Assertiveness Skills (Lesson in Behavioral Science)

When you are pressed by someone for something and it is not in your capacity to fulfil that need you can say:
"I respect you for the need out of which you have reached out to me, however this is what is available currently."








People with passive behavior are fearful of confrontation.

What is the root cause of this behavior?

One important cause is: Upbringing

Also, it could be that the person is introvert.

In siblings, the first child has higher chance of developing a passive behavior.

These are the people who care about others. Even if they are at inconvenience. They take a lot of trouble for themselves.

The earlier a person is introduced to this subject of "Assertiveness", the higher are the chances that the person will be able to make corrections at the earliest.




Aggressive people are confrontationalist. 
Root cause: They were oppressed a lot in earlier life maybe so they start being aggressive.

They are insecure because they are always trying to win.

Why is this behavior negative:
Aggressive people are not open to feedback, hence won't change themselves even if it is for good. Not open for change.

Positive side of aggressive people:

When the most of the others are afraid of taking the decision, they take the decision that feels right to them.

They are very responsible.

They have high decision making ability.

They have high risk taking tendency. And, they are respected when the risks taken yield rewards.

In leadership roles, they take care of their teams. 

When companies don't perform well, they often seek out for aggressive people who can turn the things around.

Under Aggressive Behavior: we have 'Aggressive-aggressive behavior' and 'Passive-aggressive people'.

Aggressive-aggressive behavior: not only thoughts and actions but general behavior is aggressive. The way they walk, the way they talk, the way they approach things, their handshakes, their greetings.

Passive-aggressive people are manipulative. A passive-aggressive boss may praise you in order to get things done. They have hidden agendas. They may come across as very approachable. They use sugar coated words.




Note: It takes time to appreciate and respect them, it might not even be evident as assertiveness at beginning (rather being rude).




Without gap, it is a reaction.
With gap, it is a thoughtful response. 

Assertive people ask questions, a lot.






You tend to get a lot of calls from credit card companies. They are doing their job for livelihood. For these calls, you can use broken record and not shout.

This tool 'Broken Record' comes very naturally to us. Kids are very often using this to get their demands met.

Fogging








Fogging involves using words that acknowledge the other person's point of view, and accepting that it might be true under circumstances, but without necessarily accepting it is true of you. Fogging is particularly powerful if you are able to restate the other person's opinion in a way that could be true of anyone or everyone:

- You are stupid.
 + Yeah, we all have a stupid side to ourselves.

- You're always making mistakes.
 + To err is human.
 
- You're aggressive.
 + We all have an aggressive side to our personalities.
 
























While being assertive, you need to make sure that you monitor your own behavior to make sure you are not becoming aggressive.

Quiz
Tell if the response if assertive or aggressive.