Part One - Fundamental Facts You Should Know About Worry
Chapter 1 - Live in "Day-tight Compartments"
The best possible way to prepare for tomorrow is to concentrate with all your intelligence, all your enthusiasm, on doing today's work superbly today. That is the only possible way you can prepare for the future.
Sir William Osier urged the students at Yale to begin the day with Christ's prayer: "Give us this day our daily bread."
Remember that that prayer asks only for today's bread. It doesn't complain about the stale bread we had to eat yesterday; and it doesn't say: "Oh, God, it has been pretty dry out in the wheat belt lately and we may have another drought-and then how will I get bread to eat next autumn-or suppose I lose my job-oh, God, how could I get bread then?"
No, this prayer teaches us to ask for today's bread only. Today's bread is the only kind of bread you can possibly eat.
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"Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."
Many men have rejected those words of Jesus: "Take no thought for the morrow." They have rejected those words as a counsel of perfection, as a bit of Oriental mysticism. "I must take thought for the morrow," they say. "I must take out insurance to protect my family. I must lay aside money for my old age. I must plan and prepare to get ahead."
Right! Of course you must. The truth is that those words of Jesus, translated over three hundred years ago, don't mean today what they meant during the reign of King James. Three hundred years ago the word thought frequently meant anxiety. Modern versions of the Bible quote Jesus more accurately as saying: "Have no anxiety for the tomorrow."
By all means take thought for the tomorrow, yes, careful thought and planning and preparation. But have no anxiety.
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Whether in war or peace, the chief difference between good thinking and bad thinking is this: good thinking deals with causes and effects and leads to logical, constructive planning; bad thinking frequently leads to tension and nervous breakdowns.
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Shut the iron doors on the past and the future. Live in Day-tight Compartments.
Why not ask yourself these questions, and write down the answers?
● 1. Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about the future, or to yearn for some "magical rose garden over the horizon"?
● 2. Do I sometimes embitter the present by regretting things that happened in the past-that are over and done with?
● 3. Do I get up in the morning determined to "Seize the day" - to get the utmost out of these twenty-four hours?
● 4. Can I get more out of life by "living in day-tight compartments"?
● 5. When shall I start to do this? Next week?... Tomorrow?... Today?
Chapter 2 - A Magic Formula for Solving Worry Situations
Common sense reminded me that worry wasn't going to get anyone anywhere; so I figured out a way to handle my problem without worrying.
It is a simple anti-worrying technique. Anyone can use it. It consists of three steps.
One of the worst features about worrying is that it destroys our ability to concentrate. When we worry, our minds jump here and there and everywhere, and we lose all power of decision. However, when we force ourselves to face the worst and accept it mentally, we then eliminate all those vague imaginings and put ourselves in a position in which we are able to concentrate on our problem.
So, Rule 2 is: If you have a worry problem, apply the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier by doing these three things -
1. Ask yourself,' 'What is the worst that can possibly happen?"
2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.
Chapter 3 - What Worry May Do to You
What book says about: Relaxation and Recreation
The most relaxing recreating forces are a healthy religion, sleep, music, and laughter.
Have faith in God.
Learn to sleep well.
Love good music.
See the funny side of life.
And health and happiness will be yours.
When the cruel Chinese war lords wanted to torture their prisoners, they would tie their prisoners hand and foot and put them under a bag of water that constantly dripped ... dripped ... dripped ... day and night. These drops of water constantly falling on the head finally became like the sound of hammer blows-and drove men insane. This same method of torture was used during the Spanish Inquisition and in German concentration camps under Hitler.
Worry is like the constant drip, drip, drip of water; and the constant drip, drip, drip of worry often drives men to insanity and suicide.
Part One in A Nutshell
RULE 1: If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osier did: Live in "day-tight compartments". Don't stew about the future. Just live each day until bedtime.
RULE 2: The next time Trouble-with a capital T- comes gunning for you and backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
a. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem?"
b. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst-if necessary.
c. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst-which you have already mentally agreed to accept.
RULE 3: Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.
"Business men who do not know how to fight worry die young."
Part Two - Basic Techniques In Analysing Worry
Chapter 4 - How to Analyze and Solve Worry Problems
The three basic steps of problem analysis. The three steps are:
1. Get the facts.
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision - and then act on that decision.
Let's take the first rule: Get the facts. Why is it so important to get the facts? Because unless we have the facts we can't possibly even attempt to solve our problem intelligently. Without the facts, all we can do is stew around in confusion. My idea? No, that was the idea of the late Herbert E. Hawkes, Dean of Columbia College, Columbia University, for twenty-two years. He had helped two hundred thousand students solve their worry problems; and he told me that "confusion is the chief cause of worry". He put it this way-he said: "Half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision. For example," he said, "if I have a problem which has to be faced at three o'clock next Tuesday, I refuse even to try to make a decision about it until next Tuesday arrives. In the meantime, I concentrate on getting all the facts that bear on the problem. I don't worry," he said, "I don't agonize over my problem. I don't lose any sleep. I simply concentrate on getting the facts. And by the time Tuesday rolls around, if I've got all the facts, the problem usually solves itself!"
"If a man will devote his time to securing facts in an impartial, objective way, his worries will usually evaporate in the light of knowledge."
Remember what Charles Kettering said: "A problem well stated is a problem half solved."
Banish about ninety per cent of your worries by taking these four steps:
● 1. Writing down precisely what I am worrying about.
● 2. Writing down what I can do about it.
● 3. Deciding what to do.
● 4. Starting immediately to carry out that decision.
Again, as questions:
Question No. 1 - What am I worrying about?
Question No. 2 - What can I do about it?
Question No. 3 - Here is what I am going to do about it.
Question No. 4 - When am I going to start doing it?
Chapter 5 - How to Eliminate Fifty Percent of Your Business Worries
Everyone who wishes to present a problem to “me” must first prepare and submit a memorandum answering these four questions:
Question 1: What is the problem?
("In the old days we used to spend an hour or two in a worried conference without anyone's knowing specifically and concretely what the real problem was. We used to work ourselves into a lather discussing our troubles without ever troubling to write out specifically what our problem was.)
Question 2: What is the cause of the problem?
("As I look back over my career, I am appalled at the wasted hours I have spent in worried conferences without ever trying to find out clearly the conditions which lay at the root of the problem.)
Question 3: What are all possible solutions of the problem?
("In the old days, one man in the conference would suggest one solution. Someone else would argue with him. Tempers would flare. We would often get clear off the subject, and at the end of the conference no one would have written down all the various things we could do to attack the problem.)
Question 4: What solution do you suggest?
("I used to go into a conference with a man who had spent hours worrying about a situation and going around in circles without ever once thinking through all possible solutions and then writing down: 'This is the solution I recommend.')
Part Two in A Nutshell:
RULE 1: Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that " half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision."
RULE 2: After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
RULE 3: Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision-and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
RULE 4: When you, or any of your associates are tempted to worry about a problem, write out and answer the following questions:
a. What is the problem?
b. What is the cause of the problem?
c. What are all possible solutions?
d. What is the best solution?
Part Three - How to Break the Worry Habit Before It Breaks You
Chapter 6 - How to Crowd Worry Out of Your Mind
The great scientist, Pasteur, spoke of "the peace that is found in libraries and laboratories." Why is peace found there? Because the men in libraries and laboratories are usually too absorbed in their tasks to worry about themselves. Research men rarely have nervous breakdowns. They haven't time for such luxuries.
Why does such a simple thing as keeping busy help to drive out anxiety? Because of a law-one of the most fundamental laws ever revealed by psychology. And that law is: that it is utterly impossible for any human mind, no matter how brilliant, to think of more than one thing at any given time. You don't quite believe it? Very well, then, let's try an experiment.
Suppose you lean right back now, close your eyes, and try, at the same instant, to think of the Statue of Liberty and of what you plan to do tomorrow morning. (Go ahead, try it.)
You found out, didn't you, that you could focus on either thought in turn, but never on both simultaneously? Well, the same thing is true in the field of emotions. We cannot be pepped up and enthusiastic about doing something exciting and feel dragged down by worry at the very same time. One kind of emotion drives out the other. And it was that simple discovery that enabled Army psychiatrists to perform such miracles during the war.
When men came out of battle so shaken by the experience that they were called "psychoneurotic", Army doctors prescribed "Keep them busy" as a cure.
Every waking minute of these nerve-shocked men was filled with activity-usually outdoor activity, such as fishing, hunting, playing ball, golf, taking pictures, making gardens, and dancing. They were given no time for brooding over their terrible experiences.
"Occupational therapy" is the term now used by psychiatry when work is prescribed as though it were a medicine. It is not new. The old Greek physicians were advocating it five hundred years before Christ was born!
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When we are not busy, our minds tend to become a near-vacuum. Every student of physics knows that "nature abhors a vacuum". The nearest thing to a vacuum that you and I will probably ever see is the inside of an incandescent electric-light bulb. Break that bulb-and nature forces air in to fill the theoretically empty space.
Nature also rushes in to fill the vacant mind. With what? Usually with emotions. Why? Because emotions of worry, fear, hate, jealousy, and envy are driven by primeval vigor and the dynamic energy of the jungle. Such emotions are so violent that they tend to drive out of our minds all peaceful, nappy thoughts and emotions.
To break the worry habit, here is:
Rule 1: Keep busy. The worried person must lose himself in action, lest be wither in despair.
Chapter 7 - Don't Let the Beetles Get You Down
Disraeli said: "Life is too short to be little." "Those words," said Andre Maurois in 'This Week' magazine, "have helped me through many a painful experience: often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. ... Here we are on this earth, with only a few more decades to live, and we lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worth-while actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings. For life is too short to be little."
To break the worry habit before it breaks you, here is:
Rule 2: Let's not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember "Life is too short to be little."
Chapter 8 - A Law That Will Outlaw Many of Your Worries
Let's ask ourselves: "What are the chances, according to the law of averages, that this event I am worrying about will ever occur?"
Chapter 9 - Co-Operate with The Inevitable
The average man would have been a nervous wreck if he had had to endure more than twelve operations and blindness. Yet Tarkington said: "I would not exchange this experience for a happier one." It taught him acceptance. It taught him that nothing life could bring him was beyond his strength to endure. It taught him, as John Milton discovered, that "It is not miserable to be blind, it is only miserable not to be able to endure blindness."
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Henry Ford told me, "When I can't handle events, I let them handle themselves."
To break the worry habit before it breaks you, Rule 4 is: Co-operate with the inevitable.
Chapter 10 - Put A " Stop-Loss" Order On Your Worries
Would you like to know how to make money on the Stock Exchange? Well, so would a million other people-and if I knew the answer, this book would sell for a fabulous price. However, there's one good idea that some successful operators use. This story was told to me by Charles Roberts, an investment counselor with offices at 17 East 42nd Street, New York.
"I originally came up to New York from Texas with twenty thousand dollars which my friends had given me to invest in the stock market," Charles Roberts told me. "I thought," he continued, "that I knew the ropes in the stock market; but I lost every cent. True, I made a lot of profit on some deals; but I ended up by losing everything.
"I did not mind so much losing my own money," Mr. Roberts explained, "but I felt terrible about having lost my friends' money, even though they could well afford it. I dreaded facing them again after our venture had turned out so unfortunately, but, to my astonishment, they not only were good sports about it, but proved to be incurable optimists.
"I knew I had been trading on a hit-or-miss basis and depending largely on luck and other people's opinions. As H. I. Phillips said, I had been 'playing the stock market by ear'.
"I began to think over my mistakes and I determined that before I went back into the market again, I would try to find out what it was all about. So I sought out and became acquainted with one of the most successful speculators who ever lived: Burton S. Castles. I believed I could learn a great deal from him because he had long enjoyed the reputation of being successful year after year and I knew that such a career was not the result of mere chance or luck.
"He asked me a few questions about how I had traded before and then told me what I believe is the most important principle in trading. He said: 'I put a stop-loss order on every market commitment I make. If I buy a stock at, say, fifty dollars a share, I immediately place a stop-loss order on it at 45.' That means that when and if the stock should decline as much as five points below its cost, it would be sold automatically, thereby, limiting the loss to five points."
'If your commitments are intelligently made in the first place,' the old master continued, 'your profits will average ten, twenty-five, or even fifty points. Consequently, by limiting your losses to five points, you can be wrong more than half of the time and still make plenty of money?'
"I adopted that principle immediately and have used it ever since. It has saved my clients and me many thousands of dollars.
"After a while I realized that the stop-loss principle could be used in other ways besides in the stock market. I began to place a stop-loss order on any and every kind of annoyance and resentment that came to me. It has worked like magic.
"For example, I often have a luncheon date with a friend who is rarely on time. In the old days, he used to keep me stewing around for half my lunch hour before he showed up. Finally, I told him about my stop-loss orders on my worries. I said: 'Bill, my stop-loss order on waiting for you is exactly ten minutes. If you arrive more than ten minutes late, our luncheon engagement will be sold down the river-and I'll be gone.'"
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When Benjamin Franklin was seven years old, he made a mistake that he remembered for seventy years. When he was a lad of seven, he fell in love with a whistle. He was so excited about it that he went into the toyshop, piled all his coppers on the counter, and demanded the whistle without even asking its price. "I then came home," he wrote to a friend seventy years later, "and went whistling all over the house, much pleased with my whistle." But when his older brothers and sisters found out that he had paid far more for his whistle than he should have paid, they gave him the horse laugh; and, as he said: "I cried with vexation."
Years later, when Franklin was a world-famous figure, and Ambassador to France, he still remembered that the fact that he had paid too much for his whistle had caused him "more chagrin than the whistle gave him pleasure."
But the lesson it taught Franklin was cheap in the end. "As I grew up," he said, "and came into the world and observed the actions of men, I thought I met with many, very many, who gave too much for the whistle. In short, I conceive that a great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by the false estimates they have made of the value of things, and by their giving too much for their whistles.
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So, to break the worry habit before it breaks you, here is:
Rule 5: Whenever we are tempted to throw good money after bad in terms of human living, let's stop and ask ourselves these three Questions:
1. How much does this thing I am worrying about really matter to me?
2. At what point shall I set a "stop-loss" order on this worry -and forget it?
3. Exactly how much shall I pay for this whistle? Have I already paid more than it is worth?
Chapter 11 - Don't Try to Saw Sawdust
"Don't cry over spilt milk."
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.
So why waste the tears? Of course, we have been guilty of blunders and absurdities! And so what?
Who hasn't? Even Napoleon lost one-third of all the important battles he fought. Perhaps our batting average is no worse than Napoleon's. Who knows?
And, anyhow, all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the past together again. So let's remember Rule 7:
Don't try to saw sawdust.
Part Three in A Nutshell - How to Break the Worry Habit Before It Breaks You
RULE 1: Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing "wibber-gibbers".
RULE 2: Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things-the mere termites of life-to ruin your happiness.
RULE 3: Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: "What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?"
RULE 4: Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself "It is so; it cannot be otherwise."
RULE 5: Put a "stop-loss" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it any more.
RULE 6: Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.
Part Four - Seven Ways to Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness
Chapter 12 - Eight Words That Can Transform Your Life
Our mental attitude has an almost unbelievable effect even on our physical powers. The famous British psychiatrist, J. A. Hadfield, gives a striking illustration of that fact in his splendid book, The Psychology of Power. "I asked three men," he writes, "to submit themselves to test the effect of mental suggestion on their strength, which was measured by gripping a dynamometer." He told them to grip the dynamometer with all their might. He had them do this under three different sets of conditions. When he tested them under normal waking conditions, their average grip was 101 pounds. When he tested them after he had hypnotized them and told them that they were very weak, they could grip only 29 pounds -less than a third of their normal strength. (One of these men was a prize fighter; and when he was told under hypnosis that he was weak, he remarked that his arm felt "tiny, just like a baby's".)
When Captain Hadfield then tested these men a third time, telling them under hypnosis that they were very strong, they were able to grip an average of 142 pounds. When their minds were filled with positive thoughts of strength, they increased their actual physical powers almost five hundred per cent. Such is the incredible power of our mental attitude.
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
Milton in his blindness discovered that same truth three hundred years ago:
“The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.”
Napoleon and Helen Keller are perfect illustrations of Milton's statement: Napoleon had everything men usually crave-glory, power, riches-yet he said at St. Helena: "I have never known six happy days in my life"; while Helen Keller- blind, deaf, dumb-declared: "I have found life so beautiful."
If half a century of living has taught me anything at all, it has taught me that "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."
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Just for Today
1. Just for today I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.
2. Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.
3. Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.
4. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
5. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.
6. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.
7. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.
8. Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.
9. Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.
10. Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.
If we want to develop a mental attitude that will bring us peace and happiness, here is Rule 1:
Think and act cheerfully, and you will feel cheerful.
Chapter 13 - The High Cost of Getting Even
Even if we can't love our enemies, let's at least love ourselves. Let's love ourselves so much that we won't permit our enemies to control our happiness, our health and our looks. As Shakespeare put it:
“Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot
That it does singe yourself.”
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Jesus said that we should forgive our enemies "seventy times seven".
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No one can humiliate or disturb you and me, either - unless we let him.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
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To cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness, remember that Rule 2 is:
Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.
Chapter 14 - If You Do This, You Will Never Worry About Ingratitude
"Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation. You do not find it among gross people."
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Here is the first point I am trying to make in this chapter: It is natural for people to forget to be grateful; so, if we go around expecting gratitude, we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.
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Rule 3: A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
B. Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude, but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
Chapter 15 - Would You Take a Million Dollars for What You Have?
I had the blues because I had no shoes. Until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.
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The words "Think and Thank" are inscribed in many of the Cromwellian churches of England. These words ought to be inscribed in our hearts, too: "Think and Thank". Think of all we have to be grateful for, and thank God for all our boons and bounties.
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Would you like to know how to make even dishwashing at the kitchen sink a thrilling experience? If so, read an inspiring book of incredible courage by Borghild Dahl. It is called I Wanted to See. This book was written by a woman who was practically blind for half a century. "I had only one eye," she writes, "and it was so covered with dense scars that I had to do all my seeing through one small opening in the left of the eye. I could see a book only by holding it up close to my face and by straining my one eye as hard as I could to the left."
But she refused to be pitied, refused to be considered "different". As a child, she wanted to play hopscotch with other children, but she couldn't see the markings. So after the other children had gone home, she got down on the ground and crawled along with her eyes near to the marks. She memorized every bit of the ground where she and her friends played and soon became an expert at running games.
She did her reading at home, holding a book of large print so close to her eyes that her eyelashes brushed the pages. She earned two college degrees: a BA from the University of Minnesota and a Master of Arts from Columbia University.
She started teaching in the tiny village of Twin Valley, Minnesota, and rose until she became professor of journalism and literature at Augustana College in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. She taught there for thirteen years, lecturing before women's clubs and giving radio talks about books and authors. "In the back of my mind," she writes, "there had always lurked a fear of total blindness. In order to overcome this, I had adopted a cheerful, almost hilarious, attitude towards life."
Then in 1943, when she was fifty-two years old, a miracle happened: an operation at the famous Mayo Clinic. She could now see forty times as well as she had ever been able to see before. A new and exciting world of loveliness opened before her. She now found it thrilling even to wash dishes in the kitchen sink. "I begin to play with the white fluffy suds in the dish-pan," she writes. "I dip my hands into them and I pick up a ball of tiny soap bubbles. I hold them up against the light, and in each of them I can see the brilliant colors of a miniature rainbow."
As she looked through the window above the kitchen sink, she saw "the flapping grey-black wings of the sparrows flying through the thick, falling snow."
She found such ecstasy looking at the soap bubbles and sparrows that she closed her book with these words: " 'Dear Lord,' I whisper, 'Our Father in Heaven, I thank Thee. I thank Thee.' "
Imagine thanking God because you can wash dishes and see rainbows in bubbles and sparrows flying through the snow. You and I ought to be ashamed of ourselves. All the days of our years we have been living in a fairyland of beauty, but we have been too blind to see, too satiated to enjoy.
If we want to stop worrying and start living.
Rule 4 is: Count your blessings - not your troubles!
Chapter 16 - Find Yourself and Be Yourself: Remember There Is No One Else on Earth Like You
A certain daughter of a street-car conductor had to learn that lesson the hard way. She longed to be a singer. But her face was her misfortune. She had a large mouth and protruding buck teeth. When she first sang in public-in a New Jersey night-club-she tried to pull down her upper Up to cover her teeth. She tried to act "glamorous". The result? She made herself ridiculous. She was headed for failure. However, there was a man in this night-club who heard the girl sing and thought she had talent. "See here," he said bluntly, "I've been watching your performance and I know what it is you're trying to hide. You're ashamed of your teeth." The girl was embarrassed, but the man continued: "What of it? Is there any particular crime in having buck teeth? Don't try to hide them! Open your mouth, and the audience will love you when they see you're not ashamed. Besides," he said shrewdly, "those teeth you're trying to hide may make your fortune!"
Cass Daley took his advice and forgot about her teeth. From that time on, she thought only about her audience. She opened her mouth wide and sang with such gusto and enjoyment that she became a top star in movies and radio. Other comedians are now trying to copy her!
Here is the way a poet -the late Douglas Malloch-said it:
If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill.
Be a scrub in the valley-but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush, if you can't be a tree.
If you can't be a bush, be a bit of the grass.
And some highway happier make;
If you can't be a muskie, then just be a bass-
But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can't all be captains; we've got to be crew.
There's something for all of us here.
There's big work to do and there's lesser to do
And the task we must do is the near.
If you can't be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can't be the sun, be a star;
It isn't by the size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of whatever you are!
To cultivate a mental attitude that will bring us peace and freedom from worry, here is: Rule 5 >> Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves.
Chapter 17: If You Have a Lemon, Make A Lemonade
Two men looked out from prison bars,
One saw the mud, the other saw stars.
Nietzsche's formula for the superior man was "not only to bear up under necessity but to love it".
Suppose we are so discouraged that we feel there is no hope of our ever being able to turn our lemons into lemonade-then here are two reasons why we ought to try, anyway-two reasons why we have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Reason one: We may succeed.
Reason two: Even if we don't succeed, the mere attempt to turn our minus into a plus will cause us to look forward instead of backward; it will replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts; it will release creative energy and spur us to get so busy that we won't have either the time or the inclination to mourn over what is past and for ever gone.
Rule 6: When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
Chapter 18: How to Cure Melancholy in Fourteen Days
Dr. Adler urges us to do a good deed every day. And what is a good deed? "A good deed," said the prophet Mohammed, "is one that brings a smile of joy to the face of another."
So if you want to banish worry and cultivate peace and happiness, here is:
Rule 7: Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Do every day a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone's face.
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Part Four in A Nutshell - Seven Ways to Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness
RULE 1: Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for ' 'our life is what our thoughts make it".
RULE 2: Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.
RULE 3: A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
B. Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude-but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
RULE 4: Count your blessings-not your troubles!
RULE 5: Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves, for "envy is ignorance" and "imitation is suicide".
RULE 6: When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
RULE 7: Let's forget our own unhappiness-by trying to create a little happiness for others. "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.
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Chapter 19 - How My Mother and Father Conquered Worry
If we are worried and anxious-why not try God? Why not, as Immanuel Kant said: "accept a belief in God because we need such a belief"? Why not link ourselves now "with the inexhaustible motive power that spins the universe"?
Even if you are not a religious person by nature or training- even if you are an out-and-out sceptic prayer can help you much more than you believe, for it is a practical thing. What do I mean, practical?
I mean that prayer fulfills these three very basic psychological needs which all people share, whether they believe in God or not:
1. Prayer helps us to put into words exactly what is troubling us. We saw in Chapter 4 that it is almost impossible to deal with a problem while it remains vague and nebulous. Praying, in a way, is very much like writing our problem down on paper. If we ask help for a problem-even from God-we must put it into words.
2. Prayer gives us a sense of sharing our burdens, of not being alone. Few of us are so strong that we can bear our heaviest burdens, our most agonizing troubles, all by ourselves. Sometimes our worries are of so intimate a nature that we cannot discuss them even with our closest relatives or friends. Then prayer is the answer. Any psychiatrist will tell us that when we are pent-up and tense, and in an agony of spirit, it is therapeutically good to tell someone our troubles. When we can't tell anyone else-we can always tell God.
3. Prayer puts into force an active principle of doing. It's a first step toward action. I doubt if anyone can pray for some fulfillment, day after day, without benefiting from it-in other words, without taking some steps to bring it to pass. A world-famous scientist said: "Prayer is the most powerful form of energy one can generate." So why not make use of it? Call it God or Allah or Spirit-why quarrel with definitions as long as the mysterious powers of nature take us in hand?
Why not close this book right now, go to your bedroom, shut the door, kneel down, and unburden your heart? If you have lost your religion, beseech Almighty God to renew your faith. Say: "O God, I can no longer fight my battles alone. I need Your help, Your love. Forgive me for all my mistakes. Cleanse my heart of all evil. Show me the way to peace and quiet and health, and fill me with love even for my enemies."
If you don't know how to pray, repeat this beautiful and inspiring prayer written by St. Francis seven hundred years ago:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Chapter 20 - Remember That No One Ever Kicks A Dead Dog
If we are tempted to be worried about unjust criticism here is Rule 1:
Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
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Chapter 21 - Do This-and Criticism Can't Hurt You
Mr. Schwab declared that he had adopted that old German's words as his motto: "Just laugh."
That motto is especially good when you are the victim of unjust criticism. You can answer the man who answers you back, but what can you say to the man who "just laughs"?
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When you and I are unjustly criticized, let's remember Rule 2:
Do the very best you can: and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
Chapter 22 - Fool Things I Have Done
I know a former soap salesman who used even to ask for criticism. When he first started out selling soap for Colgate, orders came slowly. He worried about losing his job. Since he knew there was nothing wrong with the soap or the price, he figured that the trouble must be himself. When he failed to make a sale, he would often walk around the block trying to figure out what was wrong. Had he been too vague? Did he lack enthusiasm? Sometimes he would go back to the merchant and say: "I haven't come back here to try to sell you any soap. I have come back to get your advice and your criticism. Won't you please tell me what I did that was wrong when I tried to sell you soap a few minutes ago? You are far more experienced and successful than I am. Please give me your criticism. Be frank. Don't pull your punches."
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To keep from worrying about criticism, here is Rule 3:
Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H. Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.
Part Six in A Nutshell - How to Keep from Worrying About Criticism
RULE 1: Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
RULE 2: Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
RULE 3: Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E. H. Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.
Chapter 23: How to Add One Hour A Day To Tour Waking Life
To prevent fatigue and worry, the first rule is: Rest often. Rest before you get tired.
Let me repeat: do what the Army does-take frequent rests. Do what your heart does-rest before you get tired, and you will add one hour a day to your waking life.
Chapter 24: What Makes You Tired-and What You Can Do About It
Here is an astounding and significant fact: Mental work alone can't make you tired. Sounds absurd. But a few years ago, scientists tried to find out how long the human brain could labor without reaching "a diminished capacity for work", the scientific definition of fatigue. To the amazement of these scientists, they discovered that blood passing through the brain, when it is active, shows no fatigue at all! If you took blood from the veins of a day laborer while he was working, you would find it full of "fatigue toxins" and fatigue products. But if you took a drop of blood from the brain of an Albert Einstein, it would show no fatigue toxins whatever at the end of the day. So far as the brain is concerned, it can work "as well and as swiftly at the end of eight or even twelve hours of effort as at the beginning". The brain is utterly tireless.
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So what makes you tired? Psychiatrists declare that most of our fatigue derives from our mental and emotional attitudes. One of England's most distinguished psychiatrists, J.A. Hadfield, says in his book The Psychology of Power: "the greater part of the fatigue from which we suffer is of mental origin; in fact, exhaustion of purely physical origin is rare."
One of America's most distinguished psychiatrists, Dr. A.A. Brill, goes even further. He declares:
"One hundred per cent of the fatigue of the sedentary worker in good health is due to psychological factors, by which we mean emotional factors."
Here are five suggestions that will help you learn to relax:
1. Read one of the best books ever written on this subject: Release from Nervous Tension, by Dr. David Harold Fink.
2. Relax in odd moments. Let your body go limp like an old sock. I keep an old, maroon-colored sock on my desk as I work-keep it there as a reminder of how limp I ought to be. If you haven't got a sock, a cat will do. Did you ever pick up a kitten sleeping in the sunshine? If so, both ends sagged like a wet newspaper. Even the yogis in India say that if you want to master the art of relaxation, study the cat. I never saw a tired cat, a cat with a nervous breakdown, or a cat suffering from insomnia, worry, or stomach ulcers. You will probably avoid these disasters if you learn to relax as the cat does.
3. Work, as much as possible, in a comfortable position. Remember that tensions in the body produce aching shoulders and nervous fatigue.
4. Check yourself four or five times a day, and say to yourself: "Am I making my work harder than it actually is? Am I using muscles that have nothing to do with the work I am doing?" This will help you form the habit of relaxing, and as Dr. David Harold Fink says: "Among those who know psychology best, it is habits two to one."
5. Test yourself again at the end of the day, by asking yourself: "Just how tired am I? If I am tired, it is not because of the mental work I have done but because of the way I have done it." "I measure my accomplishments," says Daniel W. Josselyn, "not by how tired I am at the end of the day, but how tired I am not." He says: "When I feel particularly tired at the end of the day, or when irritability proves that my nerves are tired, I know beyond question that it has been an inefficient day both as to quantity and quality." If every business man would learn that same lesson, the death rate from "hypertension" diseases would drop overnight. And we would stop filling up our sanatoriums and asylums with men who have been broken by fatigue and worry.
Chapter 25: How The Housewife Can Avoid Fatigue-and Keep Looking Young
Talking things out, then, is one of the principle therapies used at the Boston Dispensary Class. But here are some other ideas we picked up at the class-things you, as a housewife, can do in your home.
1. Keep a notebook or scrapbook 'for "inspirational" reading. Into this book you can paste all the poems, or short prayers, or quotations, which appeal to you personally and give you a lift. Then, when a rainy afternoon sends your spirits plunging down, perhaps you can find a recipe in this book for dispelling the gloom. Many patients at the Dispensary have kept such notebooks for years. They say it is a spiritual "shot in the arm".
2. Don't dwell too long on the shortcomings of others! Sure, your husband has faults! If he had been a saint, he never would have married you. Right? One woman at the class who found herself developing into a scolding, nagging, and haggard-faced wife, was brought up short with the question: "What would you do if your husband died?" She was so shocked by the idea that she immediately sat down and drew up a list of all her husband's good points. She made quite a list. Why don't you try the same thing the next time you feel you married a tight-fisted tyrant? Maybe you'll find, after reading his virtues, that he's a man you'd like to meet!
3. Get interested in your neighbors! Develop a friendly, healthy interest in the people who share the life on your street. One ailing woman who felt herself so "exclusive" that she hadn't any friends, was told to try to make up a story about the next person she met. She began, in the street-car, to weave backgrounds and settings for the people she saw. She tried to imagine what their lives had been like. First thing you know, she was talking to people everywhere-and today she is happy, alert, and a charming human being cured of her "pains".
4. Make up a schedule for tomorrow's work before you go to bed tonight. The class found that many wives feel driven and harassed by the unending round of housework and things they must do. They never got their work finished. They were chased by the clock. To cure this sense of hurry, and worry, the suggestion was made that they draw up a schedule each night for the following day. What happened? More work accomplished; much less fatigue; a feeling of pride and achievement; and time left over to rest and to "primp". (Every woman ought to take some time out in the course of the day to primp and look pretty. My own guess is that when a woman knows she looks pretty, she has little use for "nerves".)
5. Finally-avoid tension and fatigue. Relax! Relax! Nothing will make you look old sooner than tension and fatigue. Nothing will work such havoc with your freshness and looks! My assistant sat for an hour in the Boston Thought Control Class, while Professor Paul E. Johnson, the director, went over many of the principles we have already discussed in the previous chapter-the rules for relaxing. At the end of ten minutes of these relaxing exercises, which my assistant did with the others, she was almost asleep sitting upright in her chair! Why is such stress laid on this physical relaxing? Because the clinic knows-as other doctors know-that if you're going to get the worry-kinks out of people, they've got to relax!
Chapter 26: Four Good Working Habits That Will Help Prevent Fatigue and Worry
Good Working Habit No. 1: Clear Your Desk of All Papers Except Those Relating to the Immediate Problem at Hand.
Good Working Habit No. 2: Do Things in the Order of Their Importance.
Good Working Habit No. 3. When You Face a Problem, Solve It Then and There if You Have the Facts Necessary to Make a Decision. Don't Keep Putting off Decisions.
Good Working Habit No. 4: Learn to Organize, Deputize, and Supervise.
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Chapter 27: How to Banish the Boredom That Produces Fatigue, Worry, And Resentment
One of the chief causes of fatigue is boredom.
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment.
Chapter 28: How to Keep from Worrying About Insomnia
So, to keep from worrying about insomnia, here are five rules:
1. If you can't sleep, do what Samuel Untermyer did. Get up and work or read until you do feel sleepy.
2. Remember that no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. Worrying about insomnia usually causes far more damage than sleeplessness.
3. Try prayer-or repeat Psalm XXIII, as Jeanette MacDonald does.
4. Relax your body. Read the book "Release from Nervous Tension."
5. Exercise. Get yourself so physically tired you can't stay awake
Part Seven in A Nutshell - Six Ways to Prevent Fatigue and Worry and Keep Your Energy And Spirits High
RULE 1: Rest before you get tired.
RULE 2: Learn to relax at your work.
RULE 3: If you are a housewife, protect your health and appearance by relaxing at home.
RULE 4: Apply these four good working habits
● a. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
● b. Always do things in the order of their importance.
● c. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision.
● d. Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.
RULE 5: To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.
RULE 6: Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage-not the insomnia.
Part Eight - How to Find the Kind of Work in Which You May Be Happy and Successful
Chapter 29: The Major Decision of Your Life
Now, having said this, let me give you the following suggestions-some of them warnings-about choosing your work:
1. Read and study the following five suggestions about selecting a vocational-guidance counselor. These suggestions are right from the horse's mouth. They were made by one of America's leading vocational-guidance experts, Professor Harry Dexter Kitson of Columbia University.
● a. "Don't go to anyone who tells you that he has a magic system that will indicate your 'vocational aptitude'. In this group are phrenologists, astrologers, 'character analysts', handwriting experts. Their 'systems' do not work."
● b. "Don't go to anyone who tells you that he can give you a test that will indicate what occupation you should choose. Such a person violates the principle that a vocational counselor must take into account the physical, social, and economic conditions surrounding the counselee; and he should render his service in the light of the occupational opportunities open to the counselee."
● c. "Seek a vocational counselor who has an adequate library of information about occupations and uses it in the counseling process."
● d. "A thorough vocational-guidance service generally requires more than one interview."
● e. "Never accept vocational guidance by mail."
2. Keep out of business and professions that are already jam-packed and overflowing! There are many thousands of different ways of making a living. But do young people know this? Not unless they hire a swami to gaze into a crystal ball. The result? In one school, two-thirds of the boys confined their choices to five occupations-five out of twenty thousand-and four-fifths of the girls did the same. Small wonder that a few business and professions are overcrowded-small wonder that insecurity, worry, and "anxiety neuroses" are rampant at times among the white-collar fraternity I Beware of trying to elbow your way into such overcrowded fields as law, journalism, radio, motion pictures, and the "glamour occupations".
3. Stay out of activities where the chances are only one out of ten of you being able to make a living. As an example, take selling life insurance. Each year countless thousands of men-frequently unemployed men-start out trying to sell life insurance without bothering to find out in advance what is likely to happen to them! Here is approximately what does happen, according to Franklin L. Bettger, Real Estate Trust Building, Philadelphia. For twenty years Mr. Bettger was one of the outstandingly successful insurance salesmen in America. He declares that ninety per cent of the men who start selling life insurance get so heartsick and discouraged that they give it up within a year. Out of the ten who remain, one man will sell ninety per cent of the insurance sold by the group of ten; and the other nine will sell only ten per cent. To put it another way: if you start selling life insurance, the chances are nine to one that you will fail and quit within twelve months, and the chances are only one in a hundred that you will make ten thousand a year out of it. Even if you remain at it, the chances are only one out of ten that you will be able to do anything more than barely scratch out a living.
4. Spend weeks-even months, if necessary-finding out all you can about an occupation before deciding to devote your life to it! How? By interviewing men and women who have already spent ten, twenty, or forty years in that occupation.
These interviews may have a profound effect on your future. I know that from my own experience. When I was in my early twenties, I sought the vocational advice of two older men. As I look back now, I can see that those two interviews were turning points in my career. In fact, it would be difficult for me even to imagine what my life would have been like had I not had those two interviews. How can you get these vocational-guidance interviews? To illustrate, let's suppose that you are thinking about studying to be an architect. Before you make your decision, you ought to spend weeks interviewing the architects in your city and in adjoining cities. You can get their names and addresses out of a classified telephone directory. You can call at their offices either with or without an appointment. If you wish to make an appointment, write them something like this: Won't you please do me a little favor? I want your advice. I am eighteen years old, and I am thinking about studying to be an architect. Before I make up my mind, I would like to ask your advice. If you are too busy to see me at your office, I would be most grateful if you would grant me the privilege of seeing you for half an hour at your home.
Here is a list of questions I would like to ask you:
● a. If you had your life to live over, would you become an architect again?
● b. After you have sized me up, I want to ask you whether you think I have what it takes to succeed as an architect.
● c. Is the profession of architecture overcrowded?
● d. If I studied architecture for four years, would it be difficult for me to get a job? What kind of job would I have to take at first?
● e. If I had average ability, how much could I hope to earn during the first five years?
● f. What are the advantages and disadvantages of being an architect?
● g. If I were your son, would you advise me to become an architect?
If you are timid, and hesitate to face a "big shot" alone, here are two suggestions that will help. First, get a lad of your own age to go with you. The two of you will bolster up one another's confidence. If you haven't someone of your own age to go with you, ask your father to go with you.
Second, remember that by asking his advice you are paying this man a compliment. He may feel flattered by your request. Remember that adults like to give advice to young men and women. The architect will probably enjoy the interview.
If you hesitate to write letters asking for an appointment, then go to a man's office without an appointment and tell him you would be most grateful if he would give you a bit of advice. Suppose you call on five architects and they are all too busy to see you (which isn't likely), call on five more. Some of them will see you and give you priceless advice-advice that may save you years of lost time and heartbreak.
Remember that you are making one of the two most vital and far-reaching decisions of your life. So, take time to get the facts before you act. If you don't, you may spend half a lifetime regretting it.
If you can afford to do so, offer to pay a man for a half-hour of his time and advice.
5. Get over the mistaken belief that you are fitted for only a single occupation! Every normal person can succeed at a number of occupations, and every normal person would probably fail in many occupations. Take myself, for example: if I had studied and prepared myself for the following occupations, I believe I would have had a good chance of achieving some small measure of success and also of enjoying my work. I refer to such occupations as farming, fruit growing, scientific agriculture, medicine, selling, advertising, editing a country newspaper, teaching, and forestry. On the other hand, I am sure I would have been unhappy, and a failure, at bookkeeping, accounting, engineering, operating a hotel or a factory, architecture, all mechanical trades, and hundreds of other activities.
Part Nine - How to Lessen Your Financial Worries
Chapter 30: "Seventy Percent of All Our Worries..."
But what are the principles of managing our money? How do we begin to make a budget and a plan?
Here are eleven rules.
Rule No. 1: Get the facts down on paper.
Rule No. 2: Get a tailor-made budget that really fits your needs.
Rule No. 3: Learn how to spend wisely.
Rule No. 4: Don't increase your headaches with your income.
Rule No. 5: Try to build credit, in the event you must borrow.
Rule No. 6: Protect yourself against illness, fire, and emergency expenses.
Rule No. 7: Do not have your life-insurance proceeds paid to your widow in cash.
If you are carrying life insurance to provide for your family after you're gone, do not, I beg of you, have your insurance paid in one lump sum.
Rule No. 8: Teach your children a responsible attitude toward money.
Rule No. 9: If necessary, make a little extra money off your kitchen stove.
Books have been written about how to make money in your spare time; inquire at your public library. There are many opportunities for both men and women. But one word of warning: unless you have a natural gift for selling, don't attempt door-to-door selling. Most people hate it and fail at it.
Rule No. 10: Don't gamble-ever.
Rule No. 11: If we can't possibly improve our financial situation, let's be good to ourselves and stop resenting what can't be changed.
