How Can We Get Ready To Write? (Chapter 2)

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What Should You Write?

• Write about what keeps you awake at night.
• Write to learn where you need to go.

Trust where your writing takes you. You may start with a trauma / emotional upheaval but soon begin writing about other topics. As long as these other topics are emotionally important, follow them. If, however, you find yourself writing about what you would like for dinner — or some other distracting topic — then force yourself back to the trauma / emotional upheaval.

# Write about issues relevant to the here and now.

# Write only about traumas that are present in your mind.

Write only about traumas that are present in your mind.

A remarkable amount of literature deals with repressed memories. The repressed memory literature explores the idea that people have had horrible childhood experiences that they don’t remember — many of which involved childhood sexual abuse. The writing you are doing here focuses on what you are aware of now. If you have no memory of a given childhood experience, why not go with the working assumption that it never happened? After all, you wouldn’t know the difference anyway. Write only about conscious traumas and upheavals. It will save you thousands of dollars in therapy and legal bills.

How Much Time Should You Write?

How frequently to write.

While there is some debate about whether it is better to write for four consecutive days or to separate your writing days, there is nothing conclusive either way.

How long for each session.

In most large-scale studies, people wrote for around twenty minutes on three to four occasions.

How many days to write.

What if you find that you enjoy writing and want to continue past four days? Do it.

Booster-writing sessions

Think of expressive writing as a tool always be at your disposal, or like having medicine in your medicine cabinet. No need to take the medicine when you are healthy, but when you are under the weather, you can always turn to it. Once you have tried writing as a healing agent, try it again when you need to. Also, you might find that in the future, you won’t need to write for four days, twenty minutes a day. Merely writing occasionally when something bothers you might be sufficient.

Writing prescription: To Journal or Not to Journal?

Sometimes a healthcare provider may tell a patient, “You should write about that in a journal,” but that’s as far as the prescription goes. You may wonder, is keeping a daily journal a good idea? Ironically, there is no clear evidence that keeping a daily journal or diary is good for your health, perhaps in part because once people get in the habit of writing every day, they devote less and less time to dealing with important psychological issues. Sometimes a journal can become a worn path with little benefit.

Writing in a journal about the same trauma, using the same words, expressing the same feelings over and over is a bit like the grandmother in Eudora Welty’s story, A Worn Path. The woman in this story travels the same path every year at the same time, seeking medicine for a child who died years before. No medicine will bring back the grandmother’s dead child. Writing in a journal every day about that same issue with the same words in the same way will probably not bring the relief you seek and may actually do more harm than good.

My own experience is that journal writing works best on an as-needed basis as a life-course correction. If your life is going well, you are happy, and are not obsessing about things in the past, why over analyze yourself?

Let it go and enjoy life as it comes. It is safe to say that some future miseries will visit you again. When they happen, do some expressive writing to deal with them.

When Should You Write?

How soon after a Trauma / Emotional Upheaval?

# Recent trauma / emotional upheaval

# Present trauma / emotional upheaval

# Past trauma / emotional upheaval

# Future trauma / emotional upheaval: Is it helpful to write about the eventual death of a loved one? Or a divorce that you know is coming? Or something else in the future? Sure, why not? It’s free. But in your writing, explore why you are having the feelings and how these feelings relate to other issues in your life. Remember that the point of this writing is how we make sense of a troubling experience or event and how we incorporate that experience into the entire story of our lives.

Some Questions To Ponder Over

• Is This a Good Time in Your Life to Write?
• What’s the Best Time of Day to Write?
• Where Should You Write?
• What Technology Do You Need to Write?

Think about:

# Creating a unique environment.

# Creating a ritual for writing.

And Finally, The Flip-Out Rule

I hereby declare you ready to begin your expressive writing experience.

But before you start, it is important to review The Flip-Out Rule.

If you feel that writing about a particular topic is too much for you to handle, then do not write about it. If you know that you aren’t ready to address a particularly painful topic, then write about something else. When you are ready, then tackle the other topic. If you feel that you will flip out by writing, don’t write.

What could be simpler?

Enjoy your writing.

Tags: Book Summary,Psychology,

Book Recommendations For Entrepreneurship, Financial Literacy and Office Politics (Jan 2024)

Join us on:

Entrepreneurship

# 1
How the mighty fall and why some companies never give in. 
- Jim Collins (Author of "Good to great")

# 2 
Playing to win (How strategy really works) 
- A G Lafley

# 3
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy 
- Sheryl Sandberg

- - - - -

Books on Financial Literacy

# 1
Get a Financial Life 
Beth Kobliner (Fireside Books, 1996) 

# 2
Your Money or Your Life 
Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin (Penguin, 1992).

- - - - - 

Office Politics
From the book "Secrets to winning at office politics"

# 1
The Leadership & Self-Deception
Arbinger Institute
San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2002.

# 2 
Leading Ouietly
Badaracco, Joseph
Boston: Harvard Business School Press, 2002.

# 3
Why Smart Executives Fail
Finkelstein, Sydney
New York: Penguin Group, Inc., 2004.

# 4
Power Talk: Using Language to Build Authority and Influence
McGinty, Sarah
New York: Warner Business Books, 2002.

# 5
Talking from 9 to 5
Tannen, Deborah
New York: HarperCollins, 1995

# 6
The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back
Waldroop, James, and Timothy Butler
New York: Random House, 2001.

# 7 
Snakes in suits (When psychopaths go to work) 
Paul Babiak & Robert D Hare

Tags: List of Books,

Chapter 1: My Roots

Index of Journals

Under the warm embrace of a June sun in 2012, I witnessed the celebration of Grandpa's 83rd birthday, marking a chapter in our family's saga. Born in 1928, he stood as a living testament to our ancestral tapestry. Amma, seven to eight years his junior, shared her roots through her UIDAI card, revealing the year 1936 as her birth year.
Allow me to take you to the narrow lanes of Gohana, a town steeped in the tales of my ancestry.
Lalu None Rai, a figure shrouded in the ambiance of the temple, graced the initial layer of our ancestry. Ganwar Lal, the second layer, led us to the intricate stories of Ugrasen Jain, Phool Chand Jain, and Maksoodan Lal, forming the third layer. Phool Chand Jain, Grandpa's father, became the linchpin, leaving behind two sons—Digamber Prasad Jain and Hem Chand Jain.
Gohana, a town near Sonepat, resonated with familial echoes. Phool Chand Jain orchestrated a setting in Tri Nagar, Delhi, in 1958, where Grandpa and Hem Chand Jain eventually settled. Their history intertwined with the tapestry of Gohana, a town that evolved from Rohtak district into a main subdivision with its own municipality.
As the tale expanded to encompass Babaji's roots, we discovered a connection to Sonepat for his mother and to Badshahpur, near Gurgaon, for Grandma's family. Amma's recollections painted a vivid picture of their relocation to Delhi in 1947 amidst the Hindu-Muslim riots during India's struggle for independence. Gohana became Amma's new home after marriage, a place where Babaji's legal practice in Delhi led to frequent visits to his familial abode.
Jainism, an invisible thread woven into the fabric of our existence, shaped Amma's religious fervor. Her early education at a Jain school imbibed in her the rituals, prayers, and beliefs, grounding her in the essence of Jainism.
The temple, a spiritual nucleus, witnessed the active involvement of Babaji's family in its management. Phool Chand Jain's journey to Ayodhya in 1950, amidst his son's battle with a serious illness, brought an orange-marble idol of Lord Mahavira to the temple, enriching its spiritual legacy.
Manu Apartments, a contemporary landmark, marked a financial odyssey from a 4 Lacs investment to a present-day value exceeding 30 million INR. The story of the apartment complex encapsulated the changing fortunes of the family over 25 years.
As the first chapter of our familial saga unfolded, Gohana stood as more than a geographic location—it was a testament to resilience, change, and the enduring spirit of our ancestry.

My Schooling and Grandparents' Years of Birth

The narrative expanded beyond my grandfather's roots in Gohana to the classrooms that shaped my early years. Born on December 18, 1991, at St. Stephens Hospital, New Delhi, my academic journey began at Municipal Corp. Gov. Primary School, transitioning to Maharaja Agrasen Public School and later Ahlcon Public School.
The chronological progression continued through high school and culminated at Northern India Engineering College, affiliated with Indraprastha University. The quest for knowledge carried me to Birla Institute of Technology and Science, Pilani, and ultimately to the metaphorical University of Hard Knocks, the College of 'survival8'.
A comprehensive list of educational milestones marked each year, encapsulating experiences, friendships, and the evolution of my academic self.
As my academic journey progressed, it unfolded independently of the distinct era encapsulating my grandparents' birth years. Digamber Prasad Jain, my grandfather, entered this world on June 12, 1929, and embarked on a lifelong journey with Darshan Mala Jain after their marriage on February 7, 1955. Grandpa's journey concluded on February 19, 2021, leaving behind a legacy that extended to the roots of our family tree.
As the pages turned, Shail Bala Jain's brief life, born on September 5, 1956, left an indelible mark despite her departure in the first standard. Viresh Chandra Jain, my father, born on November 27, 1958, added his chapter to the family story, leaving us on April 24, 2012.
The family tree expanded, weaving a tapestry of generations, births, and relationships that resonated through the corridors of time. The incomplete saga continued, leaving room for the stories yet to unfold in the generations to come.

Drop it (CH 2 from the book 'Why we meditate')

If you can’t change anything, why worry?

And if you can change something, why worry?

—TIBETAN SAYING

THE EXPLANATION BY TSOKNYI RINPOCHE

When I was growing up in Nepal and northern India in the seventies and eighties, the pace of life was not too fast. Most people felt quite grounded. Our bodies were loose, and we’d sit down for tea at any time. We smiled easily. Of course we faced plenty of challenges, like poverty and lack of opportunity, but stress and speediness were not really part of the picture.

But as these places slowly developed, the pace of life sped up. There were more and more cars on the road, and more people had jobs with deadlines and expectations. Many people had caught a whiff of middle-class life and wanted a piece of it. I noticed people starting to show signs of stress, physically and mentally. They’d fidget more, their legs quivering nervously under the table.

Their gaze was less steady—eyes darting around—and they smiled less freely.

I felt it myself too when I started working on complex projects. I’d started a multiyear initiative to preserve the texts of my lineage, and the project office was across town. I’d wake up and my mind would already be in the office. My feeling world would be hammering me, Go, go, go! Just one swipe with your toothbrush and spit! Just put the whole breakfast in your mouth, chew once, and swallow! You don’t have time for this!

On my drive across town to my office, the Kathmandu traffic was almost unbearable. Just step on the gas! Don’t worry if you bump someone—doesn’t matter! Just get there now! By the time I walked into the office, I’d feel burned- out already. I’d quickly everyone, not slowing down and taking the time to really check in. I’d want to get out of there as soon as I could.

Ducking out, I’d go somewhere, anywhere—like a coffee shop. Sitting there with nothing particular to do, I’d want to calm down but still felt anxious and restless. My whole being felt like a big buzzy lump—my body, feelings, and mind were all stressed for no reason.

But one day I decided to challenge myself. I would start to respect my body’s speed limit, its natural speed, instead of listening to the stubborn, distorted speedy energy. I said to myself, I will just do everything normally, at the right pace. Whenever I reach my office, I reach my office. I won’t let the restless energy push me.

I went through my morning relaxed, moving at a pace that suited me. I stretched in bed before getting up. I brushed my teeth properly, taking enough time to do it right. When the speedy energy tried to push me—Go faster, get there now! Grab something for breakfast and eat it in the car!—I didn’t listen.

I was respecting my body’s speed limit. Sitting down for breakfast, I chewed properly, tasting my meal. I drove at the appropriate speed, without a sense of rush. I even enjoyed the drive. Whenever the speedy energy told me to go faster —Just get there—I smiled and shook my head. In the end, I reached my office almost at the same time as before.

Walking in, I felt fresh and relaxed. The office seemed calmer and more beautiful than I remembered. I sat down and drank tea with my staff, looking each of them in the eyes and really checking in. There was no urge to leave.

Finding Our Ground

I’d like to start from the ground up. In my tradition we like building things— temples, nunneries, monasteries, stupas. Maybe it’s a compensation for our nomadic roots. In any case, our metaphors often involve construction. As any builder knows, it’s important to have a solid foundation to build on. For meditation, it’s also important to have a healthy, solid foundation to begin with.

The raw material is our bodies, minds, and feelings. We’re working with our thoughts and emotions—our happiness and sadness, our challenges and struggles. In the case of meditation, a solid foundation means we’re grounded, we’re present, we’re connected. These days, for many reasons, this can be quite tough. So I like to start my own practice, and the practice of my students, with a grounding exercise: a way to find the body, land in the body, connect to the body. The busyness of our thinking minds is seemingly endless and often leaves us feeling anxious, tired, and ungrounded. So this approach is to cut through the whirling thoughts, to bring awareness back into the body, and to just be there for a while. We are reconnecting our minds and our bodies, finding our ground.

The Technique of Dropping

Dropping is not so much a meditation as a way to temporarily cut through the tension-building stream of constant thinking, worrying, and speediness. It allows us to land in the present moment, in a grounded and embodied way. It gets us ready for meditation.

In dropping you do three things at the same time:

1. Raise your arms and then let your hands drop onto your thighs.

2. Exhale a loud, big breath.

3. Drop your awareness from thinking into what your body feels.

Learning to Relax

Relaxation is a funny thing. We all want it, but actually doing it is surprisingly difficult. We often think of relaxing as the opposite of being alert. Being alert and aware is our “on mode” where we get things done, while relaxing is a way to switch off and dim our systems down.

When we think about relaxing we might see ourselves collapsing into a couch with a remote control and becoming mindless. This relaxing into dullness gives some temporary relief but doesn’t help the root cause of the stress. The stress lingers underneath, and we end up not feeling as refreshed as we’d hoped. Dropping is a different approach to relaxing. It’s a deeper, inner relaxing, connected to our bodies and feelings, not trying to escape from them and relax somewhere else. Rather than cultivating a dull state as an antidote to stress, we are learning how to relax with awareness and address the root cause of this imbalance where we live lost in our thoughts.

For many beginners in meditation, worrisome thoughts can feel like an unconquerable obstacle—we often hear from people just starting to practice some version of “My mind is out of control. I can’t do this!” Dropping targets this universal predicament: our thoughts keep going and can overwhelm our practice.

Dropping gives us a way to clear our mind, if only for moments, so we can start again from a grounded, embodied place. Dropping breaks the tension- building stream of constant thinking, worrying, and speediness and readies us for every other meditation practice, so we begin with that.

Try These Drop-It-All Mantras

It can be helpful sometimes to use a mantra—a phrase you repeat silently to yourself —while doing this dropping practice. There are two mantras I like to use; try them each to see which works best for you. Here’s the first one: Just after your hands hit your lap, say this mantra silently to yourself, or in a whisper, over and over: “So what! Who cares? No big deal.”

This sends a message to our anxious, worrying minds. It’s a reminder to the part of our minds that cares too much—that holds everything a bit too tightly. Of course caring to the right degree is good and important, but it’s too often mixed with extra anxiety and becomes neurotic over-concern. So this mantra is an antidote for all that.

You can also try this one: “Whatever happens, happens. Whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen.”

You can repeat this one over and over inside your mind, or try whispering it to yourself if that’s helpful.

This message reminds us to be with the flow of experience, instead of trying to control everything. Even though we know this intellectually, we need to remind our feeling bodies. That’s where the speediness is held; that’s where the stress accumulates. These mantras have another purpose, to strengthen communication between our cognitive minds and our feeling bodies. As we’ll explore in the next technique, this relationship can often be strained—and this can cause problems.

Statistics. Unit 12: Hypothesis Testing. Ch 1: The idea of significance tests

A: Simple hypothesis testing
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B: Writing null hypothesis

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C: Estimating P-values from simulations

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D: Using P-values to make conclusions
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Tags: Math,Statistics

Statistics. Unit 12: Significance tests (hypothesis testing). Ch 2: Error probabilities and power

Ex 12.2.A - Type I vs Type II error

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Ex 12.2.B - Error probabilities and power

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Ex 12.2.C - Consequences of errors and significance

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Tags: Mathematical Foundations for Data Science,