Six negative listening patterns

Book: Adele B. Lynn, Eileen Klockars - 50 activities for emotional intelligence (2000)

The six negative listening patterns are as follows:

(1) The Faker – All the outward signs are there, she’s nodding, making eye contact, and giving the occasional um huh. However, the faker isn’t concentrating on the speaker. Her mind is elsewhere.

(2) The Interrupter – The interrupter doesn’t allow the speaker to finish and he doesn’t ask clarifying questions or seek more information from the speakers. He’s too anxious to speak his words. He shows little concern for the speaker.

(3) The Intellectual or Logical Listener – This person is always trying to interpret what the speaker is saying and why. She is judging the speaker’s words and trying to fit them into her logic box. She rarely asks
about the underlying feeling or emotion attached to a message.

(4) The Happy Hooker – The Happy Hooker uses the speaker’s words only as a way to get to his message. When the speaker says something, and frankly, it could be anything, the happy hooker steals the focus and then changes to his own point of view, his opinion, or his story or facts.
Favorite hooker lines are, “Oh, that’s nothing, here’s what happened to me...” “I remember when I was...”

(5) The Rebuttal Maker – This listener only listens long enough to form a rebuttal. Her point is to use the speaker’s words against him. At her worst, she is argumentative and wants to prove you wrong. At the least, she always wants to make the speaker see the other point of view.

(6) The Advice Giver – Giving advice is sometimes helpful, however, at other times, this behavior interferes with good listening. It interferes with listening because it does not allow the speaker to fully articulate his feelings or thoughts; it doesn’t help the speaker solve his own problems; it prohibits venting; it could also belittle the speaker by minimizing his concern with a quick solution. Well-placed advice is an important function of leadership. However, advice given too quickly and at the wrong time is a turn-off to the speaker.

Listening skills are central to the emotionally competent leader. However, skill in listening requires far more than technique. True listening requires a mindset that includes the following elements:
• a respectful attitude toward the speaker even when the content of the speaker’s message is abrasive
• a open mind willing to hear and seek understanding of the messages of the speaker
• placing the speaker as a human equal thus worthy of the listener’s attention

Teach the basic tenets to good listening, including:
A. reflective listening to clarify content
B. reflective listening to clarify feelings
C. listening nonverbals