Chapter 2 - The Second Night (The White Tiger, Aravind Adiga)

The Second Night


For the Desk of: 


His Excellency Wen Jiabao 
Now probably fast asleep in the Premier's Office In China 

From the Desk of: 
His Midnight Educator 
On matters entrepreneurial: 
"The White Tiger"

Mr. Premier.
So.
What does my laughter sound like? What do my armpits smell like? And when I grin, is it true-as you no doubt imagine by now-that my lips widen into a devil's rictus? Oh, I could go on and on about myself, sir. I could gloat that I am not just any murderer, but one who killed his own employer (who is a kind of second father), and also contributed to the probable death of all his family members.
A virtual mass murderer.
But I don't want to go on and on about myself. You should hear some of these Bangalore entrepreneurs-my start-up has got this contract with American Express, my start-up runs the software in this hospital in London, blah blah. I hate that whole fucking Bangalore attitude, I tell you.
(But if you absolutely must find out more about me, just log on to my Web site: www.whitetiger-technologydrivers.com. That's right! That's the URL of my start-up!) So I'm sick of talking about myself, sir. Tonight, I want to talk about the other important man in my story.
My ex.
Mr. Ashok's face reappears now in my mind's eye as it used to every day when I was in his service-reflected in my rearview mirror. It was such a handsome face that sometimes I couldn't take my eyes off it. Picture a sixfoot- tall fellow, broad-shouldered, with a landlord's powerful, punishing forearms; yet always gentle (almost always-except for that time he punched Pinky Madam in the face) and kind to those around him, even his servants and driver.
Now another face appears, to the side of his, in memory's mirror. Pinky Madam-his wife. Every bit as good-looking as her husband; just as the image of the goddess in the Birla Hindu Temple in New Delhi is as fair as the god to whom she is married. She would sit in the back, and the two of them would talk, and I would drive them wherever they wanted, as faithfully as the servant-god Hanuman carried about his master and mistress, Ram and Sita.
Thinking of Mr. Ashok is making me sentimental. I hope I've got some paper napkins here somewhere.
Here's a strange fact: murder a man, and you feel responsible for his life- possessive, even. You know more about him than his father and mother; they knew his fetus, but you know his corpse. Only you can complete the story of his life; only you know why his body has to be pushed into the fire before its time, and why his toes curl up and fight for another hour on earth.
Now, even though I killed him, you won't find me saying one bad thing about him. I protected his good name when I was his servant, and now that I am (in a sense) his master, I won't stop protecting his good name. I owe him so much. He and Pinky Madam would sit in the back of the car, chatting about life, about India, about America-mixing Hindi and English together-and by eavesdropping on them, I learned a lot about life, India, and America- and a bit of English too. (Perhaps a bit more than I've let on so far-!) Many of my best ideas are, in fact, borrowed from my ex-employer or his brother or someone else whom I was driving about. (I confess, Mr. Premier: I am not an original thinker-but I am an original listener.) True, eventually Mr. Ashok and I had a disagreement or two about an English term-income tax- and things began to sour between us, but that messy stuff comes later on in the story. Right now we're still on best of terms: we've just met, far from Delhi, in the city called Dhanbad.
I came to Dhanbad after my father's death. He had been ill for some time, but there is no hospital in Laxmangarh, although there are three different foundation stones for a hospital, laid by three different politicians before three different elections. When he began spitting blood that morning, Kishan and I took him by boat across the river. We kept washing his mouth with water from the river, but the water was so polluted that it made him spit more blood.
There was a rickshaw-puller on the other side of the river who recognized my father; he took the three of us for free to the government hospital.
There were three black goats sitting on the steps to the large, faded white building; the stench of goat feces wafted out from the open door. The glass in most of the windows was broken; a cat was staring out at us from one cracked window.
A sign on the gate said: 
LOHIA UNIVERSAL FREE HOSPITAL
PROUDLY INAUGURATED BY THE GREAT SOCIALIST
A HOLY PROOF THAT HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES

Kishan and I carried our father in, stamping on the goat turds which had spread like a constellation of black stars on the ground. There was no doctor in the hospital. The ward boy, after we bribed him ten rupees, said that a doctor might come in the evening. The doors to the hospital's rooms were wide open; the beds had metal springs sticking out of them, and the cat began snarling at us the moment we stepped into the room.
"It's not safe in the rooms-that cat has tasted blood."
A couple of Muslim men had spread a newspaper on the ground and were sitting on it. One of them had an open wound on his leg. He invited us to sit with him and his friend. Kishan and I lowered Father onto the newspaper sheets. We waited there.
Two little girls came and sat down behind us; both of them had yellow eyes.
"Jaundice. She gave it to me."
"I did not. You gave it to me. And now we'll both die!"
An old man with a cotton patch on one eye came and sat down behind the girls.
The Muslim men kept adding newspapers to the ground, and the line of diseased eyes, raw wounds, and delirious mouths kept growing.
"Why isn't there a doctor here, uncle?" I asked. "This is the only hospital on either side of the river."
"See, it's like this," the older Muslim man said. "There's a government medical superintendent who's meant to check that doctors visit village hospitals like this. Now, each time this post falls vacant, the Great Socialist lets all the big doctors know that he's having an open auction for that post.
The going rate for this post is about four hundred thousand rupees these days."
"That much!" I said, my mouth opened wide.
"Why not? There's good money in public service! Now, imagine that I'm a doctor. I beg and borrow the money and give it to the Great Socialist, while touching his feet. He gives me the job. I take an oath to God and the Constitution of India and then I put my boots up on my desk in the state capital." He raised his feet onto an imaginary table. "Next, I call all the junior government doctors, whom I'm supposed to supervise, into my office. I take out my big government ledger. I shout out, 'Dr. Ram Pandey.'"
He pointed a finger at me; I assumed my role in the play.
I saluted him: "Yes, sir!"
He held out his palm to me.
"Now, you-Dr. Ram Pandey-will kindly put one-third of your salary in my palm. Good boy. In return, I do this." He made a tick on the imaginary ledger.
"You can keep the rest of your government salary and go work in some private hospital for the rest of the week. Forget the village. Because according to this ledger you've been there. You've treated my wounded leg.
You've healed that girl's jaundice."
"Ah," the patients said. Even the ward boys, who had gathered around us to listen, nodded their heads in appreciation. Stories of rottenness and corruption are always the best stories, aren't they? When Kishan put some food into Father's mouth, he spat it out with blood.
His lean black body began to convulse, spewing blood this way and that. The girls with the yellow eyes began to wail. The other patients moved away from my father.
"He's got tuberculosis, hasn't he?" the older Muslim man asked, as he swatted the flies away from the wound in his leg.
"We don't know, sir. He's been coughing for a while, but we didn't know what it was."
"Oh, it's TB. I've seen it before in rickshaw-pullers. They get weak from their work. Well, maybe the doctor will turn up in the evening."
He did not. Around six o'clock that day, as the government ledger no doubt accurately reported, my father was permanently cured of his tuberculosis.
The ward boys made us clean up after Father before we could remove the body. A goat came in and sniffed as we were mopping the blood off the floor.
The ward boys petted her and fed her a plump carrot as we mopped our father's infected blood off the floor.
Kishan's marriage took place a month after the cremation.
It was one of the good marriages. We had the boy, and we screwed the girl's family hard. I remember exactly what we got in dowry from the girl's side, and thinking about it even now makes my mouth fill up with water: five thousand rupees cash, all crisp new unsoiled notes fresh from the bank, plus a Hero bicycle, plus a thick gold necklace for Kishan.
After the wedding, Kusum Granny took the five thousand rupees and the Hero cycle and the thick gold necklace; Kishan got two weeks to dip his beak into his wife, and then he was packed off to Dhanbad. My cousin Dilip and I came along with him. We three found work in a tea shop in Dhanbad-the owner had heard good things about Kishan's work at the tea shop in Laxmangarh.
Luckily for us, he hadn't heard anything about me.
Go to a tea shop anywhere along the Ganga, sir, and look at the men working in that tea shop- men, I say, but better to call them human spiders that go crawling in between and under the tables with rags in their hands, crushed humans in crushed uniforms, sluggish, unshaven, in their thirties or forties or fifties but still "boys." But that is your fate if you do your job well-with honesty, dedication, and sincerity, the way Gandhi would have done it, no doubt.
I did my job with near total dishonesty, lack of dedication, and insincerity- and so the tea shop was a profoundly enriching experience.
Instead of wiping out spots from tables and crushing coals for the oven, I used my time at the tea shop in Laxmangarh to spy on every customer at every table, and overhear everything they said. I decided that this was how I would keep my education going forward-that's the one good thing I'll say for myself. I've always been a big believer in education-especially my own.
The owner of the shop sat up at the front, below the big photo of Gandhi, stirring a slow-boiling broth of sugar syrup. He knew what I was up to! Whenever he saw me loafing around a table or pretending to be doing a spot of wiping just so I could hear more of a conversation, he would shout, "You thug!" then jump down from his seat, chase me around the tea shop with the ladle he had been using to stir the sugar, and whack me on the head with it.
The burning syrup singed me wherever the ladle touched, and left a series of spots on my ears which people sometimes mistake for vitiligo or another skin disease; a network of pink by which you can still identify me, although the police, predictably, missed it.
Eventually I got sent home. No one else in Laxmangarh would hire me after that, even as a field hand. So it was mostly for my sake that Kishan and Dilip had come to Dhanbad-to give me a chance to start my career as a human spider afresh.
In his journey from village to city, from Laxmangarh to Delhi, the entrepreneur's path crosses any number of provincial towns that have the pollution and noise and traffic of a big city- without any hint of the true city's sense of history, planning, and grandeur. Half-baked cities, built for half-baked men.
There was money in the air in Dhanbad. I saw buildings with sides made entirely of glass, and men with gold in their teeth. And all this glass and gold -all of it came from the coal pits. Outside the town, there was coal, more coal than you would find anywhere else in the Darkness, maybe more coal than anywhere else in the world. Miners came to eat at my tea shop-I always gave them the best service, because they had the best tales to tell.
They said that the coal mines went on and on for miles and miles outside the town. In some places there were fires burning under the earth and sending smoke into the air-fires that had been burning continuously for a hundred years! And it was at the tea shop in this city built by coal, while wiping a table and lingering to overhear a conversation, that my life changed.
"You know, sometimes I think I did the wrong thing in life, becoming a miner."
"Then? What else can people like you and me become? Politicians?"
"Everyone's getting a car these days-and you know how much they pay their drivers? One thousand seven hundred rupees a month!"
I dropped my rag. I ran to Kishan, who was cleaning out the insides of an oven.
After my father's death, it was Kishan who took care of me. I don't attempt to hide his role in making me who I am today. But he had no entrepreneurial spunk at all. He would have been happy to let me sink in the mud.
"Nothing doing," Kishan said. "Granny said stick to the tea shop-and we'll stick to the tea shop."
I went to all the taxi stands; down on my knees I begged random strangers; but no one would agree to teach me car-driving for free.
It was going to cost me three hundred rupees to learn how to drive a car.
Three hundred rupees! Today, in Bangalore, I can't get enough people for my business. People come and people go. Good men never stay. I'm even thinking of advertising in the newspaper.
BANGALORE-BASED BUSINESSMAN SEEKS
SMART MEN FOR HIS BUSINESS
APPLY AT ONCE! ATTRACTIVE REMUNERATION PACKAGES ON OFFER
LESSONS IN LIFE AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP INCLUDED FOR FREE! Go to any pub or bar in Bangalore with your ears open and it's the same thing you hear: can't get enough call-center workers, can't get enough software engineers, can't get enough sales managers. There are twenty, twenty-five pages of job advertisements in the newspaper every week.
Things are different in the Darkness. There, every morning, tens of thousands of young men sit in the tea shops, reading the newspaper, or lie on a charpoy humming a tune, or sit in their rooms talking to a photo of a film actress. They have no job to do today. They know they won't get any job today. They've given up the fight.
They're the smart ones.
The stupid ones have gathered in a field in the center of the town. Every now and then a truck comes by, and all the men in the field rush to it with their hands outstretched, shouting, "Take me! Take me!"
Everyone pushed me; I pushed back, but the truck scooped up only six or seven men and left the rest of us behind. They were off on some construction or digging job-the lucky bastards. Another half hour of waiting. Another truck came. Another scramble, another fight. After the fifth or sixth fight of the day, I finally found myself at the head of the crowd, face-to-face with the truck driver. He was a Sikh, a man with a big blue turban. In one hand he held a wooden stick, and he swung the stick to drive back the crowd.
"Everyone!" he shouted. "Take off your shirts! I've got to see a man's nipples before I give him a job!"
He looked at my chest; he squeezed the nipples-slapped my butt-glared into my eyes-and then poked the stick against my thigh: "Too thin! Fuck off!"
"Give me a chance, sir-my body is small but there's a lot of fight in it-I'll dig for you, I'll haul cement for you, I'll-"
He swung his stick; it hit me on the left ear. I fell down, and others rushed to take my place.
I sat on the ground, rubbed my ear, and watched the truck leave in a big cloud of dust.
The shadow of an eagle passed over my body. I burst into tears.
"White Tiger! There you are!"
Kishan and Cousin Dilip lifted me up from the ground, big smiles on their faces. Great news! Granny had agreed to let them invest in my driving classes. "There's only one thing," Kishan said. "Granny says you're a greedy pig. She wants you to swear by all the gods in heaven that you won't forget her once you get rich."
"I swear."
"Pinch your neck and swear-you'll send every rupee you make every month back to Granny."
We went into the house where the taxi drivers lived. An old man in a brown uniform, which was like an ancient army outfit, was smoking a hookah that was warmed up by a bowl of live coals. Kishan explained the situation to him.
The old driver asked, "What caste are you?"
"Halwai."
"Sweet-makers," the old driver said, shaking his head. "That's what you people do. You make sweets. How can you learn to drive?" He pointed his hookah at the live coals. "That's like getting coals to make ice for you.
Mastering a car"-he moved the stick of an invisible gearbox-"it's like taming a wild stallion-only a boy from the warrior castes can manage that.
You need to have aggression in your blood. Muslims, Rajputs, Sikhs-they're fighters, they can become drivers. You think sweet-makers can last long in fourth gear?"
Coal was taught to make ice, starting the next morning at six. Three hundred rupees, plus a bonus, will do that. We practiced in a taxi. Each time I made a mistake with the gears, he slapped me on the skull. "Why don't you stick to sweets and tea?"
For every hour I spent in the car, he made me spend two or three under it-I was made a free repair mechanic for all the taxis in the stand; late every evening, I emerged from under a taxi like a hog from sewage, my face black with grease, my hands shiny with engine oil. I dipped into a Ganga of black-and came out a driver.
"Listen," the old driver said when I was handing him over the hundred rupees he had been promised as bonus. "It's not enough to drive. You've got to become a driver. You've got to get the right attitude, understand? Anyone tries to overtake you on the road, do this"-he clenched his fist and shook it -"and call him a sister-fucker a few times. The road is a jungle, get it? A good driver must roar to get ahead on it."
He patted me on the back.
"You're better than I thought-you are a surprise package, little fellow. I've got a reward for you."
He walked; I followed. It was evening. We went through dim streets and markets. We walked for half an hour, while everything around us grew dark -and then it was as if we had stepped out into fireworks.
The street was full of colored doors and colored windows, and in each door and each window, a woman was looking out at me with a big smile. Ribbons of red paper and silver foil glittered between the rooftops of the street; tea was being boiled in stalls by the sides of the road. Four men rushed at us at once. The old driver explained that they should keep away, since it was my first time. "Let him enjoy the sights first. That's the best part of this game, isn't it-the looking!"
"Sure, sure," the men said, and stepped back. "That's what we want him to do -enjoy!"
I walked with the old driver, my mouth open, gaping at all the gorgeous women jeering and taunting me from behind their grilled windows-all of them begging me to dip my beak into them! The old driver explained the nature of the wares on offer. Up in one building, sitting on a windowsill in such a way that we could see the full spread of their gleaming dark legs, were the "Americans": girls in short skirts and high platform shoes, carrying pink handbags with names in English written on them in sequins. They were slim and athletic-for men who like the Western kind. In this corner, sitting in the threshold of an open house, the "traditionals"-fat, chunky types in saris, for those who like value for their money. There were eunuchs in one window- teenagers in the next window.
The face of a small boy appeared from between a woman's legs and then vanished.
A blinding flash of light: a blue door opened, and four light-skinned Nepali women, in gorgeous red petticoats, looked out.
"Them!" I shouted. "Them! Them! Them!"
"Good," the old driver said. "I like that too-I always go for the foreign ones."
We went in, and he picked a woman from the four, and I picked another woman, and we went into two rooms, and the woman I picked closed the door behind me.
My first time! Half an hour later, when the old driver and I staggered back, drunk and happy, to his house, I put coals in his hookah. I brought him the hookah and watched as he took a deep, contented suck on the pipe. Smoke came out of his nostrils.
"What is it now? I've taught you to be a driver and a man-what more do you want?"
"Sir...can't you ask the taxi men if they need someone? I'll work for free at first. I need a job."
The old driver laughed. "I haven't had work in forty years, you nitwit. How the fuck can I help you? Now get lost."
So, next morning, I was walking from house to house, knocking on gates and on front doors of the rich, asking if anyone wanted a driver-a good driver- an experienced driver-for their car.
Everyone said no. You didn't get a job that way. You had to know someone in the family to get a job. Not by knocking on the gate and asking.
There's no reward for entrepreneurship in most of India, Your Excellency. It's a sad fact.
Every evening I came home tired and close to tears, but Kishan said, "Keep trying. Someone will say yes in the end."
So I went looking, from house to house, house to house, house to house.
Finally, after two weeks of asking and being told to get lost, I got to a house with ten-foot-high walls, and a cage of iron grilles around each window.
A sly, slant-eyed Nepali with a white mustache peered at me through the bars of the gate.
"What do you want?"
I didn't like the way he asked that one bit; I put a big smile on my face.
"Any need of a driver, sir? I've got four years' experience. My master recently died, so I-"
"Fuck off. We have a driver already," the Nepali said. He twirled a big bunch of keys and grinned.
My heart sank, and I was about to turn away-when I saw a figure on the terrace, a fellow in long loose white clothes, walking around and around, lost deep in thought. I swear by God, sir- I swear by all thirty-six million and four of them-the moment I saw his face, I knew: This is the master for me.
Some dark fate had tied his lifeline to mine, because at that very moment he looked down.
I knew he was coming down to save me. I just had to divert this Nepali fucker as long as possible.
"I'm a good driver, sir. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't steal."
"Fuck off, don't you understand?"
"I don't disrespect God, I don't disrespect my family."
"What's wrong with you? Get lost, at once-"
"I don't gossip about my masters, I don't steal, I don't blaspheme."
Just then, the door of the house opened. But it was not the man on the terrace -it was an older man, with a big white mustache that was thick, and curved, and pointy at the tips.
"What is going on, Ram Bahadur?" he asked the Nepali.
"He's begging, sir. Begging for money."
I banged on the gate. "I am from your village, sir. I am from Laxmangarh! The village near the Black Fort! Your village!"
The old man was the Stork! He stared at me for the longest time, and then he told the Nepali guard, "Let the boy in."
Swoosh!-As soon as the gate was open, I dived straight at the Stork's feet.
No Olympic runner could have gone in as fast as I did through those gates; the Nepali had no chance at all of blocking me.
You should have seen me that day-what a performance of wails and kisses and tears! You'd think I'd been born into a caste of performing actors! And all the time, while clutching the Stork's feet, I was staring at his huge, dirty, uncut toenails, and thinking, What is he doing in Dhanbad? Why isn't he back home, screwing poor fishermen of their money and humping their daughters? 

"Get up, boy," he said-big, uncut toenails scratched my cheeks. Mr. Ashok -the man on the terrace, of course-was by his side now.

"You're really from Laxmangarh?"
"Yes, sir. I used to work in the tea shop-the one with the big photo of Gandhi in it. I used to break coals there. You came once to have tea."
"Ah...the old village." He closed his eyes. "Do people there still remember me? It's been three years since I was there."
"Of course, sir-people say, 'Our father is gone, Thakur Ramdev is gone, the best of the landlords is gone, who will protect us now?'"
The Stork enjoyed hearing that. He turned to Mr. Ashok. "Let's see how good he is. Call Mukesh too. Let's go for a spin."
Only later did I understand how lucky I'd been. Mr. Ashok had come back from America just the previous day; a car had been bought for him. A driver was needed for the car. And on that day I had turned up.
Now, there were two cars in the garage. One was your standard Maruti Suzuki-that little white car you see all over India-and the other was the Honda City. Now, the Maruti is a small, simple fellow, a perfect servant to the driver; the moment you turn the ignition key, he does exactly what the driver wants him to. The Honda City is a larger car, a more sophisticated creature, with a mind of his own; he has power steering, and an advanced engine, and he does what he wants to. Given that I was so nervous then, if the Stork had told me to take the driving test in the Honda City, that would have been the end of me, sir. But luck was on my side.
They made me drive the Maruti Suzuki.
The Stork and Mr. Ashok got into the back; a small dark man-Mukesh Sir, the Stork's other son-got into the front seat and gave me orders. The Nepali guard watched with a darkened face as I took the car out of the gates-and into the city of Dhanbad.
They made me drive them around for half an hour, and then told me to head back.
"Not bad," the old man said as he got out of the car. "Fellow is cautious and good. What's your last name again?"
"Halwai."
"Halwai..." He turned to the small dark man. "What caste is that, top or bottom?"
And I knew that my future depended on the answer to this question.

* * * 

I should explain a thing or two about caste. Even Indians get confused about this word, especially educated Indians in the cities. They'll make a mess of explaining it to you. But it's simple, really.
Let's start with me.
See: Halwai, my name, means "sweet-maker."

That's my caste-my destiny. Everyone in the Darkness who hears that name knows all about me at once. That's why Kishan and I kept getting jobs at sweetshops wherever we went. The owner thought, Ah, they're Halwais, making sweets and tea is in their blood.
But if we were Halwais, then why was my father not making sweets but pulling a rickshaw? Why did I grow up breaking coals and wiping tables, instead of eating gulab jamuns and sweet pastries when and where I chose to? Why was I lean and dark and cunning, and not fat and creamy-skinned and smiling, like a boy raised on sweets would be? See, this country, in its days of greatness, when it was the richest nation on earth, was like a zoo. A clean, well kept, orderly zoo. Everyone in his place, everyone happy. Goldsmiths here. Cowherds here. Landlords there. The man called a Halwai made sweets. The man called a cowherd tended cows. The untouchable cleaned feces. Landlords were kind to their serfs. Women covered their heads with a veil and turned their eyes to the ground when talking to strange men.
And then, thanks to all those politicians in Delhi, on the fifteenth of August,
1947-the day the British left-the cages had been let open; and the animals had attacked and ripped each other apart and jungle law replaced zoo law.
Those that were the most ferocious, the hungriest, had eaten everyone else up, and grown big bellies. That was all that counted now, the size of your belly. It didn't matter whether you were a woman, or a Muslim, or an untouchable: anyone with a belly could rise up. My father's father must have been a real Halwai, a sweet-maker, but when he inherited the shop, a member of some other caste must have stolen it from him with the help of the police. My father had not had the belly to fight back. That's why he had fallen all the way to the mud, to the level of a rickshaw-puller. That's why I was cheated of my destiny to be fat, and creamy-skinned, and smiling.
To sum up-in the old days there were one thousand castes and destinies in India. These days, there are just two castes: Men with Big Bellies, and Men with Small Bellies.
And only two destinies: eat-or get eaten up.

* * * 

Now, the dark man-Mukesh Sir, brother of Mr. Ashok-did not know the answer-I told you that people in the cities know nothing much about the caste system, so the Stork turned to me and asked me directly.
"Are you from a top caste or bottom caste, boy?"
I didn't know what he wanted me to say, so I flipped both answers-I could probably have made a good case either way-and then said, "Bottom, sir."
Turning to Mukesh Sir, the old man said, "All our employees are top caste. It won't hurt to have one or two bottom castes working for us."
Mukesh Sir looked at me with narrowed eyes. He didn't know the village ways, but he had all the cunning of the landlords.
"Do you drink?"
"No, sir. In my caste, we never drink."
"Halwai..." Mr. Ashok said with a grin. "Are you a sweet-maker? Can you cook for us while you're not driving?"
"Certainly, sir. I cook very well. Very tasty sweets. Gulab jamuns, laddoos, anything you desire," I said. "I worked at a tea shop for many years."
Mr. Ashok seemed to find this amusing. "Only in India," he said. "Your driver can also make sweets for you. Only in India. Start from tomorrow."
"Not so fast," Mukesh Sir said. "First we have to ask about his family. How many are they, where they live, everything. And one more thing: how much do you want?"
Another test.
"Absolutely nothing, sir. You're like a father and mother to me, and how can I ask for money from my parents?"
"Eight hundred rupees a month," he said.
"No, sir, please-it's too much. Give me half of that, it's enough. More than enough."
"If we keep you beyond two months, it'll go to one thousand five hundred."
Looking suitably devastated, I accepted the money from him.
Mukesh Sir was not yet convinced about me. He looked me up and down and said, "He's young. Don't we want someone older?"
The Stork shook his head. "Catch 'em young, and you can keep 'em for life. A driver in his forties, you get, what, twenty years of service, then his eyes fail.
This fellow will last thirty, thirty-five years. His teeth are solid, he's got his hair, he's in good shape."
He sucked on his betel juice, which was filling up his mouth, turned, and spat out a jet of red liquid to the side.
Then he told me to come back in two days.
He must have phoned his man in Laxmangarh. And then that man must have gone and spoken to Kusum, and asked the neighbors about us, and phoned back: "He's got a good family. They've never made any trouble. Father died some years ago of TB. He was a rickshaw-puller. Brother is in Dhanbad too, a worker in the tea shops. No history of supporting Naxals or other terrorists. And they don't move about: we know exactly where they are."
That last piece of information was very important. They had to know where my family was, at all times.
I have not told you yet, have I, about what the Buffalo did to his domestic servant. The one who was supposed to guard his infant son, who got kidnapped by the Naxals and then tortured and killed. The servant was one of our caste, sir. A Halwai. I had seen him once or twice when I was a boy.
The servant said he had nothing to do with the kidnapping; the Buffalo did not believe him and got four of his hired gunmen to torture the servant. Then they shot him through the head.
Fair enough. I would do the same to someone who let my son get kidnapped.
But then, because the Buffalo was sure that the man had deliberately let the child be kidnapped, for money, he also went after the servant's family. One brother was set upon while working in the fields; beaten to death there. That brother's wife was finished off by three men working together. A sister, still unmarried, was also finished off. Then the house where the family had lived was surrounded by the four henchmen and set on fire.
Now, who would want this to happen to his family, sir? Which inhuman wretch of a monster would consign his own granny and brother and aunt and nephews and nieces to death? The Stork and his sons could count on my loyalty.
When I came back, the Nepali guard opened the gate without a word. I was inside the compound now.
As far as masters go, Mr. Ashok, Mukesh Sir, and the Stork were better than nine in ten. There was always enough food in the house for the servants. On Sundays you even got a special dish, rice mixed with small red chunks of boneless chicken. I had never had a regular chicken dish in my life until then; it made you feel like a king, eating chicken Sunday after Sunday and then licking your fingers. I had a covered room to sleep in. True, I had to share it with the other driver, a grim-looking fellow named Ram Persad, and he had the nice big bed, while I had to sleep on the floor-still a covered room's a covered room, and much nicer than sleeping on the road, as Kishan and I had been doing all the time we were in Dhanbad. Above all, I got the thing that we who grow up in the Darkness value most of all. A uniform. A khaki uniform! The next day I went to the bank-the one that had a wall made all of glass. I saw myself reflected in the glass panes-all in khaki. I walked back and forth in front of that bank a dozen times, just gaping at myself.
If only they had given me a silver whistle, I would have been in paradise! Kishan came once a month to see me. Kusum had decided that I could keep ninety rupees a month for myself: the rest would go straight to Kishan-who would send it straight to her, in the village. I gave him the money every month through the black bars of the rear gate, and we would talk for a few minutes before the Nepali shouted, "That's enough-the boy has work to do now!"
The work of a number two driver was simple. If the number one driver, Ram Persad, was busy driving the masters around town in the Honda City, and someone in the house wanted to go to the market, or to a coal mine, or to the train station, I got into the Maruti Suzuki and drove them there. Otherwise I had to stay around the house and make myself useful.
Now, I say they took me on as their "driver." I don't exactly know how you organize your servants in China. But in India-or, at least, in the Darkness- the rich don't have drivers, cooks, barbers, and tailors. They simply have servants.
What I mean is that anytime I was not driving the car, I had to sweep the floor of the courtyard, make tea, clean cobwebs with a long broom, or chase a cow out of the compound. There was one thing I was not allowed to do, and this was to touch the Honda City: Ram Persad alone had the right to drive it and clean it. In the evenings I'd watch him wash the sleek exterior of the car with a soft cloth. And I'd burn with envy.
I could see, even from outside, that this was a beautiful, modern car, with all the necessary comforts: a speaker system, A/C, nice glossy leather seats, and a big stainless-steel spittoon in the back. It must be like paradise to drive such a nice car. All I had was a battered old Maruti Suzuki.
One evening, as I was watching, Mr. Ashok came and poked his nose around the car. I was discovering that he was a very inquisitive man.
"What's that for? That shiny thing in the back."
"Spittoon, sir."
"What?"
Ram Persad explained. This spittoon was for the Stork, who liked to chew paan. If he spat the paan out the window the paan might streak the sides of the car, so he spat near his feet, into the spittoon, which the driver washed and cleaned at the end of every ride.
"Disgusting," Mr. Ashok said.
He was asking about something else when Mukesh Sir's son Roshan came running up to us with a plastic bat and ball in his hand.
Ram Persad snapped his fingers for me.
(Playing cricket with any brat in the household who wanted to play-and letting him win, handsomely-was one of the prescribed duties of driver number two.) Mr. Ashok joined the game. He stood as the wicket-keeper while I bowled full tosses to the brat.
"I'm Azharuddin, captain of India!" the boy shouted every time he hit a six or a four.
"Call yourself Gavaskar. Azharuddin is a Muslim."
It was the Stork. He had come into the courtyard to watch.
Mr. Ashok said, "Father, what a silly thing to say! Hindu or Muslim, what difference does it make?"
"Oh, you young people and your modern ideas!" the Stork said. He put his hands on me. "I have to steal the driver, Roshan-I'm sorry, you'll have him back in an hour, okay?"
The Stork had a special use for driver number two. He had bad legs, with blue veins in them, and had been told by a doctor to sit in the courtyard in the evening with his feet in warm water and have them massaged by a servant.
I had to heat water on the stove, carry it into the courtyard, and then lift the old man's feet up one after the other and immerse them in the hot water and then massage them both gently; as I did this, he would close his eyes and moan.
After half an hour, he would say, "The water's gone cold," and then I had to lift his feet out, one at a time, from the bucket, and carry the bucket in to the toilet. The water in it was dark-dead hair and bits of skin floated on it. I had to fill the bucket with fresh hot water, and bring it back.
As I was massaging, the two sons pulled up chairs and sat down by their father to talk. Ram Persad would bring out a bottle full of a golden liquid, and pour it into three glasses, and drop ice cubes in their glasses, and hand one glass to each of them. The sons would wait for the father to take the first sip and say, "Ah...whiskey. How would we survive this country without it," and then the talking would start. The more they talked, the faster I massaged.
They talked about politics, coal, and about your country-China. Somehow these things-politics, coal, China- were linked to the family fortunes of the Stork; and dimly I understood that my own fate, since I was part of this family now, was linked into these three things as well. The chatter of coal and China got mixed up with the aroma of whiskey from the glasses, the stench of sweat rising up from the Stork's feet dipped in the warm water, the flakiness of his skin, and the light jabs of the sandaled feet of Mr. Ashok or the Mongoose when they bumped into my back in the process of moving about. I absorbed everything-that's the amazing thing about entrepreneurs.
We are like sponges-we absorb and grow.
A sharp blow landed on my head.
I looked up and saw the Stork, with his palm still raised over my skull, glaring at me.
"Know what that was for?"
"Yes, sir," I said-with a big smile on my face.
"Good."
A minute later he hit me on the head again.
"Tell him what it was for, Father. I don't think he knows. Fellow, you're pressing too hard. You're too excited. Father is getting annoyed. Slow down."
"Yes, sir."
"Do you have to hit the servants, Father?"
"This is not America, son. Don't ask questions like that."
"Why can't I ask questions?"
"They expect it from us, Ashok. Remember that-they respect us for it."
Now, Pinky Madam never joined in these conversations. Except to play badminton with Ram Persad, which she did wearing dark glasses, she never left her room. I wondered what was going on with her-was she having a fight with her husband? Was he not sticking it to her well in bed? When the Stork said, "The water's gone cold," for the second time, and took his feet out of the bucket, my work was done.
I splashed the cold water down the sink.
I washed my hands for ten minutes, and dried them, and washed them again, but it made no difference. No matter how much you wash your hands after you have massaged a man's foot, the smell of his old, flaky skin will stay on your skin for an entire day.

* * * 

There was only one activity that servant number one and servant number two had to do together. At least once a week, around six o'clock, Ram Persad and I left the house and went down the main road, until we got to a store with a sign that said: 

"JACKPOT" ENGLISH LIQUOR SHOP INDIAN-MADE FOREIGN LIQUOR SOLD HERE.

I should explain to you, Mr. Jiabao, that in this country we have two kinds of men: "Indian" liquor men and "English" liquor men. "Indian" liquor was for village boys like me-toddy, arrack, country hooch. "English" liquor, naturally, is for the rich. Rum, whiskey, beer, gin- anything the English left behind. (Is there a "Chinese" liquor, Mr. Premier? I'd love to take a sip.) One of the most important duties of driver number one was to come to Jackpot once a week and buy a bottle of the most expensive whiskey for the Stork and his sons. It was part of servant protocol, though don't ask me why, that the junior driver accompany him on this outing. I guess I was supposed to make sure he did not run away with the bottle.
Colored bottles of various sizes were stacked up on Jackpot's shelves, and two teenagers behind the counter struggled to take orders from the men shouting at them. On the white wall to the side of the shop, there were hundreds of names of liquor brands, written in a dripping red paint and subdivided into five categories, BEER, RUM, WHISKEY, GIN, and VODKA.

PRICE LIST "JACKPOT" ENGLISH LIQUOR SHOP
OUR WHISKEY
WHISKEY FIRST CLASS badmfcmii.
WHISKEY SECOND CLASS
WHISKEY THIRD CLASS
(EVEN CHEAPER WHISKEY IS AVAILABLE: ASK AT THE COUNTER.) OUR VODKA
VODKA FIRST CLASS...

It was a small store, and at least fifty men were crammed into the ten feet of space in front of the counter, each yelling at the top of his voice, while waving rupee notes of the higher denominations: "Kinfisher Strong one liter!"

"Old Monk half bottle!"

"Thunderbolt! Thunderbolt!"

They were not going to be drinking this liquor; I could tell from their torn and dirty shirts that they were only servants, like Ram Persad and me, come to buy English liquor for their masters. If we came after eight o'clock on a weekend night to Jackpot, it was like a civil war in front of the counter; I had to keep the men at bay, while Ram Persad shoved his way to the counter and yelled: "Black Dog! Full bottle!"
Black Dog was the first name in the first-class category of whiskey. It was the only thing that the Stork and his sons drank.
Ram Persad would get the liquor; and then I would swat at the other servants and fight for some space for us to get out, while he cradled the bottle in his arms. It was the only time we were ever like a team.
On our way back to the house, Ram Persad would always stop by the side of the road and slide the Black Dog out of its cardboard box. He said this was to check that Jackpot hadn't cheated us. I knew he was lying. He just wanted to hold the bottle. He wanted to hold the full, virgin bottle of first-class whiskey in his hand. He wanted to imagine that he was buying it for himself.
Then he would slide the bottle back into the cardboard box and return to the house, me behind him, my eyes still dazzled by the sight of so much English liquor.
At night, while Ram Persad snored from his bed, I lay on the floor with my head resting on my palms.
I was staring at the ceiling.
And thinking how the Stork's two sons were as different from each other as night and day.
Mukesh Sir was small, and dark, and ugly, and very shrewd. We would have called him "the Mongoose" back at home. He had been married for some years, to a homely wife who was turning fat on schedule, after having two children, both boys. This fellow, this Mongoose, did not have his father's body-but he had his father's mind. If he ever saw me waste even one moment, he would shout, "Driver, don't loiter there! Clean the car."
"Cleaned it already, sir."
"Then take a broom and sweep the courtyard."
Mr. Ashok had his father's body; he was tall, and broad, and handsome, like a landlord's son should be. In the evenings, I saw him play badminton with his wife in the compound of the house. She wore pants; I gaped. Who had ever seen a woman dressed in trousers before-except in the movies? I assumed at first she was an American, one of those magical things he had brought home from New York, like his accent and the fruit-flavored perfume he put on his face after shaving.
Two days later, Ram Persad and the slanty-eyed Nepali were gossiping. I took a broom, began sweeping the courtyard, and edged closer and closer to them.
"She's a Christian, did you know?"
"No way."
"Yes!"
"And he married her?"
"They married in America. When we Indians go there, we lose all respect for caste," the Nepali said.
"The old man was dead set against the marriage. Her people were not happy either."
"So-how did it happen?"
The Nepali glared at me. "Hey, are you eavesdropping on us?"
"No, sir."

* * * 

One morning there was a knocking on the door of the drivers' quarters, and when I went out, Pinky Madam was standing with two rackets in her hand.
A net had been tied between two poles in one corner of the courtyard; she got on one side of the net and I got on the other side. She hit the shuttle-it rose up, and then fell near my foot.
"Hey! Move! Hit it back!"
"Sorry, madam. I'm so sorry."
I'd never played this game before. I hit the shuttle back to her, and it went straight into the net.
"Oh, you're useless. Where is that other driver?"
Ram Persad dashed up to the net at once. He had been watching the game all the time from the side. He knew exactly how to play badminton.
I watched him hit the shuttle cleanly over the net and match her shot for shot, and my belly burned.
Is there any hatred on earth like the hatred of the number two servant for the number one? Though we slept in the same room, just a few feet apart, we never said a word to each other- never a Hello, or How's your mother doing, nothing. I could feel heat radiate out from him all night-I knew he was cursing me and putting spells on me in his sleep. See, he began every day by bowing in front of at least twenty pictures of various gods he kept in his side of the room, and saying, "Om, om, om." As he did this, he looked at me through the corner of his eye, as if to say, Don't you pray? What are you, a Naxal? One evening I went to the market and bought two dozen of the cheapest idols of Hanuman and Ram I could find and brought them back and packed them into the room. So both of us now had the same number of gods in the room; and we drowned out each other's prayers in the morning while bowing before our respective deities.
The Nepali was hand in hand with Ram Persad. One day he burst into my room and put a big plastic bucket down on the floor with a thud.
"Do you like dogs, village boy?" he asked with a big smile.
There were two white Pomeranians in the house-Cuddles and Puddles. The rich expect their dogs to be treated like humans, you see-they expect their dogs to be pampered, and walked, and petted, and even washed! And guess who had to do the washing? I got down on my knees and began scrubbing the dogs, and then lathering them, and foaming them, and then washing them down, and taking a blow dryer and drying their skin. Then I took them around the compound on a chain while the king of Nepal sat in a corner and shouted,
"Don't pull the chain so hard! They're worth more than you are!"
By the time I was done with Puddles and Cuddles, I walked back, sniffing my hands-the only thing that can take the smell of dog skin off a servant's hands is the smell of his master's skin.
Mr. Ashok was standing outside my room.
I ran up to him and bowed low. He went into the room; I followed, still crouched over. He bent low to make his way through the doorway-the doorway was built for undernourished servants, not for a tall, well-fed master like him. He looked at the ceiling dubiously.
"How awful," he said.
Until then I had never noticed how the paint on the ceiling was peeling off in large flakes, and how there were spiderwebs in every corner. I had been so happy in this room until now.
"Why is there such a smell? Open the windows."
He sat down on Ram Persad's bed and poked it with his fingertips. It felt hard. I immediately stopped being jealous of Ram Persad.
(And so I saw the room with his eyes; smelled it with his nose; poked it with his fingers-I had already begun to digest my master!) He looked in my direction, but avoided my gaze, as if he were guilty about something.
"You and Ram Persad will both get a better room to sleep in. And separate beds. And some privacy."
"Please don't do that, sir. This place is like a palace for us."
That made him feel better. He looked at me.
"You're from Laxmangarh, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"I was born in Laxmangarh. But I haven't seen it since. Were you born there too?"
"Yes, sir. Born and raised there."
"What's it like?"
Before I could answer, he said, "It must be so nice."
"Like paradise, sir."
He looked me up and down, from head to toe, the way I had been looking at him ever since I had come to the house.
His eyes seemed full of wonder: how could two such contrasting specimens of humanity be produced by the same soil, sunlight, and water? "Well, I want to go there today," he said, getting up from the bed. "I want to see my birthplace. You'll drive me."
"Yes, sir!"
Going home! And in my uniform, driving the Stork's car, chatting up his son and daughter-in-law! I was ready to fall at his feet and kiss them! The Stork had wanted to come along with us, and that would really make it a grand entry for me into the village-but at the last minute he decided to stay back. In the end, it was just Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam whom I was taking in the Honda City, out into the countryside, toward Laxmangarh.
It was the first time I was driving the two of them-Ram Persad had had the privilege until now. I still wasn't used to the Honda City, which is a moody car with a mind of its own, as I've said. I just prayed to the gods-all of them -not to let me make a mistake.
They said nothing for half an hour. Sometimes you can feel as a driver when there is tension in the car; it raises the temperature inside. The woman inside the car was very angry.
"Why are we going to this place in the middle of nowhere, Ashoky?" Her voice, breaking the silence at last.
"It's my ancestral village, Pinky. Wouldn't you like to see it? I was born there -but Father sent me away as a boy. There was some trouble with the Communist guerrillas then. I thought we could-"
"Have you decided on a return date?" she asked suddenly. "I mean to New York."
"No. Not yet. We'll get one soon."
He was silent for a minute; my ears were really wide open now. If they went back to America- would they no longer need a second driver in the home? She said nothing; but I swear, I could hear teeth gritting.
Mr. Ashok had no clue, though-he began humming a film song, until she said, "What a fucking joke."
"What was that?"
"You lied about returning to America, didn't you, Ashok-you're never going back, are you?"
"There's a driver in the car, Pinky-I'll explain everything later."
"Oh, what does he matter! He's only the driver. And you're just changing the topic again!"
A lovely fragrance filled the car-and I knew that she must have moved about and adjusted her clothes.
"Why do we even need a driver? Why can't you drive, like you used to?"
"Pinky, that was New York-you can't drive in India, just look at this traffic.
No one follows any rules-people run across the road like crazy-look- look at that-"
A tractor was coming down the road at full speed, belching out a nice thick plume of black diesel from its exhaust pipe.
"It's on the wrong side of the road! The driver of that tractor hasn't even noticed!"
I hadn't noticed either. Well, I suppose you are meant to drive on the left side of the road, but until then I had never known anyone to get agitated over this rule.
"And just look at the diesel it's spewing out. If I drive here, Pinky, I'll go completely mad."
We drove along a river, and then the tar road came to an end and I took them along a bumpy track, and then through a small marketplace with three more or less identical shops, selling more or less identical items of kerosene, incense, and rice. Everyone stared at us. Some children began running alongside the car. Mr. Ashok waved at them, and tried to get Pinky Madam to do the same.
The children disappeared; we had crossed a line they could not follow us beyond. We were in the landlords' quarter.
The caretaker was waiting at the gate of the Stork's mansion; he opened the door of the car even before I had brought it to a full stop, and touched Mr.
Ashok's feet.
"Little prince, you're here at last! You're here at last!"
The Wild Boar came to have lunch with Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam-he was their uncle, after all. As soon as I saw him enter the mansion for lunch, I went to the kitchen and told the caretaker, "I love Mr. Ashok so much you must let me serve him lunch!" The cook agreed-and I got to take my first good look at the Wild Boar in years. He was older than I remembered, and more bent over, but his teeth were exactly the same: sharp and blackened and with two distinctive hooked ones curving up by the side. They ate in the dining room-a magnificent place, with high ceilings, heavy, old-fashioned furniture all around, and a huge chandelier.
"It's a lovely old mansion," Mr. Ashok said. "Everything's gorgeous in here."
"Except the chandelier-it's a bit tacky," she said.
"Your father loves chandeliers," the Wild Boar said. "He wanted to put one up in the bathroom here, did you know that? I'm serious!"
When the caretaker brought out the dishes and put them on the table, Mr.
Ashok looked at them and said, "Don't you have anything vegetarian? I don't eat meat."
"I've never heard of a landlord who was vegetarian," the Wild Boar said.
"It's not natural. You need meat to toughen you up." He opened his lips and showed his curved teeth.
"I don't believe in killing animals needlessly. I knew vegetarians in America, and I think they're right."
"What crazy ideas do you boys pick up?" the old man said. "You're a landlord. It's the Brahmins who are vegetarian, not us."
After lunch I washed the dishes; I helped the caretaker make tea. My master was taken care of; now it was time to see my family. I went out the mansion by the back door.
Well, they had beaten me to it. My family had all come to the mansion, and they were around the Honda City, staring at it with pride, though too frightened to touch it.
Kishan raised his hand. I hadn't seen him since he left Dhanbad and came back home to work in the fields-that was three months ago. I bent down and touched his feet, and held on to them for seconds longer than needed, because I knew the moment I let go he would bugger me badly-I hadn't sent any money home for the past two months.
"Oh, so now he remembers his family at last!" he said, shaking me off his feet. "Has he thought about us at all?"
"Forgive me, brother."
"You've not sent any money for months. You forgot our arrangement."
"Forgive me, forgive me."
But they weren't really angry. For the first time I can remember, I got more attention than the water buffalo. Most lavish in her fussing, naturally, was sly old Kusum, who kept grinning at me and rubbing her forearms.
"Oh, how I used to stuff your mouth with sweets as a child," she said, trying to squeeze my cheeks. She was too frightened of my uniform to try and touch me anywhere else.
They almost carried me on their backs to the old house, I tell you. The neighbors were waiting there to see my uniform.
I was shown the children that had been born in the family since I had left, and forced to kiss them on the forehead. My aunt Laila had had two children when I was gone. Cousin Pappu's wife, Leela, had had a child. The family was larger. The needs were more. I was chastised by all for not sending money each month.
Kusum beat her head with her fist; she wailed into the neighbors' house. "My grandson has a job, and he still forces me to work. This is the fate of an old woman in this world."
"Marry him off!" the neighbors yelled. "That's the only way to tame the wild ones like him!"
"Yes," Kusum said. "Yes, that's a good idea." She grinned, and rubbed her forearms. "A very good idea."
Kishan had a lot of news for me-and since this was the Darkness, all of it was bad news. The Great Socialist was as corrupt as ever. The fighting between the Naxal terrorists and the landlords was getting bloodier. Small people like us were getting caught in between. There were private armies on both sides, going around to shoot and torture people suspected of sympathizing with the other.
"Life has become hell here," he said. "But we're so happy you're out of this mess-you've got a uniform, and a good master."
Kishan had changed. He was thinner, and darker-his neck tendons were sticking out in high relief above the deep clavicles. He had become, all of a sudden, my father.
I saw Kusum grinning and rubbing her forearms and talking of my marriage.
She served me lunch herself. As she ladled the curry onto my plate-she had made chicken, just for me-she said, "We'll fix up the wedding for later this year, okay? We've already found someone for you- a nice plump duck. The moment she has her menstrual cycle, she can come here."
There was red, curried bone and flesh in front of me-and it seemed to me that they had served me flesh from Kishan's own body on that plate.
"Granny," I said, looking at the large piece of red, curried meat, "give me some more time. I'm not ready to be married."
Her jaw dropped. "What do you mean, not yet? You'll do what we want." She smiled. "Now eat it, dear. I made chicken just for you."
I said, "No."
"Eat it."
She pushed the plate closer to me.
Everyone in the household stopped to look at our tussle.
Granny squinted. "What are you, a Brahmin? Eat, eat."
"No!" I pushed the plate so hard it went flying to a corner and hit the wall and spilled the red curry on the floor. "I said, I'm not marrying!"
She was too stunned even to yell. Kishan got up and tried to stop me as I left, but I pushed him to the side-he fell down hard-and I just walked out of the house.
The children ran along with me outside, little dirty brats born to one aunt or the other whose names I did not want to know, whose hair I did not want to touch. Gradually they got the message and went back.
I left behind the temple, the market, the hogs, and the sewage. Then I was alone at the pond-the Black Fort on the hill up in front of me.
Near the water's edge I sat down, gnashing my teeth.
I couldn't stop thinking of Kishan's body. They were eating him alive in there! They would do the same thing to him that they did to Father-scoop him out from the inside and leave him weak and helpless, until he got tuberculosis and died on the floor of a government hospital, waiting for some doctor to see him, spitting blood on this wall and that! There was a splashing noise. The water buffalo in the pond lifted its waterlily- covered head-it peeked at me. A crane stood watching me on one leg.
I walked until the water came up to my neck, and then swam-past lotuses and water lilies, past the water buffalo, past tadpoles and fish and giant boulders fallen from the fort.
Up on the broken ramparts, the monkeys gathered to look at me: I had started climbing up the hill.

* * * 

You are familiar already with my love of poetry-and especially of the works of the four Muslim poets acknowledged to be the greatest of all time.
Now, Iqbal, who is one of the four, has written this remarkable poem in which he imagines that he is the Devil, standing up for his rights at a moment when God tries to bully him. The Devil, according to the Muslims, was once God's sidekick, until he fought with Him and went freelance, and ever since, there has been a war of brains between God and the Devil. This is what Iqbal writes about. The exact words of the poem I can't remember, but it goes something like this.
God says: I am powerful. I am huge. Become my servant again.
Devil says: Ha! When I remember Iqbal's Devil, as I do often, lying here under my chandelier, I think of a little black figure in a wet khaki uniform who is climbing up the entranceway to a black fort.
There he stands now, one foot on the ramparts of the Black Fort, surrounded by a group of amazed monkeys.
Up in the blue skies, God spreads His palm over the plains below, showing this little man Laxmangarh, and its little tributary of the Ganga, and all that lies beyond: a million such villages, a billion such people. And God asks this little man: 

Isn't it all wonderful? Isn't it all grand? Aren't you grateful to be my servant? 

And then I see this small black man in the wet khaki uniform start to shake, as if he has gone mad with anger, before delivering to the Almighty a gesture of thanks for having created the world this particular way, instead of all the other ways it could have been created.
I see the little man in the khaki uniform spitting at God again and again, as I watch the black blades of the midget fan slice the light from the chandelier again and again.
Half an hour later, when I came down the hill, I went straight to the Stork's mansion. Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam were waiting for me by the Honda City.
"Where the hell have you been, driver?" she yelled. "We've been waiting."
"Sorry, madam," I said, grinning to her. "I'm very sorry."
"Have a heart, Pinky. He was seeing his family. You know how close they are to their families in the Darkness."
Kusum, Luttu Auntie, and all the other women were gathered by the side of the road as we drove out. They gaped at me-stunned that I wasn't coming to apologize: I saw Kusum clench her gnarled fist at me.
I put my foot down on the accelerator and drove right past all of them.
We went through the market square-I took a look at the tea shop: the human spiders were at work at the tables, the rickshaws were arranged in a line at the back, and the cyclist with the poster for the daily pornographic film on the other side of the river had just begun his rounds.
I drove through the greenery, through the bushes and the trees and the water buffaloes lazing in muddy ponds; past the creepers and the bushes; past the paddy fields; past the coconut palms; past the bananas; past the neems and the banyans; past the wild grass with the faces of the water buffaloes peeping through. A small, half-naked boy was riding a buffalo by the side of the road; when he saw us, he pumped his fists and shouted in joy-and I wanted to shout back at him: Yes, I feel that way too! I'm never going back there! 

"Can you talk now, Ashoky? Can you answer my question?"
"All right. Look, when I came back, I really thought it was going to be for two months, Pinky. But...things have changed so much in India. There are so many more things I could do here than in New York now."
"Ashoky, that's bullshit."
"No, it's not. Really, it's not. The way things are changing in India now, this place is going to be like America in ten years. Plus, I like it better here.
We've got people to take care of us here-our drivers, our watchmen, our masseurs. Where in New York will you find someone to bring you tea and sweet biscuits while you're still lying in bed, the way Ram Bahadur does for us? You know, he's been in my family for thirty years-we call him a servant, but he's part of the family. Dad found this Nepali wandering about Dhanbad one day with a gun in his hand and said-"
He stopped talking all at once.
"Did you see that, Pinky?"
"What?"
"Did you see what the driver did?"
My heart skipped a beat. I had no idea what I had just done. Mr. Ashok leaned forward and said, "Driver, you just touched your finger to your eye, didn't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"Didn't you see, Pinky-we just drove past a temple"-Mr. Ashok pointed to the tall, conical structure with the black intertwining snakes painted down the sides that we had left behind-"so the driver..."
He touched me on the shoulder.
"What is your name?"
"Balram."
"So Balram here touched his eye as a mark of respect. The villagers are so religious in the Darkness."
That seemed to have impressed the two of them, so I put my finger to my eye a moment later, again.
"What's that for, driver? I don't see any temples around."
"Er...we drove past a sacred tree, sir. I was offering my respects."
"Did you hear that? They worship nature. It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The two of them kept an eye open for every tree or temple we passed by, and turned to me for a reaction of piety-which I gave them, of course, and with growing elaborateness: first just touching my eye, then my neck, then my clavicle, and even my nipples.
They were convinced I was the most religious servant on earth. (Take that,
Ram Persad!) Our way back into Dhanbad was blocked. There was a truck parked on the road. It was full of men with red headbands shouting slogans.
"Rise against the rich! Support the Great Socialist. Keep the landlords out!"
Soon another set of trucks drove by: the men in them wore green headbands and shouted at the men in the other truck. A fight was about to break out.
"What's going on?" Pinky Madam asked in an alarmed tone of voice.
"Relax," he said. "It's election time, that's all."
Now, to explain to you what was going on with all this shouting from the trucks, I will have to tell you all about democracy-something that you Chinese, I am aware, are not very familiar with. But that will have to wait for tomorrow, Your Excellency.
It's 2:44 a.m.
The hour of degenerates, drug addicts-and Bangalore-based entrepreneurs.

2011-May-09

Index of Journals

May 9, 2011
I was in badi buaji’s room and Shruti was there watching TV since ever. I asked her why she wouldn’t study, she said, “Why wouldn’t you go and do your own work”. That was awful!
I had to give Digital Circuits and Systems (DCS) third terminal today but then teacher said 'no' for those students who passed even one of the two terminal exams. Nitish had come for the test but then as I changed my mood to not sit for the test same happened with Nitish, we had thought of giving others a tough time but it wasn’t that easy for now as it was on the day when we heard of the third terminal date. 
In afternoon, I was in really bad mood when I figured out that it wasn’t working out nicely with either Shruti or Ankur, Shruti is irritated and Ankur has been using abusive language frequently making it tough for me to handle. I slept around 1600 and then in sleep came the news that Ankur, fufaji, and buaji had to urgently go and see the buaji of fufaji who is in ill state. They wouldn’t return before tomorrow. I woke up and went down to scan my diary pages and the notes of Neeru ma’am, which Nitish got from Abhilash.

I told again Vibha that I love her, she has been really a great help in my life since my admission here at NIEC / ADGITM. I have to love her no matter what, but not like how Ankur is getting along with Pooja, his phony girlfriend. 
Shruti made Maggi, and bread for dinner that was nice, otherwise she has been really a trouble, badi buaji had correctly called her ‘Kamla’, a reference which Shruti herself considers as abuse, Kamla is her grandmother, a hag in my language. 
God bless me
Ashish

Chapter 1 - The First Night (The White Tiger, Aravind Adiga)

The First Night 



For the Desk of: 
His Excellency Wen Jiabao 
The Premier's Office 
Beijing Capital of the Freedom-loving Nation of China 

From the Desk of: "The White Tiger"
A Thinking Man And an Entrepreneur Living in the world's center of Technology and Outsourcing 
Electronics City Phase 1 (just off Hosur Main Road) 
Bangalore, India 

Mr. Premier, Sir.
Neither you nor I speak English, but there are some things that can be said only in English.
My ex-employer the late Mr. Ashok's ex-wife, Pinky Madam, taught me one of these things; and at 11:32 p.m. today, which was about ten minutes ago, when the lady on All India Radio announced, "Premier Jiabao is coming to Bangalore next week," I said that thing at once.
In fact, each time when great men like you visit our country I say it. Not that I have anything against great men. In my way, sir, I consider myself one of your kind. But whenever I see our prime minister and his distinguished sidekicks drive to the airport in black cars and get out and do namastes before you in front of a TV camera and tell you about how moral and saintly India is, I have to say that thing in English.
Now, you are visiting us this week, Your Excellency, aren't you? All India Radio is usually reliable in these matters.
That was a joke, sir.
Ha! That's why I want to ask you directly if you really are coming to Bangalore.
Because if you are, I have something important to tell you. See, the lady on the radio said, "Mr. Jiabao is on a mission: he wants to know the truth about Bangalore."
My blood froze. If anyone knows the truth about Bangalore, it's me.
Next, the lady announcer said, "Mr. Jiabao wants to meet some Indian entrepreneurs and hear the story of their success from their own lips."
She explained a little. Apparently, sir, you Chinese are far ahead of us in every respect, except that you don't have entrepreneurs. And our nation, though it has no drinking water, electricity, sewage system, public transportation, sense of hygiene, discipline, courtesy, or punctuality, does have entrepreneurs. Thousands and thousands of them. Especially in the field of technology. And these entrepreneurs—we entrepreneurs—have set up all these outsourcing companies that virtually run America now.
You hope to learn how to make a few Chinese entrepreneurs, that's why you're visiting. That made me feel good. But then it hit me that in keeping with international protocol, the prime minister and foreign minister of my country will meet you at the airport with garlands, small take-home sandalwood statues of Gandhi, and a booklet full of information about India's past, present, and future.
That's when I had to say that thing in English, sir. Out loud.
That was at 11:37 p.m. Five minutes ago.
I don't just swear and curse. I'm a man of action and change. I decided right there and then to start dictating a letter to you.
To begin with, let me tell you of my great admiration for the ancient nation of China.
I read about your history in a book, Exciting Tales of the Exotic East, that I found on the pavement, back in the days when I was trying to get some enlightenment by going through the Sunday secondhand book market in Old Delhi. This book was mostly about pirates and gold in Hong Kong, but it did have some useful background information too: it said that you Chinese are great lovers of freedom and individual liberty. The British tried to make you their servants, but you never let them do it. I admire that, Mr. Premier.
I was a servant once, you see.
Only three nations have never let themselves be ruled by foreigners: China,
Afghanistan, and Abyssinia. These are the only three nations I admire.
Out of respect for the love of liberty shown by the Chinese people, and also in the belief that the future of the world lies with the yellow man and the brown man now that our erstwhile master, the white-skinned man, has wasted himself through buggery, cell phone usage, and drug abuse, I offer to tell you, free of charge, the truth about Bangalore.
By telling you my life's story.
See, when you come to Bangalore, and stop at a traffic light, some boy will run up to your car and knock on your window, while holding up a bootlegged copy of an American business book, wrapped carefully in cellophane and with a title like: TEN SECRETS OF BUSINESS SUCCESS! or BECOME AN ENTREPRENEUR IN SEVEN EASY DAYS! Don't waste your money on those American books. They're so yesterday.
I am tomorrow.
In terms of formal education, I may be somewhat lacking. I never finished school, to put it bluntly. Who cares! I haven't read many books, but I've read all the ones that count. I know by heart the works of the four greatest poets of all time—Rumi, Iqbal, Mirza Ghalib, and a fourth fellow whose name I forget. I am a self-taught entrepreneur.
That's the best kind there is, trust me.
When you have heard the story of how I got to Bangalore and became one of its most successful (though probably least known) businessmen, you will know everything there is to know about how entrepreneurship is born, nurtured, and developed in this, the glorious twenty-first century of man.
The century, more specifically, of the yellow and the brown man.
You and me.
It is a little before midnight now, Mr. Jiabao. A good time for me to talk.
I stay up the whole night, Your Excellency. And there's no one else in this 150-square-foot office of mine. Just me and a chandelier above me, although the chandelier has a personality of its own. It's a huge thing, full of small diamond-shaped glass pieces, just like the ones they used to show in the films of the 1970s. Though it's cool enough at night in Bangalore, I've put a midget fan— five cobwebby blades—right above the chandelier. See, when it turns, the small blades chop up the chandelier's light and fling it across the room. Just like the strobe light at the best discos in Bangalore.
This is the only 150-square-foot space in Bangalore with its own chandelier! But it's still a hole in the wall, and I sit here the whole night.
The entrepreneur's curse. He has to watch his business all the time.
Now I'm going to turn the midget fan on, so that the chandelier's light spins around the room.
I am relaxed, sir. As I hope you are.
Let us begin.
Before we do that, sir, the phrase in English that I learned from my exemployer the late Mr. Ashok's ex-wife Pinky Madam is: What a fucking joke.

* * * 

Now, I no longer watch Hindi films—on principle—but back in the days when I used to, just before the movie got started, either the number 786 would flash against the black screen—the Muslims think this is a magic number that represents their god—or else you would see the picture of a woman in a white sari with gold sovereigns dripping down to her feet, which is the goddess Lakshmi, of the Hindus.
It is an ancient and venerated custom of people in my country to start a story by praying to a Higher Power.
I guess, Your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse.
Which god's arse, though? There are so many choices.
See, the Muslims have one god.
The Christians have three gods.
And we Hindus have 36,000,000 gods.
Making a grand total of 36,000,004 divine arses for me to choose from.
Now, there are some, and I don't just mean Communists like you, but thinking men of all political parties, who think that not many of these gods actually exist. Some believe that none of them exist. There's just us and an ocean of darkness around us. I'm no philosopher or poet, how would I know the truth? It's true that all these gods seem to do awfully little work—much like our politicians—and yet keep winning reelection to their golden thrones in heaven, year after year. That's not to say that I don't respect them, Mr.
Premier! Don't you ever let that blasphemous idea into your yellow skull. My country is the kind where it pays to play it both ways: the Indian entrepreneur has to be straight and crooked, mocking and believing, sly and sincere, at the same time.
So: I'm closing my eyes, folding my hands in a reverent namaste, and praying to the gods to shine light on my dark story.
Bear with me, Mr. Jiabao. This could take a while.
How quickly do you think you could kiss 36,000,004 arses? * * * Done.
My eyes are open again.
11:52 p.m.—and it really is time to start.
A statutory warning—as they say on cigarette packs—before we begin.
One day, as I was driving my ex-employers Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam in their Honda City car, Mr. Ashok put a hand on my shoulder, and said, "Pull over to the side." Following this command, he leaned forward so close that I could smell his aftershave—it was a delicious, fruitlike smell that day—and said, politely as ever, "Balram, I have a few questions to ask you, all right?"
"Yes, sir," I said.
"Balram," Mr. Ashok asked, "how many planets are there in the sky?"
I gave the answer as best as I could.
"Balram, who was the first prime minister of India?"
And then: "Balram, what is the difference between a Hindu and a Muslim?"
And then: "What is the name of our continent?"
Mr. Ashok leaned back and asked Pinky Madam, "Did you hear his answers?"
"Was he joking?" she asked, and my heart beat faster, as it did every time she said something.
"No. That's really what he thinks the correct answers are."
She giggled when she heard this: but his face, which I saw reflected in my rearview mirror, was serious.
"The thing is, he probably has…what, two, three years of schooling in him? He can read and write, but he doesn't get what he's read. He's half-baked.
The country is full of people like him, I'll tell you that. And we entrust our glorious parliamentary democracy"—he pointed at me—"to characters like these. That's the whole tragedy of this country."
He sighed.
"All right, Balram, start the car again."
That night, I was lying in bed, inside my mosquito net, thinking about his words. He was right, sir—I didn't like the way he had spoken about me, but he was right.
"The Autobiography of a Half-Baked Indian." That's what I ought to call my life's story.
Me, and thousands of others in this country like me, are half-baked, because we were never allowed to complete our schooling. Open our skulls, look in with a penlight, and you'll find an odd museum of ideas: sentences of history or mathematics remembered from school textbooks (no boy remembers his schooling like one who was taken out of school, let me assure you), sentences about politics read in a newspaper while waiting for someone to come to an office, triangles and pyramids seen on the torn pages of the old geometry textbooks which every tea shop in this country uses to wrap its snacks in, bits of All India Radio news bulletins, things that drop into your mind, like lizards from the ceiling, in the half hour before falling asleep—all these ideas, half formed and half digested and half correct, mix up with other half-cooked ideas in your head, and I guess these half-formed ideas bugger one another, and make more half-formed ideas, and this is what you act on and live with.
The story of my upbringing is the story of how a half-baked fellow is produced.
But pay attention, Mr. Premier! Fully formed fellows, after twelve years of school and three years of university, wear nice suits, join companies, and take orders from other men for the rest of their lives.
Entrepreneurs are made from half-baked clay.

* * * 

To give you the basic facts about me—origin, height, weight, known sexual deviations, etc.— there's no beating that poster. The one the police made of me.
Calling myself Bangalore's least known success story isn't entirely true, I confess. About three years ago, when I became, briefly, a person of national importance owing to an act of entrepreneurship, a poster with my face on it found its way to every post office, railway station, and police station in this country. A lot of people saw my face and name back then. I don't have the original paper copy, but I've downloaded an image to my silver Macintosh laptop—I bought it online from a store in Singapore, and it really works like a dream—and if you'll wait a second, I'll open the laptop, pull that scanned poster up, and read from it directly…
But a word about the original poster. I found it in a train station in Hyderabad, in the period when I was traveling with no luggage—except for one very heavy red bag—and coming down from Delhi to Bangalore. I had the original right here in this office, in the drawer of this desk, for a full year.
One day the cleaning boy was going through my stuff, and he almost found the poster. I'm not a sentimental man, Mr. Jiabao. Entrepreneurs can't afford to be. So I threw the thing out—but before that, I got someone to teach me scanning—and you know how we Indians just take to technology like ducks to water. It took just an hour, or two hours. I am a man of action, sir. And here it is, on the screen, in front of me: Assistance Sought in Search for Missing Man General Public is hereby informed that the man in the picture namely Balram Halwai alias MUNNA son of Vikram Halwai rickshaw-puller is wanted for questioning. Age: Between 25 and 35. Complexion: Blackish.
Face: Oval. Height: Five feet four inches estimated. Build: Thin, small.
Well, that's not exactly right anymore, sir. The "blackish face" bit is still true —although I'm of half a mind to try one of those skin-whitener creams they've launched these days so Indian men can look white as Westerners—but the rest, alas, is completely useless. Life in Bangalore is good—rich food, beer, nightclubs, so what can I say! "Thin" and "small"—ha! I am in better shape these days! "Fat" and "potbellied" would be more accurate now.
But let us go on, we don't have all night. I'd better explain this bit right now.
Balram Halwai alias MUNNA…
See, my first day in school, the teacher made all the boys line up and come to his desk so he could put our names down in his register. When I told him what my name was, he gaped at me: "Munna? That's not a real name."
He was right: it just means "boy."
"That's all I've got, sir," I said.
It was true. I'd never been given a name.
"Didn't your mother name you?"
"She's very ill, sir. She lies in bed and spews blood. She's got no time to name me."
"And your father?"
"He's a rickshaw-puller, sir. He's got no time to name me."
"Don't you have a granny? Aunts? Uncles?"
"They've got no time either."
The teacher turned aside and spat—a jet of red paan splashed the ground of the classroom. He licked his lips.
"Well, it's up to me, then, isn't it?" He passed his hand through his hair and said, "We'll call you…Ram. Wait—don't we have a Ram in this class? I don't want any confusion. It'll be Balram. You know who Balram was, don't you?"
"No, sir."
"He was the sidekick of the god Krishna. Know what my name is?"
"No, sir."
He laughed. "Krishna."
I came home that day and told my father that the schoolteacher had given me a new name. He shrugged. "If it's what he wants, then we'll call you that."
So I was Balram from then on. Later on, of course, I picked up a third name.
But we'll get to that.
Now, what kind of place is it where people forget to name their children? Referring back to the poster: The suspect comes from the village of Laxmangarh, in the…
Like all good Bangalore stories, mine begins far away from Bangalore. You see, I am in the Light now, but I was born and raised in Darkness.
But this is not a time of day I talk about, Mr. Premier! I am talking of a place in India, at least a third of the country, a fertile place, full of rice fields and wheat fields and ponds in the middle of those fields choked with lotuses and water lilies, and water buffaloes wading through the ponds and chewing on the lotuses and lilies. Those who live in this place call it the Darkness. Please understand, Your Excellency, that India is two countries in one: an India of Light, and an India of Darkness. The ocean brings light to my country. Every place on the map of India near the ocean is well off. But the river brings darkness to India—the black river.
Which black river am I talking of—which river of Death, whose banks are full of rich, dark, sticky mud whose grip traps everything that is planted in it, suffocating and choking and stunting it? Why, I am talking of Mother Ganga, daughter of the Vedas, river of illumination, protector of us all, breaker of the chain of birth and rebirth.
Everywhere this river flows, that area is the Darkness.
One fact about India is that you can take almost anything you hear about the country from the prime minister and turn it upside down and then you will have the truth about that thing. Now, you have heard the Ganga called the river of emancipation, and hundreds of American tourists come each year to take photographs of naked sadhus at Hardwar or Benaras, and our prime minister will no doubt describe it that way to you, and urge you to take a dip in it.
No!—Mr. Jiabao, I urge you not to dip in the Ganga, unless you want your mouth full of feces, straw, soggy parts of human bodies, buffalo carrion, and seven different kinds of industrial acids.
I know all about the Ganga, sir—when I was six or seven or eight years old (no one in my village knows his exact age), I went to the holiest spot on the banks of the Ganga—the city of Benaras. I remember going down the steps of a downhill road in the holy city of Benaras, at the rear of a funeral procession carrying my mother's body to the Ganga.
Kusum, my granny, was leading the procession. Sly old Kusum! She had this habit of rubbing her forearms hard when she felt happy, as if it were a piece of ginger she was grating to release grins from. Her teeth were all gone, but this only made her grin more cunning. She had grinned her way into control of the house; every son and daughter-in-law lived in fear of her.
My father and Kishan, my brother, stood behind her, to bear the front end of the cane bed which bore the corpse; my uncles, who are Munnu, Jayram, Divyram, and Umesh, stood behind, holding up the other end. My mother's body had been wrapped from head to toe in a saffron silk cloth, which was covered in rose petals and jasmine garlands. I don't think she had ever had such a fine thing to wear in her life. (Her death was so grand that I knew, all at once, that her life must have been miserable. My family was guilty about something.) My aunts—Rabri, Shalini, Malini, Luttu, Jaydevi, and Ruchi— kept turning around and clapping their hands for me to catch up to them. I remember swinging my hands and singing, "Shiva's name is the truth!"
We walked past temple after temple, praying to god after god, and then went in a single file between a red temple devoted to Hanuman and an open gymnasium where three body builders heaved rusted weights over their heads. I smelled the river before I saw it: a stench of decaying flesh rising from my right. I sang louder: "…the only truth!"
Then there was a gigantic noise: firewood being split. A wooden platform had been built by the edge of the ghat, just above the water; logs were piled up on the platform, and men with axes were smashing the logs. Chunks of wood were being built into funeral pyres on the steps of the ghat that went down into the water; four bodies were burning on the ghat steps when we got there. We waited our turn.
In the distance, an island of white sand glistened in the sunlight, and boats full of people were heading to that island. I wondered if my mother's soul had flown there, to that shining place in the river.
I have mentioned that my mother's body was wrapped in a silk cloth. This cloth was now pulled over her face; and logs of wood, as many as we could pay for, were piled on top of the body. Then the priest set my mother on fire.
"She was a good, quiet girl the day she came to our home," Kusum said, as she put a hand on my face. "I was not the one who wanted any fighting."
I shook her hand off my face. I watched my mother.
As the fire ate away the silk, a pale foot jerked out, like a living thing; the toes, which were melting in the heat, began to curl up, offering resistance to what was being done to them. Kusum shoved the foot into the fire, but it would not burn. My heart began to race. My mother wasn't going to let them destroy her.
Underneath the platform with the piled-up fire logs, there was a giant oozing mound of black mud where the river washed into the shore. The mound was littered with ribbons of jasmine, rose petals, bits of satin, charred bones; a pale-skinned dog was crawling and sniffing through the petals and satin and charred bones.
I looked at the ooze, and I looked at my mother's flexed foot.
This mud was holding her back: this big, swelling mound of black ooze. She was trying to fight the black mud; her toes were flexed and resisting; but the mud was sucking her in, sucking her in. It was so thick, and more of it was being created every moment as the river washed into the ghat. Soon she would become part of the black mound and the pale-skinned dog would start licking her.
And then I understood: this was the real god of Benaras—this black mud of the Ganga into which everything died, and decomposed, and was reborn from, and died into again. The same would happen to me when I died and they brought me here. Nothing would get liberated here.
I stopped breathing.
This was the first time in my life I fainted.
I haven't been back to see the Ganga since then: I'm leaving that river for the American tourists! …comes from the village of Laxmangarh, in the district of Gaya.
This is a famous district—world-famous. Your nation's history has been shaped by my district, Mr. Jiabao. Surely you've heard of Bodh Gaya—the town where the Lord Buddha sat under a tree and found his enlightenment and started Buddhism, which then spread to the whole world, including China— and where is it, but right here in my home district! Just a few miles from Laxmangarh! I wonder if the Buddha walked through Laxmangarh—some people say he did. My own feeling is that he ran through it—as fast as he could—and got to the other side—and never looked back! There is a small branch of the Ganga that flows just outside Laxmangarh; boats come down from the world outside, bringing supplies every Monday.
There is one street in the village; a bright strip of sewage splits it into two.
On either side of the ooze, a market: three more or less identical shops selling more or less identically adulterated and stale items of rice, cooking oil, kerosene, biscuits, cigarettes, and jaggery. At the end of the market is a tall, whitewashed, conelike tower, with black intertwining snakes painted on all its sides—the temple. Inside, you will find an image of a saffron-colored creature, half man half monkey: this is Hanuman, everyone's favorite god in the Darkness. Do you know about Hanuman, sir? He was the faithful servant of the god Rama, and we worship him in our temples because he is a shining example of how to serve your masters with absolute fidelity, love, and devotion.
These are the kinds of gods they have foisted on us, Mr. Jiabao. Understand, now, how hard it is for a man to win his freedom in India.
So much for the place. Now for the people. Your Excellency, I am proud to inform you that Laxmangarh is your typical Indian village paradise, adequately supplied with electricity, running water, and working telephones; and that the children of my village, raised on a nutritious diet of meat, eggs, vegetables, and lentils, will be found, when examined with tape measure and scales, to match up to the minimum height and weight standards set by the United Nations and other organizations whose treaties our prime minister has signed and whose forums he so regularly and pompously attends.
Ha! Electricity poles—defunct.
Water tap—broken.
Children—too lean and short for their age, and with oversized heads from which vivid eyes shine, like the guilty conscience of the government of India.
Yes, a typical Indian village paradise, Mr. Jiabao. One day I'll have to come to China and see if your village paradises are any better.
Down the middle of the main road, families of hogs are sniffing through sewage—the upper body of each animal is dry, with long hairs that are matted together into spines; the lower half of the body is peat-black and glistening from sewage. Vivid red and brown flashes of feather— roosters fly up and down the roofs of the house. Past the hogs and roosters, you'll get to my house—if it still exists.
At the doorway to my house, you'll see the most important member of my family.
The water buffalo.
She was the fattest thing in our family; this was true in every house in the village. All day long, the women fed her and fed her fresh grass; feeding her was the main thing in their lives. All their hopes were concentrated in her fatness, sir. If she gave enough milk, the women could sell some of it, and there might be a little more money at the end of the day. She was a fat, glossy-skinned creature, with a vein the size of a boy's penis sticking out over her hairy snout, and long thick pearly spittle suspended from the edge of her mouth; she sat all day in her own stupendous crap. She was the dictator of our house! Once you walk into the house, you will see—if any of them are still living, after what I did—the women. Working in the courtyard. My aunts and cousins and Kusum, my granny. One of them preparing the meal for the buffalo; one winnowing rice; one squatting down, looking through the scalp of another woman, squeezing the ticks to death between her fingers. Every now and then they stop their work, because it is time to fight. This means throwing metal vessels at one another, or pulling each other's hair, and then making up, by putting kisses on their palms and pressing them to the others' cheeks. At night they sleep together, their legs falling one over the other, like one creature, a millipede.
Men and boys sleep in another corner of the house.
Early morning. The roosters are going mad throughout the village. A hand stirs me awake…I shake my brother Kishan's legs off my tummy, move my cousin Pappu's palm out of my hair, and extricate myself from the sleepers.
"Come, Munna."
My father, calling for me from the door of the house.
I run behind him. We go out of the house and untie the water buffalo from her post. We are taking her for her morning bath—all the way to the pond beneath the Black Fort.
The Black Fort stands on the crest of a hill overlooking the village. People who have been to other countries have told me that this fort is as beautiful as anything seen in Europe. The Turks, or the Afghans, or the English, or whichever foreigners were then ruling India, must have built the fort centuries ago.
(For this land, India, has never been free. First the Muslims, then the British bossed us around. In 1947 the British left, but only a moron would think that we became free then.) Now the foreigners have long abandoned the Black Fort, and a tribe of monkeys occupy it. No one else goes up, except for a goatherd taking his flock to graze there.
At sunrise, the pond around the base of the fort glows. Boulders from the walls of the fort have rolled down the hill and tumbled into the pond, where they lie, moist and half submerged in the muddy water, like the snoozing hippopotamuses that I would see, many years later, at the National Zoo at New Delhi. Lotuses and lilies float all over the pond, the water sparkles like silver, and the water buffalo wades, chewing on the leaves of the lilies, and setting off ripples that spread in big V's from her snout. The sun rises over the buffalo, and over my father, and over me, and over my world.
Sometimes, would you believe, I almost miss that place.
Now, back to the poster—
The suspect was last seen wearing blue checkered polyester shirt, orange polyester trousers, maroon color sandals…

"Maroon color" sandals—ugh. Only a policeman could have made up a detail like that. I flatly deny it.
"Blue checkered polyester shirt, orange polyester trousers"…er, well, I'd like to deny those too, but unfortunately they're correct. Those are the kinds of clothes, sir, that would appeal to a servant's eye. And I was still a servant on the morning of the day this poster was made. (By the evening I was free— and wearing different clothes!) Now, there is one phrase in this poster that does annoy me—let me go back to it for a moment and fix it: …son of Vikram Halwai rickshaw-puller…
Mr. Vikram Halwai, rickshaw-puller—thank you! My father was a poor man, but he was a man of honor and courage. I wouldn't be here, under this chandelier, if not for his guidance.
In the afternoons, I went from my school to the tea shop to see him. This tea shop was the central point of our village; the bus from Gaya stopped there at noon every day (never late by more than an hour or two) and the policemen would park their jeep here when they came to bugger someone in the village.
A little before sunset, a man circled around the tea shop three times, ringing his bell loudly. A stiff cardboard-backed poster for a pornographic film was tied to the back of his cycle—what traditional Indian village is complete without its blue-movie theater, sir? A cinema across the river showed such films every night; two-and-a-half-hour fantasias with names like He Was a True Man, or We Opened Her Diary, or The Uncle Did It, featuring goldenhaired women from America or lonely ladies from Hong Kong—or so I'm guessing, Mr. Premier, since it's not like I ever joined the other young men and went to see one of these films! The rickshaw-pullers parked their vehicles in a line outside the tea shop, waiting for the bus to disgorge its passengers.
They were not allowed to sit on the plastic chairs put out for the customers; they had to crouch near the back, in that hunched-over, squatting posture common to servants in every part of India. My father never crouched—I remember that. He preferred to stand, no matter how long he had to wait and how uncomfortable it got for him. I would find him shirtless, usually alone, drinking tea and thinking.
Then there would be the honk of a car.
The hogs and stray dogs near the tea shop would scatter, and the smell of dust, and sand, and hog shit would blow into the shop. A white Ambassador car had stopped outside. My father put down his teacup and went out.
The door of the Ambassador opened: a man got out with a notebook. The regular customers of the tea shop could go on eating, but my father and the others gathered in a line.
The man with the notebook was not the Buffalo; he was the assistant.
There was another fellow inside the Ambassador; a stout one with a bald, brown, dimpled head, a serene expression on his face, and a shotgun on his lap.
He was the Buffalo.
The Buffalo was one of the landlords in Laxmangarh. There were three others, and each had got his name from the peculiarities of appetite that had been detected in him.
The Stork was a fat man with a fat mustache, thick and curved and pointy at the tips. He owned the river that flowed outside the village, and he took a cut of every catch of fish caught by every fisherman in the river, and a toll from every boatman who crossed the river to come to our village.
His brother was called the Wild Boar. This fellow owned all the good agricultural land around Laxmangarh. If you wanted to work on those lands, you had to bow down to his feet, and touch the dust under his slippers, and agree to swallow his day wages. When he passed by women, his car would stop; the windows would roll down to reveal his grin; two of his teeth, on either side of his nose, were long and curved, like little tusks.
The Raven owned the worst land, which was the dry, rocky hillside around the fort, and took a cut from the goatherds who went up there to graze with their flocks. If they didn't have their money, he liked to dip his beak into their backsides, so they called him the Raven.
The Buffalo was greediest of the lot. He had eaten up the rickshaws and the roads. So if you ran a rickshaw, or used the road, you had to pay him his feed —one-third of whatever you earned, no less.
All four of the Animals lived in high-walled mansions just outside Laxmangarh—the landlords' quarters. They had their own temples inside the mansions, and their own wells and ponds, and did not need to come out into the village except to feed. Once upon a time, the children of the four Animals went around town in their own cars; Kusum remembered those days. But after the Buffalo's son had been kidnapped by the Naxals—perhaps you've heard about them, Mr. Jiabao, since they're Communists, just like you, and go around shooting rich people on principle—the four Animals had sent their sons and daughters away, to Dhanbad or to Delhi.
Their children were gone, but the Animals stayed and fed on the village, and everything that grew in it, until there was nothing left for anyone else to feed on. So the rest of the village left Laxmangarh for food. Each year, all the men in the village waited in a big group outside the tea shop. When the buses came, they got on—packing the inside, hanging from the railings, climbing onto the roofs—and went to Gaya; there they went to the station and rushed into the trains—packing the inside, hanging from the railings, climbing onto the roofs—and went to Delhi, Calcutta, and Dhanbad to find work.
A month before the rains, the men came back from Dhanbad and Delhi and Calcutta, leaner, darker, angrier, but with money in their pockets. The women were waiting for them. They hid behind the door, and as soon as the men walked in, they pounced, like wildcats on a slab of flesh. There was fighting and wailing and shrieking. My uncles would resist, and managed to keep some of their money, but my father got peeled and skinned every time. "I survived the city, but I couldn't survive the women in my home," he would say, sunk into a corner of the room. The women would feed him after they fed the buffalo.
I would come to him, and play around with him, by climbing his back, and passing my palm over his forehead—over his eyes—over his nose—and down to his neck, to the little depression at the pit of his neck. I would let my finger linger there—it still is my favorite part of the human body.
A rich man's body is like a premium cotton pillow, white and soft and blank.
Ours are different. My father's spine was a knotted rope, the kind that women use in villages to pull water from wells; the clavicle curved around his neck in high relief, like a dog's collar; cuts and nicks and scars, like little whip marks in his flesh, ran down his chest and waist, reaching down below his hip bones into his buttocks. The story of a poor man's life is written on his body, in a sharp pen.
My uncles also did backbreaking work, but they did what everyone else did.
Each year, as soon as it began raining, they would go out to the fields with blackened sickles, begging one landlord or the other for some work. Then they cast seed, cut weeds, and harvested corn and paddy. My father could have worked with them; he could have worked with the landlords' mud, but he chose not to.
He chose to fight it.
Now, since I doubt that you have rickshaw-pullers in China—or in any other civilized nation on earth—you will have to see one for yourself. Rickshaws are not allowed inside the posh parts of Delhi, where foreigners might see them and gape. Insist on going to Old Delhi, or Nizamuddin— there you'll see the road full of them—thin, sticklike men, leaning forward from the seat of a bicycle, as they pedal along a carriage bearing a pyramid of middleclass flesh—some fat man with his fat wife and all their shopping bags and groceries.
And when you see these stick-men, think of my father.
Rickshaw-puller he may have been—a human beast of burden—but my father was a man with a plan.
I was his plan.
One day he lost his temper at home and began yelling at the women. This was the day they told him that I had not been going to class. He did something he had never dared do before—he yelled at Kusum: "How many times have I told you: Munna must read and write!"
Kusum was startled, but only for a moment. She yelled back: "This fellow came running back from school—don't blame me! He's a coward, and he eats too much. Put him to work in the tea shop and let him make some money."
My aunts and cousin-sisters gathered around her. I crawled behind my father's back as they told him the story of my cowardice.
Now, you may find it incredible that a boy in a village would be frightened of a lizard. Rats, snakes, monkeys, and mongooses don't bother me at all. On the contrary—I love animals. But lizards…each time I see one, no matter how tiny, it's as if I turn into a girl. My blood freezes.
There was a giant cupboard in my classroom, whose door was always slightly ajar—no one knew what it was there for. One morning, the door creaked open, and a lizard jumped out.
It was light green in color, like a half-ripe guava. Its tongue flicked in and out of its mouth. It was at least two feet long.
The other boys barely noticed. Until someone saw my face. They gathered in a circle around me.
Two of them pinned my hands behind my back and held my head still.
Someone caught the thing in his hands, and began walking toward me with slow, exaggerated steps. Making no noise— only flicking its red tongue in and out of its mouth—the lizard came closer and closer to my face. The laughter grew louder. I couldn't make a noise. The teacher was snoring at his desk behind me. The lizard's face came right up to my face; and then it opened its light green mouth, and then I fainted for the second time in my life.
I had not gone back to school since that day.
My father did not laugh when he heard the story. He took a deep breath; I felt his chest expanding against me.
"You let Kishan drop out of school, but I told you this fellow had to stay in school. His mother told me he'd be the one who made it through school. His mother said—"
"Oh, to hell with his mother!" Kusum shouted. "She was a crazy one, and she's dead, and thank goodness. Now listen to me: let the boy go to the tea shop like Kishan, that's what I say."
The next day my father came with me to my school, for the first and last time.
It was dawn; the place was empty. We pushed the door open. A dim blue light filled the classroom. Now, our schoolteacher was a big paan-and-spit man— and his expectorate made a sort of low, red wallpaper on three walls around us. When he went to sleep, which he usually did by noon, we stole paan from his pockets; distributed it amongst ourselves and chewed on it; and then, imitating his spitting style—hands on hips, back arched slightly—took turns spitting at the three dirty walls.
A faded mural of the Lord Buddha surrounded by deer and squirrels decorated the fourth wall— it was the only wall that the teacher spared. The giant lizard the color of a half-ripe guava was sitting in front of this wall, pretending to be one of the animals at the feet of the Lord Buddha.
It turned its head to us; I saw its eyes shine.
"Is this the monster?"
The lizard turned its head this way and that, looking for an exit. Then it began banging the wall. It was no different from me; it was terrified.
"Don't kill it, Daddy—just throw it out the window, please?"
The teacher was lying in one corner of the room, reeking of booze, snoring soundly. Near him was the pot of toddy he had emptied the previous night— my father picked it up.
The lizard ran, and he ran behind it, swinging the pot of toddy at it.
"Don't kill it, Daddy—please!"
But he wouldn't listen. He kicked the cupboard, and the lizard darted out, and he chased it again, smashing everything in his way, and yelling, "Heeyaa! Heeyaa!" He pounded it with the pot of toddy until the pot broke. He smashed its neck with his fist. He stamped on its head.
The air became acrid: a stench of crushed flesh. He picked the dead lizard up and flung it out the door.
My father sat panting against the mural of the Lord Buddha surrounded by the gentle animals.
When he caught his breath, he said, "My whole life, I have been treated like a donkey. All I want is that one son of mine—at least one—should live like a man."
What it meant to live like a man was a mystery. I thought it meant being like Vijay, the bus conductor. The bus stopped for half an hour at Laxmangarh, and the passengers got off, and the conductor got down to have a cup of tea. Now, he was a man all of us who worked in that tea shop looked up to. We admired his bus-company-issue khaki uniform, his silver whistle and the red cord from which it hung down from his pocket. Everything about him said: he had made it in life.
Vijay's family were pigherds, which meant they were the lowest of the low, yet he had made it up in life. Somehow he had befriended a politician.
People said he had let the politician dip his beak in his backside. Whatever he had to do, he had done: he was the first entrepreneur I knew of. Now he had a job, and a silver whistle, and when he blew it—just as the bus was leaving—all the boys in the village went crazy and ran after the bus, and banged on its sides, and begged to be taken along too. I wanted to be like Vijay—with a uniform, a paycheck, a shiny whistle with a piercing sound, and people looking at me with eyes that said, How important he looks.
Two a.m. already, Mr. Premier. I'll have to stop for tonight fairly soon. Let me put my finger on the laptop screen, and see if there is any other useful information here.
Leaving out a few inessential details…
…in the Dhaula Kuan area of New Delhi, on the night of September 2, near the ITC Maurya Sheraton hotel…
Now, this hotel, the Sheraton, is the finest in Delhi—I've never been inside, but my ex-boss, Mr. Ashok, used to do all his late-night drinking there.
There's a restaurant in the basement that's supposed to be very good. You should visit it if you get the chance.
The missing man was employed as driver of a Honda City vehicle at the time of the alleged incident. In this regard a case, FIR No. 438/05, P. S.
Dhaula Kuan, Delhi, has been registered. He is also believed to be in possession of a bag filled with a certain quantity of cash.
Red bag, they should have said. Without the color, the information is all but useless, isn't it? No wonder I was never spotted.
Certain quantity of cash. Open any newspaper in this country, and it's always this crap: "A certain interested party has been spreading rumors," or "A certain religious community doesn't believe in contraception." I hate that.
Seven hundred thousand rupees.
That was how much cash was stuffed into the red bag. And trust me, the police knew it too. How much this is in Chinese money, I don't know, Mr.
Jiabao. But it buys ten silver Macintosh laptops from Singapore.
There's no mention of my school in the poster, sir—that's a real shame. You always ought to talk about a man's education when describing him. They should have said something like, The suspect was educated in a school with two-foot-long lizards the color of half-ripe guavas hiding in its cupboards…
If the Indian village is a paradise, then the school is a paradise within a paradise.
There was supposed to be free food at my school—a government program gave every boy three rotis, yellow daal, and pickles at lunchtime. But we never ever saw rotis, or yellow daal, or pickles, and everyone knew why: the schoolteacher had stolen our lunch money.
The teacher had a legitimate excuse to steal the money—he said he hadn't been paid his salary in six months. He was going to undertake a Gandhian protest to retrieve his missing wages—he was going to do nothing in class until his paycheck arrived in the mail. Yet he was terrified of losing his job, because though the pay of any government job in India is poor, the incidental advantages are numerous. Once, a truck came into the school with uniforms that the government had sent for us; we never saw them, but a week later they turned up for sale in the neighboring village.
No one blamed the schoolteacher for doing this. You can't expect a man in a dung heap to smell sweet. Every man in the village knew that he would have done the same in his position. Some were even proud of him, for having got away with it so cleanly.
One morning a man wearing the finest suit I had seen in my life, a blue safari suit that looked even more impressive than a bus conductor's uniform, came walking down the road that led to my school. We gathered at the door to stare at his suit. He had a cane in his hand, which he began swishing when he saw us at the door. We rushed back into the class and sat down with our books.
This was a surprise inspection.
The man in the blue safari suit—the inspector—pointed his cane at holes in the wall, or the red discolorations, while the teacher cowered by his side and said, "Sorry sir, sorry sir."
"There is no duster in this class; there are no chairs; there are no uniforms for the boys. How much money have you stolen from the school funds, you sisterfucker?"
The inspector wrote four sentences on the board and pointed his cane at a boy: "Read."
One boy after the other stood up and blinked at the wall.
"Try Balram, sir," the teacher said. "He's the smartest of the lot. He reads well."
So I stood up, and read, "We live in a glorious land. The Lord Buddha received his enlightenment in this land. The River Ganga gives life to our plants and our animals and our people. We are grateful to God that we were born in this land."
"Good," the inspector said. "And who was the Lord Buddha?"
"An enlightened man."
"An enlightened god."
(Oops! Thirty-six million and five—!) The inspector made me write my name on the blackboard; then he showed me his wristwatch and asked me to read the time. He took out his wallet, removed a small photo, and asked me, "Who is this man, who is the most important man in all our lives?"
The photo was of a plump man with spiky white hair and chubby cheeks, wearing thick earrings of gold; the face glowed with intelligence and kindness.
"He's the Great Socialist."
"Good. And what is the Great Socialist's message for little children?"
I had seen the answer on the wall outside the temple: a policeman had written it one day in red paint.
"Any boy in any village can grow up to become the prime minister of India.
That is his message to little children all over this land."
The inspector pointed his cane straight at me. "You, young man, are an intelligent, honest, vivacious fellow in this crowd of thugs and idiots. In any jungle, what is the rarest of animals— the creature that comes along only once in a generation?"
I thought about it and said: "The white tiger."
"That's what you are, in this jungle."
Before he left, the inspector said, "I'll write to Patna asking them to send you a scholarship. You need to go to a real school—somewhere far away from here. You need a real uniform, and a real education."
He had a parting gift for me—a book. I remember the title very well: Lessons for Young Boys from the Life of Mahatma Gandhi.
So that's how I became the White Tiger. There will be a fourth and a fifth name too, but that's late in the story.
Now, being praised by the school inspector in front of my teacher and fellow students, being called a "White Tiger," being given a book, and being promised a scholarship: all this constituted good news, and the one infallible law of life in the Darkness is that good news becomes bad news—and soon.
My cousin-sister Reena got hitched off to a boy in the next village. Because we were the girl's family, we were screwed. We had to give the boy a new bicycle, and cash, and a silver bracelet, and arrange for a big wedding— which we did. Mr. Premier, you probably know how we Indians enjoy our weddings—I gather that these days people come from other countries to get married Indian-style. Oh, we could have taught those foreigners a thing or two, I tell you! Film songs blasting out from a black tape recorder, and drinking and dancing all night! I got smashed, and so did Kishan, and so did everyone in the family, and for all I know, they probably poured hooch into the water buffalo's trough.
Two or three days passed. I was in my classroom, sitting at the back, with the black slate and chalk that my father had brought me from one of his trips to Dhanbad, working on the alphabet on my own. The boys were chatting or fighting. The teacher had passed out.
Kishan was standing in the doorway of the classroom. He gestured with his fingers.
"What is it, Kishan? Are we going somewhere?"
Still he said nothing.
"Should I bring my book along? And my chalk?"
"Why not?" he said. And then, with his hand on my head, he led me out.
The family had taken a big loan from the Stork so they could have a lavish wedding and a lavish dowry for my cousin-sister. Now the Stork had called in his loan. He wanted all the members of the family working for him and he had seen me in school, or his collector had. So they had to hand me over too.
I was taken to the tea shop. Kishan folded his hands and bowed to the shopkeeper. I bowed to the shopkeeper too.
"Who's this?" The shopkeeper squinted at me.
He was sitting under a huge portrait of Mahatma Gandhi, and I knew already that I was going to be in big trouble.
"My brother," Kishan said. "He's come to join me."
Then Kishan dragged the oven out from the tea shop and told me to sit down.
I sat down next to him. He brought a gunnysack; inside was a huge pile of coals. He took out a coal, smashed it on a brick, and then poured the black chunks into the oven.
"Harder," he said, when I hit the coal against the brick. "Harder, harder."
Finally I got it right—I broke the coal against the brick. He got up and said,
"Now break every last coal in this bag like that."
A little later, two boys came around from school to watch me. Then two more boys came; then two more. I heard giggling.
"What is the creature that comes along only once in a generation?" one boy asked loudly.
"The coal breaker," another replied.
And then all of them began to laugh.
"Ignore them," Kishan said. "They'll go away on their own."
He looked at me.
"You're angry with me for taking you out of school, aren't you?"
I said nothing.
"You hate the idea of having to break coals, don't you?"
I said nothing.
He took the largest piece of coal in his hand and squeezed it. "Imagine that each coal is my skull: they will get much easier to break."
He'd been taken out of school too. That happened after my cousin-sister Meera's wedding. That had been a big affair too.

* * * 

Working in a tea shop. Smashing coals. Wiping tables. Bad news for me, you say? To break the law of his land—to turn bad news into good news—is the entrepreneur's prerogative.
Tomorrow, Mr. Jiabao, starting again at midnight I'll tell you how I gave myself a better education at the tea shop than I could have got at any school.
Right now, though, it's time for me to stop staring at this chandelier and get to work. It is almost three in the morning. This is when Bangalore comes to life.
The American workday is coming to an end, and mine is beginning in earnest.
I have to be alert as all the call-center girls and boys are leaving their offices for their homes. This is when I must be near the phone.
I don't keep a cell phone, for obvious reasons—they corrode a man's brains, shrink his balls, and dry up his semen, as all of us know—so I have to stay in the office. In case there is a crisis.
I am the man people call when they have a crisis! Let's see quickly if there's anything else…
…any person having any information or clue about this missing man may kindly inform at: 
CBI Web site (http://cbi.nic.in) 
e-mail ID (diccbi@cbi.nic.in), 
Fax No. 011-23011334, 
T No. 011-23014046 (Direct) 011-23015229 and 23015218 Extn. 210 
and to the under-signed at the following address or telephone number or numbers given below.
DP 3687/05
SHO—Dhaula Kuan, New Delhi Tel: 28653200, 27641000

Set into the text of the notice, a photograph: blurred, blackened, and smudged by the antique printing press of some police office, and barely recognizable even when it was on the wall of the train station, but now, transferred onto the computer screen, reduced to pixels, just an abstract idea of a man's face: a small creature with large, popped-out eyes and a stubby mustache. He could be half the men in India.
Mr. Premier, I leave you for tonight with a comment on the shortcomings of police work in India. Now, a busload of men in khaki—it was a sensational case, after all—must have gone to Laxmangarh when investigating my disappearance. They would have questioned the shopkeepers, bullied the rickshaw puller, and woken up the schoolteacher. Did he steal as a child? Did he sleep with whores? They would have smashed up a grocery shop or two, and forced out "confessions" from one or two people.
Yet I bet you they missed the most important clue of all, which was right in front of them: I am talking of the Black Fort, of course.
I begged Kusum many times to take me to the top of the hill, and through the entranceway, and into the fort. But she said I was a coward, I would die of fright if I went up there: an enormous lizard, the biggest in the whole world, lived in the fort.
So I could only watch. The long loopholes in its wall turned into lines of burning pink at sunrise and burning gold at sunset; the blue sky shone through the slits in the stone, while the moon shone on the jagged ramparts, and the monkeys ran wild along the walls, shrieking and attacking each other, as if they were the spirits of the dead warriors reincarnated, refighting their final battles.
I wanted to go up there too.
Iqbal, who is one of the four best poets in the world—the others being Rumi,
Mirza Ghalib, and a fourth fellow, also a Muslim, whose name I've forgotten —has written a poem where he says this about slaves: They remain slaves because they can't see what is beautiful in this world.
That's the truest thing anyone ever said.
A great poet, this fellow Iqbal—even if he was a Muslim.
(By the way, Mr. Premier: Have you noticed that all four of the greatest poets in the world are Muslim? And yet all the Muslims you meet are illiterate or covered head to toe in black burkas or looking for buildings to blow up? It's a puzzle, isn't it? If you ever figure these people out, send me an e-mail.) Even as a boy I could see what was beautiful in the world: I was destined not to stay a slave.
One day Kusum found out about me and the fort. She followed me all the way from our home to the pond with the stones, and saw what I was doing. That night she told my father, "He just stood there gaping at the fort—just the way his mother used to. He is going to come to nothing good in life, I'll tell you that right now."
When I was maybe thirteen I decided to go up to the fort on my own. I waded into the pond, got to the other side, and climbed up the hill; just as I was on the verge of going in, a black thing materialized in the entranceway. I spun around and ran back down the hill, too frightened even to cry.
It was only a cow. I could see this from a distance, but I was too shaken up to go back.
I tried many more times, yet I was such a coward that each time I tried to go up, I lost my nerve and came back.
At the age of twenty-four, when I was living in Dhanbad and working in Mr. Ashok's service as a chauffeur, I returned to Laxmangarh when my master and his wife went there on an excursion. It was a very important trip for me, and one I hope to describe in greater detail when time permits. For now, all I want to tell you is this: While Mr. Ashok and Pinky Madam were relaxing, having eaten lunch, I had nothing to do, so I decided to try again. I swam through the pond, walked up the hill, went into the doorway, and entered the Black Fort for the first time. There wasn't much around—just some broken walls and a bunch of frightened monkeys watching me from a distance.
Putting my foot on the wall, I looked down on the village from there. My little Laxmangarh. I saw the temple tower, the market, the glistening line of sewage, the landlords' mansions—and my own house, with that dark little cloud outside—the water buffalo. It looked like the most beautiful sight on earth.
I leaned out from the edge of the fort in the direction of my village—and then I did something too disgusting to describe to you.
Well, actually, I spat. Again and again. And then, whistling and humming, I went back down the hill.
Eight months later, I slit Mr. Ashok's throat.

Kayam Tablet

Product highlights

Haritaki and senna leaves are mild laxatives.

Yasthimadhu is good for stomach complaints, peptic ulcers and mouth ulcers.

Saindhava lavana and Swarjika kshara are usually used in gastritis conditions.

Improve the digestion capacity of the stomach and intestines.


Information about Kayam Tablet
Kayam Tablet is a very famous ayurvedic medicine for constipation. It is not traditional ayurvedic medicine. It is a proprietary ayurvedic medicine. Kayam tablet is claimed to be beneficial in chronic constipation, acidity, gas, headache and mouth ulcer.

Key Ingredients:

    Trivrit

    Haritaki

    Senna

    Yashtimadhu

    Saindhava lavana

    Swarjika kshara

Key Benefits:

    Trivrit is a good purgative ayurvedic herb

    Haritaki and senna leaves are mild laxatives

    Yasthimadhu is good for stomach complaints, peptic ulcers and mouth ulcers

    Saindhava lavana and Swarjika kshara are usually used in gastritis conditions

    Improve the digestion capacity of the stomach and intestines 

Directions For Use:
1-2 teaspoons at bedtime, preferably before food with half a glass of hot water.
 
Safety Information:

    Read the label carefully before use

    Keep out of reach of the children

    Store in a cool dry place

    Use under medical supervision

Hand Sanitizer

Ethyl Alcohol
Ethyl vs. isopropyl alcohol in hand sanitizer

The CDC recommends choosing a hand sanitizer that contains at least 60 percent ethyl or isopropanol alcohol and avoiding products that contain less than 60 percent. Both types of alcohol can kill bacteria, viruses, and other germs that can make you sick.

Ethyl alcohol is effective at killing a large range of viruses, but this doesn’t include hepatitis A or poliovirus.

Isopropyl alcohol isn’t as effective against a class of viruses called nonenveloped viruses but is effective at killing enveloped viruses.

The virus that causes COVID-19 is an enveloped virus. Both types of alcohol are effective at killing it, but ethyl may be more effective. 

Hydrogen Peroxide
According to the CDC, hydrogen peroxide is effective at removing microorganisms, including bacteria, yeasts, fungi, viruses, and spores, making it a good choice for cleaning your bathroom.

Glycerol

NO SCARS Cream

NO SCARS Cream

Prescription: Required
Manufacturer: Torque Pharmaceuticals Pvt Ltd
SALT COMPOSITION: Hydroquinone (2% w/w) + Mometasone (0.1% w/w) + Tretinoin (0.025% w/w)
Storage: Store below 30°C

Introduction

NO SCARS Cream is a prescription medicine used in the treatment of melasma. It helps in quick skin renewal. It provides relief from redness, swelling, and itching.

Benefits of NO Scars Cream
In Treatment of Melasma

Melasma is a common skin problem that causes dark, discolored patches on your skin. It is more commonly seen in females than males. NO SCARS Cream helps to lighten these dark patches of the skin usually caused by pregnancy, birth control pills, hormone medicine, or injury to the skin. It effectively blocks that process in the skin that leads to discoloration. NO SCARS Cream also reduces any redness, rash, pain or itchiness that may be caused in this condition. 

How NO Scars Cream works
NO SCARS Cream is a combination of three medicines: Hydroquinone, Mometasone and Tretinoin, which treats melasma (dark spots on skin). 

Hydroquinone is a skin lightening medicine. It reduces the amount of a skin pigment (melanin) that causes darkening of skin. This effect is reversible. 

Mometasone is a steroid which blocks the production of certain chemical messengers (prostaglandins) that make the skin red, swollen and itchy. 

Tretinoin is a form of vitamin A that helps the skin to renew itself more quickly.

AF 400 Tablet

AF 400 Tablet
Prescription: Required

Manufacturer: Systopic Laboratories Pvt Ltd

SALT COMPOSITION: Fluconazole (400mg)

Storage: Store below 30°C

Introduction

AF 400 Tablet is used to treat fungal infections of the mouth, throat, vagina, and other parts of the body including fingernails and toenails. It kills fungi by destroying the fungal cell membrane thereby stopping the growth of fungi.

Uses of AF Tablet
Treatment of Fungal infections

How AF Tablet works
AF 400 Tablet is an antifungal medication. It kills and stops the growth of the fungi by destroying its cell membrane, thereby treating your skin infection.

Safety advice
Driving: UNSAFE
AF 400 Tablet may cause side effects which could affect your ability to drive.
AF 400 Tablet may cause dizziness or seizures. This may affect your ability to drive.

Fact Box

Chemical Class: Azole derivatives {Imidazoles}
Habit Forming: No
Therapeutic Class: ANTI INFECTIVES
Action Class: Fungal ergosterol synthesis inhibitor

Medler Tablet

Medler Tablet
Prescription: Required

Manufacturer: Comed Chemicals Ltd

SALT COMPOSITION: Caffeine (30mg) + 
Chlorpheniramine Maleate (2mg) + 
Paracetamol (325mg) + 
Phenylephrine (10mg)

Storage: Store below 30°C

Introduction

Medler Tablet is used to treat common cold symptoms. It provides temporary relief from stuffiness in the nose. It also helps to relieve allergy symptoms like runny nose and watery eyes.

Uses of Medler Tablet

Treatment of Common cold symptoms

Side effects of Medler Tablet

Most side effects do not require any medical attention and disappear as your body adjusts to the medicine. Consult your doctor if they persist or if you’re worried about them
Common side effects of Medler:

    Nausea
    Vomiting
    Insomnia (difficulty in sleeping)
    Restlessness
    Allergic reaction
    Headache
    Sleepiness

How Medler Tablet works

Medler Tablet is a combination of four medicines: Caffeine, Chlorpheniramine Maleate, Paracetamol, and Phenylephrine, which relieves common cold symptoms. 

Chlorpheniramine Maleate is an antiallergic which relieves allergy symptoms like runny nose, watery eyes and sneezing. 

Paracetamol is an analgesic (pain reliever) and an antipyretic (fever reducer). It blocks the release of certain chemical messengers in the brain that are responsible for pain and fever. 

Caffeine increases the effectiveness of paracetamol and makes you more alert. 

Phenylephrine is a decongestant which narrows the small blood vessels providing temporary relief from congestion or stuffiness in the nose.

Quick tips

1. Medler Tablet is prescribed to get relief from symptoms of common cold.

2. Take exactly as directed by your doctor or on the label. Do not increase the dosage or take for longer than is recommended.

3. Inform your doctor if you are taking any other medications for cold.

4. Call your doctor if your symptoms have not improved within seven days of treatment or if you develop a fast, pounding, or uneven heartbeat, severe dizziness or anxiety, severe headache, fever, or rash.

5. Inform your doctor if you are taking any antidepressants.

6. Along with taking Medler Tablet do the following simple tips at home to get relief:
6.1 Steam inhalation
6.2 Gargling with warm saltwater.
6.3 Apply vapor rubs on chest, back if needed. Take enough rest.
6.4 Take warm food and fluid only. Ensure adequate fluid intake.

7. Advise hygiene measures to reduce spread: frequent hand-washing, avoiding sharing towels, pillowcase, etc.

8. Medler Tablet is prescribed to get relief from symptoms of common cold.

9. Take exactly as directed by your doctor or on the label. Do not increase the dosage or take for longer than is recommended.

10. Inform your doctor if you are taking any other medications for cold.

11. Call your doctor if your symptoms have not improved within seven days of treatment or if you develop a fast, pounding, or uneven heartbeat, severe dizziness or anxiety, severe headache, fever, or rash.

12. Inform your doctor if you are taking any antidepressants.

13. Along with taking Medler Tablet do the following simple tips at home to get relief:
    
13.1 Steam inhalation
13.2 Gargling with warm saltwater.
13.3 Apply vapor rubs on chest, back if needed. Take enough rest.
13.4 Take warm food and fluid only. Ensure adequate fluid intake.
13.5 Advise hygiene measures to reduce spread: frequent hand-washing, avoiding sharing towels, pillowcases, etc.

Sinarest Tablet

Sinarest New Tablet

Prescription: Required

Manufacturer: Centaur Pharmaceuticals Pvt Ltd
SALT COMPOSITION: Chlorpheniramine Maleate (2mg) + 
Paracetamol (500mg) + 
Phenylephrine (10mg)

Storage: Store below 30°C

Introduction

Sinarest New Tablet is a medicine used in the treatment of common cold symptoms. It provides relief from symptoms such as headache, sore throat, runny nose, muscular pain, and fever.

Uses of Sinarest Tablet

Treatment of Common cold symptoms

Benefits of Sinarest Tablet
In Treatment of Common cold symptoms

Sinarest New Tablet is a combination medicine that effectively relieves symptoms of common cold such as blocked nose, runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, and congestion or stuffiness. It helps to loosen thick mucus, making it easier to cough out. This makes it easier for air to move in and out. It shrinks the blood vessels and provides rapid relief that lasts for several hours.

Sinarest New Tablet usually starts to work within a few minutes and the effects can last up to several hours. Take it as prescribed by the doctor. Do not stop using it unless you are advised to by your doctor. Taking this medicine enables you to live your life more freely without worrying so much about things that set off your symptoms.

Side effects of Sinarest Tablet

Most side effects do not require any medical attention and disappear as your body adjusts to the medicine. Consult your doctor if they persist or if you’re worried about them:
Common side effects of Sinarest:

    Nausea
    Vomiting
    Allergic reaction
    Sleepiness
    Headache
    Dizziness

How Sinarest Tablet works

Sinarest New Tablet is a combination of three medicines: Chlorpheniramine, paracetamol and phenylephrine which relieves common cold symptoms. 

Chlorpheniramine is an antiallergic which relieves allergy symptoms like runny nose, watery eyes and sneezing. 

Paracetamol is an analgesic (pain reliever) and antipyretic (fever reducer). It blocks the release of certain chemical messengers in the brain that are responsible for pain and fever. 

Phenylephrine is a nasal decongestant which narrows the small blood vessels providing relief from congestion or stuffiness in the nose.

Quick tips

1. Sinarest New Tablet helps relieve symptoms of cold and flu such as headache, sore throat, runny nose, muscular pain, and fever.

2. It may cause dizziness and sleepiness. Don't drive or do anything that requires mental focus until you know how it affects you.

3. Avoid consuming alcohol when taking this medicine as it may cause excessive drowsiness.

4. Do not take it with any other medicine containing paracetamol (drugs for pain/fever or cough-and-cold) without asking your doctor first.

5. Inform your doctor if you are pregnant, planning to conceive or breastfeeding.

Fact Box

Habit Forming: No
Therapeutic Class: RESPIRATORY