2 October, 2012 (Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti)

Index of Journals

2 October, 2012 (Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti)

I was up by 0900 and I thought of just studying but I was stupid to think like that. I have been counting days like it is one month and 29 days away from December, and I thought I should make use of each and every single day. I was wrong when I thought it was possible here. Just when I was out of bed, aunt came and told me to throw open every door of the place. I haven’t even meditated yet, I had got up to the sound of TV and had stood up to close the door, when she threw that open again and yelled at me.

I then went over to brush my teeth, I was just getting ready. I had bath and shampoo. I saw outside the window and there was this preparation of sports-meeting for little kids of the society going on. There was going to be lunch as well, I was in very serious thought of whether to go or not all the time. I was sitting in my chair by 1030 to study 'Organization Behavior' (OB). I had 'Digital Circuits and Systems II' (DCS2) tuition at 1230 so I had leave by 1130 and I did. I was supposing to be back by 1400, but class started off late around 0115 and ran till 1430. Old-south-Indian faculty has been replaced by this one, a short, fat, about 30’s, is a Jain and uses the word ‘son’ a lot. He was telling us on how to interpret previous year question papers about the questions that are probable to come even the next time, I felt like he was sent here college Discipline Committee, to help, it may sound ironical now.

I had already got call from babaji’s number which I then cut in the class. I also got message from this number that read ‘Dinesh’ in the name, I was like "What!" and very serious thoughts about it. I was running my brain damn hard trying to think of how my classmate Dinesh knows that there is food in the society. I thought hard to try to make a connection between Dinesh and Tanuja Nautiyal (backstabber from Discipline Committee). I was back at home and I saw the just last dozens of the dispersing crowd. I thought to run out and go eat then I met amma on the way and she was bringing food for me. I guess I was lucky, because I seriously was not in the mood to get out there. Reason maybe that I didn’t want to renew my memories from gone past; it was not an easy and nice thing for me. I had met Puneet Jain on the society gate; he was saying good-bye to his cousin, whatever. Talking about how he saw me, he seemed to be a little closed, well; I shouldn’t have asked him who it was when he had sent me text some last time.

I ate and amma told me to get out there and bring some Daal, but there was no plate, so I came back to eat the good amount that amma had brought, 4 Puri, some rice and enough good potato-mix and the second one as well. I had seen Mahima’s mother, she reminds me of Mahima, the face seems such a match, damn it. My heart feels heavy when I would be thinking of Mahima.

Then I tell Srishti about the messages from my classmate and she told me that it was Anu whom I had saved with wrong name. I was like ‘Ohh’ and Srishti was right. Later I was just sitting with her and listening to her showing me off her songs in the phone. I was tired but didn’t seem to be in the want to leave. At 1600, I was watching TV and by 1630, I came over to sleep. It was Prashant who had flipped open the door when babaji was watching old 70s-80s Bollywood songs and it was all noise pollution here. He broke my sleep as always, what can I do about it anyway, so just writing it down it here. It was 1830; aunt, Srishti and Prashant were going to see of the new-born boy to Srishti’s cousin Swati, she married just months away. The child was born today in the evening when I was with Srishti, 1600.

I wrote about the day from 1900 to 2000. I had dinner by 2030. Amma and babaji were in the living room, amma told babaji about the option of letting some builder pull down the Tri-Nagar house and let him keep one storey and leave the rest for us, along with the rights of the property. This plan irks me a lot, why bringing the house down and building something on property under dispute, yes, why. While thinking about it at night in bed, I told asked myself one thing, ‘do I want it,’ answer is ‘no’. It has already been decided and further thinking is not at all required, my absence from the matter is all set and discussed, case is shut.

The aunt and family was back by 2115. I was studying from 2200 to 0000. I shouldn’t have told amma about the pinch by the slipper in the little middle finger of the right foot. She was back in about half-an-hour with band-aid and I was like ‘no, no, please no’ and about to wet my eyes.

I recognized the missing cloth from the railing next to security-room outside as seen from my window. I was thinking if some shit had been cooking under it all the way long. Then also, today the lights of the guard-room weren’t off, why.

I was in bed after deep-breathing by 0030. I was unable to sleep; I was damn badly running my thoughts in every direction. I had seen time going, 0100, 0145, at 0225, I was eating some oily-snacks to fill up. Last time I saw was, 0245.