 57: Hiding the Real Self
I did not want anyone to see the real David Goggins.
I wanted them to see only:
A big bodybuilder
A tough-looking man
Someone who hides his true reality.
After my night shift ended every morning,
I went to a steak-and-shake place.
I drank a large chocolate shake.
I bought chocolate donuts from 7-Eleven.
I ate everything in the car on the way home.
At home, my mother would call and say,
“Come for breakfast.”
She did not know I had already eaten heavily.
SECTION 58: A Broken Marriage and No Direction
Life had no aim.
I was living in darkness,
hiding my true self.
My wife, Pam, stayed mostly in Brazil.
Our marriage was breaking.
Everything was falling apart.
SECTION 59: The Turning Point – Watching SEAL Training
One day, I came home and saw a TV show
about Navy SEAL BUD/S training.
I kept watching.
People were drowning in hell week —
pain, exhaustion, suffering —
yet they did not ring the bell.
Their dedication and drive struck me.
I felt:
“This is exactly what I need.”
SECTION 60: Hatred for Mediocrity
During graduation, the officer said:
“BUD/S is only for those
who hate mediocrity
and overcome every obstacle.”
That sentence felt like it was meant for me.
I looked in the mirror.
I was 300 pounds.
Zero discipline.
Zero skills.
Zero hope.
But a new fire ignited inside me.
SECTION 61: Decision Made
I decided:
“I will become a Navy SEAL,
no matter what.”
For three weeks,
I called Navy recruiters every day.
Everyone rejected me.
Finally, I met a Navy Reserve petty officer
named Steven Salgado.
He listened to my story.
He said:
“It may be possible —
but you will have to work.”
SECTION 62: The Impossible Math
I weighed 297 pounds.
I had to reach 191 pounds.
I had only three months.
At the same time,
I had to retake the ASVAB test,
because my previous score was too low.
SECTION 63: Academic Redemption
For two weeks,
I studied only for the ASVAB.
Then I took the test.
My score came out 44.
But SEALs required 50.
That moment forced me to think:
“How many more years
will I live like this?”
“Is this the life I want?”
SECTION 64: First Run – Collapse
That same day, I decided:
“No more.”
I came home.
Put on running shoes.
Started running.
After 400 yards,
I collapsed.
I was out of breath.
My mind filled with failure.
SECTION 65: Rocky and the Second Attempt
I watched the Rocky movie training montage — Round 14.
Rocky gets beaten,
but he gets back up.
I thought:
“If Rocky can stand up,
so can I.”
I started running again.
This time,
I did not stop after the pain.
I ran one full mile.
That day I understood:
Limitations live only in the mind.
SECTION 66: The New Routine
My routine became brutal:
-
Wake up at 4:30 AM
-
Cook food
-
Stationary bike for 2 hours while studying ASVAB
-
2 hours swimming
-
Gym: 100–200 reps per set
-
2 more hours biking
-
Eat only one meal a day
(chicken, vegetables, little rice)
I checked my weight twice daily.
In two weeks, I lost 25 pounds.
SECTION 67: Pain as Motivation
I restarted running at 250 pounds.
Depression and anxiety were still there.
But now I used them as motivation.
Pam told me clearly
she would not move to San Diego.
I was practically alone.
Whenever demotivation hit, I:
-
Called Salgado
-
Listened to Rocky’s soundtrack
-
Visualized myself becoming a SEAL
SECTION 68: Punishing Failure
As my weight dropped,
my workouts intensified.
If I missed even one rep,
or my weight didn’t drop even one pound,
I went back to the gym at night.
I punished myself
until the task was complete.
SECTION 69: ASVAB Redemption
Finally, ASVAB day arrived.
The test was computerized.
I knew nothing about computers.
Somehow, I finished.
Instead of waiting for results,
I went back and asked immediately.
Overall score: 65
Mechanical comprehension: exactly 50
I screamed.
Everyone stared.
I didn’t care.
I called my mother and said:
“I did it.
I am going to become a SEAL.”
SECTION 70: Selection and Sacrifice
The next day, Salgado told me:
“You are selected.”
But with happiness came a brutal choice:
-
Become a SEAL
-
Or save your marriage
I chose my dream.
This was about self-respect
and freedom.
PART 6: Extreme Training, Hell Week, Pain Mastery, and “Taking Souls”
SECTION 71: Total Immersion Into Pain
After selection, I trained all day.
I swam with weights in the pool.
I lay in ice-cold water in ponds.
Then I ran.
I deliberately placed myself in extreme discomfort.
So that my:
-
Mind
-
Body
-
Soul
would become ready.
I was no longer running from my past.
I had moved through it.
Pain was still there —
but now, pain felt meaningful.
For the first time in my life,
I had purpose.
SECTION 72: Challenge Three – Leaving the Comfort Zone
If you truly want to make your mind tough,
the first step is to leave your comfort zone.
Take your journal or notebook.
Write down everything you hate doing —
especially the things you know are good for you.
Now pick one of those things.
Do it.
Then do it again.
Slowly, push yourself more and more.
You don’t need to choose something impossible.
The point is this:
Every day, do something uncomfortable.
Even small things:
-
Making your bed
-
Washing dishes
-
Ironing clothes
-
Waking up early to run two miles
When it becomes easy,
increase it by five or ten minutes.
If you already do these,
find something new.
Everyone ignores some weak area in life.
Find yours.
Improve it.
SECTION 73: Weakness Becomes Strength
Most people focus on their strengths
and ignore their weaknesses.
Now you must turn weakness into strength.
Small uncomfortable actions
make you stronger.
As discomfort increases,
your mind also becomes tougher.
SECTION 74: Arrival at BUD/S
At BUD/S,
instructors woke us at night with grenades.
They screamed.
They forced nonstop:
-
Push-ups
-
Sit-ups
-
Flutter kicks
-
Freezing water torture
We stayed on the beach.
Every day, people rang the bell and quit.
I had already decided:
I would play this game with my mind.
No matter how hard the instructors tried to break us.
SECTION 75: The Three Phases of BUD/S
BUD/S has three phases:
-
Physical torture
-
Water / dive training
-
Land warfare
But the most dangerous part is Hell Week.
For 130 hours,
your mental strength is tested completely.
Instructors kept saying:
“You will quit.”
But I knew:
I had come here by choice.
This was my war.
I would give everything.
SECTION 76: Competition and Punishment
Every activity was a competition:
-
Boat races
-
Log carries
-
Running
Winning meant more rest.
Losing meant more punishment.
But I asked myself:
Why am I here?
Because I chose this torture.
No one forced me.
SECTION 77: Refusing Comfort
Instructors offered:
-
Soup
-
Blankets
-
Hot showers
Those who were mentally weak quit.
I had failed Hell Week once before due to pneumonia,
but I had not quit.
This time, I returned even when my body wasn’t right.
My lungs were damaged.
But my mindset was strong.
SECTION 78: Outsmarting the Instructors
In our crew,
there were all kinds of people.
Some were like me —
self-torture winners.
We even stole the instructors’ schedule.
So we would know
what torture was coming next.
This helped us divide time mentally
and prepare.
SECTION 79: Hell Week Is a Mind Game
Everything in Hell Week is competition:
-
Boat lifting
-
Races
-
Log carrying
The more you win,
the more rest you get.
I kept motivating my crew:
“We will not break.”
I shouted:
“You are a badass.
Now lift the boat!”
We lifted the boat again and again.
We screamed together.
The entire crew came alive.
Pain disappeared.
Even instructors were shaken.
That moment taught me something:
Real power is in the mind and the team.
SECTION 80: Birth of “Taking Souls”
That moment revealed something powerful.
When you perform so strongly under pain
that the opponent mentally collapses —
that is called “Taking Souls.”
It means:
-
You show others their limits
-
And discover your own hidden power
It is a mental game you play with yourself.
In every situation,
find a tactical advantage.
SECTION 81: Tactical Thinking Everywhere
We used tactics everywhere:
-
Stealing the schedule
-
Beating instructors mentally
-
Singing platoon songs to shift mood
You must always look for:
-
Where is the insecurity?
-
Where is the weakness?
If someone bullies you:
Laugh at their insults.
Do not give importance to their words.
Their power disappears.
Secure people do not bully.
SECTION 82: Excellence Is the Ultimate Weapon
In competitive situations,
first decide who your opponent is:
-
Teacher
-
Coach
-
Boss
-
Client
No matter how they behave,
there is only one way to gain respect:
Excellence.
Outwork everyone.
Deliver beyond expectations.
Force them to notice you.
SECTION 83: Pushing Through Severe Injury
After Hell Week,
my knees were in terrible condition.
I hid my pain.
Because I could not face Hell Week again.
Doctors gave medicine,
but the pain did not reduce.
Then came one of the hardest tests:
Underwater knot-tying.
My knee was already damaged,
and now I had to tread water
using only one leg.
I panicked.
SECTION 84: Pain as Mental Calluses
At that moment, I realized:
All the pain, abuse, bullying, and suffering
from my life
had actually made my mind stronger.
Just like calluses form on hands,
pain creates calluses on the mind.
Whenever doubt comes in life,
remember your toughest moments.
They will give you power to fight again.
SECTION 85: Controlling the Mind Through Physical Training
Most people never try to control their thoughts.
So they become slaves to their mind.
But those who have faced pain, struggle, and failure
build a callused mind
that can break any barrier.
Physical training is the best way
to strengthen the mind.
Because it shows immediately
how far you can push.
Giving your best
when motivation is lowest —
that is real growth.
SECTION 86: Broken Body, Unbroken Will
Goggins kept fighting through pain.
But when his bones broke,
even mindset was not enough.
His knee fractured.
He was sent home.
But he did not quit.
He knew:
He would be called back.
The future was uncertain.
SECTION 87: Facing Fear Again
Goggins had claustrophobia on planes.
So he traveled from San Diego to Chicago by train.
For three days,
his mind was confused.
He thought:
“Should I give up my SEAL dream?”
“Maybe I’ve learned enough.”
“Maybe I should try another job — like firefighter.”
On the third day,
he stood in front of the accountability mirror.
He admitted the truth:
“I am scared.”
“I am afraid of suffering again.”
SECTION 88: Decision to Return
When he returned home,
he met his ex-wife Pam.
Over the summer,
his knee healed.
He debated whether to return to SEAL training.
If he quit now,
he would live with guilt forever.
He decided:
“I will go back.”
SECTION 89: Last Chance Warning
The training officer confirmed:
You will start again from:
-
Day One
-
Week One
Your brown shirt will be taken back.
This is your last chance.
If you are injured again,
you will never return.
At the same time,
Pam became pregnant.
Now he had:
-
No money
-
No home
-
Family responsibility
He cried in front of the accountability mirror.
He said:
“Life is a nightmare.”
Then he answered himself:
“You will fight.
Like always.”
SECTION 90: Acceptance of the Past
That night,
he finally accepted his past:
-
Abuse
-
Bullying
-
Insecurity
He realized:
The real enemy was himself.
He turned all his pain into fuel.
He decided:
“No matter what happens,
I will not back down.”
SECTION 91: Returning Stronger
He rejoined training in Class 235.
This time,
he focused only on survival.
There was a man named Dobbs —
an elite athlete
but arrogant and insecure.
He constantly pulled his team down.
During Hell Week,
his ego destroyed him.
He broke down.
He quit.
Goggins learned:
If the foundation is weak,
mindset collapses —
no matter how strong the body.
SECTION 92: Hell Week Again — Broken Legs
Goggins passed Hell Week again.
But now both shins were fractured.
He had:
-
A pregnant wife
-
$60,000 debt
-
A small apartment
Every day, he taped his legs with duct tape.
He ran with broken legs.
Pain was unbearable.
But he talked to himself:
“This pain is making me harder.”
Instructors were impressed.
They gave him the hardest swimming tests.
SECTION 93: Graduation and a Strange Sadness
On graduation day,
everyone was happy.
But Goggins felt sadness.
Because he wanted more pain.
BUD/S taught him:
How much a human can endure.
How impossible becomes possible.
He was one of only 36 African Americans
to graduate SEAL training.
But his journey was not over.
The mission was not complete.
PART 7: Ultramarathons, the Cookie Jar, the 40% Rule, and Purpose Beyond Pain
SECTION 94: No Finish Line
After graduating from SEAL training,
I understood one thing clearly:
There is no finish line in life.
If you want to be strong,
you must always be ready for the next challenge.
Pain never truly ends —
it only changes form.
SECTION 95: Choosing the Opponent
In every competitive situation,
first decide who your opponent is.
It could be:
-
A teacher
-
A coach
-
A boss
-
A client
No matter how they behave with you,
there is only one way to win respect:
Excellence.
Work harder than everyone else.
Deliver more than expected.
Force them to notice you.
SECTION 96: Knee Damage and Hiding Pain
After Hell Week,
Goggins’ knee condition became very bad.
But he hid the pain.
Because he could not face Hell Week again.
Doctors gave him medicine,
but the pain did not reduce.
During BUD/S, there was a very tough
underwater knot-tying test.
Because of his damaged knee,
this became even harder.
In this drill,
you must tread water and tie knots
using only one leg.
Instructors saw him panic.
SECTION 97: Mental Calluses
At that moment, Goggins realized:
All the pain, bullying, abuse, and suffering
from his entire life
had actually strengthened his mind.
Just like calluses form on hands,
pain creates calluses on the mind.
Whenever doubts appear,
remember your hardest moments.
They will give you the power to fight again.
SECTION 98: Slaves to the Mind
Most people never try to control their thoughts.
That is why they become slaves to their mind.
But people who face pain, struggle, and failure
develop a callused mind.
Such a mind can break any barrier.
Physical training is the best way
to control the mind.
Because it immediately shows
how far you can push yourself.
Giving your best
when motivation is lowest —
that is real growth.
SECTION 99: Being Sent Home Again
Goggins’ knee eventually fractured.
This time, even mindset was not enough.
He was sent home.
But he did not quit.
He knew he would be called back again.
The future was uncertain.
SECTION 100: Fear, Doubt, and Accountability Mirror
Goggins suffered from claustrophobia on planes.
So he traveled by train from San Diego to Chicago.
For three days,
his mind was in confusion.
He thought:
-
Should I give up my SEAL dream?
-
Maybe I have learned enough
-
Maybe I should try another career
On the third day,
he stood before the accountability mirror.
He admitted the truth:
“I am afraid.”
“I am scared of suffering again.”
SECTION 101: Final Decision
After returning home,
he met his ex-wife Pam.
Over the summer,
his knee healed.
He debated whether to return to training.
But he knew:
If he quit now,
he would carry guilt for life.
So he decided to return.
SECTION 102: Last Warning
The training officer told him clearly:
You will start again from:
-
Day One
-
Week One
Your brown shirt will be taken away.
This is your last chance.
If you get injured again,
you will never be allowed back.
At the same time,
Pam became pregnant.
He now had:
-
No money
-
No house
-
Family responsibility
He cried in front of the mirror.
He said:
“Life is a nightmare.”
Then he answered himself:
“You will fight.
Like you always do.”
SECTION 103: Accepting the Past Fully
That night,
he fully accepted his past:
-
Abuse
-
Bullying
-
Fear
-
Insecurity
He understood:
The real enemy was himself.
He turned all his suffering into fuel.
He decided:
“No matter what happens,
I will not retreat.”
SECTION 104: Returning With a New Mindset
He rejoined training in Class 235.
This time,
he focused only on survival.
There was a trainee named Dobbs.
He was an elite athlete,
but arrogant and insecure.
He constantly dragged the team down.
During Hell Week,
his ego destroyed him.
He broke down.
He quit.
Goggins learned:
If the foundation is weak,
the mind will break —
no matter how strong the body.
SECTION 105: Broken Shins, Unbroken Resolve
Goggins completed Hell Week again.
But both of his shins were fractured.
He had:
-
A pregnant wife
-
$60,000 debt
-
A small apartment
Every day, he wrapped his legs with duct tape.
He ran with broken legs.
The pain was unbearable.
But he told himself:
“This pain is making me stronger.”
Instructors were impressed.
They gave him the toughest swimming tests.
SECTION 106: Graduation and a Strange Emptiness
On graduation day,
everyone celebrated.
But Goggins felt sad.
He wanted more suffering.
BUD/S taught him:
What a human being can endure.
How impossible can become possible.
He was one of only 36 African Americans
to graduate SEAL training.
But his journey was far from over.
SECTION 107: The Cookie Jar Concept
Goggins introduces the Cookie Jar.
The Cookie Jar is a mental tool.
Inside it, you store:
-
Past victories
-
Hardest struggles
-
Moments when you did not quit
Whenever pain or doubt appears,
you reach into the Cookie Jar
and pull out those memories.
They remind you:
“If I survived that,
I can survive this.”
SECTION 108: Using the Cookie Jar
Do not only store achievements.
Store struggles:
-
Quitting smoking
-
Overcoming depression
-
Surviving childhood trauma
Even small wins matter.
Remember how you felt when you succeeded.
Now set new goals.
In workouts:
-
More pull-ups
-
More push-ups
-
Longer runs
When pain hits,
use the Cookie Jar.
SECTION 109: The 40% Rule
The mind has a governor.
Just like a speed limiter in a car,
the brain limits pain, fear, effort, and comfort.
When you think you are finished,
you are usually only 40% done.
You still have 60% left.
This is the 40% Rule.
The mind lies.
You are far stronger than you believe.
SECTION 110: Pain Is the Weapon
Do not run from pain.
Chase pain.
Pain is where your true power is hidden.
The mind becomes callused only through pain.
This does not happen in one day.
It happens through daily effort.
SECTION 111: From Failure to Ultramarathons
The man who could not run a quarter mile
ran 101 miles nonstop.
Then he ran brutal jungle races.
People said it was a mistake.
But he did not stop.
He realized:
All humans live far below their real capacity.
SECTION 112: Beyond Sports
This is not just about sports.
This is about life.
If you are giving less physically,
you are probably giving less
in school, work, or relationships.
Breaking physical limits
breaks mental limits everywhere.
SECTION 113: Visualization With Reality
Visualization is not fantasy.
It is preparing for:
-
Obstacles
-
Pain
-
Failure
Before sleep,
Goggins mentally ran the course.
He visualized problems
and how he would handle them.
When pain arrived,
his mind was ready.
But visualization only works
when backed by hard work.
SECTION 114: Final Message of This Part
When pain or doubt hits,
return to your callused mind.
Return to your Cookie Jar.
Remember:
Nothing is permanent.
Pain ends.
If you smile at pain,
you unlock your second wind.
That is where real victory lives.
PART 8: Badwater 135, Ironman, Time Mastery, and the Final Philosophy
SECTION 115: Running for a Bigger Purpose
Goggins explains that his ultrarunning was never about trophies.
During military service, many of his close friends were killed in action:
-
Danny Dietz
-
Michael Murphy
-
Matthew Axelson
Only Marcus Luttrell survived.
A full SEAL helicopter was shot down.
Almost everyone died.
This loss shook him deeply.
He decided he must do something bigger than himself.
He chose to raise money for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation,
which supports the education of children of fallen soldiers.
Books, tuition, everything.
That became his real mission.
SECTION 116: The Badwater Goal
Goggins decided he would run the Badwater 135 —
considered the toughest race in the world.
But there was a rule:
To qualify, you must finish either:
-
A 100-mile race
-
Or a 24-hour race
The race director, Chris Kostman, made it clear:
“No shortcuts.”
Even recommendations would not help.
SECTION 117: Entering the 100-Mile Race Unprepared
Goggins had no training.
Still, he accepted the challenge.
With only three days’ notice,
he stood at the start line of the San Diego One-Day race.
He was running:
-
For fallen friends
-
For their families
-
To prove he could suffer for a purpose
He did not want a trophy.
This was bigger than him.
SECTION 118: Total Physical Breakdown
After 50 miles:
-
His body was filled with pain
-
His legs felt like stone
-
Walking became difficult
Still, he did not stop.
Shins, lungs, everything hurt.
His chest burned.
It was cold night air.
Vision blurred.
His mind questioned:
“Why am I doing this?”
SECTION 119: Collapse at Mile 70
At mile 69,
even a small incline felt like Everest.
At mile 70,
he collapsed completely.
His wife, Kate, seated him on a chair.
When she removed his socks:
-
Blood
-
Blisters
-
Torn skin
-
Toenails falling off
He had urinated and defecated on himself.
Still, he refused to quit.
SECTION 120: Choosing to Fight Again
He took:
-
Motrin
-
A little food
-
Gatorade
Then stood up again.
He walked slowly.
Kate told him honestly:
“At this pace, you won’t finish 100 miles.”
That moment broke him emotionally.
But then he asked himself:
Will I quit —
or will I fight?
SECTION 121: The Cookie Jar Saves Him
He went inside his mind.
He pulled out memories:
-
Failing in school but passing
-
Losing weight
-
Surviving BUD/S
-
Beating Hell Week
This was his Cookie Jar.
Pain was still there.
But now, each lap became a victory.
He focused only on the next step.
SECTION 122: Finishing the Impossible
Slowly, he crossed:
-
Mile 81
-
Mile 90
-
Mile 95
Finally, he completed 101 miles.
He collapsed unconscious.
Doctors warned him of kidney failure.
But he refused the hospital.
He wanted to feel the pain.
Pain was his trophy.
SECTION 123: Calling the Race Director
Only 27 hours after finishing 101 miles,
he sat at his desk.
His body was destroyed.
But he did not rest.
He called Chris Kostman.
He expected praise.
Instead, Chris asked:
“Did you run the full 24 hours?”
For Chris, it was not enough.
Goggins felt angry.
But he did not argue.
He asked:
“What else do I need to do?”
SECTION 124: Hurt 100 – A Worse Race
Chris suggested Hurt 100 in Hawaii.
It involved:
-
Jungle terrain
-
24,500 feet of elevation change
Even harder than Badwater.
Goggins accepted.
Fueled by adrenaline,
he performed far better than expected.
He even qualified for the Boston Marathon.
SECTION 125: Understanding the Governor
During these races, Goggins realized something:
Inside every human is a governor.
Like a speed limiter in a car,
the brain limits pain and effort.
When you think you’ve given everything,
you’ve only given 40%.
There is still 60% left.
This is not opinion —
it is experience.
SECTION 126: The Hurt 100 Experience
Hurt 100 took place in dense rainforest.
Rain.
Slippery trails.
Darkness.
His shoes were basic.
His hydration pack broke.
He had no salt pills.
Others laughed at him.
Pain crossed all limits.
But he understood:
Pain is not the enemy.
SECTION 127: Finishing Hurt 100
Only 23 people finished the race.
Goggins finished 9th.
Two people had to carry him to the car.
Still, he immediately filled out the Badwater application.
SECTION 128: Acceptance Into Badwater
Days later, an email arrived.
He was accepted into Badwater 135.
Now preparation truly began.
SECTION 129: Strategic Training
He studied the course in detail:
-
Heat levels
-
Elevation
-
Timing
-
Cooling points
He trained in layers of clothes.
Used bikes, ellipticals, rowing machines.
He simulated Death Valley heat.
He visualized every weakness and fear.
You cannot hide weaknesses.
You must face them.
SECTION 130: Badwater Race Day
Race day arrived.
Goggins started with the first group.
He was the biggest runner physically.
Others wore colorful gear.
He wore a torn tank top.
The pace was fast.
But heat did not affect him.
Because of training.
SECTION 131: Strategy in Action
At mile 42, he reached a checkpoint in 8 hours.
Another runner, Jurek, was one hour ahead.
Then came an 18-mile climb.
He walked when climbing,
ran on flats.
During descent, his crew protected him.
SECTION 132: Chasing the Lead
At mile 122,
his wife told him:
“Jurek is only two miles behind you.”
He increased his pace.
He remembered his strategy.
He finished 5th overall.
Out of 19 starters.
The crowd cheered.
He received a medal.
But for him,
it was just another step.
SECTION 133: There Is No End
There is no finish line in life.
There is always another level.
Always another challenge.
SECTION 134: Time Mastery
People say:
“I don’t have time.”
Goggins says:
“You waste time.”
Audit your day.
Remove:
-
TV
-
Phone scrolling
-
Gossip
Schedule everything.
Rest is important —
but discipline comes first.
SECTION 135: Talent Is Optional
Hard work is mandatory.
Self-mastery is mandatory.
Discipline is mandatory.
Talent is optional.
SECTION 136: Final Message
If you want to become uncommon:
-
Take full responsibility
-
Face truth daily
-
Chase discomfort
-
Use pain as fuel
-
Control your time
-
Never negotiate with weakness
You can either be broken by pain —
or you can use it.
That choice is yours.
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