Journal (checking emotional temperature in Jan 2021)

My overall emotions and feelings these days are of hatred and disappointment.
I am not very fond of my family. I told my sister (Anu) to not write to me unless she needs anything from me. 
Anu had asked me about marriage and was throwing some ideas but she has been ignorant. I do not know when she last spoke to our mother, Sadhana. Anu's behavior is disgusting. 

When a girls' families talk to me, I at first have to give the explanation about my address and given the present situation that my grandparents have put me in, I don't have an address. My uncle claims the Mayur Vihar house, my buas are not giving a clarity about Tri Nagar's house. Buas (all the three Manju, Kumkum and Rekha) rather tell me that I should buy a house in Chandigarh and move my mom there. On similar lines, my aunt had suggested in last December when I had been in Delhi that I should rent a place and take my mother there. My aunt pretends that Mayur Vihar house belongs to her when on paper it still belongs to my grandpa. I am not really sure what my Grandpa wants. To him, saying pleasing words, nice things and buttering was the way to get through me. I sure owe him something for what I am today but I don’t like to be in debt, I don’t want to be in debt. 

My mother has separate demands like if I buy a house, the house should be near-by a Jain temple and this is not what I want as I am not religious. People buy house which is near-by the facilities such as hospitals or schools or offices or malls, but not a temple, no builder even promotes a property through a temple. What my mom doesn't understand is that Jains are a minority and a rather rigid one with distinguishing eating habits, religious practices and what not.

Also, I told Anu's father-in-law to stop sending me the 'good morning' messages. These were very irritating messages written in Hindi (spoken and written).

I am upset with my grandparents because they have not taken care of me as part of providing me a place to live. The house where my mother stays was in shambles with no roof, and rain falling down directly into her one room before I got it fixed.

When my Manju bua learns of this a few months later as I told her, she asks me if her old law books were there, which I had sold away as wastepaper for recycling. The books had taken the entire room and they were rotting there with termite. My badi bua would be asking about her Godrej almirah that is still there in the room. Kumkum bua and Manju bua call themselves very religious but their affinity towards these objects is rather surprising. She doesn't need the almirah, if she had needed it, she would have taken it away with her by now, but she hasn't.

Date: 26 Jan, 2021