Refocusing (May 2026)

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9 May 2026, 5 PM

What would I do if I were to die in 24 hours?

Latest achievement: paid back a friend some money I owed him.

Let’s be clear I don’t have any loans now (apart from some 38+ Lacs for Home loan — which is collateralized so pretty much painless :: Just that even if loan itself wasn’t a problem, the EMIs were 34+ K is like 34% of my monthly expense.

There is a thought that just clicked in my mind:

And let me be outright, the thought would seem pretty dumb and stupid, pretty irrational and aggressive

“Can I close my Home Loan in 1 Year?”

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Let’s do some math:

• Loan amount: 38 L

• Salary: 2—2.3 L/month (24—28 L annually)

• Monthly Expense: 1—1.2 L/month

• Savings: 1—1.1 L/month (12—13.2 L annually)

Looking at the “Savings — annually” and “Loan amount” — seems like at current pace, it would take me 3 years.

Factor in the investments that I have currently: 13 Lacs

So effective burden from loan: $38-13=25\text{ Lacs}$

At current pace that would take about 2 years to reach.

Rough calculation would say: to reduce time to half (i.e. 1 year), I’d have to double the input.

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Apart from this target-1-year period, what other timelines am I acting under?

• 6 Months of probation (May—Oct)

• 1 month of allowed bench period

• How long have I been on bench already? 24 Apr — 9 May = 15 days

That makes me think that: apart from having an urge to clear my Home loan, I should also have some emergency fund which going by the books is: 6—9 months expenses OR for me: 6—9 Lacs.

As a first step towards building emergency fund that can also be used to pay home loan, I would:

1. Update my Expenses and Investments sheets daily

2. Park some money 1k—5k in a Liquid Fund today

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Exploring Fixed Deposit as an Investment Tool

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Investment Evaluation Report

SECTION 1: Understanding Your Investment

Based on the screenshot provided, you have successfully booked a Fixed Deposit (FD) with Axis Bank. Here is a breakdown of what exactly you have signed up for:

• Principal Amount (The Seed): You have invested ₹5,00,000. This is the lump sum you are lending to the bank.
• Interest Rate (The Reward): The bank is paying you 6.45% per annum. Think of this as the "rent" the bank pays you for using your money.
• Tenure (The Time): Your money is locked in for 15 months.
• Payout Type: This is a Monthly Payout FD. Instead of waiting until the end of 15 months to get your profit, the bank will send the interest earned straight to your bank account every month.
• Maturity Instruction: It is set to Reinvest. This means after 15 months, the bank will automatically start a new FD with your ₹5,00,000 unless you tell them otherwise.

SECTION 2: Exploring the Alternatives

While an FD is safe, it’s important to see what else is out there. Let’s be brutally honest about your other options:

1. Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a government-backed savings scheme. It currently offers a slightly higher interest rate (usually around 7.1%).

• The Reality Check: It has a 15-year lock-in period. While your FD lets you get your money back in 15 months, PPF traps it for a decade and a half. Also, you cannot get monthly payouts; the interest is only credited once a year. It’s great for retirement, but terrible for someone who needs regular cash.

2. Debt Mutual Funds

These funds invest your money in corporate bonds and government securities.

• The Reality Check: Unlike your FD, these are not "fixed." The value can go up or down based on market interest rates. More importantly, the recent tax changes in India mean that any gains from debt funds are now taxed at your regular income tax slab, removing the old "indexation" tax benefit. You are taking market risk for returns that might not be significantly higher than your FD.

3. Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs)

These are a mix of insurance and investment.

• The Reality Check: Avoid these if your goal is pure investment. ULIPs are notorious for high hidden charges (Premium Allocation Charges, Mortality Charges, Fund Management Charges). A large chunk of your ₹5,00,000 would go toward commissions and fees before it even gets invested. Plus, there is a mandatory 5-year lock-in.

SECTION 3: Questions and Answers

Q: How much am I going to get each month?

Since your interest is paid out monthly, we calculate it by taking the yearly interest and dividing it by 12 months.

Monthly Interest = (Principal × Interest Rate) ÷ 12

Example Calculation for your investment:

• Principal: ₹5,00,000
• Annual Interest: 6.45% of 5,00,000 = ₹32,250 per year
• Monthly Payout: ₹32,250 ÷ 12 = ₹2,687.50

Note: The bank might deduct a small amount as TDS (Tax Deducted at Source) before sending it to you if your total interest income exceeds certain limits.

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Q: Would there be any growth of my investment in the FD account after the interest is paid out monthly?

The short answer is No.

In a "Monthly Payout" plan, you are choosing to consume your profits as they are earned. Think of it like a fruit tree where you pluck every single fruit as soon as it ripens. The tree (your ₹5,00,000) stays the same size; it doesn't get any bigger because you aren't letting the "fruit" (interest) fall back to the ground to plant new trees.

This is why your Maturity Amount in the screenshot is exactly ₹5,00,000. At the end of 15 months, you will get back exactly what you put in, because you already took the profit out every month along the way.

Summary: This FD is an excellent choice if you need a steady monthly "pocket money" of about ₹2,687. However, if you wanted your ₹5,00,000 to grow into ₹6,00,000 over time, you should have chosen the "Cumulative" option instead of "Monthly Payout."

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Dichotomy of living your life, and doing sacrifice now for better future

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The dichotomy between living in the present and sacrificing for a better future is a fundamental human tension often described as the conflict between instant gratification and long-term reward. It is the struggle between being fully engaged in the "now" (joy, peace, presence) and enduring hardship today to ensure comfort tomorrow (ambition, discipline, security). 

This paradox is best understood not as an "either/or" choice, but a balanced "both/and" approach to prevent regret or burnout. 

The Core Conflict: Present vs. Future 

• The Case for Sacrifice (Long-term Gain): Achieving significant goals—career, financial freedom, health, or mastering a skill—requires giving up temporary comforts, sleep, or leisure time. This perspective views present sacrifices as investments, not losses.
• The Case for Living Now (Short-term Enjoyment): Focusing entirely on the future can lead to neglecting the present, where true happiness lies. Over-sacrificing can result in a "pathological" state where one is always working, never truly living, and potentially missing out on life itself.
• The "Middle Way": The best approach lies in finding balance, where today’s actions are enjoyable but also align with long-term goals. 

Key Strategies for Balancing the Two 

1. Reframe "Sacrifice" as "Investment": Change your mindset from "losing out" to "investing." Sacrificing time for study or working out is investing in a healthier, more capable future self.
2. Practice "Surgical" Sacrifice: Don't sacrifice blindly. Be strategic about what you give up (e.g., frivolous spending, excessive social media) and ensure it directly serves your long-term goals.
3. Use the "Three Pot" System: Organize your life into "Yesterday" (past responsibilities), "Today" (enjoying life now), and "Tomorrow" (saving for the future) to ensure all areas get attention, say experts via Winson Capital.
4. Aim for a 25% Savings Target: A common rule of thumb is to save or invest roughly 25% of your income. Once that goal is met, you can enjoy the rest of your money guilt-free.
5. Be Present in Your Work: You can "live in the moment" even while working hard. By focusing intensely on the task at hand rather than anxiety about the future, you find flow and joy in the process. 

Risks of Extremes 

• Too much present living: Leads to regretting a lack of security, health issues, or financial instability later in life.
• Too much future sacrifice: Leads to burnout, loneliness, and realizing you have sacrificed the best years of your life for a future that might not turn out as planned. 

Ultimately, the goal is to create a "purposeful, disciplined, and playful" life, where you are building for the future while still enjoying the journey. 

To help yourself find your personal balance, ask yourself:

• What is the biggest sacrifice you are currently making?
• What is the primary goal you are sacrificing for?
• Do you feel more burned out or more anxious about the future?

 

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Six Months To Live (May 2026)

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“If you learned today that you only had six months left to live, how would you spend your last six months on earth?”

(Read more about this question »)

I thought about this topic for about 30-40 minutes and I realized in such 6 months I would be busy repairing my relationships and I would be busy managing my finances (or debts to be specific and clear).

I could be more sensitive, respectful and careful in my relationships but I can't really try to mechanically try to fix them like a broken toy or gadget.

For my finances, I would really need to be watchful of where money goes and how I spend it.

My debts aren't exactly problematic because I have got them covered but I think about them for two reasons:
    1. Debts are still Debts. 
    2. The money which I am spending towards EMIs could have been used towards creating a financial cushion, a safety net.

In this way, debts aren't the exact problem but poor money management is.
Also, what concerns me is if people (in my relationships) would be able to do well financially after I am gone (that thought is despite how broken my relationships are).

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Having written this much already makes me feel a bit lighter 😀

I am thinking after I would have made some progress towards my relationships and finances, I would devote some time (or rest of my time) towards my spiritual wellbeing.

I would practice forgiveness. And humility. And also the other of ten Jain virtues…

Wish you well!
Thank you for reading!

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Ask ‘Why’ Five Times…

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Asking ‘Why’ five times to clarify my intentions and motivations, deeper reasons, personal values and motivations of why I do that what I do...

    1. Why do you study ML (or algorithms, or whatever)?

To be able to crack interviews.

    2. Why do you want to crack interviews?

To be able to get a project (before today: it was to get a better job)

    3. Why do you want to get a project / job?

To earn money.

    4. Why do you want to earn money?

To live a comfortable life… with, maybe, decent standards of living.

Well, no, I responded to question in two points in the above answer almost to the point of justifying my current situation and way of life.

So, I would rather say: “To live comfortably” 

But then even now it seems to reveal an escalating loop in my thinking: “I am choosing an uncomfortable way of life to seek a comfortable life.”

And the grey area appears: I don't want to think of my way as the way of delayed gratification. Because no book on delayed gratification tells you how delayed it is going to be.

And then I recall my learnings from Buddhism and reckon “There is no such thing as comfortable life. Everyone suffers.”

    5. THE LAST ‘WHY’

Assuming my last answer (“to live comfortably“) was okay and accepted.

Then I ask again “Why live comfortably?”

I am not getting any thoughts, other than thinking of myself as a hedonist... 

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Mind Your Own Matters

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I have been in a lot of mess, a lot of chaos, a lot of trouble because of one mistake, one habit – I don't mind my own business.

As I try to see its truthfulness, its validity, I see it in play in most (if not all) of my relationships and equations with other people.

Somebody comes to me with a problem and I tend to make it a personal task, goal to accomplish.

My maid asks for help in police verification for working in the society and I make it a personal mission – she may neither be that appreciative of my help, nor may be critically needing it.

Some girl in my society in first year of college asks for my help with Math and Python, and I make that a personal mission. Even when (same as before) she might neither be that appreciative of my help, nor may be critically needing it.

My mom calls me and tells me of some issue with some tenant, or some issue with water, or electric, or some tool or equipment, and I would be totally distracted from what I would be doing. Packing my things and leaving for Tri Nagar. And then when things are sorted, my mom would be telling me that “my personal intervention was not needed”. I then at such times think (for no reason) to myself “why did she call me then to rant?”

At the NGO I went to for the last two months to teach, I thought of it as a personal responsibility, and felt an onus for it to make sure that the kids there learn something. Even when their parents and the kids themselves don't see much value in it, though the kids cannot be blamed given their age. And this is not my assumption, I see it in absenteeism and falling attendance.

The same thing applies to my blogging activity – what do I have to do with Iran? What do I have to do with Bihar? What do I have to do with Bengal? What do I have to do with Delhi? Nothing, nothing and nothing – but I still write, I still blog, still waste my time and energy.

Then came the moment of realisation…

Yesterday afternoon, I was at Bikaner Sweets to buy some sweets and namkeen. There I saw an electric kitchen appliance that was frying samosas in an oil pool. I was totally excited to see that and could not hide my excitement. I asked “is that an electric appliance for making samosas?... Is that an electric appliance for making samosas?” Then the old bitter-and-sour man sarcastically remarked, “No, that's running on gobar-gas!” (Gobar: cow dung)

I went quiet. I thought about it. And put in my pocket the lesson he meant to impart…

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Thanks for reading! 

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