1 October, 2012

Index of Journals

1 October, 2012
Sneha (from internship) replied to my messages last night just before 2300. She said she was ready to come but that now sir had said to come on third, I told her to call and put up class tomorrow. She refused to do that and told me that she will call him in the morning. She had got irritated actually; I told her I was only trying to keep everyone in touch. She had left a message around 0700 when I was sleeping that neither she nor Gaurav was coming today. I was like ‘awesome’ as if I didn’t know that.
I was tired and I just slept on books with my Notebook still out there, the Prashant had put off the light. I turned on the light and just moved the things. I thought of getting up early and went down to sleep without delaying by 2345. I fell asleep after deep-breathing in sitting posture and then while lying in bed.

I had seen some stupid dream just before waking up. I saw some person standing behind me, very close like some crazy-killer. It wasn’t once; I saw this thing again, with someone with clean face standing just over my shoulder until I discover him pointing his bottle like as if pointing a gun onto me. I was awake just after it. I woke up at 1030 and did deep-breathing. I was just roaming around the house; actually, grandma was talking to someone whom she knew to be acquaintance of HEM (brother of grandpa) from 'Tri Nagar'. She was talking about Sadhana (mom), and grandma was just spitting about Sadhana and how she is, what she is to someone for whom it was probably not going to matter anyhow. I was not going to stand in the bathroom while brushing and listen to all the bullshit I didn’t have much to say or do about. I was in the room sitting and waiting until that the time comes for me to go and brush. I brushed by 1230, I was sitting in the room and I now hear grandma talking to Seema aunt about what the man had just talked to her about. Aunt was telling grandma of the money that could be generated by giving away the contract for building a structure there and letting him keep storey, then rent the others after keeping Sadhna in one and distributing the others as per the requirement. I was hearing it and just let it go off, thinking how that mean to me and what does it mean to me, nothing. It has nothing to do with me.

One thing I asked myself after this was, the person to whom grandma talked that long conversation, was he even real, was the phone-line safe and not been sniffed.

I had sandwiches and Gol-gappe by 1300; aunt had made them at home. I didn’t really like Gol-gappe and had only two for taste and not being ignorant. I was studying for two hours, 'Organizational Behavior' (OB), the psychology-part on individual behavior. It was not what was to read but just did it. Anu saw two pens on my table that might have belonged to her and she took them away like they were her precious jewels, she keeps over two dozens of pens. I was sleeping for two hours from 1500 to 1700. I woke up in fatigue, legs feelings crunched. I did some stretching for 20 minutes and just sat thereafter. I had missed the lunch today so had two sandwiches around 1800 before sitting on Notebook.

I had counted my saved money and it was some 6800 INR, I had thought of them to be 7100 INR. I had forgotten about the 200 INR I had kept in my notepad in drawer. I tell myself not to be money-minded for at least next 8 months, I tell myself to stop banking until the college gets over.

I watched the left movie ‘MAX PAYNE, 2008’ about a detective seeking revenge for the cold case of his wife’s murder three years ago. The movie seemed awesome to me, and I really liked it.

The movie ended after 2200, starting from 2030.
I am sort of thoughtful about the objects that I see on the railing just next to the guard-room. I would be susceptible that these could be camera or something, now there was this thing missing, what could it mean. I just have to keep my thoughts to myself, I guess.
I went down to sleep at 0130 but after I didn’t catch it, I was up to eat something at 0200 and I wasn’t asleep until 0230.