The Unrelenting Quest for Clarity Amidst the Fog (2025-Jun-2)

Other Journaling Days

The drive for clarity seems to be a recurring theme lately. Why meditate? Why journal? Why dive into books on success, motivation, or career paths? The answer echoes back, simple yet profound: to find clarity. Whether it's untangling the general knot of thoughts through meditation, understanding the specifics of my daily life and relationships via journaling, or seeking targeted wisdom from authors like Ankur Warikoo, the underlying goal remains the same – to see things more clearly.

Despite this intention, the day itself felt slow, shrouded in a persistent fog of confusion. Much of it was spent in the very activities meant to bring clarity – reading and meditation – yet the path forward didn't immediately illuminate. It often feels like navigating by feel rather than sight.

Then, as evening approached, the external world interjected with its own demands. A quick ping, followed by a call from Shridhar, served as a heads-up: discussions about my project involvement were imminent. The possibility of being released from one project (IR) to focus on others, like network engineering, was floated. Prepared, I initiated a call with Binu, who confirmed Shridhar's points but added a twist – an urgent, overnight deliverable for a chatbot piece, stemming from a teammate's absence.

The expectation felt jarringly unfair. How could an overnight turnaround be reasonably requested, especially given the circumstances? Voicing this boundary, both to Binu and later confirming it with Shridhar, felt necessary, even if uncomfortable. It highlighted the friction between external pressures and personal capacity.

So, what now? The immediate future seems to demand a shift in focus: preparing for interviews, sharpening coding skills, and delving into new learning territories like Agentic AI. Keeping it simple, focusing on just these actionable steps feels crucial to avoid overwhelm. Yet, even as I try to ground myself with motivational mantras – "Tough times don’t last, tough people do" – a sense of panic lingers. There's an uncomfortable pull, an almost obsessive urge to write, to process, even when logic dictates that time might be better spent elsewhere. It's a strange tension, this need to document the feeling of being adrift while simultaneously needing to build a raft. Perhaps acknowledging this very conflict is, in itself, a form of clarity.